Riddles, Revelations, and Repentence
by Redheadlass
Summary: Jessie's secrets catch up with her. Takes place in Season 4, so spoilers for that season. Spanking. Episodes 1-16 have been covered so far, plus some expansion of the goddess subplot.
1. Chapter 1 - Caesura

"You know what, screw you, Ruby," I snapped. "I don't have to do what you say."

Ruby threw her hands up in the air and stalked away from me. "Sam, deal with her so we can get on to more important things, will you?"

I rolled my eyes and turned towards Sam, who was coming in the door with his hands full of takeout Chinese. She always said that when I was being what she considered annoying.

"Ruby, don't talk to her like that," Sam said, irritated. "She's important, too." He set the Chinese food down on the table of the motel room we were staying in. It was our third motel room in three days and I'd stopped even noticing the names of the motels we were staying in. "What's going on?"

"Ruby says I can't come on your hunt tonight," I said. "She said that I can't even stay in the car while you guys do the hunt."

Sam sighed and looked at me regretfully. "I'm sorry, honey, but she's right."

I stomped my foot. "Come on, Sam! I haven't barely seen you in a week! You get up and go out hunting and don't come back until waaaay late, and then sleep half the day. All I do is watch you sleep! It's not fair."

"Jessie," Sam said, "it's temporary. Just until we get rid of this pile of demons. There's a whole group of them. We have to pick them off one by one."

"I don't see why I can't just stay in the car while you do the hunt. Then I can at least spend the time with you!"

"Because there's a group of them," Sam explained. He came over to me, pulled out a chair, and sat in it so he could look me in the eyes. He tilted my head up so I'd meet his gaze. "What happens if we're taking out one and the others find you in the car?" I frowned and didn't answer. "You need to stay here, honey."

I sighed in defeat and threw myself into his arms and buried my face in his shoulder. "It's not fair. I miss you."

"At least someone can talk some sense into her," Ruby muttered from where she was leaning against the wall.

"Screw you, Ruby," I snapped again, pulling my head off Sam's shoulder and glaring at her.

"Jessie," Sam said warningly. I sighed. We were supposed to be nice to each other, but it was hard. She mostly left me alone, and while I was glad about that, it also confused me. She'd tied herself to Sam, but had no stake or relationship with me at all. I was a thing to be mostly ignored unless annoying.

"Sorry, Ruby," I muttered unrepentantly as I let Sam go and threw myself on my rollaway bed. Ruby never left anymore and there were two beds in the room besides mine, but she never slept in hers. I didn't really understand what was going on with Ruby and I was a little afraid to ask. She acted like she was Sam's girlfriend and the way he treated her was really confusing to me. Sometimes I thought he hated her and other times, I thought he might be falling in love with her.

"Jessie, come over here and eat. I got you your favorite," Sam said, setting a little tray of Peking duck in front of the chair to his right. Ruby was already sitting at his left. I glared at her, but since she'd gotten her way, she was ignoring me again.

I rolled off the bed and stomped over to sit down next to him. She was grating on me. All she cared about was what she wanted and what she wanted Sam to do. I was nothing to her, and it both hurt and angered me. Sam knew there was conflict, but didn't seem to know what to do about it. She and I never screamed at each other. The tension was more just there, like we were competing for him or something. I sometimes felt like she was only reasonable about me because if she wasn't, he'd tell her to get lost.

I didn't think he would. He wanted Lilith dead too much for that. I opened the little plastic container of duck and slammed the lid down on the table.

Sam put his hand on my arm. "Jessie, lose the attitude. Throwing a temper tantrum isn't going to get you anything but a trip over my knee. You understand me?"

There was no anger or annoyance in his tone, but I knew he meant it. "Yes, Sam," I whispered, not meeting his eyes. He kept his hand on me for another second and then let my arm go. I took a couple of deep breaths and tried to let my thoughts about Ruby go. I picked up my fork.

Ruby and Sam started discussing details about their hunt in a vague way, if that makes any sense, almost like they were talking in code. I ignored them and concentrated on my food, putting my elbow on the table and resting my head on one hand while I ate.

The thing was that Sam was more and more dependent on her all the time, even while acting like he didn't much care for her. They did things together. I didn't know what those things were because I was either in bed or they were out when it happened. Sam was really careful not to expose me to what they were doing, although I did know that he was trying to strengthen his psychic abilities to take out Lilith. I just didn't really know how or what he was doing to accomplish it.

"Jessie, have you heard a word I've said?" Sam asked.

I blinked and looked up at him. My food was about half gone but both of them had finished eating. "Uh, no," I said. "I was thinking."

"I'm sending your homeschooling application in this week. We need to send back your books, too, and ask them to send us the next set. Once we have those, I'm going to have you start working on schoolwork again."

Ugh, schoolwork. It had been a while since I'd even looked at a schoolbook. The events of the last several months had kind of run school right out of my mind. "Can't I just get my GED?" I asked, poking my fork hard into a piece of Peking duck.

Ruby laughed unexpectedly, and not scornfully, like she was actually amused by me. I looked at her in surprise. "Sorry," she said, waving her hand and getting up from the table to dump her empty cartons in the trash.

Sam stared after her for a second, and then looked back to me. "No," Sam said.

"I can get into college with a GED," I offered.

"Jessie," he sighed. "No. Now go get your books and we'll go down and send them back."

"I'm not done eating," I said, picking my fork up and sort of mouthing the piece of chicken.

He scoffed. "You've been picking at that for the last ten minutes. You're done. I can tell. If you're still hungry when we get back, you can eat then." He stood up, picked up the lid to the container, and stuck it back on. I looked at him mournfully while he put it in the tiny fridge that was in the room. He laughed when he saw the expression on my face.

"Go on, get your books. Let's go," he said. I got up from the table slowly. Then, he asked, "You coming, Ruby?"

"No, I'm going to stay here and prep," she said. A weight lifted from me and I tried not to move more quickly now that I knew she wasn't coming. I didn't want to be that obvious.

Within moments, I had dug the books out of my butterfly backpack. It wilted sadly without the extra books, but I still had the novels in there, and that book with the information about pyrokinesis.

It had come in handy while I worked on my own abilities.

I carried the books to the door and waited for Sam to get his keys and find the homeschooling application. He took half the books from me and then opened the door for me. I went out the door and heard him say goodbye to Ruby before he joined me in the hall.

On the way down to the car, I said, "We don't have a permanent address. How are they going to ship us the new books?"

"I'll give them a post office box number and we'll come back through and pick them up when they're delivered," Sam said. We reached the car. I opened the door and dropped the books on the seat, pushing them over to get in.

"Wouldn't it just be easier to drop the application and books off at the place in South Dakota? We could pick up the new books and visit Bobby," I suggested, pulling on the seatbelt.

"There's a timeline on this stuff," Sam said. "And I'm hunting demons right now. We can't lose them."

"Come on, Sam," I said. "We haven't seen or called Bobby in months. It's two birds."

"I can't right now, Jessie. I'm sorry," Sam said.

"Sam," I whined.

"No," he said, and that hard tone entered his voice. I relented. Pushing against that tone had gotten me in a lot of trouble in the past few months. He hadn't let me get away with anything, that he knew about, since that day in July.

We dropped off the books and the application to be sent back to Sioux Falls. Then I talked Sam into taking me out for ice cream cones before we went back to the room. Ruby was annoyed by how long it had taken us, but Sam didn't care, and neither did I. Before they left for the evening, Sam took me out to a woodpile behind the motel we were staying in to burn off my excess.

He didn't know that I didn't need to do that every day any longer. Gabby had seen to that. I set the pile on fire anyway, nice and big so that he wouldn't think anything weird was going on. When I was done, he took me back to the room.

"Go to bed by nine," he told me. "Text me when you do."

"Yes, Sam," I said, settling down on my rollaway and using the remote to turn on the television.

"No sneaking out," Sam warned, stepping in front of me and making me look at him.

"I won't," I said, blushing and looking down. Two weeks ago, I'd left the room without permission after dark to go to the gas station down the road for some cookies. I'd done it before, but this time, they'd gotten back to the room before I had. My excuse that I wasn't in any danger and that nothing had ever happened to me before had opened up a whole can of whoop-ass, and I mean that literally. Now every time he left, he reminded me. I knew eventually he'd stop, but it might be a while yet. It was just embarrassing.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me to my feet before pulling me into his embrace and kissing me on the top of my head. "Be good," he said.

I hugged him back hard. "I will," I said. I watched him and Ruby leave. After the door shut, I waited ten minutes before I flipped the television back off and dialed Bobby's number.

"Singer Salvage Yard," said Bobby's gruff voice. I smiled.

"Hi, Bobby!" I said cheerfully.

There was a pause, and then he said, "Jessie?"

"Yeah, it's me," I said.

"Girl, it's been forever," Bobby said. "What have you been doing? How's Sam?"

I shrugged but realized he couldn't see me. "Ok, I guess," I said. I didn't want to divulge any of what Sam was doing, not even to Bobby. "Bobby, can I come visit you?"

"Yeah, of course. What's wrong?" he asked, sounding worried.

"Nothing's wrong. I just need to get new schoolbooks and I thought it might be nice to see you."

"You can always come visit, darlin'. You bringing Sam?"

"I'm trying to," I said. "I'll talk to him now that you said yes, and see if he'll bring me."

"Call me and let me know, girl," he said. We said our goodbyes and hung up. Now I just had to ask Sam.

I didn't get a chance until the next afternoon, and Sam wasn't too happy about it. "Sam, come on, he said yes. He wants to see us."

"Jessie, I told you, we're in the middle of a fight here. We got one of them last night, but there are several more. I can't leave now."

"I want to see Bobby," I whined. I also wanted to get the hell away from Ruby, and I knew she couldn't follow us to Bobby's. Maybe I'd get some time with just Sam for a change.

Sam sighed. "How about I send you there on a bus?" he asked, clearly wanting to make me happy. "Bobby can take you to get your schoolbooks. You can stay with him for a couple of weeks, and then I'll come pick you up when we're done with these demons."

I caught a look at Ruby's face. She looked pleased and smug. I'd painted myself into a corner. Sam was trying to make me happy by giving me a visit to Bobby, but he couldn't go with me, and so Ruby was going to get what she wanted, time alone with Sam. "I wanted you to come, too," I whispered.

"I can't, Jessie," Sam said, looking regretful. "Now do you want to stay here with me or do you want to go to Bobby's?"

"Can I come with you when you kill them?" I asked with fading hope.

"We already talked about how unsafe that is. No," Sam said kindly.

I thought for only a second. My choices were to stay here mostly alone while Sam and Ruby go off to fight demons without me, or go to Bobby's and spend some time with him until they're done and things can go back to normal. Much as I loved Sam, I was tired of being alone and I was tired as hell of Ruby.

"Go to Bobby's," I said, defeat settling over me like a cloak. "I'll call him and let him know."

Sam hugged me. "I'll look up bus times," he said. "I'm going to miss you, honey."

I buried my head against his stomach. "Miss you, too," I said.


	2. Chapter 2 - Welcome Home

I was curled into a ball on my bed trying to read, but the words kept swimming in front of my eyes. Bobby was out in his salvage yard, which I still wasn't allowed to go into without him. He said twelve years old wasn't much different than eleven and he didn't want me in there risking my neck, especially when there wasn't a damn thing in there I needed.

I was so tired. Almost every night I'd been throwing crumbs of bread mixed with salt into the fire that I lit, whispering the blessing under my breath. It turned out that if I did all three things, the power that it pulled from me was way less than when I skipped one of the ingredients. Each night I did it, Gabby came into my dream and worked with me on my fire.

Gabby was not a patient teacher.

Still I struggled through. It had been two months and she'd shown me how to control my fire better, for longer. I only had to light a fire every two days now and the fires were much smaller. I could light a fire that was only a foot in diameter. Gabby said that part of the reason I couldn't make a smaller fire than that right now was simply because of how powerful I was. I needed to learn to control the power and it would take me time to do so.

Last night, she'd taught me how to light a fire with a tendril instead of just by pushing the fire at the objective. It had taken a month for me to finally understand what she was talking about, and that was only because I'd stayed up late with Bobby watching an old movie called The Abyss. In the movie, there is this column of water that probes its surroundings, sending out these tendrils of water to explore the submarine. As I watched, I had a sudden understanding of what Gabby had been trying to explain.

It was the first night in weeks that Gabby hadn't yelled and screamed at me. Instead she'd praised me, sort of. She'd also made sure to include a biting comment about long it had taken me to figure it out. Now, though, my control when I was lighting fires was much better. I just needed to practice the technique.

I was exhausted since the nights I spent with Gabby weren't exactly restful. I decided I wasn't calling her tonight, even though she got really mad at me when I skipped a night. My eyes tried to close again and I gave up and let the book close, sliding into sleep while listening to the sounds of birds and feeling the breeze from an open window flow across me.

I woke up to the sound of a scuffle downstairs. I listened for a second and couldn't make out what was being said. I slipped off the bed and crept down the stairs in my socked feet, being careful to miss the steps I knew creaked. When I reached the hallway at the bottom of the stairs, I heard a familiar voice. My heart stopped. All caution gone, I ran down the hallway and into the kitchen, just in time to see Dean wiping his face off with a kitchen towel.

"Dean!" I shrieked. I flung myself at him, tears of relief and joy already starting to form as he scooped me into his arms and held me close to him.

"Jessie," he breathed into my shirt. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist and just held onto him. He smelled like earth and air and him. I found myself sobbing against his neck as he held me.

"Dean, dean, dean" I said, chanting under my breath. We stayed that way for a long minute before he patted me lightly on my side to let me know he was putting me down. I reluctantly let go of his neck. When my feet were back on the ground, he tossed the towel over his shoulder and looked at me.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, a soft, relieved smile on his face.

"Me?" I asked. "What are you doing here?" I grabbed his arm and hugged it, unwilling to lose contact with him. "I'm not the one who died."

Bobby said, "He was telling me how he got out." He turned to go into the living room. Dean and I followed after while Bobby said that it made no sense that Dean was back without a mark on him because he'd been ripped to shreds and rotting for four months. Dean said that he didn't remember much, just that the hellhound got him, and then he woke up in the pine box. They started talking about Sam then, and Bobby implied that Sam was going to bring Dean back from the dead, which is why they buried him instead of salting and burning him. Dean said that whatever Sam had done to get him back was bad because his burial site had looked like a bomb went off and then a force blew past him at a gas station. He showed us both the hand print burned onto his shoulder. Bobby asked if Dean thought Sam made a deal. Dean said that is what Dean would have done.

"No," I said, tugging on Dean's arm until he looked at me. "He didn't. He's been hunting demons, and he just needed to be alone for a while to recover from losing you. That's why he didn't call Bobby or answer his phone. That's why he sent me here on a bus instead of bringing me here. He's been hunting."

"He sent you here on a bus?" Dean asked.

"He didn't want to lose the demons," I insisted. "The ones he's hunting. He's been changing his phone regularly so that he can't be tracked with it."

Bobby scoffed. "And he's changed his number since she got here, so she can't get a hold of him now."

I flushed. "I'm sure he just didn't think about it. I talked to him last week," I said, defensive of Sam, especially since it wasn't actually true.

"How long have you been here?" Dean asked.

I looked at my feet. "Three weeks. I was just supposed to be staying for a couple weeks and picking up my school books for next year." I peeked up through my bangs at Dean. I saw him look at Bobby, and Bobby shrugged. I relaxed a little. As long as no one actually asked Sam about it, I was in the clear.

"I'll find him," Dean said. I trailed around after him for the next ten minutes, sticking as close as I could as he called the cell phone company to get Sam's GPS turned on and used Bobby's computer to look up where he was. He didn't seem to mind. I couldn't seem to stop touching him and would take his hand or lean against his shoulder as often as he would let me. He automatically adjusted to let me, more often than not, even wrapping his arm around me when he wasn't using it.

When all was said and done, it turned out that Sam was in Pontiac, Illinois, which was where Dean has been buried, and not where we'd been when I'd left. "All right, pack up your stuff," he said to me. "We're hitting the road."

Reluctant to leave his side again, I hesitated. He smiled at me. "Don't worry," he said. "I'm right here. Go get your stuff together and get back down here."

I headed up the stairs slowly, listening to the sound of his voice as he talked a little more to Bobby. When I got to the top of the stairs, I couldn't hear them anymore, so I bolted down the hallway to my room.

It was a wreck. The idea of packing up this mess in any kind of reasonable timeframe was laughable. Clean and dirty clothes were scattered all over the room. My novels were everywhere. I knew that some stuff was under the bed. The only thing that wasn't spread all over was my schoolbooks, which were stacked in a nice, neat pile on my desk, shiny and unopened. I wasn't even sure where my bags were.

I hadn't been planning on leaving again, but now that Dean was back…

Eventually, I found the butterfly backpack behind the closet door and the clothes bag, which was a purple duffel since an incident with a knife over the summer, under the bed. I started packing the butterfly backpack first. I made sure that the pyrokinetic book was in there, and my hunting notebook. I put my schoolbooks in next, only out of necessity, and then I tried to figure out how many novels I was going to be able to bring. Even with all the stuffing and pushing and pulling, it looked like only two. I plopped the one that I was in the process of reading onto the bed and put the two that I hadn't read yet in the backpack. I left the other five or so books scattered around the room.

"I see you're packing the important bag first," Dean said from the doorway. I whirled around and rushed over to hug him again. "I see also that you're still as neat as you've always been."

Safe in his arms, instead of flushing, I smiled, knowing he was just teasing me. "Old habits die hard," I said.

"Come on, I'll help you pack up your clothes," he said. While we worked at picking up the scattered clothes around the room and determining if they were clean or dirty, Dean asked me what I'd done while he was gone.

"Mostly just stayed with Sam," I said. "He dragged me around just like normal, while he hunted things."

"What did he hunt?"

"Mostly demons," I said. I stuffed the last shirt into the duffel and looked around for my boots. They weren't immediately obvious, so I got on my knees to look under the bed.

"Is he ok?" Dean asked.

"Ok as he could be after losing you," I said, not wanting to tell him about Sam's suicidal tendencies in June and July. I shoved a pair of jeans out from under the bed and then found a sock. Finally, I spotted both boots shoved against the back wall.

"If he's ok, and you were staying with him, why did you come back to Bobby's?"

I pulled the first boot away from the wall and tossed it out the side of the bed. I'd never been so glad to have my face hidden while I answered Dean. There was no way I was ratting on Sam about Ruby. Dean would be pissed, and he'd just gotten back. Besides, now that Dean was back, Ruby would have to leave again, so there was no need to tell, right?

"Jessie?" Dean asked. I swallowed, not sure he would buy the only answer I had.

"I just missed Bobby," I said from under the bed. "And Sam was too busy to bring me. He's going to come pick me up. He just hasn't yet." Yeah, because when he'd called about coming to get me, I'd told him that I wanted to stay at Bobby's and that Bobby had said it was all right, and Sam had believed me. And I'd told Bobby that Sam had changed his number and I couldn't reach him. In reality, I'd been talking to Sam about every other day. I'd even told him that Bobby had enrolled me in school, which I'm sure he would have if I ever managed to convince him to keep me. It was just too soon, and I just couldn't handle Ruby any longer.

But now Dean was back, and I didn't have anything to worry about. Now everything would go back to normal and no one would have to know what I'd been doing or what Sam had been doing. We'd be a family again.

I shoved the other boot out from under the bed and crawled after it. Now the only thing under the bed was dust. Dean was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in front of him when I climbed out. He looked at me suspiciously. I tried to keep my face relaxed as I picked up the jeans, sock, and boots and shoved them in the duffel. "Are you telling me everything?" Dean asked.

I widened my eyes and looked at him with my best innocent look, nodding. He tilted his head and regarded me for a second before grabbing my now packed butterfly bag. "All right, let's get on the road. Daylight's burning." He held out his hand to me and I took it, following him downstairs.


	3. Chapter 3 - No Surprise

It took us nine hours to drive to Pontiac, Illinois where Sam was staying at the Astoria Hotel. We were in a car that Bobby had. Dean rode in the back with me for part of the trip, and I took advantage of that to stay as cuddled to him as possible. I slept for part of it with my head in his lap and his hand on my shoulder. I woke up a little once when he was brushing my hair away from my face with his fingers.

I hadn't felt safe in a long time, but now I did again.

When we got to the Astoria Hotel, Dean said, "Jessie, stay in the car until we call you."

"No way," I objected. "Dean, he's not doing anything right now. He's just up in a room preparing for a hunt or something. He might not even be there. I haven't seen him in three weeks. Come on. I want to go up, too."

"It's probably fine, Dean. There's no reason to think that there's any danger," Bobby said.

I dropped my eyes. The only real danger that might be up there was Ruby and she was on our side right now, I guessed. Or at least, she was on Sam's side.

Dean looked at Bobby and then looked at me. "Ok, but you stay back."

"I will," I said.

We got out of the truck and headed into the hotel. I trailed behind Bobby and Dean as we walked down the hallway. Dean was angry. He'd already decided that Sam had done the deed that had brought him back, even though I really didn't think he had. Sam hadn't had any luck in the months I was with him, and then he'd turned all his attention to Lilith. It was really unlikely that he'd suddenly found a way to get him back in the three weeks since I'd left.

Dean knocked on the door of room 207 and I saw a flash of black hair as the door opened. Ruby... in her underwear. I ducked behind Dean so she wouldn't see me right away.

She played it off like she didn't know who Dean was, and I knew that Dean had no idea that a demon was in the body of the beautiful woman in front of him, especially not one he knew. She asked where the pizza was, and Dean said that they had the wrong room. That's when Sam came into view and saw Dean.

The next few seconds were confusing as Sam tried to stab Dean and Bobby kept him from doing it, explaining that it really was Dean. The two of them embraced. Ruby glanced at me while they were hugging and I shook my head to let her know I hadn't said anything. I probably shouldn't have given her that much, but I didn't really know what the two of them had been doing and it wasn't my story to tell.

Besides, if she left now, then Dean wouldn't even have to know what Sam had been up to. We wouldn't have to have the fights and the conflict that would inevitably follow. It would just be better if we could avoid all of that.

So when Dean and Sam stopped hugging, Ruby asked if the two of them were together, and Sam played along and told her that they were brothers. She said that she should go, and Sam agreed. It was an uncomfortable few minutes while Ruby got dressed and got her stuff.

I hugged Sam while she was getting dressed and he whispered to me, "Does he know about Ruby?" I shook my head against his chest and some of the tension left his body. He kissed my head and told me he missed me.

Ruby finally left, and the two of them pretended that Sam had forgotten her name. It was a nice touch.

When she was finally gone, Dean was looking at Sam the way he looked at me when I was in for it. I scooted away from him and sat next to Bobby in the chair he was perched on. I watched as Dean and Bobby interrogated Sam about whether or not Sam had brought him back from hell. Sam finally convinced Dean that he hadn't made a deal, which raised the question of what had brought Dean out of hell.

They settled down to talk about it. Sam told them that he'd been following a group of demons in Tennessee and that they'd come up to Pontiac, Illinois the morning before, which was when Dean had been pulled from hell. Everyone was working under the assumption that a demon had pulled Dean out of hell. Bobby was worried that Dean was somehow corrupted because of it, because a demon wouldn't pull anyone out of hell without something planned. Sam said that they needed help. Bobby suggested a psychic that he knew nearby and went to call her.

While Bobby was calling the psychic, Sam gave Dean his necklace back. He'd been buried in the bracelet I'd given him, and it was still on his wrist, no worse for wear. Dean told Sam that he didn't remember anything about hell.

We left shortly thereafter. Dean was super happy to be driving the Impala again, but was annoyed about the iPod jack that Sam had installed. He also didn't approve of Sam's music, tossing the whole mess into the backseat with me.

I settled comfortably into the backseat, happy to be in place again. Dean hollered back to me, "Seatbelt," but more in a playful way than annoyed. I smiled to myself and fastened it across my waist as he drove out of the parking lot.

The two of them spent a lot of time talking while we drove. I slid down in the backseat and stared out the windows at the stars, listening to them and reveling in it. It was back to normal. Everything was back to normal.

But then I tensed up again when Dean asked about Lilith and Ruby. Sam said that Lilith hadn't been able to kill him because he seemed immune to her powers, and that he thought Ruby was dead. Blood rushed to my face at the lie. I was going to have to keep that a secret as much as he was. I got really uncomfortable when Dean asked if Sam had been using his psychic powers and Sam denied it, saying that he hadn't gone down that road because he'd known Dean didn't want him to.

I flushed again, my night time excursions with Gabby in the fore of my brain. If Dean ever found out about those… Well, I didn't want to think about that.

Eventually they were quiet and I drifted off to sleep. The drive to the psychic's house was about four hours, and we followed Bobby the entire way. We stopped for breakfast when the sun was coming up before heading to her house.

Pamela Barnes was a lovely woman. She seemed to like both Sam and Dean, and they certainly liked her. I ignored the flirting while they got ready for the séance she wanted to do. While the table was being set up, I noticed that there was no chair for me.

"Where am I sitting?" I asked.

Dean looked at me. "Go sit in the living room," he said.

"I want to help," I said.

Dean raised his brows at me. "You can help by staying out of trouble. Go on."

I sighed, and so it begins. Pam smiled at me. "I have a swing on my back porch. Why don't you go out there and make yourself comfortable until we're done," she suggested.

"All right," I said. "Thanks." She poured me a glass of sweet tea to take with me. I liked Pam.

Her backyard was nice. She had an herb garden and a porch swing, and a big tree with a table and chairs under it. In the back corner was a pile of chopped up wood and several logs waiting to be split. I glanced back at the house. Bobby was closing the drapes. I smiled to myself. This was the perfect time to practice. They were all busy.

I set the glass of tea on a little table on the porch before wandering through the backyard to the woodpile to go behind it. There was plenty of space for me and some pieces of split wood between the pile and the fence. I pulled three or four pieces of wood and set them down. Then I closed my eyes and opened the furnace.

Instead of pushing the fire at the wood in a rush, I imagined my fire like a tendril, winding its way gently towards the wood. The remainder of the fire I kept in the furnace. Gabby had taught me how to do that. The tendril was still huge, though, more like the width of a leg than the width of an arm or fingers. That was the part that Gabby said I would gain more control over as I practiced, and she insisted I practice when I was awake as she could only show me so much while I was asleep.

I ran the tendril over the pieces of wood and then pressed it into them, catching them on fire and burning them quickly. I stayed connected to the fire as it burned and my nerves tingled pleasantly as the fire destroyed the wood. When the wood was completely gone, I wanted to do it again.

I glanced back at the house. No one had come out yet and the drapes were still drawn. I took a deep breath and decided that it wouldn't hurt to burn some more. I pulled a few more pieces of wood out and set them into a little square. I opened my furnace and sent the tendril towards the square.

A scream came from my house, jerking my attention away from my flame. I lost connection to the fire and it fell from me, lighting both the wood and the grass from me to the wood. I jumped back. Shit!

I started kicking dirt at the fire before I remembered that I could pull it into me. By the time I remembered, the tendril I had sent out had spread across the grass all the way to the wooden fence at the back of the yard. I reached for the fire and sucked it back into me, closing it back into the furnace.

No more than thirty seconds had passed, but all of the plant life between the fence and the woodpile was destroyed, charred and burned. The fence was even scorched. I hoped that Pam didn't come back here very often. I didn't think there was any way I could hide the damage.

"Jessie!" I heard Dean yell. Panicked, I looked down at myself. I wasn't covered in soot or anything, although my sneakers were dirty, but it seemed unlikely he would notice that. I walked out from behind the woodpile. When he saw me come out from behind the woodpile, he frowned. "Come on, Pam's hurt."

Upon hearing that, I burst into a run. "What happened?" I asked, jogging up the steps. He put his arm around me and led me into the house. Sam was hustling out the front door with Pam in his arms. Bobby was holding the front door open.

Dean said, "Whatever pulled me from hell blinded her." He pushed me in front of him out the front door and followed me to the car. He opened his door, and when I opened my door, he sniffed. "Why do you smell like smoke?"

"Uh," I said. I hadn't expected that, but I should have. Damn it! I would have been ok if I hadn't set the grass on fire because I'd been far enough away from the smoke.

"Get in the car," he said, as Sam came back to the Impala. Bobby started up his junker and took off.

"Bobby's going to take her to hospital. He'll call when he has news." He turned to look at me. "Why do you smell like smoke?" he asked me.

I looked from one to the other and was overwhelmed by a feeling that I hadn't even realized had been missing. _Home_. I smiled involuntarily.

"Little girl, you'd better wipe that smile off your face and answer us, right now," Dean said, his hand on the window of the back door.

"You told me to get in the car," I pointed out.

"And now I'm telling you to answer the question," Dean said, sliding around the car door to stand in front of me.

I didn't want to answer the question and he was too close. I had nowhere to go but into the car, so I sat down on the seat, my feet and legs still out the door. "It would help if you didn't give me conflicting orders," I groused to buy time. I stared down at the gravel beneath my feet.

"Jessie!" Dean snapped at me. I jumped, but still didn't answer. "All right, so let me guess. You were back behind that woodpile playing with setting things on fire."

"Don't we have to get to the hospital or something?" I asked, still not looking at him.

He sighed and reached into the car to grab my arm. "Fine," he said. "We'll do it the hard way."

"Dean, no!" I said, expecting him to start swatting, but he didn't. Instead, he pulled me back towards the house, through the front door, and out the back door. Sam followed after us, looking grim.

Shit. Now they were going to see how bad it was. I tried to stop Dean's forward motion by digging my feet into the lawn, but it didn't work. "Dean, Dean, I'll tell!" I objected. "Please!" It would be better than them seeing the damage.

"Too late for that, little girl," he said. We'd reached the woodpile, and Dean and Sam both sucked in their breath, able to see the destruction over the top of it. Dean dropped my arm and I leaned against the woodpile.

"What the hell were you doing, Jessie?" Sam asked, his eyes wide.

"I was trying to light a little fire and I lit the grass on fire," I said quietly. It was mostly the truth. "I put it out after it got away from me," I offered.

Dean rounded on me, his eyes alight with anger. "What was the very first rule we gave you?" he demanded.

"Not to light fires without you guys knowing about it and without the proper safety equipment," I said. I tried to back away from him, but ran into Sam, who put his hands on my shoulders.

Dean shook his head at me. "You know better!" he said.

I knew where this was going. "Dean, please, you just got back!" I objected.

"Does Bree know about this 'little fire' experiment?" Sam asked, his voice dark behind me.

Of course he would think of that. Damn it! I looked at the ground, hoping against hope that he wouldn't make me answer. He gave me a light shake. "Jessie!"

"No," I said. "I haven't talked to Bree in months."

Dean reached over and pulled me to him, popping the button on my jeans and yanking them down. Before I could really reach, he put his knee up on one of the smaller piles of wood and grabbed my arm, pulling me over it. Then his hand descended on my panty-clad butt. I shrieked, kicking, but his other arm was holding me close to him so I wouldn't tumble off my precarious perch. I didn't have time to feel grateful for that with his hand falling over and over. I started crying and saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please, I'm sorry."

After he'd reduced me to tears, he set me back on my feet, but Sam grabbed my arm and swung me around, bending me over and hugging my waist against his side while he landed a second flurry of spanks on my sore butt.

"You don't light fires without permission. You don't try new things without Bree's ok. We've covered all of this before. Obey the rule. It's for the safety of all of us!" he scolded. Then he stopped and steadied me for a minute before letting me go. I grabbed my jeans and pulled them back up, looking from one to the other, unsure of what to do.

Then Dean opened his arms and I stepped into them. He held me for a few moments before letting me go to Sam, who hugged me close. When he let me go, I turned around again, and Dean took my hand. Then he pointed at me. "Do _not_ break that rule again. I won't go as easy on you next time. You understand me?"

"That was easy?" I asked softly. Between the two of them, my butt was throbbing.

Dean narrowed his eyes at me. "You understand me?" he repeated.

"Yes, Dean," I said.

"All right, let's get on the road."


	4. Chapter 4 - The Way I Choose

Sam told me I was writing lines all the way back to Pontiac. It wasn't pleasant, but it did keep me occupied. I'd only had a few hours of sleep the night before so after writing 'I will not light fires without permission' a couple hundred times, I fell asleep with the pen in my hand.

I woke up to Dean saying, "Let's stop and get some pie. It's been forever since I had some pie."

I smiled to myself. If we ever stopped somewhere long enough for me to learn how to cook, I was going to learn how bake pie first, just for Dean. Someone had rearranged me while I was sleeping, because the notebook and pen were on the floor, and I was lying down across the backseat with the middle seatbelt strapped across my waist. I'd been sitting up behind Dean when I'd fallen asleep.

It was late in the afternoon and the sun was shining through the tops of the pine trees on the sides of the roads. I lay in the backseat and stared up at the sky through the window, watching the sun flick by. I sat up as Dean pulled into a parking space.

"You sleep ok, sweetheart?" Dean asked as he put the car in park. I yawned and nodded.

"Thanks for laying me down so I didn't get a crick in my neck," I said, "whichever one of you did that."

"That was me, and you're welcome," Sam said, smiling at me over the seat. "Bring that notebook in with you," he said.

"Aw, man," I grumbled, but I picked up the pen and the notebook anyway before I got out of the car.

We went into Johnny Mac's Diner, and Dean and I sat down at a spare table. Sam headed back to the back of the diner to make the call. A tall, brown-haired woman came to take our order, setting down three glasses of water. Dean ordered cherry pie for the three of us, and I asked for a glass of chocolate milk. The lady told us it would be up in jiff before heading back to the kitchen.

As soon as she walked away from the table, Sam sat down with us at the table and Dean asked what Bobby said. Sam reported that Pam was stable and out of the ICU. The two of them argued about whether or not they should summon Castiel, even though they didn't know what he was. Dean wanted to try it, but Sam thought it was too risky and instead wanted to track down the demons that had chased them there.

I was still sleepy from my nap, so I listened to them half-heartedly with elbow on the table and my head propped up on my hand, drawing flames on the paper placemat in front of me, the notebook shoved to the side. Eventually they'd work out what they wanted to do. It used to bother me more when they argued, but this was just them working out what the best plan was. It had taken me a long time to figure out the difference.

The tall lady came back, balancing three slices of pie on one arm and holding my glass of chocolate milk in her other hand. She set the milk in front of me and handed out the pies. Then she pulled out the extra chair and sat down in it.

I stared at her confused, and Dean asked her if she was angling for a tip. That's when she showed us her black demon eyes. The other two demons in the place revealed themselves too, locked the door and guarded it. I opened my furnace and prepared myself to set a fire, if it was needed. I couldn't stop the demons with fire, but I might be able to distract them.

The demon started trying to get Dean to tell her who pulled him out of hell, threatening to take him back to hell, but Dean didn't believe her. He'd figured out that she didn't know any better than we did how he got out and that she was looking for answers, too. She threatened to kill him and he slapped her, twice. When she didn't do anything in response, I locked the furnace back up.

Dean gave her one more assessing look and then said, "That's what I thought. Let's go, Sam, Jessie." I got to my feet, grabbed my notebook, and followed Sam out while Dean dropped a twenty dollar bill on the table for the pie.

Once we were outside, Sam and Dean started arguing about whether we were going to leave the demons in there, alive. Sam wanted to kill them and Dean thought there were too many. Dean said that they were scared and that we were already dealing with a bad guy. He wanted to deal with only one job at a time.

We got into the car and got out of there as fast as we could.

"Jessie," Dean said. I looked up to see him looking at me through the rearview mirror. "What have I told you about keeping your fire locked up?"

"You were glowing like a lantern, young lady," Sam said, turning around in the seat. I looked from one to the other in dismay.

"I just wanted to be prepared," I objected. "I wasn't going to do anything to them! I just thought I might be able to distract them if something happened."

"You stay out of the fights and let us handle them, you got it?" Dean asked.

"Dean," I started. He cut me off.

"You got it?" he asked with more force. I looked away from the mirror without answering. Sam reached back and lifted my chin to make me look at him. I met Sam's eyes and didn't like what I saw there.

"Yes," I said, jerking my chin out of Sam's hand. "I got it."

Sam let me go without a fuss. "Keep your fire locked up," he said before turning back around.

"Meh meh meh meh meh," I sneered, but under my breath. I'm pretty sure they heard me, but they chose to ignore it.

"Get back to work on your lines," Sam said. I sighed and flipped open the notebook.

The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur. We went back to the hotel. I finished my lines, and Sam took me out to burn some charcoal while Dean researched what could have pulled him from the pit. I made a nice show of burning through six bags of charcoal. Of course, it had been two days by this time, and I kind of needed it.

They'd gotten me a rollaway bed, but since Dean was reading on the pull-out couch, after I got ready for bed, I crawled in next to him and he put his arm around me. I rested my head on his chest and tried to read, too. My last thought before falling asleep against him was that Gabby was going to be pissed that I'd blown her off two nights in a row.

I woke up when Sam opened the door to the room and snuck out. Dean had fallen asleep with me cuddled up against him. I unwound his arm gently from my shoulders and followed Sam. I caught up with him as he reached the bottom of the emergency exit stairs.

"Sam!" I hollered from the flight above him. "Where are you going?"

"Jessie, go back to bed," he said, before opening the door to the parking lot and leaving. I cursed to myself and ran down the stairs to burst into the parking lot as he started the Impala. He saw me, stopped and rolled down the window.

"What'd I just tell you?" he asked, his eyes narrowed.

"Where are you going?" I asked, worried. "What do I tell Dean if he asks?" I didn't want Sam sneaking out and doing things without Dean's knowledge, and I certainly didn't want to get him in trouble with Dean on accident.

"You tell him I went out for a burger," Sam said.

"What are you really doing?" I asked. "Are you going to meet with Ruby?" My stomach lurched when I said her name.

"I'm going out for a burger," Sam said. "Now go on back upstairs and go to bed." He gave me a reassuring smile. "Everything is ok."

"You promise?" I asked.

"I promise. Go on." He watched me walk to the front door of the hotel because the door I'd run out of was a fire exit with no way to get back in. Once I'd walked into the lobby, he drove off. I wondered where he was really going.

When I turned around, Bobby was waiting by the elevator, the door just opening. "Bobby!" I called after him. "Wait for me!" I broke into a jog and ran to the elevator while he made sure the elevator didn't shut.

"What are you doing up and out of the room this late?" Bobby asked, pulling me into a hug.

"Sam left and I followed him out," I said, shrugging. "How's Pam?"

"She's gonna be ok," Bobby said. "I heard you burned up her backyard."

I flushed a little. "Just behind the woodpile. You can't even tell from the house." The old elevator creaked to a stop on the second floor and as the door opened, the building began to shake. I shrieked and Bobby yanked me out of the elevator with him. He kept me with him as he ran down the hallway hollering Dean's name over the top of a high pitched whine that hurt my ears. He broke the hotel room door open as the noise and shaking stopped. We found Dean with his hands over his ears, all of the glass in the room shattered.

We grabbed our shit and ran.

Dean's ears were bleeding, and he had cuts on his hands from the falling glass. We piled into Bobby's car and started driving. Dean cleaned up the blood from his ears and called Sam. He told Sam that he was heading with Bobby to get a beer. After hanging up, Dean told Bobby that we were going to summon whatever it was that brought him back. Bobby thought it was a bad idea, but Dean talked him into it.

We found an abandoned barn. When Bobby pulled off the road, I knew what the next words out of his mouth were going to be.

"Jessie, stay in the car," Dean and I said in unison. He frowned at me, and I set my chin.

"I'm not staying in the car," I said. "I'm helping."

"You're not helping. You're going to stay in the car and get some sleep," Dean said. "If I'd had the choice to leave you back at the hotel, I'd've left you there."

"I can help! I'll leave when you summon it. I can help do the preparation. I helped Sam lots of times over the summer!"

"No," Dean said, his voice hard.

"She can help draw the talismans," Bobby said.

"Yeah," I said. "I can help draw the talismans."

"Bobby," Dean said. Bobby held up his hands and got out of the car. Then Dean turned to me. "Do you and I need to have a discussion about who's in charge here?" His eyes were narrowed and his jaw was set.

I lifted my head up a little further and opened my mouth, but the words that came out were, "No, Dean." I dropped my head, unable to meet his gaze any longer.

"Stay _put_, Jessie," he said.

"Yes, Dean," I said, understanding exactly what would happen if I didn't.

Once I'd given in, his face softened. "Get some sleep, sweetheart. You're tired. It's been a long couple of days."

I curled up on the back seat, pulling a blanket over me and resting my head on my purple duffel. Dean waited until I was settled and then he got out of the car.

I waited until he and Bobby both were in the barn before I threw off the blanket, grabbed a packet out of the bottom of my duffel bag, and climbed out of the junker. Keeping an eye on the barn, I wandered around until I located the woodpile. Not wanting to get caught, I pulled six pieces of split wood off the pile and carried them out of line of sight of the barn. I set up the wood in a square and opened my furnace, reaching a tendril towards the wood and pressing into it until it caught. I only needed a small fire. Once the blaze was going, I maintained my connection with it and opened the packet. I dumped some breadcrumbs and salt over the fire and whispered, "Sacred Gabija, be satisfied."

The tingles began at the bottom of my feet and crept up to the top of my head, pulling power away from me. I was used to this by now, but it still took my breath away. When the tingling stopped, I pulled the remainder of the fire back into my furnace and kicked leaves over the wood before walking back to Bobby's car.

Exhaustion was already overtaking me. I made it to the car, stuck the packet back in my duffel, and pulled the blanket back over me. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

_"Where have you been, priestess?" Gabby demanded._


	5. Chapter 5 - Bad Company

**Short little chapter to finish off the first episode of Season 4 and tide you over until later this week when I have time to write again. Thanks for reading and the wonderful reviews!**

* * *

_"I needed some sleep," I said, immediately backing away from her. "I only skipped one night." We were in the cottage this time. The hearth was blazing, fire shooting up the chimney, more blue than orange. I swallowed. Gabby was pissed._

_I dropped to one knee and bent over it, keeping my eyes on the floor. "Forgive me, my goddess. I did not mean to displease you." Formal words worked best on Gabby. I was thankful I'd seen enough movies with castles and kings to figure out how to talk to her. I didn't dare look at her. Looking at her before she was ready would bring her wrath down upon me._

_The fire was dying back and beginning to look more normal, but I wasn't fooled. The tips of the flames were snapping like whips. She was still mad, just less so. One wrong step and it would be blazing again._

_"You do not have time to waste with sleep," Gabby said. I saw her leather shoes and red skirt pacing in front of me. I kept my head bowed. "Do you not realize that with each night, my power grows weaker? You must master these skills or I will never regain my powers."_

_"Forgive me, my goddess," I said again, staring at the wooden floor. "I am trying. I practiced twice since I last saw you and was successful both times."_

_Somehow that was the wrong thing to say. The fire in the hearth flared up the chimney again. I gasped as she reached down and grabbed the front of my dress, lifting me up until I was dangling by her fist. "You stupid cow," she hissed at me. "Twice? Fool! Idiot! Are you not bonded to me? You must practice all the time! You must grow your powers! Until you have mastery over them I cannot grow! Why was I cursed with such a poor priestess? I've never had such a disappointment serving me! You take too long to learn, too long to master, too long to grow. You are useless."_

_Tears stung my eyes. "I apologize, my goddess," I said again, fighting the tears. I couldn't let her see me cry. If I cried, she'd get even madder. I swallowed. "It's complicated," I started._

_She slapped me hard across the face. Pain flared and I saw stars. I fought against tears. Don't cry, don't cry. "I don't care about your excuses, you imbecile," she said, shaking me. "You serve me. You will obey."_

_She let me go, and I fell, my legs not landing right to catch me. I stayed where I was on the floor as she paced angrily in front of me, afraid to move._

_It hadn't started like this. When I'd started coming to her in July, she'd been kind, attentive, patient. She'd taught me things slowly and when I hesitated, she'd coached me. She comforted me when I cried about Dean, soothed me when I complained to her about Sam and Ruby, and made me feel like I was the most important person in the world._

_But then we'd run into the tendril thing, and I just couldn't get it. Each time I visited her, she got more and more angry and more and more frustrated, until she started cursing at me and calling me names. When I'd cry, she'd mock me more, saying crueler and crueler things, sometimes about me, sometimes about my parents, a couple of times even about Dean and Sam. _

_This was the first time she'd hit me, though. The side of my face throbbed and I couldn't help myself any longer. I started to cry. _

_"Puling, weak human," she snarled at me. "You're miserable, pathetic, worthless."_

_"I couldn't help it!" I cried. "Dean came back. He watches me. There was no time! I took every opportunity!"_

_She stopped pacing and the fire died down a little. "Your Dean is back?"_

_Nodding, I sniffled and wiped my nose with my hand. _

_"From hell?" she asked._

_"Yeah," I said. "We don't know why yet." I still wouldn't look at her._

_"Well, isn't that interesting," she said. "Get up and wipe your face. I don't know why I put up with you." She said it with a growl, but the fire was back down to normal, no snapping edges. I was relatively safe again… for the moment. She sat down in one of the chairs at the table._

_I got to my feet and used the apron on my outfit to wipe my face. Then I took the chair opposite her, watching her warily. Her face had softened some, but her eyes still glinted. She regarded me from across the table._

_"I'm sorry that you made me chastise you," she said. "You must understand that you are my only hope." She put her hand on my arm, softly. "If you do not come to strength, I will never escape here. I am desperate." She came over to me and knelt in front of me. She touched the side of my face. "I am sorry I struck you," she said. "I lost control. You must be more careful not to anger me. Can you do that for me? Can you try harder? Can you practice more?" She stroked my hair. "I know you can do it if you just try harder."_

_I sighed. "Yes, my goddess," I said, still wary of her. She smiled at me and her smile lit the whole room. Then she reached for me. I flinched, but she pulled me into a hug. _

_"Together, we will succeed. You must practice, my priestess, every chance you get." She stroked my hair, and I relaxed a little. "I cannot do it without you."_

I jerked awake at the sound of shotguns going off. I touched the side of my face, but it was fine. Nothing that happened to me in my visits to Gabby ever translated back into the real world, but that slap had hurt something fierce while I was there. I looked towards the barn but couldn't see anything.

I didn't dare curl back under the blanket and go back to sleep or I'd end up back in the dream with Gabby, and I'd had enough of her for the moment. I ran my hands through my hair and pulled the blanket into a ball to hug.

An hour later, Dean and Bobby came back to the car. They both looked dazed.

"Did you find out what Castiel is?" I asked when Dean opened his door.

"What are you still doing up?" Dean asked.

"I couldn't sleep," I said. "Did you find out?" Bobby started the car and got back on the road.

"He says he's an Angel of the Lord," Dean said. He flipped his phone open and dialed. "Sam, we're heading back to Bobby's."

Dean talked to Sam for a couple of minutes, and I got most of the story that way. Dean and Bobby had performed a summoning ritual and a man appeared. They tried to shoot him with rock salt and stab him with Ruby's knife. He wasn't affected by any of the talismans that they'd painted all over the inside of the barn. He'd knocked out Bobby and then told Dean that he was Castiel, an Angel of the Lord, and that his true form was overwhelming to humans, which is why Pam's eyes had burned out when she'd seen him and why the glass shattered around Dean when Castiel had tried to talk to him. Castiel was possessing someone and claimed that the person had agreed to it, only he called the guy he was possessing a vessel. To top it all off, he'd told Dean that he'd saved him from Hell on God's command because God had work for Dean to do.

Dean argued with Sam for a minute about the fact that he hadn't brought Sam with them. They agreed to meet at a rest stop, but we were all heading back to Bobby's to regroup.

I sat in the back of the car with my knees pulled up to my chest, dread filling me. What had we gotten ourselves into?


	6. Chapter 6 - You Can't Win

Sam and Dean were arguing again, this time about whether or not Castiel was actually an angel. Bobby was at his desk, reading through a bunch of old tomes. I was lying on Bobby's couch, supposedly reading a book, but really listening to them argue. I was also trying to figure out how to sneak away so I could practice my abilities without getting caught. I didn't want to face Gabby's wrath again.

After a good fifteen minutes of listening to Seam and Dean go back and forth about the existence of angels, Bobby called them over to show them the book he was reading through. I stopped pretending to read and joined them at the desk, squeezing my way between the two of them to look at the book. Bobby said that his books all said that angels could pull someone out of hell, and that nothing else could. Sam said that it was good news, but Dean was even more agitated with the idea of God paying attention to him to him specifically. Sam talked him down. When Dean asked what we knew about angels, Bobby pulled out the stack of tomes that he had and told them to start reading. Dean looked annoyed and told Sam to get him some pie before grabbing the top book off the stack and heading back into the kitchen to sit at a desk that Bobby had there.

Sam went to grab the keys to the Impala. I glanced at Bobby and took one of the smaller books from the pile. He let me. I carried it over to the couch and sat down.

Sam came back into the room and said, "Bobby, you want anything?" Then he noticed that I had one of the books. "Jessie, no. Give me that." He reached down to grab the book out of my lap.

"Why not?" I asked, annoyed. I swiped the book back at the last second and held it to my chest. "You guys get to learn about angels. Why don't I?" Sam shot a look at Bobby, who shrugged.

Sam grabbed the book but I had both arms wrapped around it and wouldn't let him take it from me. "Come on, Sam," I said, as he tried to tug it out of my arms without hurting me. "I'm not on restriction from hunting right now."

Sam let go and ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. "You want that to change?" he asked me.

I scowled. "No."

"Give me the book," he said and held out his hand. I huffed, but handed it over, seeing no other choice.

"That's not fair," I objected. "Inappropriate use of power."

"Too bad. Go outside and find something else to do since you can't behave yourself in here," Sam said. "You want anything from the diner?"

I got up and stomped towards the door, "No," I said grumpily. I opened the door, stomped outside, and slammed it shut.

I was halfway down the steps when the door opened behind me. I turned around, ready to blast Sam, but it was Bobby instead. I swallowed the words that had risen to my lips. He crooked a finger at me. Apprehensive, I walked back up the steps. When I reached him, he popped the bill of his cap up and looked down at me with a frown on his face. "Kid, don't go slamming my doors unless you want to spend some time in the corner. Got it?"

"Yeah, Bobby," I said, resignedly. He ruffled my hair and went back into the house. I turned around and surveyed the yard. There was nothing to do out here in the middle of September. It was nice out, a little cold, but not bad. I wandered around the yard for a few minutes, trying to find something to do. There was a stack of wood in the corner of the yard, next to more logs to split. There was a pile of stones near it. I considered trying to build some sort of a fort with those things, but decided not to at the last minute. Then, I thought about going into the salvage yard, but quickly discarded that idea. I'd left my books in the house. I could exercise, but I didn't want to and I'd already gone through my exercise routine that morning.

The fire pit was sitting in the middle of the back yard, lonely all by itself. I wanted to open my furnace so bad and light it.

I had an idea. I ran back up the steps and into the house. Bobby was on the phone in the living room now, and Dean had his feet up on the desk with the book open on his lap.

"Dean, can I go practice my abilities?" I asked.

Dean looked up from the book. "Jessie, no one can watch you right now. We're in the middle of something here."

"You can see me from the window," I said. "I'll be right there." I pointed to the fire pit. "It's not like the flames are going to get away from me. They'll be in the pit."

"No, Jessie," Dean said, patiently.

"Come on, Dean. It'll be perfectly safe." I crossed my arms in front of my chest.

"I said no," Dean said, leaning forward to put his feet down on the floor and set the book on the desk. "You don't light fires without safety equipment and without direct supervision."

"I'll keep the fire extinguisher with me."

"No," Dean said, his voice a little darker.

"You can come out and watch me from the porch. You can have the fire extinguisher. You'll have plenty of time before anything happens to put out the flames," I offered, getting impatient myself.

"No, I wouldn't, and you know it," Dean said, standing up. "Now, I said no. Stop asking."

"Why not?" I demanded, stomping my foot.

"I already explained why not, little girl," Dean said, looking down at me. "If you want to keep pushing me, you can go to your room and spend the afternoon there. Will that keep you occupied enough?"

I glared at him and he glared right back. Then I turned and stomped outside again, this time careful not to slam the door behind me.

The temptation to walk right over to the fire pit and light it up was almost overwhelming, and I took two steps in that direction before I heard the blinds click behind me and realized that Dean was watching me from the window. I doubted I would make it to the fire pit before he was out here to stop me, and I was pretty sure I wouldn't like what that would feel like.

I sat down on the porch steps and buried my head in my hands. This was not how this was supposed to go. Everything was getting away from me. Gabby was supposed to be my sanctuary, on my side. She needed me. She was supposed to be nice to me, and instead she'd been meaner and meaner for the last month. I'd managed to keep the fire lighting a secret from both Sam and Bobby, practicing when they weren't around or when they were busy, but Dean watched me more closely. And if not practicing meant pissing Gabby off and practicing meant pissing Dean off, I was stuck. There was no way to win.

What the hell was I supposed to do? Gabby was going to kill me the next time I called her. I was just going to have to put that off as long as possible, but if I did that, then she'd be just as mad that I was avoiding her. I was so fucked.

Bobby opened the door again. "Jessie, get in here and get your stuff packed. We're hitting the road."

"Where are we going?" I asked, getting to my feet.

"Got a friend, Olivia, who's not answering her phone. She's a hunter, and it's not like her. We're gonna go check on her. Come on, darlin'," he said. I climbed the steps again and went into the house.

"Aren't we going to wait for Sam?" I asked.

"Yeah, we'll leave when he gets back," Bobby said. "Get your stuff."

I hadn't actually unpacked from getting back early this morning, so I basically just had to shove yesterday's clothes into my duffel and grab the butterfly backpack. Bobby and Dean took a little longer, taking the time to pack weapons and supplies. Then Bobby had to get his stuff together, which took a few more minutes.

We carried the stuff out to Bobby's car, and Dean and Bobby were packing Bobby's trunk when Sam pulled up. Bobby went to tell Sam what was going on while I slid into the back seat with my butterfly backpack. Dean dropped our bags in the trunk and then told Sam to scoot over so Dean could drive. As we waited for Bobby to get his car started, Dean dug through the food from the diner before asking Sam where his pie was.

After giving Sam a ration of crap for forgetting his pie, Dean pulled onto the road. I settled in for the ride, spending most of it reading my novel. When we got to Olivia's house, Dean told me to stay in the car. They were back five minutes later with the news that she was dead and that other hunters weren't answering their phones either. We spent the next several hours going from hunter's house to hunter's house checking on them. They were all dead, and the signs pointed to ghosts. Finally, well after dark, Bobby told Dean on the phone to head back to his place until they could figure out why ghosts were killing hunters.

Dean snapped the phone closed as he came up to the car. "Come on, Jessie. You can burn some charcoal before we get going. See that hole with the pile of leaves in it? He uses that hole to burn leaves and trash." He popped the trunk and pulled out the charcoal that was inside.

"Classy," I muttered. While he set the charcoal in the middle of a pile of dirt and ash, I bent over and dug around in my duffel for the packet of salt and bread. It took me a couple of minutes to find it, the little foil packet was buried deep in the corner of the bag. I pulled it out and opened it, pouring into my hand enough to summon Gabby.

"Come on, Jessie," Dean hollered. I looked out the side window and saw both of them standing near the hole with fire extinguishers. "What's taking so long?"

"Just getting a drink," I yelled back. I held up my water bottle and then climbed out of the car, careful not to let go of the bread and salt.

I stood near the hole and opened my furnace. I extended a tendril, but deliberately made it wide so that it wouldn't be smaller than they were used to seeing. I set the tendril gently on top of the charcoal and pushed to set the charcoal on fire. The leaves flared as soon as the tendrils hit them, but the charcoal was always harder to light.

As I pushed my flame out of me, I thought about Gabby. When the charcoal looked like it was out to anyone who wasn't drawn to fire, I said, "Ok, that's it. It's out."

Dean turned to go back to the car. Sam followed. I waited until they were well away from me before I approached the hole, intending to drop the bread and salt in. I held my hand to toss the bread and salt in, but then I glanced back at Dean, his silhouette black against the moonlit night sky. I didn't want to call Gabby. I told myself that I had nothing to tell her and I hadn't practiced at all. There was no reason to contact her. She was going to be mad when I did, but until then... I opened my hand and let the bread crumbs and salt fall to the ground. I sucked the remainder of the fire back into me and headed back to the car.

I fell into a deep sleep once we were on the road with no worries of having to face Gabby, only to be awoken a couple hours later by the sound of a shotgun going off. I was alone in the car, parked in front of a gas pump. I rubbed my eyes and sat up to see the guys coming out of the restroom at the side of the building. They both looked spooked and Dean was carrying his shotgun.

I got out of the car and ran over to them. "What's going on?" I asked.

"A ghost tried to attack Sam. Get back in the car. We're getting out of here," Dean said, grabbing my hand. I hurried after him, struggling to keep up. When we got to the car, he opened my door for me. "Get in," he said, nodding towards the door.

I climbed into the car. The guys got in and Dean started the car, peeling out towards Bobby's. Dean flipped open his phone and pressed the speed dial button for Bobby.

Sam had a bruise on his eye and looked dazed. I scooted forward on the middle of the seat. "Are you ok, Sam?" I asked. "What happened?"

"Henriksen bounced my head off the sink," Sam said, groaning.

"Jessie, put your seatbelt on," Dean said. I slid back in the seat and did what I was told. Dean tried to call Bobby over and over again, but he wasn't answering. I started to get a hard lump in my stomach.

"Henriksen?" I asked. I remembered him. He was the FBI agent who'd arrested Sam and Dean and put them in jail before we were attacked by all of those demons in Monument, Colorado.

Ear pressed to his phone, Dean asked Sam what Henriksen wanted. Sam said that he wanted revenge for us getting him killed. Dean got mad and said that whatever was happening to hunters was happening to us now, and we needed to be thinking about answers.

The hard lump in my stomach grew to the size of a boulder. "Do you think my parents are going to show up?" I asked.

"You're not a hunter," Dean said, but he glanced at me in the rearview mirror and I could tell he was worried.

"The hell I'm not," I replied. "I've helped you lots."

"Doesn't matter if they show up because you're going to stay where we tell you to and keep out of danger," Dean said, his grip tightening on the steering wheel.

I looked away from him. I sure hoped he was right.


	7. Chapter 7 - Hunter and the Hunted

"When we get to Bobby's," Dean said, "you get out of the car, follow us into the kitchen, and make a circle of salt around yourself. Stay in the salt."

I rolled my eyes. "I know that," I said. "I don't need to be told to stay in the salt when there are ghosts around."

"Jessie," Sam sighed.

"What? I'm just saying. I know that if you say to make a circle of salt, I should stay in it. It's not rocket science."

"Just do it," Dean snapped.

"I'm going to. I'm not arguing," I complained. "Jeez."

Dean picked his hand up off the steering wheel before slamming it down in frustration. "Jessie, just… be quiet, ok?" he said, trying not to lose patience with me. I shut up.

We were all tired, worried, and stressed out. Dean had been calling and calling, but Bobby never picked up. He pulled into Bobby's yard. He parked the car, and then he and Sam grabbed shotguns from the trunk. Sam handed me a bag of salt. I tailed them to the front door. Dean pushed it open and whispered for Bobby. There were no lights on and there was no answer. I followed them into the kitchen, made a big circle of salt, and then sat down in the middle of it. Sam and Dean started moving through the house with their shotguns up.

I stayed put when Sam left the house to go look for Bobby in the yard. I stayed put when Dean headed upstairs to look for him there. I stayed put, even though I could hear the sounds of Dean fighting.

I stayed put when my dad showed up.

He crouched at the edge of the salt and looked at me sadly over the salt line. I pulled my feet up close to me and hugged my knees, meeting his eyes. His wavy brown hair was brushed back from his forehead. He looked disappointed in me, the way he did when I was grounded and snuck out to go to my friend Katie's birthday party when I was eight, the way he did when I'd brought home a bad report card in third grade, and the way he did when he'd found out I'd been sneaking into his closet to get a peek at my Christmas gifts when I was ten.

I couldn't stand the silence. "Hi, Dad," I whispered.

"Jessie," he said, shaking his head. Tears sprung to my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Dad," I whispered.

"You burned us in our beds," he said.

I shook my head. "I didn't do it. Gabija did it. She sacrificed you so that… so that…" He was shaking his head, like he didn't buy what I was saying. "She did do it! To free my abilities!"

He leaned in closer to the salt, but didn't cross it. I scooted backwards, but not so far back as to cross the salt line. "And now you're serving her," he said softly. My dad had always 'yelled' quietly. But then, louder, he said, "My daughter is serving the goddess who burned me to ashes!" A loud crash came from upstairs as if to punctuate his words. I jumped.

"I'm not!" I said. "I'm not. I'm sorry, Dad!" He fitzed and suddenly he was standing behind me, still outside the salt ring. I squealed and scuttled forward.

"You're a disappointment to me, Jessie. I would never have thought you could do this, turning away, helping the goddess who murdered us in our beds. You might as well have done it yourself." The shotgun went off and he disappeared as the rock salt hit him. I jumped again and got to my feet to find Dean standing in the doorway to the kitchen. He beckoned me to come to him. I left the salt circle and ran into his arms, hiding my face into his stomach and crying. He held me close to him with one hand, the other still holding the shotgun.

"Looks like you proved me wrong, sweetheart," he said quietly. "You are a hunter. Come on." We went into the living room so he could reload. While he was doing that, Sam and Bobby came rushing into the house through the back door.

We regrouped. Well, really, the guys regrouped. I sat curled in the corner of the couch behind Dean and watched while he reloaded the shotguns, my heart breaking at what the ghost of my father had said to me. I listened as they came to the conclusion that the ghosts were all people that we knew, people we couldn't save.

The three of them compared notes and the ghosts all had brands on their hands. Sam sketched it out for Bobby. Bobby said that he'd seen it before and grabbed some books. Then he led us down into the basement where he'd built a panic room, ghost and demon-safe. His claim was that he took a weekend off, but I didn't see how anyone could have done this in a weekend. The room was built out of solid iron coated in salt.

It was awesome.

While Bobby went through books to figure out why we were being attacked by ghosts, Sam and Dean packed salt rounds, and Dean questioned the existence and motivations of God until Bobby found the symbol. It was the Mark of the Witness. The ghosts were forced to rise. They'd woken up in agony and it wasn't their fault. The spell was what had left the mark, a brand on their souls. Bobby said that the Rising of the Witnesses was from Revelations in the Bible, and it was a sign of the apocalypse.

Bobby also found a spell that would send the witnesses back to rest. The only problem was that the spell needed to be cast over an open fire, which meant the fireplace upstairs.

At last, something I could do. "I can do that here," I said, kneeling up in the chair where I'd been curled up. "I'll just set a fire in the middle of the room."

"And burn what?" Bobby asked. "You see anything here that could sustain one of your fires for very long? Unless you can set the air on fire, we need that fireplace."

I knelt back down in disappointment, but then I said, "I'll come up there with you. I can cut some time off and make sure the fire doesn't go out." When all three of them shook their heads at me, I got out of the chair. "Why not?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "We're not going through this again. You're staying down here. It's safe here. It's not safe up there."

"Dean, you just said I was a hunter," I objected.

"A twelve-year-old hunter," Dean said. "You really want to face the ghost of your dad again?"

I blanched. "No," I said. I really, really didn't.

"So you're gonna stay here, right, Jessie?" Dean asked, his head tilted and his eyebrows raised.

"Yes, Dean," I said, dropping back into the chair with a huff.

They got their stuff together and I hugged them all before they left. Bobby gave some last minute advice, and then the three of them left me in the panic room by myself. I climbed into the bed that Bobby had in the room and sat with my legs crisscrossed to wait.

I had a good twenty minutes to think about things, and since I was trying to keep myself distracted from the noise of furniture moving and shotguns going off upstairs, I thought a lot. I wasn't going to summon Gabby again. Dean was back and I knew he'd be mad if he knew. My dad was obviously displeased even if he was an overly angry ghost who'd been trying to kill me for my betrayal. Gabby herself scared the crap out of me. I didn't want to see her again anyway, and this was just another reason why I should never call her again.

I just wouldn't summon her anymore and all my problems would go away.

An hour later, the panic room door opened, and I looked up from the tome I was flipping through. I quickly shut it and stacked it with the others, but not before Sam saw me. He gave me a half smile. "All right, come on. It's bed time for you since you have school tomorrow."

I blinked at him. "School?" I asked, confused.

"You planning on starting her lessons tomorrow or something?" Bobby asked.

Sam looked at Bobby with slightly baffled smile on his face. "No, Bobby. You enrolled her in school, right? When she came to stay with you…?"

Oh no. No, no, no. I climbed off the little bed and started edging towards the door.

"No, you idjit. She was only staying for two weeks and then she was going back to you. You're the one who changed your number so that she couldn't call you. That's the only reason she was still here."

"I never changed my number," Sam said. They both looked at me.

I ran.


	8. Chapter 8 - Jig is Up

I was halfway up the basement stairs when I heard Sam say in a loud voice, "One."

Shit. Damn it. Shit! I stopped and turned around, scuttling back down the stairs and hearing a loud "Two," when I hit the bottom.

At "Three," I was standing in the doorway to the panic room. All three of them were looking at me with their arms crossed in front of their chests. Oh my god, I was in so much trouble.

"I can explain?" I said in a questioning tone.

"Damn right, you're gonna explain, girl," Bobby said, stalking towards me. He grabbed my arm and pulled me with him up the stairs. Sam and Dean followed behind.

"Bobby, ow," I said, trying to get my arm back, even though it didn't really hurt. I hated it when people hauled me around.

"Don't 'Bobby, ow,' me, girl," he said as we got to the top of the stairs. "I ain't hurting you. Yet." I shut up and stumbled along with him through the kitchen and into the living room/library. He let me go in front of a chair by his desk. I sat. "Well?" he asked, leaning against his desk. Sam took a spot next to him. Dean sat down on the couch by the window.

I sat there wide-eyed and stared at Bobby and Sam. Now that I was expected to explain, I couldn't. How the hell could I tell them what had happened? "Uh," I said to buy some time.

"Stop stalling, young lady," Sam said.

"You… I…" I stuttered. I buried my head in my hands. "It's complicated!"

"Yeah? How?" Bobby asked. "Because what I've figured out so far is that you told Sam that you were coming to stay with me and you told me that Sam changed his number so you couldn't reach him. It's pretty clear you were trying to manipulate things so you'd be living here with me, lying to both of us. Seems pretty simple to me. What I want to know is why."

I glanced at Dean and then at Sam. I couldn't mention Ruby or I'd give up Sam's secret. I hated all these traps. I just wanted to tell the truth about everything, but I couldn't. I couldn't! Frustration and despair overwhelmed me. I burst into tears. "I just didn't want to be on the road with Sam anymore. He was gone all the time and I was lonely. I thought that if I could come stay with you then it would be better."

I looked up at Bobby through my bangs, the tears stopping for a minute. "You said that you couldn't take care of kids, but I thought that if it seemed like you had no other choice…"

Then I looked at Sam. "And you were so…" I couldn't say self-destructive or busy with a demon. "…sad and you were hunting that group of demons. I thought you'd be better off without me." I dropped my eyes to my lap and started playing with a lock of my hair, flaring the red strands into a fan and then letting them go. The two of them were going to kill me.

Sam and Bobby looked at Dean, but he held his hands up. "Hey, this happened before I got back and doesn't involve me. It's all on you guys." He grinned and leaned back on the couch.

At least someone was enjoying this.

"So you lied and manipulated us to get what you wanted?" Bobby asked, turning his attention back to me.

I nodded, not meeting his eyes.

"How's that working out for you?" he asked. "Did you get what you wanted?"

I shook my head, picking at my cuticles now. I tried to distract myself from the hard lump in my stomach by wondering if they'd let me buy some nail polish next time we were at the store.

"Get up," Sam said, interrupting my thoughts. I got to my feet, stiff with apprehension, and Sam took my spot in the chair. "Drop your jeans," he said.

"Sam!" I objected. "That's not… it wasn't my fault." I stared at him trying to get him to realize that he'd been part of the reason I had to go.

"Four," Sam said. My heart jerked. I unbuttoned my jeans and let them fall. He tilted me over his lap and brought his hand down hard on my butt, hard swats punctuating every other word he said. "You do not lie to us. You do not manipulate us. You tell us what's wrong. You talk to us and you ask for what you want. You don't go around spreading stories to get what you want. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Sam," I cried. "I'm sorry!"

He started spanking slower then and not in time with his words at all. "We have had this talk before. I don't even know how you thought you'd get away with that. Did you think I was just going to leave you at Bobby's and not come get you? I would never just abandon you and I don't know where you got that idea. What were you thinking?"

His spanks were distracting me, his huge hand covering my entire butt, it seemed like. I started kicking, unable to concentrate on his words.

"Answer me," he said, bringing his hand down hard and then pausing.

"I don't know!" I wailed. "You weren't talking to him."

"You thought that would last forever?" he asked, spanking me again. "You thought I was going to never talk to Bobby again?"

"No! I don't know!" I cried.

"Did you just want me to come chasing after you? Prove that I cared?" he continued with the swats.

"I don't know! I don't know!" I started sobbing.

Sam stopped spanking me. "You better start thinking before you act, young lady. Figure out why you want something before you just react, and then think about whether you're making the best choice. We've talked about that before, too."

"Look who's talking," I muttered, letting go of his leg to wipe my face.

"Excuse me?" Sam asked, his voice hard.

"Nothing," I replied, staring at the dirty wooden floor. There were a couple of wet splotches in the dust now, from my tears.

"Let's talk about the number four now," Sam said, setting me on my feet. "Go get me your hairbrush."

"Sam," I started.

"Move," he said, with no give in his voice.

I went to yank my jeans up so I could go out to the car to get my duffel, but then Bobby said, "Don't bother." He handed me his wife's silver-backed brush that he kept in his desk. My eyes got wide. I'd been spanked with it before. It hurt like a motherfucker. I took it from him reluctantly and slowly handed it to Sam, who accepted it and tipped me back over his lap.

I was starting to hate the floor of Bobby's house, but that thought flew out of my head when Sam brought the hairbrush down on my butt four times hard, the sharp smacks seeming to echo through my body, and I gasped and started crying all over again.

When he finished, he handed the brush to Bobby and let me off his lap. I looked up at Bobby, who looked down at me sadly. My heart almost broke because the look on his face practically matched the disappointed look that my dad had given me earlier when I was in the ring of salt. I looked down where my jeans were puddled around my ankles and said, "I'm so sorry, Bobby."

"Let's get this over with, kid," he said. He moved me so I was leaning against the desk and brought the hairbrush down six times on my panty-clad butt before dropping it on the desk like it stung him. He didn't hit as hard as Sam did, but his smacks seemed to hurt more anyway, maybe because of the guilt I was feeling. "I don't ever want to have to do that again. Get your britches back up."

I pulled my jeans up, trying to avoid having them scrape my sore butt, and gave Bobby a mournful look. "Don't lie to me ever again. I mean it," he said to me, putting his finger under my chin. Then he pulled me into his embrace, and I cried into his t-shirt.

When Bobby was done, Sam pulled me into his lap and stroked my back. "I would never have abandoned you, Jessie. Ever. Don't ever think it. Not even if you wanted it because I would never want that." A little part of me deep inside seemed to crack and I started crying hard into his chest, harder than when he'd spanked me, harder than I had from guilt, harder than I had earlier that summer when he'd finally realized he was letting me push him away. He hugged me tight to him and let me cry. "I love you, honey. I wouldn't have given you up that easily. I promise."

A little while later, after I'd calmed down, Sam let me up. It was late and dark outside. Bobby heated up some canned chili for us to eat, which tasted like crap, but was at least warm. Dean took me out to burn off my excess, even though I really didn't need to, but he didn't know that. I practiced the tendril thing, realizing I could touch the wood in one place and then push the flame through the wood until it was all alight instead of having to touch all of the fuel with the tendril. I wondered what else I could do with the tendril method while I'd finished burning the wood.

When we got back into the house, Dean said, "Shower, PJs, teeth, bed." I didn't argue, too exhausted to do anything but obey. When I was getting into bed, I hollered down the stairs and Dean came up to tuck me in.

Dean pulled the covers up to my neck and sat down next to me on the bed. "Jessie," he said. I looked up from plugging my cell phone into its charger on the little table next to the bed. He looked tired and worried. I wanted to make him feel better, but had no idea how. He wasn't looking at me, so I watched the side of his face.

"I talked to Sam. I know you went a little wild for a while this summer and that you felt like you were on your own a lot," he said. "I don't know what happened with you and Sam. He told me that was between the two of you and I didn't push." He looked at me then. "But you aren't on your own. You never were."

I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry. I had no idea where this was going, and I was worried. "The point is that I'm back now, and I'm here for you," he said. He leaned in and met my eyes. "You know the rules and I expect you to behave. You understand? No lying, no sneaking off, no manipulation. You and I are going to be completely honest with each other, and you're going to continue being the good girl I know you are. Right?"

I nodded, the pit in my stomach growing. "Yes, Dean." Gabby sprung to my mind. I was so not a good girl.

"You got anything you want to tell me about this summer?" Dean asked, his eyebrows raised.

I dropped my gaze. There was a lot, all about Sam and Ruby and Gabby, but did I _want_ to tell him? No. No, I definitely did not want to share any of it. I shook my head, telling myself I wasn't lying to him even though I knew what he was actually asking me.

"You sure?" he asked, softer now. I kinda flung myself at him, coming out from under the blankets and wrapping my arms around his waist. "Jessie?"

"I'm sure," I whispered, not letting him go.

He stroked my hair for a minute. "I've always got your back, sweetheart," he said. "Remember that." He untwined my arms from around his waist and I got back under the covers. He tucked me in again and handed me my snowman, a little smile on his face. He kissed my forehead. "Good night."

"Good night, Dean," I said. He flipped out the lights and closed the door most of the way. I heard his footsteps as he walked down the hall.

I buried my head in the pillow and hoped that this wouldn't come back to bite me.


	9. Chapter 9 - Divine Intervention

I watched Sam pick up his jacket from the motel dresser through slitted eyes. We were at the Willow Tree motel. We'd left Bobby's earlier that morning after Sam had talked to me about schoolbooks and lesson plans. Dean had been eager to get on the road and Sam didn't argue.

He looked at sleeping Dean and then he looked at me. I didn't react. As far as he knew, I was asleep, but I knew where he was going. He was going to meet with Ruby, and he didn't want Dean to know about it.

He left the room and I heard the sound of a car pull up outside and knew that at least he wasn't taking the Impala. If Dean did wake up, maybe he'd be less mad. I scoffed. Yeah, right. If Dean knew that Sam was working with a demon, using his psychic thing as Dean called it, it wouldn't matter whether Sam took the Impala or not.

The car pulled away. I saw the headlights pass in front of the window, but Dean was still sleeping. I wondered for the fifty-millionth time if I should have told him the night before about everything. Probably. I probably should have spilled my guts, because now when he found out, he'd think I'd been lying to him.

I knew how Dean felt about lying. Fuck Sam anyway for forcing me to keep this secret.

I glanced at Dean lying on his bed and there was a guy sitting there, with his back to Dean. I squeaked, sitting up and scooting back in my bed. Dean opened his eyes at the noise I made and then the guy said "Hello, Dean. What were you dreaming about?"

I opened my furnace. Dean jumped and rolled over, relaxing when he saw the guy. Dean looked at me. "Jessie, lock it down," he said.

"Dean," I objected, my eyes wide.

"Lock it down. This is Castiel. The _angel_." He stressed the word angel when I didn't react right away. I locked the furnace.

Dean turned his attention away from, asking what the angel wanted, and the angel replied that Dean had to stop it. Then he touched Dean on the head. I screamed when Dean fell back on the bed. The angel waited.

"What the hell did you do?" I yelled at the angel. Disregarding any sense of self-preservation, I got out of the bed and ran over to Dean. I pressed my head against his chest to listen for his heartbeat, to make sure he was still alive. I couldn't hear his heart, but he was still breathing, his chest rising and falling just like he was asleep.

"He is asleep," the angel said formally, staring off into space. "There is nothing to fear. He will awaken shortly."

"He better," I said, opening my furnace again and standing next to Dean's sleeping form, fully intending to take the angel and the entire building with me if I lost Dean again.

The angel didn't respond, didn't even look at me. He just moved to the end of the bed and waited. I watched him.

About a minute later, Dean opened his eyes with a gasp. "Jessie, lock it down," he growled at me. I flushed and closed my furnace back up a second time. Dean turned to the angel and told him that he hadn't been able to stop any of it. He said something about a woman still making a deal and still dying in the nursery. I figured out that he was talking about his mom, having gotten the story, in fits and starts, out of Sam over the summer.

The angel told him that Dean couldn't have stopped it because destiny cannot be changed. He said that now Dean knew everything that the angels did, and then he looked meaningfully at Sam's bed. Castiel said that they knew what Azazel did to Sam but not what Azazel's end game was. Dean asked where Sam was and the angel gave him an address.

It took me a second to remember who Azazel was, and finally I remembered that that was the name of the yellow-eyed demon who killed Dean and Sam's mother, who they'd chased down long before I joined them.

While Dean put on his coat, the angel told him that Sam was headed down a dangerous road and that Dean needed to stop it, or they would. Dean stared at the angel, realization washing over his face.

"Dean," I said, intending to go with him.

"Stay here, Jessie." Dean said, grabbing his keys from the table. "Go back to bed."

"But," I started to object. They both looked at me, the angel for the first time.

"The girl is not without sin," the angel said. I blanched and sat down heavily on Sam's bed.

"Who is?" Dean muttered. He looked at me. "Go back to bed, Jessie." He raised his eyebrows at me meaningfully.

"Yes, Dean," I said. I got back up and gave the angel a wide berth to get back into the rollaway bed. Dean came over to me and dropped a kiss on my forehead.

"Go to sleep. I'll be back later. Ok?" he asked. I nodded. "Good girl," he said and left.

The angel was gone.

Sam came back a few hours later, slipping into the room, but Dean wasn't with him. He took a shower and changed his clothes. When he came out of the bathroom, I was awake and sitting on my bed.

"Jessie, go back to sleep," Sam said, his expression pained. He was clearly upset.

"What happened?" I asked.

He ran a hand through his hair and sat down on his bed. "Dean found out about Ruby and about me banishing demons with my abilities," he said. "He's pissed."

"Oh," I said.

"He wouldn't even let me explain," Sam said. "He just left without a word."

My eyes got large. "That's not good." Dean was a yeller. If he didn't yell, it was time to worry.

"I know," Sam said. I was sure he did. He'd had much more experience with Dean in all of his different moods than I had. "It's four in the morning, Jessie. Go back to sleep."

But I didn't. Instead I got up and padded over to him on my socked feet, hugging him to me for once. He hugged me back. "Go to sleep," he said again, letting me go, but he looked a little calmer.

I went back to my bed. "What are you going to do?"

Sam looked around the room and shrugged. "I dunno. I'll figure something out."

He ended up reading a book at the table by the window. Around six in the morning, I gave up my charade of trying to sleep and went over to him again. He pulled me into his lap and held me while he read. We both heard the Impala pull up and Dean get out. When he walked in the door, Sam set me on my feet and got to his own. I took a step back towards the door.

Dean didn't say anything to Sam, he just started packing up his stuff. "Jessie, get your stuff packed up," he snapped at me. I froze in indecision, not wanting to be anywhere near either of them right now.

Sam asked him what he was doing and Dean told him that Sam didn't need him, Sam could go fight demons with Ruby. Sam tried to calm him down, but Dean hauled off and punched him, and then punched him again. Shocked, I scooted backwards into the corner by the door and stayed there.

Dean started asking Sam if he knew how far from human that Sam was going. Sam said that he was just exorcising demons, and Dean said that it was with his mind. Sam said that he could send demons back to hell, but that was it. Dean didn't believe him and kept asking him what else he could do. When Sam said that was all, Dean said that he had no reason to believe it. Sam said that he should have said something, but that he was pulling demons out of innocent people. Dean told him to use the knife, and Sam said that the knife kills the victim. When Sam did it, most people survive. He said he'd saved more people in the last five months than the two of them saved in a year.

Dean asked him if that's what Ruby wanted him to think, if that was how Ruby tricked him into using his powers. He said that it was a slippery slope and it was going to get darker and darker. Sam said he wouldn't let it go too far.

Dean lost his temper and knocked over a bunch of things on the dresser, breaking a lamp. He said that it had already gone too far. He said that if he didn't know Sam, he'd want to hunt him.

My knees went weak and I slid to the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest. Sam said that Dean was gone and he had to keep fighting without him. He said that what he's doing works. Dean asked why Sam lied if that was the case and why an angel told him to stop Sam. He told Sam that Castiel told him that if Dean didn't stop Sam, Castiel would. He said that meant that God didn't want Sam doing it. Both of them were near tears.

Sam's phone rang then, and he answered it, holding the bridge of his nose and trying to get ahold of himself. The guy on the other end of the phone apparently had news about a case because Sam left the conversation with Dean and started taking notes. When Sam hung up, Dean looked up at the sky and then kinda shook himself.

He saw me sitting in the corner, walked over to me and held a hand down to me. "Come on, sweetheart. It's ok," he said.

I looked up at him shakily and took his hand. He pulled me to my feet. There were still tears in his eyes. I'd never seen either of them this upset before. I'd never seen Dean this mad about anything. "Dean?" I said.

"Go on, get dressed, get your stuff packed. Looks like we have a case," he said. Then he shut himself in the bathroom.

I looked after him. There was no way I was ever telling him anything about what I'd been doing with the goddess. No way.


	10. Chapter 10 - One Last Chance

We were sitting in the Impala outside Jack Montgomery's house in Carthage, Missouri, and the guys were watching Jack with binoculars. I was playing on my Game Boy in the back of the car. We'd driven here straight from the Willow Tree Motel after Sam and Dean's big fight. The ride had been… uncomfortable at first, until the two of them managed to relax and make small talk, which led into Dean telling Sam all about the time travel trip that Castiel the angel had sent him on, back to 1973 to watch the beginning of Azazel's influence on their family.

Unfortunately, that had led to Sam accidentally letting Dean know that he'd known that Azazel had fed him demon blood for a year, and that he hadn't told Dean. Dean's feelings were hurt by that, which made him say that if Sam didn't want to tell him anything, he didn't have to. The hard lump in my stomach that had finally started to shrink a couple of hours before had grown again at that.

We'd gotten a room at the Rainbow Motel once we'd reached Carthage, had dinner, although I didn't eat much, and then headed out to babysit Jack's house, keeping an eye out for anything 'weird'. But Jack wasn't doing anything, or at least he wasn't until he ate an entire pound of raw ground beef from the package while standing in front of the refrigerator. Sam said that qualified as weird, and we headed back to the motel room with a quick stop for dinner and for me to burn off my excess.

When Dean opened the door to the room, there was an older guy sitting at the table drinking one of Dean's beers. Dean and Sam greeted him as Travis and hugged him. He had a broken arm. I hung back by the door, unsure what to do with myself. Travis had apparently known the two of them since they were kids, and hadn't seen them since then.

After hugging Travis, Dean glanced at me and waved me over to them. I went slowly, unsure about this new guy. I stood kind of half behind Dean and looked around him at Travis.

After Travis asked Sam if he was a mathlete still, Dean said, "Yup, he sure is. Travis, this is Jessie. Jessie's my daughter."

Travis's eyes got wide. "She's a bit old to be your daughter," he said.

Dean shrugged and tilted his head to his side. "Well, she is."

Travis held his hand to me as if to shake. I ducked back behind Dean. I wasn't sure I liked Travis. He seemed ok, but I still wasn't sure. Travis withdrew his hand with a smile and a shrug and turned his attention back to the guys.

Travis shook his head and told them that it had been too long, and told them that their dad would have been proud of them for sticking together. Dean said that there was nothing more important than family, but he was giving Sam a look while he said it, and I knew that he was trying to make a point.

The three of them sat down at the table in the room to talk about the case. I followed after Dean and stood between him and Sam where they were sitting at the table. Dean wrapped his hand around my waist and pulled me in to hug me. "Go get ready for bed, sweetheart. It's late."

I looked out of the corner of my eye at Travis and then focused on Dean, "Yes, Dean," I whispered. Then I slipped away from them, grabbed my purple duffel, and disappeared into the bathroom.

I showered, brushed my teeth, and put on my pajamas. When I came out, Travis wasn't there anymore. "Where'd Travis go?" I asked, setting my duffel next to the bed.

"Out to get some things. We're fighting a Rugaru," Dean said. He set his beer down and got up from the table. I looked at him questioningly. "Rugaru start out as human, but after a while they get a craving for human flesh. If they give in, they turn into monsters."

"Where's Sam?" I asked.

"He'll be back. He said he wanted to do some research," Dean said. "Go on, get in bed." He pulled back the covers on the rollaway and I climbed in.

"Where's he going to go research at 9 at night?" I asked. Dean gave me a look. "Oh yeah," I said. "It's Sam. He can get himself in wherever he needs to be." I slid down under the covers and Dean pulled them up to my chin and handed me my snowman.

"I love you, Dean," I said. "I'm glad you're back."

He kissed my forehead. "I love you, too, sweetheart. You go to sleep now, ok?"

"Ok," I said. I rolled over and closed my eyes.

I woke up when Travis came back in. Disoriented, I watched him set some propane tanks on the table. The two of them started working on them, their voices quiet. I was starting to fall back to sleep when I heard Dean say, "So, fire huh?"

I held my breath. Fire? Rugaru are killed by fire?

When Travis said, "Only way I've found to kill those bastards," I gasped and then caught my breath again hoping that Dean hadn't heard me.

But he had. He twisted around in this chair to look at me. "No," he said.

I sat up. "Dean," I started to say, wanting to argue that I could help on this case. Finally, I could help.

He tilted his head and stared at me hard. "I know what you're thinking and I don't want to hear it, Jessie. I said no. Go to sleep."

I set my jaw stubbornly.

"You wanna talk about this more right now?" he asked with warning in his voice.

I did. I wanted to talk about it, but not with Travis there, and not the way that Dean meant. With as much defiance in my tone as I could muster, I said, "No."

He raised his eyebrows at me. "Go to sleep, little girl," he growled at me. I glared at him and he glared right back, but when he went to push back his chair to get up, I rolled over and pulled my covers up over me again, tensing until I heard him settle back into his chair.

He went back to talking to Travis like I hadn't said anything, pointing out that killing him by fire was going to be horrible and getting confirmation that that was how Travis had killed Jack's dad. Sam came in at the end of the conversation and talked to them about how it was possible that if Jack didn't eat human flesh, he wouldn't transform. They argued about whether or not they should kill Jack before he hurt anyone. Travis thought they should kill him as soon as possible because all Rugaru gave in to the craving. Sam wanted to talk to Jack first. Travis argued against that, but Sam had the last word, saying that we weren't going to kill Jack until he did something that he deserved to be killed for.

Personally, I was on Sam's side on this one, and it didn't make me like Travis any better.

Sam left the room again, and Dean and Travis went back to setting up the propane tanks. I fell back to sleep to the sound of them working.

The next morning, Sam shook my shoulder to awaken me, "Jessie, time to wake up. We're heading over to talk to Jack this morning and you're coming with us." When it was clear I was awake, he stopped shaking me and turned back to the table.

I sat up in the bed and looked around. "Where's Dean?" Then I noticed that Sam had my butterfly backpack on the table and was getting ready to open it. I jumped out of bed. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"You're starting your schoolwork today. You're a good month behind the rest of the country," he said, unzipping the pack.

"Ok," I said hurriedly, reaching across him to grab the gaping hole and hold it shut. "But I can sort out what I need if you just tell me what I'll be working on."

Sam let go of the bag and turned to look at me. "Are you hiding something?" he asked me.

I swallowed. I was going to have to do something or he'd find the book that I'd nabbed with the sections about pyrokinesis and I wasn't sure how that would go. "I just… I have some stuff in there that I'd rather you didn't see," I said. I flushed, more out of worry then embarrassment, and looked at my feet.

Sam watched me while he considered. "Fine," he said slowly, clearly reluctant about letting it go. "I was just trying to save some time." I kept myself from sighing in relief. "I want to talk to you anyway. Sit down."

Thankful he'd stopped poking through my bag, I sat down in one of the chairs. He sat in the one next to it, turning it to face me. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, looking uncomfortable. I waited. "Jessie, I'm sorry," he said.

I blinked. "What?" I asked. I had no idea what he was talking about.

He looked me in the eye. "I'm sorry that I got involved with Ruby while Dean was in hell and I'm sorry that I made you feel like you couldn't stay with me. I'm sorry that what I did made you feel like I was abandoning you. I'm sorry that when Dean got back, I let you hide what you knew from him. Even though I didn't ask you to, you did and I shouldn't have let you keep secrets from him. That wasn't fair of me and it won't happen again."

By the time he was done, tears were falling from my eyes. "Ok," I said, not sure what else to say. He took my hand and pulled me to my feet and into a hug.

"I'm sorry, honey. I really am."

I hugged him and after a minute, when his words sunk in, I started to cry in earnest. I hadn't even really been aware that what he'd done had been hurting me, and now that he'd apologized and told me he was wrong, I felt better about him and about us and just all around. It was like a weight had been lifted from me.

"Does Dean know?" I asked.

"Does Dean know what?" Dean asked from the door, his hands full of coffee and food bags. I jumped and tried to pull away, but Sam got up and stood in front of me.

"Jessie knew about Ruby and that I was practicing my powers," Sam said to Dean. "She was keeping it from you because of me."

I couldn't see Dean because Sam was towering over me, so I couldn't tell how he was reacting, but I was scared to look around Sam to see. When I didn't hear Dean answer, I started to get worried.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't ask her to, but she thought she needed to. I knew she was doing it and I let her," Sam said. "I shouldn't have and I'm sorry."

"That's great, Sam. Just great. You got anything more you want to tell me?" Dean asked, sounding angry. "Anything else that you want to confess to? Did Bobby know? Maybe Ellen and Jo? Was it just me you were keeping things from?"

"No, Dean. Look, I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

Dean was quiet for another minute. "Fine," he said, angrily. He came over to the table and set the food down. Sam turned to keep me behind him, but Dean said, "Jessie, come here."

Oh god, he was going to kill me. I poked my head out from behind Sam's back and looked at him. He looked angry, but mixed with disappointment and sadness. Guilt bubbled in my stomach. I stepped around Sam and stood in front of Dean.

Dean dropped into the chair that I'd been sitting in when Sam apologized to me, and pulled me so that I was standing in between his legs. He took my chin in his hand. "No more secrets," he said to me. "I don't care if it's you, Bobby, Sam, whatever. You tell me about everything important that's happening. You got me, little girl?"

"Yes, Dean," I whispered.

"I'm very disappointed in you. You should always tell me when someone that we love is being hurt, even if it's by their own actions. Family doesn't keep secrets," he said.

"I'm sorry," I said. Guilt was rising up and threatening to swallow me.

"If you're keeping a secret from me, it's just like lying to me, especially if it's something I need to know," he said. "You tell me everything. You understand me?"

"Yes, Dean," I said in a tiny voice.

He watched my face, his eyes flicking back and forth. "You got anything you want to tell me?" he asked in a slightly softer voice. He let go of my chin.

I dropped my gaze to the carpet immediately and nodded. I leaned over to the butterfly backpack and opened it, reaching inside to pull out the book on psychic powers that I had hidden. I handed it to him.

He took it from me solemnly and glanced at it, noting the purple, green, and blue Post-It notes that were marking the pages in the back. "Thank you," he said. "Is there anything else?"

I took a deep breath and opened my mouth, intending to tell him about Gabby, but I wasn't calling her any more. I was done with her. She was a moot point, so instead, I closed my mouth and just shook my head. Dean narrowed his eyes, obviously seeing something that made him doubt me. "Are you sure, little girl?"

"Yeah," I said, closing my eyes. It didn't matter now, I told myself. I was done with her.

He hugged me. "All right, go get ready. We need to get moving."

I fled to the bathroom to get dressed.


	11. Chapter 11 - Smoking Gun

As we got into the car to drive to Jack Montgomery's house, Sam said, "Since we're in the middle of a hunt, I want you to start with the Life Sciences book and if you get stuck, you can work on the English work."

"Ok," I said, opening up my backpack.

"And Jessie, if I ever catch you with an occult book you haven't cleared with me again, you're going to be in a lot of trouble," he said, turning around and looking at me. "Something you'd rather I didn't see..." He shook his head. "Consider this your one free pass."

I looked away from him, flushing and grateful for the reprieve. "Yes, Sam," I said. Guilt was still bubbling in me from not telling Dean about Gabby. I'd picked at breakfast and thrown away most of my oatmeal when they weren't looking. I'd been worried about being able to keep it down.

Dean started the car. We were about halfway to Jack's house when Dean told Sam that he wanted to make sure that Sam would be able to finish the hunt when it came down to it. Dean said that it was likely that the guy was going to turn and Sam said that maybe Jack wouldn't. Dean was worried that Sam might be relating to Jack too much. Sam got pissed and told Dean to pull over.

They both got out, yelling at each other. I stayed in the back seat, frozen in indecision. I didn't want to go out and listen to another argument between the two of them, and they were too far away now for me to hear them from inside the car. I watched them arguing, my heart pounding. Sam was doing most of the talking. They weren't outside the car for more than a couple of minutes before they had calmed down and got back in, but I could tell they were both still upset.

We were back on the road for about five minutes when I couldn't stand the tension anymore. I crisscrossed my legs on the seat and set the Life Sciences book down on them. "Is everything ok?" I asked.

"Don't worry about it, Jessie," Dean said, rubbing his neck. "It's going to be fine."

"Can I help?" I asked.

"No," Dean said, his voice strained. "You can't help. Work on your homework."

I knew a dismissal when I heard it, and I knew that nothing was ok, not really. I stared at the Life Sciences book without really reading it. Useless again. Would I ever be able to do anything useful or well? Ever?

Finally, we pulled up outside Jack's house, and Sam and Dean got out. I stayed where I was, knowing I was supposed to stay in the car. When they came back, I asked what happened, and they told me that Jack had not taken the news well. He was angry and he'd kicked them out of his yard. We ended up tailing him for the rest of the day as he just wandered seemingly aimlessly.

It was after dark when Jack finally lost it a little. He was sitting outside of a woman's apartment. He saw her closing the windows and went up the fire escape after her. Sam and Dean got out of the car and went running into the building. Jack got as far as staring into the woman's window for a couple of minutes before climbing back down the fire escape and running off.

Sam and Dean came back out of the building at a run only a few moments later. They slid into the car and got the hell out of there as fast as they could. "He went that way," I said, pointing.

Dean drove in that general direction, but there was no sign of Jack. "He may have gone back to his house. Sam, see if you can reach Travis."

While Sam tried to reach Travis, Dean said, "It's going to be a late night. You need to light a fire, Jessie?" I started to shake my head before I remembered that I wasn't supposed to let them know that I could hold it longer than a day now.

'Uh, yeah," I said, the lump in my stomach growing larger.

"I saw the perfect place yesterday on the way to Jack's," Dean said, "and we're almost there. You can burn your excess while Sam talks to Travis." A minute later, he pulled into a housing development that was being built. Some houses were starting to be built, but at the back, they were still clearing land, and there was a huge pile of trees and bushes that had been knocked down and stacked up for removal.

"How's that?" Dean asked, sounding proud of himself.

I smiled. This was going to be so much fun to burn. "Perfect," I said. "Just perfect." I got out of the car and headed towards the pile.

"Jessie," Dean hollered after me, and I paused to wait for him, looking at the pile and trying to figure out what I was going to do with it. It was huge, and it stretched the length of two houses. I thought about the thing I'd done at Bobby's, where I had touched the logs and pushed my flames into the entire pile that way, and then I thought about setting a tendril down and pushing into the flames. I had an idea.

"Well, you gonna stand there all night? I've never seen you so reluctant to start a fire before," Dean said in a teasing tone, but he was clearly anxious for me to hurry up. I glared at him mildly and then turned my attention back to the pile of wood.

I opened my furnace and extended the tendril, snaking it towards the wood, around the side, and across the entire length of the wood. Then I set it down on the wood and held it there in a line, rather than just staying connected to the fire itself, I stayed connected to all of the flame. The wood whooshed into flame, in a perfect wall of fire, straight as I could make it and only burning the parts of the wood that I had 'told' it too.

"Whoa," Sam said, coming up behind us.

His voice reminded me that I wasn't supposed to be trying new things, and I pulled it back so that only part of the pile was on fire, pushing into the wood until it burned to ash and fell to the ground. A good three-quarters of the wood remained, with a singe mark in a straight line across it. I locked my furnace.

In a tight voice from behind me, Dean asked, "Did you check that with Bree first?" Guilt flared again, and then so did my temper. I whirled around.

"What do you think?" I asked. I stomped off towards the car. Bree, I hadn't talked to her in a little less than a year, since before Dean had gone to hell. Why would I have called the psychic who knows nothing about fire when I could talk to the goddess who knows everything? My stomach pulsed.

Dropping his fire extinguisher, Dean grabbed my arm as I stomped past him and whirled me to face him. "Little girl," he began.

I jerked my arm out of his grasp, startling him. "What?" I snapped. "I haven't talked to Bree in forever. I think by this point I know more about my abilities than she does, don't you? Since she's just a psychic and not a firestarter?"

Dean grabbed my arm again and twisted me sideways, swatting my butt several times through my jeans. It hurt, and I shrieked.

"Get in the car," he said. "You and I are going to have a talk when we get back to the motel later. Move it!"

I straightened myself up to my full height and walked stiffly back to the car without looking at either of them.

"Did you reach Travis?" Dean asked Sam, behind me.

"Nope, not answering his cell phone, his motel room phone, or the phone in our room."

"All right, let's get to Jack's house then and see if we can catch up to Jack there."

I sat in the back seat of the car with my arms crossed over my chest and staring out the window all the way to Jack's house. Neither of them said anything to me and I reciprocated the silence. I was mad at Dean for doubting my ability to know what I could handle doing and I was mad at myself for keeping Gabby a secret, because if I hadn't done that, I could have spilled everything that I knew and Dean would have known what I could do, even if I would be sitting uncomfortably right now. At least then, I wouldn't have this hard lump in my stomach that kept sending waves of nausea over me. Anything was better than this feeling of guilt, this feeling that I was betraying him.

When we pulled up outside Jack's house, Travis's truck was there, parked at the curb outside the house. Dean said, "Jessie, stay here." He turned around and met my eyes. "I mean it. Stay here."

"Yes, Dean," I practically spat at him, anger and guilt eating me up, demanding that I push and push and push.

Dean leveled looked at me with furrowed brows, his head tilted down. "Lose the attitude, little girl," he growled, and I looked away from him, ashamed. They got out of the car and headed towards the house.

Damn it, they were running into danger with propane tanks and lighters when they had a firestarter with them. I was way more efficient and accurate than their stupid tanks. If I could just prove it to them, prove that I could be helpful, that I was not useless, no matter what Gabby said. I could set this guy on fire and it would just be over, no fighting.

But if I stayed here, Dean wouldn't be mad, and he was already pissed at me. I hesitated, watching the house. Too much time had passed with no movement and nothing happening. I couldn't see through the drapes, but they never took this long. I started to get worried. I had to go check on them… didn't I?

I got out of the car and looked up and down the empty street; then I ran towards the front door. I peered through the glass that was on the side of the door and saw Sam standing inside with a lump on his head and his propane tank in his hand. I opened my furnace, and I opened the door.

Jack charged Sam. Sam lit the propane tank, and I grabbed the fire coming from the tank and pushed it towards Jack, enhancing it with my own flame. The fire slammed into him, and as soon as his clothes lit, I pushed harder. Jack glowed white-blue and burned to ash in seconds. I sucked the remainder of the flame back into me and slammed the furnace shut. I turned to face Sam.

That's when the tingles started at the bottom of my feet, spreading like electricity through my body to my head. I gasped and went stiff, closing my eyes. The tingles spread like a wave, rolling from feet to head and back to feet four times, growing in intensity until I was shaking with the sensation and screaming at the top of my lungs. The wave flowed back up my body and out the top of my head, leaving me panting and on my knees.

I looked up Sam and Dean and fainted.


	12. Chapter 12 - Fall from Grace

I opened my eyes to find Sam and Dean both leaning over me.

"Hi," I said in a soft voice.

"You ok?" Dean asked. "Can you get up?"

"I think so," I said. Dean offered me a hand and Sam moved back to give me room. I got to my feet feeling a little woozy. Once I was standing, the tingling started again, this time spreading outward from the center of me, where my furnace was. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and met Dean's eyes.

"Oh, no," I said roughly. "I think something is happening." And then it did.

I doubled over in pain as the furnace inside of me was ripped open, fire flowing rapidly outward, spreading down my legs and across the floor. Ignoring the pain, I frantically tried to grab it back, but I couldn't. It wouldn't listen to me. I tried to slam shut the furnace, but it wouldn't close. My insides felt like they were burning, getting hotter and hotter. I took two steps forward and grabbed the wall to hold myself up, fire pouring down my arm and over the wall.

"Sam!" I heard Dean yell. I lifted my head to see Sam whirl around and face Gabby, who had appeared in the corner dressed in her red and black buffalo plaid hiking outfit, complete with walking stick. Fire crawled the walls around her, my fire, still pouring out of me. Frantic now, fighting the burning in my core, I tried to grab it and pull it back into me, but I couldn't even connect to it. Gabby's gaze fell on me as I fought to gain control over my flame.

"There you are, my recalcitrant priestess," Gabby said, her face twisting. "You have been busy since you last visited me. Come." She held her hand out to me.

"No, you don't," Dean growled. He and Sam rushed her. Gabby made a single movement with her hand, and the two of them went flying, crashing into the closet door by the front door to the house. Flame leapt up the walls, catching the ceiling on fire. I still couldn't grab them. I tried to take a step away from the wall, but the burning was too painful and my legs wouldn't hold me. I dropped back down to my knees.

"Dean! Sam!" I screamed, giving up on grabbing the fire and crawling towards them, intending to get them out of the house that was rapidly catching fire. They were both struggling to their feet.

"Where are you going, my priestess?" Gabby crooned. She took a step towards me and scooped me up, tossing me over her shoulder. The moment she touched me, I felt a shock and the flames poured out faster, crawling across her this time.

"No!" I screamed. She laughed as if the fire tickled, and then the house was gone, Sam and Dean were gone, and we were in the middle of a field. My furnace was mine again. I slammed it shut and locked it tight, the burning sensation ceasing.

Gabby dumped me on my butt on the ground and stood above me. I slowly got to my feet. "My goddess," I said hesitantly, worried about angering her. She smiled at me, a full and happy smile. She bent down to me and reached her hands toward my face. I flinched, but she put her hands gently on my cheeks.

"My wonderful, wonderful priestess," she exclaimed happily, squishing my face in her hands. "Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected you to succeed so fully, so soon. I expected months yet of training you before I could convince you to sacrifice for me, but you did it, all on your own!" She released my cheeks and did a little twirl.

I watched her, realization sinking in. "You mean, when I burned Jack?" I asked, my mouth dry and dread filling me.

"Yes, my darling priestess!" she sang. "You burned a supernatural creature, killing him with your flame! You gave me power, making it possible for me to materialize here in the real world again!" She turned to me, and put her hands on my shoulders, looking down at me with pride. "You were indeed a wonderful choice!"

Horrified, I stood stiffly until she dropped her hands from my shoulders. "You were here before, though, when you rescued me from the river," I pointed out.

"Yes," she said in a more serious tone. "I used the last of my power to do that. If I had not rescued you, you would have died. I was losing power on a daily basis and you were my last hope."

I wanted to flee so badly. This entire time, I'd just been helping her gain power, with burning the bread and the salt, and practicing my abilities, and now… now I'd summoned her into the real world.

I felt sick and ashamed of myself. How could I have been so blind?

"Did you kill them? Did you kill Sam and Dean?" I asked in a rough whisper, bracing myself for her answer.

"No," she scoffed. "The fools still live, regretfully. It's a shame. The power I could have had from all three would have lasted me for over a year."

Her words flowed over me, and my sight went hazy with fury. "You fucking bitch!" I screamed at her, putting one foot behind me and shoving her away from me as hard as I could. Surprised at my response, she took a step back, but her surprise didn't last long.

"Control yourself, priestess," she demanded, stepping towards me again, towering over me. "You overstep your bounds."

"I am not your priestess. I'll never serve you! You're a monster!"

"Then why did you sacrifice for me, if not to bring me into this world, if not to serve me?" she asked, her voice low, her body stiffening, her eyes turned to flame.

Even though I'd seen the warning signs before, I missed them this time, or maybe I didn't care. "It was an accident!" I screamed at her, my fists clenched at my sides. "I didn't know I was doing that or I never would have! I never wanted to see you again!"

She raised her fist and hit me across the side of my face. Pain exploded through my skull and the world went black for a second and then red with bright speckles of light. I shook my head to clear my vision and found myself back on my butt on the ground, the side of my face throbbing, tears of pain leaking from my eyes. I looked up to see Gabby standing over me, her walking stick raised.

"You fool. You let me in and now I control you. I can use your fire or my own and anything you burn grants me power. You are my priestess. You serve me, by your will or not, it doesn't matter." She thought for a moment and then lowered her walking stick. "You will come around and you will serve me voluntarily. You will see." She raised her fist again and I closed my eyes, bracing for another blow that never came. After a second, I opened my eyes and Gabby was gone.

I got to my feet and checked my pockets for my cell phone. It had no signal, but it told me that it was 3 in the morning. I looked around, trying to get my bearings. I wanted to get back to Sam and Dean, but I had no idea where I was. Knowing Gabby and her symbols, I was probably in a cow pasture, but who knew where that cow pasture was or which direction a house was in.

I started walking, looking for a house or a road, and checking my phone for signal every couple of minutes. After about ten minutes, I saw a house in the distance and headed towards it. I knocked on the front door until a guy pulled the door open, wearing pajama pants and with a shotgun in hand. "Hi," I said. "Can I use your phone?"

The guy blinked at me, looking me up and down, taking in my age and my burnt, dirty, disheveled, and bruised state. "Are you ok?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said, even though I wasn't, "But my dad is probably worried about me, so if I could use your phone…" He held the door open and let me in.

I heard the Impala before I saw it. After I'd called Dean, Mr. Mebefee had gotten me a dish towel with ice to hold against the side of my face and I'd taken it outside to sit on the wide porch and wait for them, not wanting to dirty up Mrs. Mebefee's immaculate kitchen. Besides, I didn't like sitting in strange houses.

Mr. Mebefee had wanted to call the police, too, but I hadn't let him. I'd told him that if my dad thought we should call them, we would. He seemed to be ok with that.

I stood up when the Impala was in sight, and when it stopped, I ran to it, grabbing Dean in a hug when he got out and burying my face in his stomach. Sam got out too and came around the car to pull me into his arms.

"Ok, sweetheart," Dean said gently. "Let's get you into the light so I can see the damage." The two of them led me back to the porch and up the steps. Mr. Mebefee came out as Dean took the towel from me and moved it away from the side of my face. Sam sucked in his breath and Dean looked grave. He handed the towel back to me, and I put it back against my cheek.

"Go get in the car, sweetheart," Dean said. "Let me talk to Mr. Mebefee for a minute."

I turned to Mr. Mebefee. "Thank you," I said. "Do you want your towel back?"

He shook his head. "Nah, you keep it," he said. I turned and went to the car. Dean and Sam talked to Mr. Mebefee for a couple of minutes. Then they both shook his hand and came back to the car.

I slid across the seat so I was sitting kind of in the corner with my feet pulled up on the seat behind Sam, the seatbelt wrapped around my waist. I leaned the towel against the seat and supported it with my shoulder, pressing my face against it. We rode in silence until we were back on the main road.

Then Dean looked at me in the mirror, meeting my eyes. "All right, little girl. I want to know everything, from the beginning."

I looked away from him, took a deep breath, and started talking.


	13. Chapter 13 - Hell to Pay

The silence in the room was deafening. I hadn't finished the tale by the time we got back to the motel room, so I'd finished it sitting in a chair by the table in the motel room; Sam was in the other chair and Dean was sitting on his bed. When I finished, I couldn't meet their eyes and stared at Dean's legs instead, fiddling with a pen I had picked up from the table.

"So let me get this straight," Dean said slowly, leaning on his elbow on his knee. "After I went to hell, and Sam started hanging around with Ruby, you decided it would be a great idea to contact the goddess and get her to help you with your abilities?"

"Yeah," I whispered, looking at the pen now. I unscrewed the pen and then screwed it back together and then unscrewed it again.

"And then, you kept that a secret from Sam, letting him think that you still needed to burn things every day and that you hadn't heard from the goddess since you'd accidentally summoned her to your dream in June?"

"Yeah," I whispered again, screwing the pen pieces around and back, around and back.

"And you kept summoning her, pretty much every night, and you practiced lighting fires in secret, keeping all of it from both Sam and Bobby? For the _entire_ summer?"

I nodded, the lump in my throat so big by this point that I didn't think I could speak around it.

"And then," Dean said, standing up, his voice raising. "To top it all off, when I asked you about it, you flat out lied to me and told me that you didn't have anything to tell me."

Adrenaline rushed through me. I looked up at him. "I wasn't going to see her anymore," I said, my heart pounding at the words 'lied to me'. "I didn't lie!"

Dean held up his hand. "Stop," he said brusquely. "You did lie. You were keeping secrets from me and when I asked you if you had any, you said no. Right?"

Oh god, I was so dead. He was going to kill me and not bother burying the body. I dropped my eyes again, but he wouldn't let me get away with that. He put his finger under my chin and tilted my head up so I was looking at him. He waited, his eyes flicking back and forth.

"Yes, Dean," I said, my voice cracking. He took his finger away and I dropped my head again. The pen had fallen apart in my hands, the spring and ink tube on the floor. I left it there.

"Then, tonight," Dean said. "I told you to stay in the car and you decided, in your infinite wisdom, to get out and come 'help' us with Jack, after I told you not to, after I told you to _stay put_. Didn't you?"

My emotions boiled over. "I'm sorry," I yelled. Standing up, I threw the rest of the pieces of the pen down on the floor and glared at him. "I was stupid! You were gone and Sam might as well have been gone! I decided I wasn't going to see her anymore. I had decided I was done with her! I wasn't trying to summon her here. I never would have helped with Jack if I'd known!"

"You never should have summoned her in the first place!" Dean yelled back. Sam stood up and put his hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean stiffened and then turned away from me, his head and shoulders dropping. He brought a hand up to his face.

Sam turned from Dean and looked at me. "You made that choice," he said. "You ignored everything we told you about dealing with supernatural beings and how they use you to accomplish their own goals, and you disobeyed me. I told you not to call her again. I told you to keep telling her no, and you didn't. You said yes to her. This is a direct result of choices you made."

My mouth dropped open and guilt flooded me. I wanted to say that I hadn't understood. I wanted to say that I didn't know, and maybe I hadn't known the specifics, but Sam and Dean were right: they'd warned me, they'd told me not to, and I'd still done it, and now Gabija was loose on earth, and it was entirely my fault.

Sam watched me realize that. When I looked up at him again, he said, "Go take a shower, put on your pajamas, and brush your teeth. We'll talk more when you're done." I nodded, fleeing into the bathroom where I could cry in private.

When I got out of the shower, I looked at my face in the mirror. Gabby had hit me right on the cheekbone, and the bruise spread from there, up over my temple and down across my cheek. It was purplish now with red splotches and swollen, but not bad. For all my falling and fainting, I had no other bruises, although my knee was a little sore, so it must have come into pretty hard contact with the ground or the wooden floor at Jack's house.

I put on my Eeyore nightshirt, panties, and purple socks. After I brushed my teeth, there was nothing else to do but go out and face the music.

I opened the door and took one step out of the bathroom. Sam was back sitting at the table, and Dean had a cup of coffee in his hands. They turned to look at me.

"How much trouble am I in?" I asked, hesitant to take another step away from the bathroom, as if somehow being able to go into the bathroom and shut the door would protect me.

"Come here," Dean said. He set his coffee on the table and sat down on the bed. I dragged my feet over to stand in front of him. "I am very, very disappointed in you," he said to me. He tilted his head down and looked at me from beneath furrowed brows. "I would never have thought that you would do something like this, much less have it in you to lie to me for this long about something this important, over and over. This is not how you treat family. You don't lie to them; you don't intentionally do things that would hurt them. You should be ashamed of yourself."

I tried to look away from him, his words bringing tears to my eyes, but he wouldn't let me. He grabbed my chin and kept me looking at him, his eyes flicking back and forth between mine. "I don't trust you anymore and it's going to take a long time for that to come back," he said. I couldn't help it. I started crying then. He let go of my chin. "Go get me the hairbrush," he said, his voice suddenly hard. I stumbled over my own feet on the way to my purple duffel, unzipping it and pulling out the wooden-hairbrush. I paused to wipe my eyes before turning to go back to him.

He took the hairbrush from me, and pulled me over his lap. He slid my nightshirt up and held it out of the way in the middle of my lower back. Then he pulled down my panties. For once, I didn't object. I deserved this spanking, and I knew it.

"We've got a lot of ground to cover," Dean said. "You summoned the goddess and you lied about it, all summer, to multiple people. You set fires without safety equipment or supervision, and you didn't stay put when you were told to stay put. Does that about cover it?"

I gripped the covers tightly and nodded. "Answer me out loud," Dean said. His hand clenched my nightshirt tighter.

"Yes, Dean," I said, closing my eyes and bracing myself.

I didn't have long to wait. He brought his hand down on my bare bottom, hard, peppering my butt with swats from the top of the cheeks all the way down to where they met thigh. In seconds I was squirming and shrieking. Tears flew unbidden and unheeded from my eyes and he made his point on my butt, each swat stinging with pain. I squirmed on his lap, trying to wiggle away, unable to help myself. His hand kept falling and falling, and I was desperate to escape it.

He paused and I felt his body shift as he picked up the hairbrush. I tensed, waiting for it to fall, but it didn't, not immediately. "Do you understand what you did wrong?" Dean asked.

"Yes, Dean," I said.

"Are you going to disobey me like that again? Lie to me? Put yourself in danger?" Dean asked.

I shook my head frantically.

"Out loud, little girl," Dean growled.

"No, Dean. I'm sorry," I cried. And then the hairbrush came crashing down on my bare butt. I shrieked and pushed away from the bed, but he kept going. I tried to twist to get away from him, but he just placed a little more pressure on my lower back. I sobbed and threw my hand back to cover my butt.

He stopped. "Move your hand, Jessie," he said and waited. I didn't move. "For every second that your hand stays there, that's one more with the belt," he said. I yanked my hand off my butt while my brain screamed at me 'he said one _more!'_ I'd just lost any hope of getting out of this alive.

I hugged the covers to me as the hairbrush fell over and over. He didn't spank me as long with the hairbrush as he had with his hand, but I had no idea how many swats I'd gotten. When he finally stopped, my head was buried in the covers, my hands on the back of my head, gripped tightly to keep them there.

"Stand up and lie over the bed," he said. I took a deep breath and climbed off his lap, pulling up my panties while I was at it. I laid over the edge of the bed, my feet on the floor, my nightshirt falling back over my throbbing butt. I heard the clank of his belt buckle and the swish of the leather as it left his belt loops. I swallowed and closed my eyes.

Once I was positioned, he reached down and pulled my nightshirt back up, yanking my panties back down. My eyes flew open wide. He was going to belt me on the _bare_?

I stood up quick. "Dean," I said, my voice beseeching, my hands going to my panties to keep them from falling further. "Please?"

"Lie over the bed, little girl," Dean said, his voice ominous. Tears dripped from my eyes and I obeyed. He pulled my nightshirt up one more time and then asked, "What happens when you don't stay put when you're told to stay put?" he asked me.

"You spank me with the belt," I whispered. I covered my head with my hands again, certain that I didn't want them smacked with the belt and I wasn't sure that he'd be able to stop if I gave in and blocked.

He brought the belt down across my bare bottom, and I shrieked and kicked. Each lash was a stinging, aching stripe across my punished bottom. I started crying immediately, unable to count. I just buried my head in my arms and cried.

After however many he'd decided was the appropriate punishment, he stopped. Then he tugged me to my feet and pulled my panties back up for me and I clung to him and sobbed. "I'm sorry, Dean. I'm so sorry," I cried, sobbing my heart out. He sat back down on the bed and pulled me into his lap.

"Why are you sorry?" he asked me, and I just shook my head and buried my face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, but he said, "No, Jessie. Answer me. Why are you sorry?"

"I disobeyed you and I lied to you and I broke your trust and you think I'm a horrible person," I wailed, holding onto him. "I'm sorry, and I deserved everything you gave me. I should never have called Gabby and I never should have lied to you and Sam, and I should have stayed in the car like you told me and not tried to help when you said not to. I'm sorry!"

"Are you going to ever do anything like this again?" he asked me. I shook my head against him. "Out loud, little girl," he insisted.

"No, Dean," I hiccupped, finally getting my tears under control. "Never again. I swear."

He moved so that he could tilt my tear-stained face up to his. He looked me straight in the eye. "Then you and I are square," he said. "I forgive you."

I caught my breath. "You… you trust me again?" I asked softly.

He looked sad then. "No, sweetheart, I'm sorry. I don't trust you yet. It takes more than a spanking to restore trust. You only earn trust through actions, and until you prove that I can trust you through your actions, I'm going to doubt you."

My eyes filled with tears, but I nodded and looked down. "Ok. I'll do better," I said.

"I'm sure you will," Dean said. "Now Sam wants to talk to you, so go on over there."

Oh no, Sam, who I'd lied to all summer, who I'd tricked all summer. I climbed off Dean's lap and walked over to Sam. He had a book open in front of him, but he didn't look like he'd been reading it. When I reached him, he turned to me. His jaw was tight.

"I'm sorry, Sam," I offered.

"I'm sure you are," Sam said. "But that doesn't excuse the fact that you lied to me all summer, lighting fires, summoning Gabby after I told you not to, does it, young lady?"

"No," I whispered.

"You're on restriction for two months," he said. "No books, no television, no iPod, no Game Boy, no hunting lessons. Schoolwork only. Also, you're writing lines and you're rewriting the report that you wrote about supernatural beings tricking people and how they do it."

"Yes, Sam," I said. My stomach hurt. Two months?

"You do not leave our sight without getting our ok. You're on lockdown," he said. "That means even if you have to go to the bathroom, you ask. You understand me?" I nodded. "If you screw that up, if you leave our presence without checking it with one of us first, I will turn you over my knee and spank you, every time, no matter where we are."

My head shot up, and I looked him at him with wide eyes. Sam nodded in satisfaction. "Now, what did I say would happen the next time you summoned Gabby on purpose?" he asked. I stared at him blankly, unable to recall him giving an opinion on that. His jaw started twitching and I knew I needed to give him an answer.

"I don't remember," I whispered. "Hairbrush?"

He frowned. "Belt," he said. My stomach about hit the floor.

"Sam!' I said.

He held up a hand. "I don't want to hear it. I warned you a long time ago. The thing is that I think you've had enough tonight." He glanced at the window where the sun was starting to come in. "Or rather, this morning, so we're going to deal with that after you get up." He leaned towards me. "Dean is not the only one with broken trust in you," he said.

It was like he'd stabbed me. "I know. I'm so sorry, Sam." If I'd betrayed Dean, I'd betrayed Sam a thousand times more personally. He'd been the one watching me when the whole thing had started. I was so ashamed of myself. I'd fucked up so bad.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I know I didn't help things by being so distant," he said. "If I hadn't been so involved in trying to hunt Lilith, I might have seen something was wrong, and I'm sorry about that." He stood up and took my hand. "Let's get you to bed. We'll talk more in the morning."

Sam led me to the rollaway and tucked me in, handing me my snowman. He kissed my forehead.

"Sweet dreams, honey," Sam said.

"I love you, Sam," I said.

Dean came after and kissed me, too, but first he made me sit back up and take two ibuprofen for the swelling in my face from Gabby's punch. When I lay back down, I said, "I love you, Dean."

"I love you, too, sweetheart," he said, pulling the blankets around my shoulders. Sam pulled the blackout curtains closed so that the room was drenched in darkness.

I closed my eyes, rolled onto my side so that I wasn't on my throbbing bottom, and fell asleep.


	14. Chapter 14 - What's Good for the Gander

**AN: Sorry for the unintended lapse in posts. My life got very chaotic last week and will continue to be chaotic for about another week. I'll post when I can. Thanks for reading and for the reviews.**

* * *

"Jessie, honey, it's time to wake up," Sam said, resting his hand on my shoulder. I groaned and rolled over, wincing when my butt pressed against the mattress. "Come on," he said, "or you won't sleep tonight."

"That's a myth," I grumbled, finally opening my eyes. Sam was crouched next to the rollaway bed with a half-smile on his face. "I can always sleep," I sat up, wincing more. I looked around and noticed that Dean was not in the room.

"We're heading out. Go to the bathroom, get dressed, and get packed up," Sam said, turning from me. "Check out was a half hour ago." I

That meant it was around noon, probably. I'd gotten about five hours of sleep, maybe six. I got out of bed, grabbed some clothes from my purple duffel, and went into the bathroom. After I did my business, I tried to crane myself around so I could see the damage to my rear, but I couldn't twist far enough. The mirror was one of those tiny ones that are just above the sink. I couldn't get far enough away to see my backside. It was still tender and I was still in trouble. I sighed. It wasn't like I didn't deserve it.

I put my clothes on and brushed my teeth. If I admitted it to myself, I was relieved. Now that they knew about Gabby, they could help me deal with her. I didn't have to hide from them anymore. I didn't have to cover my tracks. I didn't have to sneak fires. I didn't have to keep it from them when I was scared to death she was going to come to me in my dreams. They'd help me stop her; they'd help me send her back to where she'd come from.

I should never have called her in the first place, but at least now I wasn't alone anymore.

The bruise on the side of my face hadn't faded any since the previous night. People were going to look at me. I brushed my hair out and let it fall over my face. I'd get a cap and hide the bruise with my hair; otherwise, Sam and Dean might get dirty looks.

When I came out of the bathroom, Dean was sitting at the table, talking on his cell phone and Sam was packing my clothes and books up.

"Yeah, Bobby, all summer. I know, I couldn't believe it either," Dean said. I dropped my eyes to the floor, face going hot. Great, they were talking about me. I went over to Sam and took my bag from him.

"Thanks, Sam. I got it," I said. He ruffled my hair and went to pour himself a cup of coffee while he waited for me to finished packing.

"No, Gabija," Dean said, "G-A-B-I-J-A. She's Lithuanian. Symbols are corn, cows, fire, and hearth and home. She usually appears as a woman dressed in red. We need to know how to kill her now that she's free. Sam and Jessie haven't been able to find anything." Dean paused, listening. I stuffed my nightshirt into the duffel and pulled out a purple baseball cap. I pulled the cap on, tugging my hair around so that the cap kept my hair over the huge bruise on my cheek.

"Thanks, Bobby," Dean said. "You want to talk to her? Ok, I'll tell her." Dean hung up and got out of his chair. "You guys ready? Let's get moving."

I left the duffel on the roll-away and went to hug Dean, needing to touch him after he'd been so displeased with me. I wrapped my arms around his waist and looked up at him. "What did Bobby want me to know?" I asked hesitantly.

Dean took a reluctant breath. "He said that you let him down hiding all of that from him and that you should have known better. Basically, he's as disappointed with you as Sam and I are."

"Oh," I said, and pressed my face into his abdomen.

"You expect anything different?" Dean asked.

"No," I said into his shirt.

"Grab your duffel, let's move," Dean said.

I let go of him and grabbed my duffel and my butterfly bag to follow the guys down to the car. "Where are we headed?" I asked as we put the bags in the trunk.

"East," Sam said. He took my duffel from me, tossed it in the trunk, and then leaned over to dig in his laptop bag. He pulled out a sheaf of paper and handed it to me. "This is for you."

I took it from him and got in the backseat. Dean started the car and I flipped through the papers. My stomach started sinking. "What do you want me to do with these?" I asked. It was my paper on supernatural beings and how they trick you. "I mean, I know you want me to rewrite it, but, like how?"

"Seatbelt, Jessie," Dean said, looking at me in the mirror. I wrapped the seatbelt around my waist and looked at the back of Sam's head.

"I want you to rewrite the whole thing and add to it what Gabby did to trick you into saying yes to her," Sam said, turning around.

"So, work that in or add some stuff at the end?" I asked.

"Jessie…" Sam said, sounding irritated.

"No, I mean it," I said. "I really don't get what you want me to do."

Sam took a breath. "First read it, then think about how you can add in the stuff about Gabby, then we'll talk about it, ok?"

I nodded and bent to my task, eager to please, especially since I knew Sam still intended to talk to me later today about what I'd done. I'd do anything to try to stay as on their good side as possible, and to get back into their good graces as soon as I could.

Five hours later when we were stopping for dinner, I was frustrated and annoyed. I'd started rewriting the essay and Sam hadn't liked how I'd added the stuff about Gabby in, something about it sounding like I was "excusing" my "very active decision" to call her and my "eager participation" in learning from her.

"I _was_ eager to learn from her, Sam!" I yelled at him from the backseat after the third time he'd handed the essay back to me. "She knows everything about how to control fire! There was nothing I couldn't learn from her."

"Fine, then admit that in the paper. Don't insinuate that she forced you into choosing it. It's not all on her. All she did was tempt you. You're the one who agreed to it," Sam shot back. "And watch your tone, young lady. I don't appreciate being yelled at."

"Screw this," I said, unsnapping the seatbelt and putting my hand on the door handle as soon as Dean pulled into a parking spot. "I don't have to listen to this from you."

"Jessie," Dean growled at me warningly as he put the car into park. I let go of the handle and then kicked the floor of the Impala, hard.

Sam said, "You want to talk about this right now, young lady? I have no problem spanking you right here in the back of the car."

Ignoring his warning, I shrieked in frustration. "You're one to talk about temptation! You were all over Ruby all summer and she was showing you how to exorcise demons. Who was eager to learn then?"

Sam puffed up even larger than he normally was, his head tilting and his jaw ticking, and I knew I'd pushed him too far in this argument, but it was too late to stop and I knew I wasn't wrong. "Ruby was teaching me how to send demons back to hell! She was helping me kill Lilith. It's nothing like what you were doing. You gave into temptation and we've all seen where that gets you, haven't we, Jessie?" His eyes bored into mine and I suddenly couldn't breathe. I dropped my eyes. "Answer me, young lady!"

My temper flared back up again once I wasn't looking at him. I flung my head back up. "Yes! We've all seen that it gets you punched in the face by a goddess! Oh wait! That's me. What it gets you is into some demon-girl's pants! I hope she was good!"

I opened the car door and took off, but I didn't get far. I was around the corner of the restaurant when Sam caught up with me, his long legs easily overtaking my shorter ones near a huge pile of crates and boxes. He plucked me up, hoisted a foot up onto a milk crate, and deposited me over his knee. Then he brought his giant paw down hard on my butt.

"You do not leave our presence without permission," he said, spanking me the entire time. "You do not speak to me like that. You do not lose your temper and throw a tantrum." I was sobbing already, my tender butt screaming under his onslaught. After about ten smacks, he pulled me off his knee and set me on my feet. "What is your problem?"

I shook my head and just stood there and cried. He pulled me to him. "Jessie, talk to me."

"You did it, too," I sobbed, trying to pull my arm away from him. "You did it and I'm the one in trouble because I followed your lead."

"You wanted to get your ear chewed off by Bobby and get punched in the face by Dean?" Sam asked. "How about having an angel threaten to kill you? That what you're looking for?"

"No, Sam. Jesus!" I kicked over a pile of crates in frustration. Why couldn't he understand? Sam's face eased after a second and he crouched down so that he was looking up at me. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at him.

"Jessie, I get it; I do," he said. "Dean and I talked, and I'm not using my abilities anymore. It's done. It's over, for the same reason that it's over for you. It's dangerous and deadly. It's playing with fire, figuratively for me, but literally for you. It's my choice and I'm not doing it anymore."

I flung my arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder. He rubbed my back, and I felt better. I had my Sam back, the one who cared about me and the one who helped me with my schoolwork and paid attention to me and taught me things that sometimes Dean wouldn't. I had my ever rational, ever practical uncle back.

Even if he still owed me a spanking for completely disobeying him and summoning Gabby.

Eventually, he let me go, stood up, and took my hand to lead me into the diner to eat. Dean had gotten us a booth inside and ordered drinks. When we came in the door, I saw the tension ease out of him, his shoulders dropping and his jaw unclenching. I slid into the booth next to him, and he put an arm around my shoulder. I flipped the menu open and started reading through it, even though I was going to get what I always got.

The server came over and took our order, and Sam and Dean started discussing where we were going next. Dean had found a possible vampire case in Pennsylvania and wanted to head there next. Sam wanted to see the details of the case. I ate my grilled cheese.

The conversation lapsed into silence for a bit, and then Dean said, "Jessie, I've been thinking about Gabby and the fire at Jack's house, and then what she told you in that field. It sounded like she took control of your fire from you."

I swallowed the bite I was chewing and looked up at Dean. "Basically, yeah. I couldn't even touch it once she was there. It was like the furnace door was stuck and it was pouring out of me. Until she zapped us away from the house, I couldn't get it back, and I think I only got it back because she let me."

Sam cleared his throat. "I think when she asked you to let her see how deep your furnace is and you let her in, she managed to create a connection with you that allows her to control your fire when she's around."

I dropped the rest of my grilled cheese back on my plate. "How do I break her hold?" I asked. "I don't want to be her priestess anymore."

"Something else we're gonna have to figure out," Dean said, taking a bit of his burger. He looked at me and then at my sandwich. "Eat that."

I picked up the sandwich and did what I was told.


	15. Chapter 15 - Paying the Piper

Later that evening, Dean showed Sam the vampire case. He said that it didn't get much more cut and dried than this case, with both signs of a vampire and a witness claiming it was a vampire. Sam said that the world was coming to an end and he was concerned about that. Dean said that we couldn't do anything about that right now, but we could hunt vampires.

We stopped at a motel in Canonsburg, Pennsylvania and I knew my number was up. I could feel the tension between my shoulder blades as I got out of the car and grabbed my duffel from the trunk. My head was screaming, "the belt, the belt."

Sam had never spanked me with a belt before.

I carried my duffel and my backpack into the room and dumped them on the table. Dean disappeared into the bathroom and Sam stood next to the bed. I watched him nervously.

"Let's get this over with," Sam said. "You've been waiting long enough."

I looked at him with woeful eyes. "I'm sorry, Sam," I said. "I wouldn't make the same choice again. I won't make the same choice again. You guys have me on restriction and lockdown and have me writing lines and essays. Isn't that enough?"

"What did I promise you when I found out that you took the dream root to summon her?" Sam asked, his voice stern.

"That was months ago," I whined.

"Jessie, let's get this over with," Sam said again. He pointed to the bed next to him. I swallowed hard. The tenderness in my butt had faded, but I was pretty sure that this was going to hurt like a motherfucker. "Don't make me come get you."

I hated those words, but the point was made. I wasn't getting out of it, so I could make it easy on myself or I could get a worse punishment for the sake of some useless resistance. I dropped my shoulders and took the five steps to stand next to his bed.

"Drop your jeans," he said. I undid the button and let them fall. Without being told to, I turned and lay down on the bed. I heard the unmistakable clank of his buckle being undone and the alarming swish of the leather leaving the loops. I covered my head with my hands.

The belt came down in a stinging, searing stripe across my backside. I gasped and fought the urge to push away from the bed. Tears sprouted immediately. The second stripe was a bit lower and the third lower than that. Two more followed. The pain was building on itself, and I started to sob.

"Ok," Sam said. "I'm done."

The sobs caught in my throat and I blinked, surprised it was over so quickly. I unsteadily got to my feet, yanking my jeans back up. I turned to him. He tossed his belt on the bed and pulled me into his arms.

"We've talked about this enough. You know what you did wrong. You won't do it again. You promised me. I forgive you."

"I'm so sorry, Sam. I'll never stop being sorry," I said, holding on to him as tight as I could. "People could die now, and it'll be all my fault."

"I know, honey. I know. Now we just have to work on solving the problem. Bobby's working on it, and we're working on it. We'll kick that bitch back to where she came from. We just need to know how to kill her."

Someone knocked on the door. Sam let me go so he could answer it. It turned out to be a hotel employee with my rollaway bed. Dean came out of the bathroom while Sam was setting it up.

"Come here," Dean said to me. I walked over to him and he took my chin and tilted my head to the side so he could look at my cheekbone. "It's getting better, although that's gonna be there for a couple of weeks a minimum, getting greener and yellower all the time." He smiled at me. "You'll be ok, though. Go get ready for bed. We've got a long day of vampire hunting tomorrow."

I did as I was told, showering and brushing my teeth. I was tired and in a daze. I'd spent the day in the car, working on an essay and on my schoolwork, with only a few hours of sleep the night before. Dean had the television turned on low when I came out and I made a point of not looking at it. No reason to court trouble when I'd already had way more than enough.

I climbed into my bed and the guys tucked me in. Sam gave me my snowman. They both kissed me and told me they loved me. I closed my eyes and listened to the television. Dean had on an old black and white movie about Dracula. "Even the television in this town sucks," I heard him mutter. Screams and growls came from the television and I drifted off to sleep.

_Jack's hair and face caught fire. The awful smell of burning hair filled my nostrils and the skin on his face turned red, then black, peeling from his muscle, curling in the flame until it was gone. He screamed as I pushed more and more flame into him. I laughed as I turned the flame on Sam and Dean._

My eyes flew open. The room was dark. The television was off, and Sam and Dean were asleep in their beds. I sat up and pushed my back against the wall, watching the play of light and shadow across the motel room window. "Jack was a monster," I whispered to myself. "He was going to kill Sam. He was going to eat Dean. He was going to kill others. He had to die."

But what an awful way to go. I lay down on the bed again, my back still pressed to the wall. I closed my eyes but all I could see was Jack burning. I repeated that Jack was a monster over and over. I tried to think of other things. I tried telling myself a story. Nothing worked. All I could see was Jack burning and despite my best efforts, guilt overwhelmed me. I opened my eyes and climbed out of bed.

I picked up my snowman from where he'd fallen on the floor and pulled the blanket off my bed. As quietly as I could, I crept across the room and climbed into Dean's bed. He was a lump under his covers. I moved so that I was up as close as I could get without touching him, not wanting to wake him. I pulled the blanket over me and put my head on the pillow.

"Jessie?" he mumbled, rolling over onto his back. "You ok?"

"I had a nightmare," I whispered. "Now I can't sleep."

"Come here," he said pulling his arm out from under his blanket. I scooted into his embrace and rested my head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around me and held me close to him. I listened to his breathing even out, and then I closed my eyes, bracing myself.

Jack's face never appeared. Relieved, I sighed and relaxed, falling back to sleep to the sound of Dean's heartbeat.

I woke up when Dean got out of bed. Sam was already up and moving. I groaned and sat up in the bed. "What are we doing today?" I asked sleepily.

"Oktoberfest," Dean said, smiling big. He seemed in a really good mood today. I vowed to myself that I wouldn't do anything to mess that up. "We need to find the Sheriff and ask him some questions about the case."

"FBI time?" I asked.

"Yup," Dean said. He disappeared into the bathroom.

"So, I'm staying here?" I asked Sam, who was putting on his shirt. I didn't want to stay here. If Gabby showed up, I had no protection from her and she could just take me. On the other hand, like I'd been told a thousand times, FBI agents didn't take their kids along.

"It's Oktoberfest," Sam said, doing up his buttons. "I think it's ok if we bring you. We'll just park you somewhere out of the way while we talk to people. I don't really want to leave you alone right now." He looked at me meaningfully.

I flushed. "I wouldn't break any of the rules," I said quietly, wanting to prove I could be a good girl. "I'd stay here and work on my school work."

"Constant supervision for a while, Jessie," Sam said. "You can work on your schoolwork at Oktoberfest."

"Ok," I whispered. I climbed out of Dean's bed and dug my duffel out from next to my rollaway so I could get dressed.

It was mid-afternoon before we made it to Oktoberfest. Dean and Sam had some prep work to do, including calling the Sheriff to arrange to meet with him. After we ate breakfast, I worked on my schoolwork without complaint until they were ready to go. The town had the most interesting Oktoberfest I'd ever seen. When I lived with my parents, Oktoberfest was held in tents in a field, but this place had this authentic-looking little town set up with shops and bars and a gazebo with a band playing in it. The only thing was that the place seemed a little washed out, a little lacking in color, probably because they wanted it to seem old.

Lugging my butterfly backpack with me, I followed them into the courtyard. Both of them were laughing and joking. Dean said that he still needed to see the new Raiders movie, and Sam said that we'd already seen it, while he was in hell. Dean said that was no excuse for seeing it without him. Then he saw the pretzel vendor and headed over to get all three of us these huge pretzels.

"There's no way I can eat all of this," I said, biting into mine. I smiled when Dean flirted with a pretty bartender who walked by on her way to work. She was dressed in a German barmaid costume with a tight bodice and a short skirt. I wondered what I would look like in an outfit like that. Maybe for Halloween. I looked down at myself. I wouldn't be able to pull it off, though. I'd look nothing like these girls did.

Sam spotted the Sheriff next to the door of the bar where the bartender lady worked. Dean looked at me. "We're going to go talk to this guy. You park it on that bench over there. Don't go anywhere."

"Ok," I said. I took my pretzel over the bench and sat down, watching them talk to the Chief of Police for a few minutes. I ate my pretzel and watched the tourists take pictures with the German girls. Then they came back and we headed to the morgue so they could take a look at the body. They left me in the car for that one and I kept working on my schoolwork, but they were only gone for about twenty minutes.

I looked up when the car doors opened back up. "And, back to the bar," Dean said, getting in. "Don't know why we couldn't just meet up with him at the morgue to begin with."

"What did you find out?" I asked.

"Not like any vamp bite I've ever seen," Dean said. "More like something out of the movies or an Anne Rice novel than the actual thing. Two puncture marks in her neck. We gotta talk to the witness next."

"At least you'll be able to have a beer when you're done," I said. "I finished my Pre-Algebra work, Sam. What do you want me to do now?"

"You finish your lines yet?" Sam asked.

I sighed and said, "No." I hated lines and he'd assigned me a lot of them this time. "I will not lie," "I will take proper safety precautions when lighting fires," "I will not light fires without supervision," and "I will stay put when told to", five hundred of each, and I knew if I argued, I'd get more.

"You can either work on those or finish rewriting the essay," Sam said. I rolled my eyes and dug into my butterfly backpack to pull out a notebook to write the lines in. I wasn't ready to work on the essay after the argument with Sam last night. I didn't even want to think about it right now.

I flipped open the notebook and found the story I'd started writing before Dean had went to hell. I read the first few paragraphs, wincing at what I'd scrawled down. I pulled the pages out of the notebook and ripped them up. Nothing I could write could even rival what happened to us on a weekly basis. Maybe instead of trying to write a story, I'd just write down what happened to us.

Probably should write the lines first, though, or Sam was likely to get twitchy and while Dean didn't assign them to me, he'd back Sam up 100%, especially considering what I'd done to earn the lines.

Before I even put the pen to the paper, we were parked in front of the courtyard again and Sam and Dean were getting out of the car. "Let's go," Dean said, nodding at me.

"I'm coming?" I asked, surprised. I opened the car door and got out, notebook and pen in hand.

"Constant supervision, Jessie," Dean said, frowning at me. "You're on lockdown. Just assume you're with us unless we tell you otherwise."

"Ok," I said, my nerves tightening a little. I was used to be alone relatively often, sometimes for hours, and I liked it. Even when I lived with my parents, I'd been alone for an hour or so after the bus dropped me off. I hoped that this hunt was too dangerous for me to go with them so maybe I could get some time to myself to just be me.

I followed the two of them into the bar and Dean found a booth for me, before heading purposefully to the bar to talk to the blonde German barmaid he'd been flirting with earlier. I watched Dean talk to her. He was clearly interested and flirting. I smirked.

After they showed her their fake FBI badges, they talked a little while longer and then Dean pointed to me and said something to her. She smiled and nodded, and then Dean tilted his head down and raised his eyebrows at me. I knew that was my reminder to stay in the booth. They went to the other side of the bar to talk to a tall, thin guy who was drinking beer out of a huge stein with a lid on it and everything. I bent to my notebook, scribbling down lines.

"Here, dear, these are for you," a woman's voice said. I looked up to see the blonde woman that Dean had been talking to. Her name tag read Jamie and she was holding a glass of soda and little plastic basket with a sausage in a bun.

"Thanks," I said, moving a little so she could set them down. "Did my dad send them over?"

"He sure did," she said, smiling at me. Then she got a look at the bruise on my cheek and the blood drained from her face. "What happened to you? He didn't…. did he?"

It took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about. The pain of the bruise had kind of just faded into the background unless I accidentally bumped or touched it. Then I realized. "Oh! No, he didn't! Dean would never! No! A woman did this to me and Dean rescued me from her!"

She looked dubious, but after studying my face for a second, I could see she believed me. I relaxed a little. "He's a good guy," I said. "He takes good care of me." I smiled at her and she smiled back. She seemed nice.

As she walked away, I leaned over my notebook and tried imagining the pretty blonde woman as Dean's girlfriend, traveling with us, coming on hunts, kinda like if my mom and dad had been hunters instead of just normal people. I tried to imagine Dean and Jamie that way and couldn't. She just wasn't the type, not that I knew what the type was.

I flipped the page and drew a picture of her dressed in her barmaid costume holding a huge glass of beer, but I couldn't get it right. I ripped the paper out and crumpled it up. I wished I looked like her, all curvy and blonde. I was flat and straight and my hair was red and did weird wavy things on my head when I wasn't careful to comb it out when it was wet, or at least it used to before I'd let it grow past my shoulders. Now it mostly stayed where it was supposed to, but only because it was getting so long, long enough that soon I was going to need to braid it or put it in a ponytail to keep it out of the way.

I kept trying to draw her, but I still hadn't managed to get it right when I saw Dean walk back up to the bar. I flipped the notebook back to my lines and started scrawling again. A minute or two later, Dean walked back to the table saying that the room was paid for and it was Oktoberfest. As he slid into the booth next to me, he told Sam that it was beer and bar wenches. I smirked when Sam said that women today don't react well to being called bar wenches. Then I giggled when Dean called Jamie a wench and she told him his beer was coming up.

"Dean, I, uh, can I be excused?" I asked, grateful that he was back because I had to use the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" he asked me, turning to look at me.

I blushed. "Why do I have to tell you that?" I asked, averting my eyes in embarrassment.

Dean narrowed his eyes at me. "Because you're on lockdown and I don't trust you right now. I'm not letting you out of my sight unless I know where you're going. Unless you'd rather I go with you…?" he asked.

"The bathroom," I whispered.

"Go on," he said, sliding out of the booth to let me out. "Back in five minutes or I'm coming after you."

"Yes, Dean," I squeaked, hurrying off.

When I got back, Sam was saying that he was going back to the room to get some sleep. "Jessie, grab your notebook and come on."

I hugged Dean really quick and followed Sam out to the car. We were almost there when we heard Dean hollering after us to hold up. "What happened to Jamie?" Sam asked as Dean came up.

"She's a self-respecting bar wench," Dean said, sounding disappointed. "She doesn't let a customer pick her up on the first try."

"Oh," I said. "I liked her."

"So did I, sweetheart," Dean said, draping an arm over my shoulders. "So did I, but we're not staying."

We headed back to the motel.


	16. Chapter 16 - Burning Dreams

**Ok, I'm back! Thanks for hanging in there! Regular updates will resume.**

* * *

_Jack's hair and face caught fire. The awful smell of burning hair filled my nostrils and the skin on his face turned red, then black, peeling from his muscle, curling in the flame until it was gone. He screamed as I pushed more and more flame into him until he was a fire-covered skeleton. He grabbed my throat and pulled me to him. I couldn't breathe and I struggled against his bony hand. "Who made you judge, jury, and executioner? You killed me and you didn't even know what I was going to do."_

_"You were going to kill them!" I screamed despite the bones digging into my throat. "I need them!"_

_"Who?" Jack's skeleton asked. "Them?" He swung me around to see Sam and Dean standing in the archway between the living room and the hallway. He turned his gaze on Sam and Dean and fire shot out of his eyes. They screamed as they burned._

The next afternoon, Dean's cell phone rang as I was listlessly putting on my shoes. I hadn't been able to go back to sleep after last night's nightmare, and I'd been too embarrassed to get into Dean's bed a second night in a row, so I'd spent a lot of the night staring at the ceiling. The guys had gotten up late this morning, and taken their time getting ready before we checked out, while I tried to write lines.

I tied my sneakers and rubbed my stinging eyes, glad we were finally getting in the car. Maybe I'd be able to sleep there. Dean was on the phone for a couple of minutes before he flipped the phone shut. "Looks like we're staying," he said.

"What? Why?" Sam asked, turning away from his laptop bag.

"There was another murder last night. This time, the witness reported a werewolf attack."

"That makes no sense," Sam said.

"Well, that's what she said. I got her number from the sheriff so we can go question her," Dean said. "Back in the monkey suits."

I sat on the bed and stared at my lines notebook while they changed into their suits, too tired to try to write. I yawned. "In the car, Jessie," Dean said when they were ready and he'd called the girl to find out where he could meet her. I didn't bother to argue this time. I just grabbed my notebook and pen and headed out to the car. My backpack was still in the car from the night before.

We drove back to the little town square where we'd spent most of the previous day. When we got to the meeting spot, the girl wasn't there yet. I shifted the butterfly backpack on my shoulder and looked up at Sam. "Where should I go?" I asked.

"Go sit at one of those tables," Sam said, pointing to the patio tables that were next to the soft pretzel vendor. "You can work on your Pre-Algebra."

"Great," I muttered. I sat down at a table and dragged out my book and math notebook. Sam and Dean took the table in front of me, so when Anne-Marie showed up, I got to hear the whole story while I stared at her long black hair. She'd been making out with her boyfriend in his car, and he'd been trying to convince her to have sex with him when a werewolf had attacked, broken the window, and pulled her boyfriend out of the car before tearing him to pieces.

He may not have deserved death, but he'd certainly sounded like a scumbag. Who told their girlfriends that they had to have sex or it could cause health problems in this day and age? But then again, what girl would believe that crap? Anyone who watched television should know better. Hell, I was twelve and I knew better. This girl was a special kind of dumb and from the look on Dean's face, he agreed with me.

But when she said that it was a werewolf, like from the old movies, that's when they got incredulous. Speechless, they thanked her for her time and got up to leave. Dean gave me a quick look, and I shoved my Pre-Algebra book and math notebook into my backpack and got up too, following after at a discreet distance until we were out of the town square.

We headed to the morgue next so they could look at the body. I stayed in the car again, supposedly to work on my Pre-Algebra. They were in the morgue for about an hour and during that time, I think I did more blank staring at the book than I did work. I couldn't stop yawning and after a while, I tried to take a nap, but every time I closed my eyes, I saw Jack's burning eyes. I gave up sleeping and just stared out the window at the passing pedestrians and cars. It was too hard to think, too hard to do anything but just sit.

When the two of them finally came back and slid into the car, Dean asked Sam, "Ok, what the hell is going on?"

"What happened?" I piped up from the backseat, leaning forward to hear them better.

"Well, it's not a werewolf," Dean said, rubbing his head. "The heart is still there, but there are bite marks on the bones and the body was torn apart. Then, the sheriff tells us that the hairs on the body were canine."

"I've got nothing," Sam said.

"Let's go get some food. Maybe that will spark something. You hungry, Jessie?" Dean asked, putting the car into reverse.

"Eh," I said, leaning back and yawning again.

"That's a rousing endorsement," Sam said.

Dean drove us the five minutes back to the town square and I dragged my backpack into the bar where Jamie worked. I struggled to read the Pre-Algebra chapter while Dean ordered us bratwurst and sauerkraut and he and Sam discussed the case.

When the waitress dropped off the food, I took one look at my sauerkraut-covered sausage and made a face. Sam and Dean were deep in conversation, and there was no way I was eating that. I pushed the basket to the side and kept working on the math problems.

Jamie came by shortly after that and dropped off a couple of beers. She'd just gotten there. I looked up and she smiled at me. I smiled back. She flirted with Dean and they made a date for when she got off work at midnight. I was filled with a giddy happiness at the idea of them going out together. Dean watched her walk off with genuine pleasure on his face and that made me happy despite my tiredness.

"Jessie, eat," Dean said, the smile still on his face.

"I don't like sauerkraut," I said softly, not wanting to annoy him.

"Why didn't you say something when I ordered it?" he chided lightly, and then he waved the waitress over again. "Can you get her a bratwurst in a bun without sauerkraut?" he asked her. The waitress went off to fetch it.

I smiled, relieved. "Thanks, Dean," I said.

He ruffled my hair and pulled my rejected bratwurst and sauerkraut in front of him. "More for me," he said.

After dinner, we headed back to the motel. They were going to do some research. When we walked into the room, Sam said, "Let me see your math assignment."

Stifling yet another yawn, I said, "I haven't finished yet." I dropped my butterfly bag on my bed and yanked out the math notebook.

Sam looked at me suspiciously. "You've been working on it all day. Why isn't it done? Are you having problems or were you screwing around?" He held out hand. I put the math notebook into it, flushing.

"I didn't sleep very well last night and I'm just really tried. I couldn't concentrate," I whined.

Sam gave me an assessing look and opened the notebook. He flipped looked down at the page. "There are exactly three done, and they're all wrong."

I shrugged. "I told you I hadn't finished," I said. I rubbed my face in exhaustion, wincing when my hand came into contact with my cheek. "Should I work on it some more?"

"If you're really that tired, why don't you go to bed?" Sam asked.

"It's six o'clock!" I objected.

Dean was sitting on the couch by then, dressed in his normal clothes, and patted the spot next to him. "Come here. I'm just doing some research. Why don't you sit next to me and work on your lines until it's time for you to go to bed?" he suggested.

After three hours of working on lines, I'd probably finish them. I dug out my notebook and went over to sit next to him. I pulled my legs up and crisscrossed them in front of me, making sure I was as close to Dean as possible. I started working on the lines.

I woke up three hours later when his phone rang. I was still next to him on the couch, but now I was lying down and one of them had covered me with a blanket and put a pillow under my head. My notebook and pen were on the coffee table. Groggy, I lifted my head. "Shit," Dean said. "Another murder. This one was a mummy at the museum. We gotta go."

They rushed to get ready. I sat on the couch stared at my hands, still tired and groggy. I was shaken from my reverie by Dean's sharp, "Jessie."

I looked up to see him frowning at me from next to my rollaway. "What?" I asked.

"Get ready for bed," he said.

"I'm not going with you?" I asked, confused.

"It's late and I want you in bed, unless I can't trust you to stay there while we're gone," Dean said, his eyebrows raised.

I got to my feet and shook my head. "No, you can trust me. I'll stay in bed. I swear."

"Hurry, we need to go," Dean said.

I rushed through putting my pajamas on and brushing my teeth, figuring I could shower in the morning. I really wanted to be back on Dean's good side. When I came out of the bathroom, they tucked me into bed and kissed me good night.

"Behave," Dean said, pointing at me. I smiled at him.

"Yes, Dean," I said, and they left.

Once they were gone, I stared at the dark ceiling for a while, scared to sleep. What if I dreamed about Jack again, now that Dean was gone. It seemed like he was the only thing that was keeping the dreams away. But eventually, the darkness and my exhaustion overwhelmed me and I drifted off to sleep.

_Jack's hair and face caught fire. I reduced him to a burning skeleton, recognizing the dream and unable to stop it. He grabbed my throat and pulled me to him. I couldn't breathe and I struggled against his bony hand. He didn't say anything this time. He just held me by my throat and turned towards Sam and Dean, fire shooting out of his eyes and burning them to ash. I watched in horror, struggling against his bony grip. He dropped me to the floor without looking at me. I pulled my knees up to my chest and held them there, sobbing. When he was sure that Sam and Dean were gone, he turned to me and crouched down next to me. He extended one finger and caressed my cheekbone. The bruise there throbbed. "My priestess," he crooned._


	17. Chapter 17 - Moving On

"Jessie… Jessie, wake up... Jessie…" I opened my eyes to find Sam shaking me, concern written across his face. Relief swallowed me, and I threw myself into his arms, still crying from the dream I'd had. He rubbed my back and held me to him. "It's ok, honey," he said soothingly. "It's ok. I'm here now."

He picked me up like I weighed nothing. I wrapped my legs around his waist and held onto his neck with my arms, my face pressed into his shoulder. He carried me over to the couch and sat down, holding me while I cried. When I calmed down some, I pulled away from his shoulder.

"Your shirt is wet," I whispered, touching the wet spot where my tears had soaked in.

"That's ok," Sam said quietly. "You wanna tell me what happened?"

I looked up at his concerned eyes and looked away. "I had a nightmare," I whispered. "I don't know if it was real or not."

"What do you mean?" Sam asked, his eyes sharpening.

"I dreamed about Jack Montgomery," I said. "I dreamed about… about burning him." I swallowed and turned around so I was sitting in Sam's lap instead of straddling his waist. He let me settle myself and then wrapped his huge arms around me. I let out a breath, feeling safer in his embrace. I leaned against his chest.

Sam waited and when I didn't say anything else, he said, "Did anything else happen in your dream?"

"I don't want to say it," I whispered.

"Why not?"

"If I say it, it might come true." The words were almost inaudible, but Sam heard me anyway.

"Oh, honey," he said and pulled me more tightly against him, pressing me against his chest. "Has anything else you dreamed come true?" I shook my head. "You've got nothing to worry about. Saying it isn't going to make it come true."

"Jack was a skeleton, and he was on fire, and he burned you and Dean up," I said quietly, refusing to look away from my lap. "And then, he touched my cheek and called me his priestess." I started sobbing again, grief overwhelming me. "I think it was Gabby. I think she's back in my dreams."

"Ok," he said, rocking me. He soothed me as I cried. "It's going to be ok. Did he do anything else?"

"No," I whispered. "Just burned you alive and left me."

"Have you been having a lot of these dreams?"

"On and off since it happened," I said. "I don't know if they're real, Sam! I don't know if it's her tormenting me for not wanting to serve her!"

Sam sighed. "I don't think they are, honey. I think that it's just trauma. You burned someone alive, even if he was a monster and going to kill us. You still burned him alive, and that in itself would give you nightmares. I think that's all it is, because Gabby hasn't ever appeared in your dreams as anything but herself, has she?"

I thought about it while he held onto me. "No," I said after a few minutes. "Always just herself." The ball of despair in my stomach dissolved and I leaned against Sam's chest again. "Thanks, Sam," I said.

"You think you can go back to sleep now?" Sam asked. I nodded, stiffening a little at the idea of having to sleep alone again. "Ok, then get your stuff and climb into my bed tonight."

I relaxed again. "Ok," I said. I climbed out of his lap and went to get my blanket and snowman. I climbed into his bed and waited for him to come out of the bathroom before lying down. He got into the bed and turned off the lights. Once he was settled, I scooted closer to him so that my back was pressed up against his.

His breathing evened out. "Sam?" I asked.

"Yeah, Jessie?" he responded sleepily.

"Where's Dean?"

"He's with Jamie, honey. We'll go pick him up tomorrow."

"Oh," I said. "Good." I smiled and closed my eyes.

The next day, we packed up and picked Dean up from the town square, Sam and I waiting while Dean kissed Jamie good-bye over and over again. Sam had filled me in on what had happened the previous night while we'd had breakfast. Basically, they'd figured out that the monster was a shapeshifter who liked old movies and had been reenacting them while he killed his victims. He'd kidnapped Jamie and Dean, and Sam had gone in to rescue them, but in the end Jamie had been the one to shoot the shapeshifter using Sam's gun loaded with silver bullets. I was a sorry to have missed it.

When Dean was done kissing Jamie, I actually hugged her good-bye too, before she thanked the guys and went into the bar where she worked. As we walked to the car, Sam and Dean joked with each other about what movie they'd make their real life like.

We were in the car when Sam told Dean about my nightmares. Dean listened with a thoughtful expression on his face as he pulled away from the town square. "You sure it's not Gabby?" Dean asked when Sam was done.

"Not completely, but I think if it were Gabby, she'd be pressuring Jessie to do more things to gain her more power," Sam said.

"Yeah," I said from the back seat. "Or she'd be stealing my fire to kill people with."

"Besides," Sam said, "she doesn't need to get into Jessie's dreams when she can just show up."

"I think I have to call her for her to show up," I said. "And I'm not doing that anymore."

"I'm not sure about that," Dean said. "You said that you let her explore how powerful you were, and she said that she can control your fire and that anything you burn brings her power. If she wants you, she can probably just find you, especially since you're lighting fires every other night."

A hard knot formed in my stomach. I hadn't really realized how vulnerable I'd made myself to this psycho goddess, and the danger I'd put Sam and Dean in as well. I swallowed hard. Dean flipped his cell phone open and called Bobby.

Feeling guilty and scared again, I pulled my notebook out of my backpack and started writing my lines while I listened to Dean ask Bobby about Gabby. Five minutes later, he hung up. "Bobby doesn't have anything yet, but he does have a lead, some Lithuanian college professor who owes him a favor. He said he'll have something for us soon. In the meantime, he's found a job for us in Rock Ridge, Colorado.

It took us three days of driving to get to Rock Ridge from Pennsylvania, three days of me asking permission every time I had needed to go the bathroom, three days of one of them always being in the room with me. It was like they were grounded too. I was an angel, though. I behaved myself and didn't argue and helped when they asked. I finished my lines, my essay, and got Sam to show me where I was going wrong with my Pre-Algebra. I ate when I was told, I went to bed when I was told, did my schoolwork when I was told, and I set fires when I was told, and when I set fires, I set them small and contained and carefully.

The only good thing was that Dean and Sam had started switching off with letting me sleep in their beds with them. It was the only thing that kept the nightmares away, so at least I was rested and not grumpy.

Although, after a week, I was done with being on lockdown. I wanted some time to myself and I wanted it now. It's not like the guys were annoying or anything, but I just wanted to control my surroundings, have the television off when I wanted quiet and have music on when I wanted to listen to music. I wanted to be able to not have conversation at the drop of a hat, to not have to be answerable because someone wanted my attention. I just wanted some peace, and I'd never really realized before how much time I was usually alone. Lockdown sucked.

We pulled into the Bluebird Hotel late on Sunday night, and way too early to be on Monday morning, Dean was waking me up. "Come on, Jessie. We have a meeting with the coroner at 8."

"Can I stay here?" I asked sleepily from under the blankets.

"You're still on lockdown," Dean said. "Get moving."

"Can I not be on lockdown?" I grumbled, sitting up. Dean frowned at me.

"Yeah, when I trust you out of my sight again," he said. "Get moving."

I climbed out of bed angry, my skin feeling like it was crawling, my brain screaming, _Leave me alone!_ I got dressed in the bathroom, slamming the door on the way in and again on the way out. I jerked my shoes up off the floor and dropped on the bed to yank them on my feet with sharp, angry gestures. Dean didn't say anything about the door slamming, although he shared a look with Sam as I put my shoes on.

"What?" I growled at Dean, dropping my foot to the floor with a thump.

Dean gave me a considering glance and then shrugged and came over to me. A little alarmed, I resisted the urge to scoot away from him as he sat down next to me on the bed and turned to face me. "I was hoping that eating breakfast would help your mood, but we can talk about it now if you want," he said in a way more reasonable tone than anyone should have at 7 in the morning. "Are we going to have problems today, Jessie?"

I shrugged, my eyes flitting to his and then away, unsure of how to react.

"Because all the signs are pointing to you throwing a huge temper tantrum," he continued. "So I'm going to warn you now. Don't push me. You won't like the results. You got me?" I didn't answer and I wasn't looking at him anymore, but he grabbed my chin and made me meet his eyes. "You got me?" he asked again when I was looking at him.

"Yes, Dean," I said, even though I didn't really mean it.

"Let's go," he said, standing up and heading towards the door.

I followed more slowly, hoping for maybe even a minute to calm myself, but Sam was holding the door for me. I trudged towards him, and when I got to him, he raised his brows at me. "Forgetting something?" he asked, and when I looked confused, he said, "Get your backpack, honey."

Oh yeah, the backpack. I fetched it off the table and lugged it out to the car. Sam told me all about the assignments he wanted me to work on, and Dean told me that I'd be staying in the car at the coroner's. I let out a breath. At least I'd get a little time to myself. When we pulled into a diner for breakfast, I even smiled.


	18. Chapter 18 - Blow Up

**This chapter is a Happy Birthday to a friend. You know who you are! **

**To everyone else, thanks for continuing to read and review!**

* * *

It didn't help. They left me in the car at the coroner's, and then they left me in the car at the sheriff's office, and then again when they questioned one of the victim's friends, but Dean wouldn't let me listen to the radio. Bored, I tried drawing in my notebook and then tried to work on writing a story, but that fell apart when Sam got back to the car after questioning the friend.

He opened my car door. "Give me your notebook," he said, snapping his fingers.

I'd rushed to close it when I'd realized they were near, but I hadn't made it before he'd seen inside. Reluctantly, I handed him the notebook, watching his face for a reaction as he flipped through it. The signs were not good. I saw his jaw tighten a little. He flipped through to the back and then slapped it closed and held it up.

"I'm keeping this," he said, shaking it slightly for emphasis. "I'll give it back, but you obviously can't be trusted to work on your schoolwork today when you're told."

"That's not fair," I said. "There's nothing else to do, and I was just taking a break!" I knew as soon as I said it that it was the wrong thing to say.

"Really?" Sam asked. "Let me see the work you've done then." I dropped my eyes. He waited an agonizing ten seconds before he said, "That's what I thought. You'll get the notebook back when you're done with your schoolwork today."

"Jesus, Sam!" I said, barely containing my temper. "It's not like there's anything else to do. You guys have me on restriction and lockdown, and I'm not allowed to do anything. I can't pee without you saying it's ok. Cut me some slack!"

Sam leaned into the car, and I scooted back on the seat despite myself. With slow deliberateness, he said, "You want to lose your attitude, young lady. It could be a lot worse than this."

"How?" I snapped, refusing to be intimidated by his huge frame.

"Maybe I'll keep your deck of cards and all your notebooks and only give you enough paper to do your assignments on each day. How about that?" Sam suggested. Stunned, I stared at him with my mouth open. After seeing the look on my face, he said, "There are always more things we can take away, Jessie. You should remember that." Then he shut my car door and opened his own.

Worried now, I turned my head to look out the windshield to find Dean watching me from the front seat like he was evaluating me. Embarrassment spread through me in a hot rush and I didn't like it. Angry, I met his eyes in defiance, but he raised his brows and held my gaze until I couldn't take it anymore and looked away.

I was such a wimp and I hated that about myself. I should be able to stick up to them more, to fight for what I wanted more. It's just that I didn't want them to be mad at me and I didn't want to be in trouble. I wanted them to like me and want me around, to not be a constant source of annoyance for them.

I tried to ignore them while they talked about what they were doing next. My skin felt sensitive and prickly. If I could just make this feeling go away, but their talk was grating on my nerves. I took a deep breath and tried to quell it, the way I did when my fire was aching to get out. It helped a little, but not a lot. I opened my science book and tried to bury myself in it.

We went through a drive-thru to get food, and I accepted my chicken nuggets and apple slices. Dean dropped Sam off at the victim's house to search it. Then Dean drove to the County Clerk's Office so that he could do some research. I breathed a sigh of relief as we pulled in. I'd get an hour or so more alone, even if I was still trapped in the car.

So my stomach sank when, instead, Dean said, "Jessie, let's go."

"Can I please stay here?" I asked, my voice a little strangled.

"With the attitude you've been throwing around all day? I don't think so, little girl. Move it."

With a heavy sigh, I got out of the car, hauling my school books with me. Once we were walking to the office, he put his arm around me. "It's not so bad, sweetheart. It's just research. You can sit at the table next to me and work on your schoolwork, maybe get Sam off your back."

I leaned into him. "Yeah," I said grudgingly.

The afternoon didn't go quite as planned. While Dean slogged through papers and books and talked to clerks, I worked on my schoolwork. For some reason, I'd thought the place would be kind of dead on a Monday afternoon, but there were a surprising number of people there. There was a group of college students in the corner doing some sort of records search, loudly laughing and joking while they looked things up, oblivious to the others in the room. Every word they said crashed against my nerves like a train. I struggled to keep my attention on my work, relaxing only after they finally left.

It was after dark when we left the office, and my nerves were taut. We drove back to the victim's house to pick up Sam. Dean seemed to be more nervous than usual, jumping when Sam got into the car. They talked about the case a little, and then Sam asked me about my homework. Despite everything, I had managed to finish all of my assignments. He handed me back my notebook, and we headed back to the hotel.

Dean was acting a little strange. He was doing the speed limit and wouldn't make a left hand turn. Sam's EMF sensor started going off wildly and that's when they realized that Dean was haunted. Dean was freaking out. Dean never freaked out.

My overstimulated nerves spiked and I pulled my knees up onto the seat with me. When we got out of the car, I trailed after them into the hotel room. Dean seemed to swallow his fear when Sam said that he'd call Bobby in the morning to see if Bobby knew what was going on, but I knew he was still freaked. He was jumping at every little thing.

Sam suggested pizza for dinner and while we waited for it to show up, Dean turned on the television. My back stiffened at the sudden noise. Unable to help myself, I snapped, "Do you _have_ to watch television?"

"Yes," Dean said calmly. He flipped through the channels and with each sudden noise change, I jumped. Unable to stand it any longer, I got up from the couch, walked over to the television, flipped it off, and then stalked back to the couch.

Dean stared at me from the chair he was sitting in. After a second, his eyes narrowed. "Turn the television back on, Jessie," Dean said, a warning tone in his voice.

"No," I said, refusing to look at him. I wasn't going to be a wimp this time. Sam turned around in his chair at the table to see what was going on.

"I have had enough of this attitude," Dean said darkly. "You either turn the television back on or you can spend some time over my knee. It's your choice, little girl."

"Neither," I snapped, finally dragging my eyes up to meet his. I crossed my arms over my chest and fought against the urge to obey.

Dean stood up, his brows furrowed. "Get in the corner. Now." Adrenaline surged in me and my temper finally snapped. I got to my feet and put my hands on my hips.

"No," I said again, my voice strained, my arms dropping to my sides, and my hands clenching into fists. "I'm tired of you being all over me all the time." Dean's expression darkened, and he took a step towards me. "Just leave me alone!" I shrieked. I fled out the hotel room door, slamming it shut behind me.

The stairs were right by our door, so I flung open that door and ran down three flights into the lobby. As I opened the lobby door, I heard Dean chasing after me. "Jessie!" he hollered, his voice cut off as the door shut.

I sort of noticed that the lobby had a bunch of people in it, but I was too intent on getting outside. So intent, in fact, that I didn't see the three-year-old until it was almost too late. The child was sitting on the linoleum in the middle of the lobby, right in front of the door, her bright knickerbockers the only reason I saw her. I tried to stop and my socked feet slipped out from under me. I fell hard on my butt and sat stunned for a second. I barely had time to notice the child's mom scooping her up before Dean was hauling me to my feet.

"Are you ok?" He asked me, face concerned as he looked me over. Even madder now that I'd been caught, I yanked my arm out of his hand and rounded on the child's mom.

"Who the fuck leaves their kid in front of the god-damned door?" I snapped at her, all the accumulated vitriol spilling out of me. The woman's mouth dropped open in shock and then her face darkened.

Before either of us could say anything else, Dean grabbed my arm again and whirled me towards him. "Jessie! What the hell is wrong with you? Apologize! Right now."

"You know what? Screw you, Dean!" I screamed at him, trying to yank my arm away from him, but he had a better grasp this time. Instead of letting me go, he whirled me around and landed five sharp smacks over my skirt. My butt was stinging and my hand flew back to protect it.

Dean looked at the child's mom. By this point, another woman had taken the child, and a boy and a girl who looked a little younger than me were standing next to them. The kids were snickering. My face flamed.

"I apologize for my daughter's behavior, ma'am," Dean said. "We'll be discussing it in depth shortly. Have a good night." I tried to yank my arm back out of his hand as he pulled me back towards the stairs, but it didn't work.

"Let me go, god-damn it!" I swore at him, embarrassment taking away any good sense I'd had. When he didn't listen, I kicked him in the shin. Startled, he dropped my arm. I planted my feet shoulder-width apart and put my hands on my hips. "Keep your fucking hands off me."

"That's it," Dean said. He put his foot up on a chair and turned me over his knee with ease. I fought, but he just held me there and delivered ten more sharp, stinging smacks over my skirt. I started crying, more out of embarrassment than pain. I knew that that family was watching and that those kids were laughing. "You wanna keep it up?" he asked me. "Because I will pull your skirt up."

I didn't answer, but he seemed to accept my silence as compliance, and he let me off his knee. When I was back on my feet, I dropped my head and wouldn't look anywhere but at the ground as he pulled me into the stairwell.

"I don't know what has gotten into you, little girl, but it stops now. You understand me?" He pointed up the stairs. "Get your ass back in the room and get your nose in a corner. "

"Yes, Dean," I said around my tears and started up the stairs. About halfway up, my brain was calling me a wimp and I was starting to get mad again. "Why'd you have to spank me in front of them?" I asked sullenly.

"You behave like that in front of strangers and refuse to apologize, then that's what you can expect," Dean said flatly from behind me.

"You didn't have to embarrass me," I said, starting up the third flight.

"You didn't have to run away from me; you didn't have to be rude to someone who didn't deserve it; and you didn't have to curse at everyone in hearing distance."

Frustration overwhelmed me. I whirled around and stared down at Dean with my hands on my hips. "Fuck you," I said slowly and deliberately, looking him straight in his eye.

Dean didn't say anything in return. He climbed the five steps that separated us with determination. With each step he took, my courage evaporated a little. When he reached me, it was gone, and he scooped me up and threw me over his shoulder.

"Dean," I objected, self-preservation taking over. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry!" In silence, he carried me to the room, my stomach bouncing against his shoulder. I thought he'd drop me into a corner, but instead he carried me into the bathroom and set me on the closed toilet lid.

I looked up at him confused until he grabbed the bar of soap that was on the side of the sink. Then panic set in. "No!" I said, scared. He rinsed off the soap and turned to me.

"Open your mouth," he said. I clenched my mouth shut and shook my head. "Fine, the hard way it is," he said. He set the soap back on the sink and pulled me to my feet. He bent me at the waist and yanked my skirt up. "Sam, bring me Jessie's hairbrush!" he called out the bathroom door.

"No! Dean! I'll do it!" I said, but it was too late. His hand came down hard on my panty-clad butt. I squirmed and tried to get away, but he kept spanking.

Sam appeared at the door to the bathroom and handed Dean the hairbrush before leaving us alone again. "I'm sorry!" I shrieked as Dean brought the hairbrush down on my bottom. He ignored my cries and brought it down again and again until my butt was on fire and I was sobbing. Then he plopped me back down on the toilet lid.

"Open your mouth," Dean said again in the same tone of voice, as if he hadn't had to spank me at all. He picked the soap back up and rinsed it off again.

I reluctantly opened my mouth and he shoved the soap inside. It scraped along my teeth and settled against my tongue. I fought the urge to gag at the nasty taste and the slimy feel of the soap. I wanted to spit out the bar, but I knew that if I did, Dean would just start spanking me again, and my butt was already sore. He stood there and looked at me with his arms crossed.

"Now that you can't give me any lip, let's talk about your behavior today," he said, leaning his hip against the sink. Miserable, I looked up at him through my bangs. ""You have been angry, disrespectful, rude, and short-tempered since this morning. Instead of telling me why, you've been throwing worse and worse tantrums all day long. You are twelve-years-old, not five. When you're angry about something, I expect you to tell me why, not throw baby fits. Do you understand me?"

Unable to answer with the soap in my mouth, I just nodded.

"And you do not speak to me like that. I don't swear at you, do I?"

I flushed and shook my head, ashamed. Dean was never rude to me, never mean, never cruel. He was always fair and always loving, even when he was mad. I wanted to say I was sorry and tell him I wouldn't do it again, but I couldn't around the bar in my mouth. I wanted to cry.

"I don't deserve that kind of hatefulness from you, so I'd better never hear that again, you understand me?"

My mouth was filling up with saliva and I couldn't swallow. I nodded frantically, and he reached for the bar of soap. He took it out and dropped it back on the sink. "Rinse your mouth out."

I spit the mouthful of saliva and soap into the sink. Then I turned on the water and rinsed my mouth out over and over, trying without much luck to get the taste of the awful perfumed hotel soap out of my mouth. After a couple of minutes, Dean reached over my head and turned off the water. "That's enough. Get your ass in the corner."

"But I can still taste the soap," I said softly, most of the fight gone from me.

"Too bad. Move it."

I left the bathroom and went to stand in the corner in the main room.

"Is everything ok?" Sam asked.

"Oh yeah, peachy," Dean said. "Little miss Jessie here decided to throw a huge temper tantrum and tell off a bystander who made the grave error of checking into the hotel with a three-year-old. Then, she fought me and earned herself a spanking in the middle of the lobby. To top it all off, she said 'Fuck you' to me on the way back up to the room."

Sam was silent for a minute. "That's… wow."

"Exactly," Dean growled. I heard him drop onto the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table. "So she can spend some time in the corner thinking about her attitude before we talk about it."

I hung my head and just stood there. He left me there for ten minutes before he called me out to stand in front of him. I noted that the hairbrush was on the coffee table next to his feet, as he pulled his feet off the table and looked up at me.

"You wanna tell me what your problem is?" he growled at me.

"You guys are all over me all the time," I whined, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. My bottom was still throbbing from the spanking I'd gotten in the bathroom. "I'm never alone. You're always here. There's always people!"

"You were alone in the car today," Dean pointed out.

"Yeah, but it didn't help. There were people walking past the car and cars driving by and I couldn't relax, and you wouldn't let me listen to the radio! I just want some time to myself!" I said.

"So instead of telling me that," he said, "instead of explaining it to me and saying what was bothering you, you threw a temper tantrum like a five-year-old."

"I guess," I said, uncomfortably aware of how bad that sounded.

"What do you think I would have done if you explained it to me?" Dean asked.

I looked away from him. "I dunno," I said.

"You think maybe I would have tried to help you out?" he asked. I shrugged, knowing he would have, but not wanting to admit that I'd behaved so poorly with absolutely no reason.

"Answer me, Jessie. Have I ever not helped you when you were upset?"

Guilt suffused me and a tear dropped from my eye, landing on top of my sock. "No," I whispered.

"But you decided to throw a temper tantrum and swear at me instead of talking to me. Did I deserve that?"

"No, Dean," I whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Come here," he said. I took a step closer to him and he pulled me over his lap. He yanked up my skirt and yanked down my panties.

"No," I objected, but without conviction. He ignored me and picked up the hairbrush, bringing it down in light, glancing blows at first, making sure to cover both cheeks before spanking harder with more thudding strokes. I squirmed in his lap, clutching his legs and trying not to block. He finished with several sharp stinging strokes where my butt meets my thighs, while I shrieked.

When he was done, I was sobbing and my butt was aching and stinging. He straightened my clothing and then put me on my feet. "Back to the corner," he said. "And think about what you're going to do the next time this happens."

I flung myself at him instead, wrapping my arms around his neck, tears pouring down my cheeks. "I'm sorry, Dean! I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve me treating you like that and I shouldn't have been acting like I did today. I'm so sorry. I love you so much and I didn't mean to be disrespectful and hateful."

Dean hugged me back, but didn't move me into his lap. "Corner, Jessie," he insisted. While I stood in the corner, the pizza came. Sam answered the door and paid. I knew I was clearly visible from the door in my corner, and I flushed with embarrassment at the idea that the pizza delivery girl had seen me standing there because I'd been bad.

Dean didn't leave me there much longer, though. He called me over to him once the pizza girl was gone, and he pulled me into his lap.

"I'm really sorry, Dean," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck to hug him. "I mean it. You're so good to me. I shouldn't have acted like that." He hugged me and kissed the top of my head.

"We all have bad days, Jessie. You need to learn not to take them out on others. You can always tell us what's wrong, even when you're on lockdown."

"Dean, can I please have some time to myself for a while tomorrow?" I asked.

"I think we can figure something out," Dean said. "You've been pretty good for the most part for the last week. I don't think that you'll need to be on lockdown much longer."

I sighed and leaned my head against his chest while he cuddled me. "Thanks, Dean."

"Go get some pizza," he said. "And turn the television on for me."

I sighed. "Ok, Dean," I said, climbing out of his lap to obey.


	19. Chapter 19 - Afraid of your Shadow

They woke me up at another god-forsaken early hour the next morning too. I don't know if it was the spanking the night before or the comfort I'd received after, but I was feeling much more stable and I didn't gripe much. Dean was taking his time getting ready, so Sam dragged me out with him to get breakfast and bring it back. While we were out, he called Bobby about Dean being haunted.

When we got back to the hotel, Dean was in his car air drumming to Eye of the Tiger. Sam told him that he'd called Bobby and that Dean had ghost sickness, which meant he was going to get more and more anxious until his heart stopped. He only had 24 hours. The only way to stop it was to gank the ghost that started it.

Dean was going to die again if we didn't stop it. I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my head in his abdomen, fighting back tears. I couldn't lose him again, not so soon after getting him back. Dean put his arm around me but kept talking to Sam about the fact that the victims were all dicks. They argued about whether or not Dean was a dick, and then Dean shut that line of discussion down when it didn't look like he could win.

They talked about how to stop the ghost sickness then, and decided to start with the victim's wife.

Eventually, Sam asked Dean why he was in his car instead of in the room, and Dean said that the room was on the fourth floor and it was high. Sam made a noise and said he'd move us to the first floor. "Come on, Jessie," he said. I reluctantly released Dean and followed Sam back into the hotel while Dean climbed into his car to wait for us.

"He's afraid of heights?" I asked Sam as we went to the front desk.

"It's going to get worse before it gets better. We just have to be reassuring," Sam said.

"He's not afraid of anything," I said. I didn't know what to do with this. Dean afraid?

"He's sick," Sam said, ringing the bell on the desk. "Once we cure him, he'll be back to normal. Don't worry, Jessie." He held his arm out and I stepped into his embrace. I resolved to do everything possible to make things easy on Dean for the next 24 hours.

The clerk, who looked about 80, came out to talk to Sam. Sam asked to be moved to the first floor, and the clerk agreed, writing some things down, taking his old key, and then handing him new ones. As Sam took the keys, the clerk noticed me, his eyes narrowing.

"Ain't you the kid that caused the ruckus down here last night?" he asked in a hostile tone.

I flushed. "Uh, yeah. Sorry about that," I said. God, the last thing in the world that I wanted was to be remembered for that.

"I hope your dad straightened you out. I ain't never seen anything like that. Kids in my day didn't act like that," the clerk said, shaking his head.

I didn't know what to say to that, so I looked up at Sam. He shrugged. No help there. "Uh, yeah," I said again. "Sorry. I... uh... I was having a bad day."

The old man grunted. Sam put his hand back on my shoulder. "Come on, Jessie. Let's go get our stuff and move it downstairs."

I followed without protest, glancing behind me to see the old man shaking his head again before going back into the back room behind the desk. I sighed. "I can't wait to get out of here," I said.

"That's what happens when you make a scene," Sam said. "People remember you. You should keep that in mind."

Oh, I would. I didn't think I was ever going to stop being embarrassed about last night. I followed Sam up the stairs.

Once we got our stuff moved, Dean stayed in the room to research ghost sickness, and Sam went out to research the victim's wife. They let me choose who to stay with, and I chose Dean. Sam gave me school assignments to do while he was gone, and Dean settled at the table to read while I parked myself on the couch to work on my schoolwork. With Dean reading, the room was silent and peaceful and my nerves were finally calming down for good.

At least until Dean got up suddenly from the table, grabbed the clock and smashed it on the carpet. I jumped about a mile. "What the hell, Dean?!" I exclaimed.

He didn't say anything, He went to the fridge, grabbed a beer, popped the cap off, and then sat down on the couch next to me, propping his feet up on the coffee table. "That's better," he said.

I stared at him. "Okaaay," I said. I scooted a little closer and leaned on him while I read my science book. About ten minutes later, Sam came back into the room with a bag of stuff and told us that the victim's wife, whose name was the same as mine, had been cremated so it wasn't her. Suddenly, Dean started coughing and then sprinted to the bathroom to choke up a wood chip into the sink. Sam told him that Dean was the biggest clue and they decided to head to the lumber mill.

"Can I please stay here?" I asked, not getting up when they did. "It would really help if I had some time to myself."

Dean looked at me assessingly. "You gonna behave yourself?" he asked me. "Stay in the room? Obey the rules of your restriction?"

"Yes, Dean," I said as respectfully as I could.

"You gonna light any fires?" Sam asked. Dean's eyes got wide all of a sudden, but he didn't say anything. I sighed and hoped he wasn't afraid of me now that he'd remembered my abilities, and that he wasn't just not saying anything because he didn't want to hurt my feelings.

"No, Sam," I said, looking sideways at Dean as he tried to sidle away from me. Sam glanced at him.

"Ok, then you can stay here. Get your schoolwork done. Don't break any rules," Sam said.

"Thanks, Sam," I said. I got up and hugged him. Dean hugged me too, but he was stiff when he did it. I told myself that it was because he was sick and just let it go.

"We're going to call and check on you at random times," Sam said, putting his finger under my chin to force me to look at him. "You better answer when we do."

"I will," I said. "Even if I'm in the bathroom."

"Come on, Sam," Dean said. "Daylight's wasting." He slipped out the door. I watched him go sadly. Sam put his hand on my shoulder.

"It's ok, honey. He's just sick. He'll be back to normal once we solve this case."

I dropped my head. "Yeah, or he'll be dead."

Sam hugged me again. "That's not going to happen. We'll figure it out."

"Sam!" Dean called.

"Be good," Sam said one last time before he left.

I was good. No, I was angelic. I did all of my schoolwork, I straightened the room, and I put the trash outside the door. Whenever Sam or Dean called, I answered. Dean was more himself when he was on the phone. Hours passed, so I wrote in my notebook, drew some pictures, and played solitaire with my cards. I ate dinner when they called and told me they weren't going to be back in time.

After dinner, I pulled the blankets off the bed and made a fort with them and the furniture. The room started getting dark, so I pulled out a flashlight and amused myself by pretending that I was in a cave hunting a wendigo. At eight, my phone started ringing with Sam's ringtone, and I dug through the blankets to find it, breathlessly answering it on the fourth ring.

"It's time for bed," Sam said.

"I need to burn something," I said, kneeling up. "It's been two nights."

Sam sighed. "Jessie, why didn't you say something before we left?"

The fort ceiling was falling in on me and I struggled to hold it up and hold the phone against my ear. "I didn't think you were going to be gone so long," I said. "It's been five hours. It's not my fault."

I heard Dean in the background, "What's wrong with her?"

"Nothing, Dean," Sam said. "She just needs to burn something."

"Don't let her burn the room down. Didn't you tell her not to light any fires while you're gone?" Dean's voice was closer and breathy with panic.

"I got it, Dean. Don't worry about it. Just... uh, just go over there and let me finish."

"He's still freaking out?" I asked. I'd gotten the fort ceiling fixed and was back inside leaning against the couch. My stomach was hurting now.

"He's going to get worse before he gets better," Sam said. "How are you feeling? Are you itchy?"

I thought about it, checked the furnace. "No," I said. "No itching, no pressure. It's not actually bothering me..."

"That's not normal," Sam said thoughtfully. "When was the last time you really felt like you HAD to light a fire?"

"I don't know," I said.

"Ok. I think you're going to be ok for a few more hours. I want you to get ready for bed and while you're doing that, think about how long it's been since you felt like you needed to set a fire, ok?"

"Ok," I said.

"Go to bed. I'll wake you up when we get back and we'll see how you are then. Call me if you start needing it before then."

"Ok," I said. "What do I do if I have nightmares again?"

"Call me," Sam said. "But let's see how you do."

"Ok, Sam. I love you. Tell Dean I said I love him and good night, ok?" My voice kind of trailed off. I was trying not to think about it, but it hurt that Dean was scared of me. It hurt a lot.

"Of course, honey," Sam said. "And, Jessie? This is just temporary. He loves you and he'll be back to normal soon."

I hung up and got up to get ready for bed. I was trying really hard not to cry, telling myself over and over that he was sick, that it wasn't that he was actually scared of me or my powers, but he wouldn't have reacted like this if he wasn't, even when he wasn't sick, right? Eventually, once I'd gotten out of the shower and brushed my teeth, I couldn't help the tears anymore.

I crawled into the fort because it felt safe and close. I pulled one of the blankets over me and put my head on a pillow, only planning on staying there long enough to calm down, but instead, that's where I fell asleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night to Dean freaking out and Sam trying to calm him down. I climbed out of the fort to see Dean pressed against the wall and Sam trying to get him to calm down. It was four in the morning. I went to Dean and hugged him. He stiffened at my touch. I sighed and looked at Sam.

"He's hallucinating. It's one of the symptoms. Come on, Jessie, you can climb in my bed," Sam said. "I'm gonna get cleaned up. Bobby's coming down to meet me."

I climbed into bed and put my head on the pillow, but I couldn't sleep. I listened while Dean and Sam both cleaned up and Dean sat down to watch television. He put on cartoons. I covered my head with my pillow. Sam had just finished getting dressed when his phone rang. "Yeah, Bobby," he said into the phone. "Yeah, I'll meet you there."

As he flipped the phone shut, I climbed out of bed. I glanced at Dean, my heart pounding and my stomach twisting. "Sam, can I come?" He looked dubious. "Please?" I begged. "I'll stay in the car and out of the way."

"I don't know, Jessie..." Sam started.

I walked over to him and tugged his arm so that he would lean down. When he did, I whispered in his ear. "Please? He can't stand to be near me and it hurts. I can't stay here with him like this. Please?"

Sam's face softened. "Ok, get dressed and come on, but you're staying in the car." I nodded and ran to get dressed.


	20. Chapter 20 - Complications

Sam and I waited at the lumber yard for Bobby, sitting on the hood of the Impala. He pulled up around six in the morning, the sun just coming up. I jumped off the hood of the car to hug him as he got out of his old junker. Bobby returned my hug and kissed me on top of my head. After he and Sam exchanged greetings, he asked where Dean was, and Sam told him that Dean was home sick. Bobby showed Sam a Japanese book that had a spirit in it that infects people with fear, and he thought that was the kind of ghost we were hunting. Since we couldn't burn the spirit, and the lore said that it could be killed with fear, Bobby wanted to do that.

"Why can't we burn the spirit?" I piped up. I'd been looking around Sam's arm at the book, which was indecipherable to me in Japanese.

"He was road-hauled behind a truck," Sam explained. "His remains are spread all up and down this road. There's no way we could burn them all."

I huffed in disbelief. "I could burn the entire road," I suggested.

"You are not helping," Sam said. "You're here because I felt sorry for you, so don't push me. We have no idea if you could control a fire that large, and we couldn't be sure that a) it would get all of the remains since they could have rode out of here on other vehicles and b) that it wouldn't summon Gabby right to you. So, no."

"When do I get to help on a hunt?" I whined.

Sam gave me a look. "Let's see," he said. "First, you need to be off restriction. Then you need to stay off restriction long enough to actually learn something. Then you need to practice and become physically capable. Then, you need to be waaaay older than twelve. Last, and this is the most important one I think, is you're going to need to kill both Dean and me because you're becoming a hunter over our dead bodies." He raised his eyebrows at me.

"Dean said I was a hunter when we were at Bobby's house," I pointed out, pouting a little.

"Jessie, get in the car and stay there," Sam said. I got up slowly and got into the car, settling in the back. The windows were open, though, and I could hear them discussing how they were going to kill the ghost. They'd decided to road-haul it. Then Sam called Dean and told him that they had a good plan and for him to hang in there. Bobby told him it was a terrible plan, but it was the only plan they had.

I stayed in the car with Bobby while Sam went into the lumber mill to taunt the ghost into chasing him.

"How you been, darlin'?" Bobby asked while we waited.

I sighed. "In trouble," I said. "Gabby, losing my temper, talking back, you know..."

"Maybe you should try a little more honesty and a little less anger," Bobby suggested. "Start listening to them boys? They know what they're doing."

"Yeah," I said, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.

Sam contacted Bobby on the walkie-talkie then and told him that the ghost wasn't taking the bait. Bobby asked him what to do next, so Sam said he'd make the ghost mad. Shortly after that, he hollered "Bobby, punch it!" and I knelt up and looked out the back window as we hauled the ghost down the road away from the lumber mill. The ghost struggled and kicked, but wasn't able to get away. He deteriorated into smoke as we went.

"That was awesome," I breathed when the car stopped.

"Don't you get any ideas in your head," Bobby cautioned. "You mind what I said about listening to those boys. You're going to need to."

I turned around in the seat to look at him. "What do you mean?"

"I'll tell you later. Let's go get the two of them and then we can talk about it."

A few hours later, we returned to the lumber mill to drop Bobby off at his car. Everyone had cleaned up. Dean was back to his normal self, which was a great relief to me. Dean pulled a couple of beers out of the back of the Impala and he and Sam leaned against the car to drink them. I was settled on the back of Bobby's car so I could be next to Bobby since I hadn't gotten to see him in a while. Bobby and Sam gave Dean a hard time about how afraid he'd been, and Dean responded that he'd hunt anything, but I still had the nagging feeling that he was afraid of me, and I couldn't let it go.

Bobby said, "I have some news about Gabby." I stiffened at her name, becoming alert. The bruise she'd left on my cheek was yellow now and almost completely gone, but I was still scared of her and what she could make me do. I watched as Bobby reached into his pocket.

He pulled out a silver ring with an inset amber stone. In the middle of the stone was a weird looking cross with two bars, one at the top and one at the bottom. He handed it to Dean. "This ring will protect Jessie from Gabby. It will block Gabby from being able to contact her or find her, and it will prevent Jessie from being able to call her," Bobby said.

"This is awesome, Bobby, thanks," Dean said. He turned the ring over and over in his hands. "It's a little big. I don't think it's going to fit on her finger."

"She just needs to wear it against her skin," Bobby said. "She can wear it with the medallion that she keeps around her neck until you can get it resized."

I hugged Bobby, leaning into him from where I was sitting on the trunk of his car. He wrapped his arm around me. "That ain't all," he said.

Dean looked up from the ring. "There's more?" he asked. Sam crossed his arms over his chest and waited.

Bobby sighed. "You aren't gonna want to hear this," he said, sighing. I let him go and leaned away a little. "Well, Jessie might, but..."

"Just come out with it," Dean said.

"I found out how to kill her," Bobby said. Dean's eyes lit up, but Bobby held up a hand. "She has to be stabbed with a stake made from this sacred tree in Lithuania, but that ain't the part you don't want to hear."

"Bobby, whatever it is...," Dean started.

"Jessie has to do it," Bobby interrupted.

"What!?" Both Sam and Dean said it, in unison, but my heart leaped. I tried to caution myself not to be too excited.

"It's got to be done by her priestess," Bobby said. "The lore says only her priestess wielding a stake made from a branch of the Stelmužė Oak can kill her. Since Jessie is her priestess..."

I tried to hide my excitement. They were going to have to teach me how to hunt! They had to or I wouldn't be able to kill Gabby! I certainly couldn't do it in my current state, and once I had my foot in the door... I dropped my head and let my hair fall to block my face to hide my smile.

Sam and Dean looked at each other. Bobby said, "Well, I have to get going." I hopped off Bobby's trunk and hugged him goodbye. "You mind what I said, girl," Bobby said, looking me in the eye. "Don't you get over-excited, and you listen to those boys."

"Yeah, Bobby. Of course," I said. He kissed the top of my head and then I stepped back while he headed around his car and got in. Sam and Dean hollered after them their goodbyes and thanks.

I went over to stand next to Dean while Sam asked him what he saw at the end, and Dean told him it was the usual stuff, nothing he couldn't handle. He looked at the ring.

"You ready to put this on?" Dean asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, and then I'm ready to go gank her ass," I said.

"We'll talk about that later," Dean said. "After I discuss it more with Sam. Don't get your hopes up." I took off my necklace and handed it to him. He threaded the ring onto it and then refastened the chain around my neck. I pulled my shirt neck open and dropped the medallion and ring down under my shirt where they usually were.

"Feel any different?" Sam asked me. I waited for a couple seconds and shook my head.

And then suddenly, I was itching. Before I could say anything, my furnace overflowed. I screamed. Unable to contain it, I aimed all of it at the stack of logs that was about twenty feet away and pushed. The logs disintegrated under my assault, but I still had more to spend. I aimed them at another set of logs, and then another, and then another. The rush of fire filled my head, all of my attention was focused on getting the fire out of me, of getting my furnace back under control.

It seemed like forever before I was able to close my furnace and lock it up without fire pounding against the doorway and burning through the pathways in my brain. Dean was holding me up and Sam was manning a fire extinguisher, making sure that the logs I'd set alight were actually out. From what I could tell, they were all ash, but I was in no shape to argue.

"What the hell was that?" Dean asked.


	21. Chapter 21 - Understanding

**AN: Sorry for the delay again. Last weekend after I posted Chapter 19, my computer's hard drive crashed. I struggled through Chapter 20 on a tiny netbook with a minuscule keyboard while we bought a new hard drive and installed it. Then we had to restore from backup. Stupid me hadn't done a backup since last June, though, so I lost the entire story. Also, my document program still needs to be re-installed, so there may be mistakes in here that I didn't catch in the default one that I used for this chapter. Last but not least, there's been a surprise trip out of town for work this week. Anyway, those are all my excuses for the delay in posting this time. I'm just as good as Jessie with excuses... :)**

**Thanks again for patiently waiting and for reading and reviewing.!**

* * *

He opened the car door and set me down on the backseat with my legs and feet still out of the car. "You ok?" he asked me. I nodded, suddenly exhausted and leaned my head to the side to rest it against the back of the seat. "What happened?"

"I was ok, and then suddenly, I was completely full with more fire than I could hold. I had to let it out," I said. "I'm tired, Dean."

"Was that it? Did you see Gabby or did you do anything besides putting the ring on?" Dean asked, his gaze intense.

I shook my head and closed my eyes. "Come on, sweetheart. Don't go to sleep yet. We have to figure out what's going on here," Dean said in a worried tone. "Including whether you're about to have some awful dreams."

I struggled to open my eyes. "I don't know, Dean," I said. "I didn't call her. I swear, I haven't seen her since she showed up at the Montgomery's." I sat up a little more straight, but I was having a hard time keeping staying awake.

Sam walked up and put the fire extinguisher in the trunk. "The fires are all out. Jessie didn't really leave anything to burn, but I made sure anyway."

"Jessie doesn't know what happened." Dean stood up and leaned on the car next to me. Sam stood in front of us.

"I have a theory, but you're not going to like it," Sam said.

"Yeah, that's the trend today," Dean said dryly, crossing his arms over his chest. "What is it?"

"When I called her last night, she said that she didn't feel like she needed to burn something, and she didn't know the last time that she felt like she did. We've had her on a schedule of every other night for a while, but she hasn't actually needed that."

"Ok," Dean said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "So?"

"So, we cut her off from Gabby and suddenly her furnace overflows? I think Gabby's been pulling Jessie's fire from her, using it for whatever she's been up to now that she's here. We cut Gabby off with the ring, and now it's all Jessie's again and had nowhere to go but out."

"Great. That's just great, Sam," Dean said, rubbing his face with his hand. "Now the questions is what has Gabby been doing since she got back?"

"I think we need to find out," Sam said. "And we need to stop her."

"I'm the one who has to kill her," I said sleepily. I'd had my eyes closed for a while now and the world was fuzzy, but I was eager to start hunting. Images of stakes and fire danced behind my eyelids.

"Let's get out of here before Gabby comes looking for Jessie now that she's been cut off," Dean said. "Jessie, get the rest of the way in the car and put your seatbelt on."

"Ok, Dean," I said without opening my eyes.

The next thing I knew, it was dark and we were on the highway. I woke to the growl of the engine and opened my eyes to a star-filled sky through the Impala's back windows, branches whipping by. There was a blanket over me and a pillow under my head, but under the blanket, a seatbelt was wrapped around my waist. I smiled. They always took such good care of me.

I had to pee really bad, and I was just about to sit up and ask for a rest stop when Dean said, "I can't let her do it, Sam. There has to be some other way. I can't risk her like that. She's a kid."

I froze. There was no way I was letting them know I was awake now. I closed my eyes again so I'd look like I was still asleep.

"She's a kid who controls fire and who has been on the road with us for a year now. She's not exactly helpless," Sam said.

"We haven't even tried anything else. We're just going to take the word of this professor and throw Jessie at Gabby like some kind of sacrificial lamb? Gabby is just as immune to fire as Jessie is. Jessie's got no leg up on this situation," Dean said, his voice rising.

"Dude, shh," Sam said. I heard him turn in his seat to check on me. I kept my eyelids closed. He turned back and his voice dropped. "No, we don't treat her like a sacrificial lamb. We train her. We teach her how to fight and then we come up with a plan. All Jessie has to do is wield the stake. We'll set a trap and make it as safe as we can before we bring her into it."

"I don't like it," Dean said.

"Yeah, I got that," Sam remarked. "I don't like it either, but she's never going to be safe with Gabby out there. Hell, none of us are. We need to shut Gabby down. This isn't any different than any other hunt where a civilian has to help, and Jessie's already better than a normal civilian."

"It is different," Dean said, his voice strained. "It's my little girl who's going to be doing the hunting. She doesn't deserve this, and you know that once we open the door and let her do one thing, she's not going to let us shut it quietly. She's going to be on us over and over about letting her hunt, pushing and trying to help and breaking rules when we don't let her. You know how she is, give her an inch..." He took a breath. "I don't want this life for her." His voice cracked just a little and my heart broke.

"It's already too late for that. She's here and she's not leaving, especially not with Gabby on her tail. We have to deal with this." Sam insisted.

"I want to keep looking," Dean said, his voice taking on a stubborn edge. "I don't want her doing this unless it's the last resort."

"Fine," Sam said. "We don't have the wood yet to make the stake and we don't know where Gabby is. We can start planning and training her in the meantime, just in case we have to take the last resort. Ok, Dean?"

Dean didn't say anything.

"Dean? Ok?" Sam pushed.

"Yeah, fine," Dean ground out, his voice rough.

"We can't leave Gabby out there. People are going to die," Sam said.

"I said fine," Dean growled, louder now. That was my cue.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, deliberately making my voice sleepy so that they wouldn't know I'd heard everything. I sat up in the back seat. I'd heard enough, and what I'd heard hurt. I hadn't realized how strongly Dean had felt about me hunting and why, although now that I thought about it, he'd told me often enough. It's just that, well, I wanted the opposite, and that had been driving me. Now I felt guilty for being so selfish and not thinking about how he felt about it, but I still wanted it. Why did everything have to be so confusing?

"Gabby and how to kill her," Dean answered, which was technically the truth. "How are you doing, sweetheart? Any headaches?"

"No. But I do have to pee. Can we stop?"

"We'll be at a motel in a few minutes. That ok?"

"Yeah," I said. "Where are we going?"

"We're going to stay at a motel outside of the Rocky Mountain National Park," Sam said.

"Why?" I asked. "Is there a case?"

"No," Dean said, his voice hard. "We're going to start training you."

I caught my breath. From listening to them, I had known that they were going to, but I hadn't expected it this soon, especially since I was still on restriction, which meant no hunting lessons. "Really?" I asked, still as can be, as if moving would somehow scare it away from me.

"Yeah, really," Dean said. He looked at me in the rearview mirror. "But there are rules that go along with it."

"Duh, there are always rules," I said, giddily. "I just can't believe you're going to train me. This is awesome."

"Yeah, awesome," Dean said sarcastically, and flipped on the tape player. AC/DC blasted out, effectively cutting out any conversation.

I remembered the pain that he was going through letting me do this. I wanted to cuddle up next to him and tell him everything was going to be ok, that I understood now, that I'd obey him, but I couldn't without him knowing I had heard everything. I resolved to learn quickly and practice without complaint and not argue with them when they told me I couldn't help when we went on actual hunts. I'd get really good and then he'd know he didn't have to worry about me.

I smiled and leaned my head back against the seat, excited.


	22. Chapter 22 - Basic Training

We got a room at Twin Owls Motel, located off the main stretch next to the park. We dropped our stuff off, got a roll-away bed for me, and then went to a tiny diner in the strip mall next to the motel for dinner. Despite it being dark out, it was only eight o'clock. Dean and Sam had both taken naps while I had been asleep, but I could tell they were tired, too.

I ordered chicken noodle soup and a Coke, but Dean nixed the Coke. He said that the caffeine this late at night would keep me up and they wanted to sleep. He ordered me milk instead but didn't argue when I asked for chocolate milk. I fiddled with my silverware while they placed their orders, and then Dean said, "Jessie, I want you to listen to me very carefully for the next few minutes, ok?"

I took the knife out of the fork tines and set them down on the table. "Ok," I said, looking up at him.

"Yes, we are going to train you, but you are not off restriction and you are not off lockdown. If anything, you're going to have even more of our attention than you did before," he said.

"Ok," I said. That didn't sound so bad. I liked their attention; although, if lockdown had fried my nerves, I was worried about what this super-intense experience was going to do to me.

He pointed a finger at me, his face stern. "Don't start thinking that we're letting you become a hunter," he said. "The entire point of this is to train you to kill Gabby. That's it. That's all. Your lessons start and end there. There is no hunting monsters for you. Not now, not ever. You understand me?"

My heart sunk. "But Dean," I said.

He shook his head, cutting me off. "No. Just no. I've told you from the beginning. You are not going to be a hunter."

"Dean! I can be good at it. And you're already giving me hunting lessons, when I'm not in trouble," I argued. "I already know all sorts of stuff about all kinds of monsters. I know how to clean a gun and untie knots without seeing them. I can pick the lock on handcuffs. I know how to hot wire a car. I know some first aid. Sam showed me how to sharpen knives..."

"And you know what you're going to do with that knowledge?" Dean asked me, leaning his arms on the table to get closer to me. "You're going to use it to keep yourself alive when you're with us and then when you're older, you're going to use it to know when to call the professionals while you stay safe at home. You're not hunting."

I slammed my hand down on the table. "That's not fair," I said, my voice rising.

"I don't care if it's fair or not, little girl. That's what's going to happen," Dean growled at me.

I stood up to storm out, but Sam grabbed my arm. "You're on lockdown," he reminded me, eyebrows raised. He nodded to my chair. I jerked my arm out of his hand and sat back down in a huff. I didn't want a spanking in the middle of a diner, even if I was pissed.

"You're delusional," I said, anger twisting my guts. "I'm a fucking firestarter, Dean, who you're raising on the road while you hunt monsters. How normal of a life do you think it's even possible for me to have?"

"I don't know, but we're not giving up," Dean said flatly. "And we're not arguing about this anymore. I'm done having this conversation with you. You're not hunting anything but Gabby. Period. If you argue with me about it again, you're going over my knee. Do you understand me?" he asked.

Heat flooded my face. "Yeah," I said, grinding it out. "I understand."

The server picked that time to show up with our food. Our table lapsed into silence as she passed out our meals. I stared down at my soup, suddenly no longer hungry. Dean took a bite of his burger. I picked up my spoon knowing that if I didn't at least try to eat, Dean would start nagging me about that, too.

I told myself that it wasn't so bad. They were going to train me so that I'd be able to kill Gabby. In the meantime, I'd be learning new skills. There was only benefit in that. Maybe if I was good enough at it, they'd let me hunt with them later on. Maybe if I was good enough at it, I could hunt on my own when I got older. It's not like they could prevent me from hunting once I wasn't a kid anymore. I sighed and ate another spoonful of soup. I just wished they would let me hunt with them.

I took a deep breath. "So, what are you going to train me in?" I asked.

"According to Bobby," Sam said, "the lore says that Gabby's priestess needs to wield the stake that kills her. So, you're going to need the physical strength to shove a stake through someone's ribcage."

I swallowed, trying to picture myself shoving a stake through someone's chest. I felt a little sick. "Ok," I said tentatively.

"We're looking for another way, though," Dean said. "That's our last resort." I nodded, a little relieved. "You need to be able to dodge," Dean continued. "And have some basic fighting skills, just in case something goes wrong." I was more comfortable with that idea since I'd been in fights before, even if they had been the hair-pulling, wrestling, smacking kinds of fights rather than a 'real' fight.

"We're going to teach you to shoot a pistol and a shotgun," Sam said. "You need to know that anyway, and it's past time that you learned, considering how often the bad guys come to us."

"Most importantly," Dean said, "you need to learn how to follow orders. On hunts, there's none of this arguing and complaints that things aren't fair. When Sam or I tell you to do something, you need to do it, immediately, without question."

"Ok," I said. "I can do that." Sam smirked. I glared at him. "I _can_ do that," I insisted.

Dean looked dubious, but he said, "And we're going to make sure that you can do that. That's mostly what the training is, physical training and making sure you obey our orders without question. You think you can handle that?" I nodded, looking at the table as I worked to commit everything that they had said to memory.

"Jessie," Dean said. I looked up at him. "This is not going to be easy on you. You're going to have to control your temper. If you screw up, then we're going to run you harder and through more drills. If you argue, you're going to have extra drills. You're going to have to study what and when Sam tells you to study. It's not going to be fun on any of us."

I nodded. "I can handle it, Dean," I said with conviction. I could handle anything if it got me closer to my goal of being a hunter.

"All right then. We start tomorrow," Dean said.

Two weeks later, I crawled into my bedroll exhausted. Dean hadn't been kidding. It wasn't easy. After that one night at the motel, Dean had dragged us into Rocky Mountain National Park and run me through the ringer. Between the two of them, I was either doing exercises or learning some skill I would need for practically the entire time I was awake each day. I learned how to shoot a crossbow, a revolver, and a shotgun. They started training me in how to fight. We moved constantly, hours-long hikes and runs.

And Dean was right again that the hardest part for me was obedience without questioning or arguing that there was another way. I couldn't count the number of times that I had extra drills, runs, crunches, pullups and pushups pressed on me because I argued or smarted off to him. I couldn't seem to help myself, especially when I was tired or frustrated. I did manage to stop arguing eventually, but I couldn't seem to help the smart ass comments that just came to mind. I'd started muttering them under my breath, which I only got away with about half the time.

On the other hand, I seemed to be pretty good at all of this. I was still practicing, but I was already an ok shot with the crossbow and the revolver. The shotgun had more kick to it and was harder for me to control. I was pretty good at the fighting lessons, too. Sam had me studying anatomy too, so I'd know the best places to kick or hit. All of the exercise was making me way stronger than I used to be. Already, I could go farther and faster on runs, and I could actually do a pullup. And, I'd managed to stay out of any real trouble, probably because I wanted this so badly.

I rested my head on my purple duffel, which was serving as my pillow and looked up at the trees. It was late October and cold, but the bedroll was warm. Sam and Dean were still up, sitting next to the fire, which I had started. The itching symptoms, which ultimately led to me exploding, were back in full force if I didn't light a fire by bedtime every other day. Luckily, there was a lot of stuff to burn.

"Dean, I think I found a case," I heard Sam say next to the fire. He'd been poking around on his phone for the last half hour or so. "A man in Idaho died after swallowing razor blades that were hidden in candy."

"Blades?" Dean asked, taking a swig of his beer. "How much did he eat?"

Sam shrugged. "The article doesn't say, but the article does say that one wrapper was found."

Dean sighed. "Where is it?"

"About ten hours from here," Sam said.

"All right," Dean said. "Jessie, up, we're heading out."

I stomped on the part of me that wanted to argue that I was tired and couldn't we go in the morning, and I crawled out of the bedroll. "What about my training?" I asked as I worked on rolling up my bedroll. "I'm not ready to kill Gabby yet."

"Looks like we'll have to work on it while we're on the road," Dean said as he and Sam worked to dismantle the rest of the campsite.

"It'll take longer that way," I complained.

"We weren't going to stay in the woods forever, sweetheart," Dean said. "Hustle. It's an hour hike to the car."

"Great, more hiking," I muttered. I finished with my bedroll and turned to the fire. Sam and Dean had everything else pretty much packed. I opened my furnace, reached towards the fire and sucked it into me. We were suddenly engulfed in darkness.

"Jessie, warn a guy," Sam complained. I ignored him, scattered the charred wood, and kicked dirt over the cold fire. I knew it was completely out, but we were supposed to leave the site as we found it.

Sam and Dean took the lead and I trudged along behind them. "Hustle, Jessie," Dean insisted.

"You want me to run?" I asked, a whine tinging my voice.

"No, just keep up," Dean said. "You're falling behind."

"I'm tired," I complained, knowing it made no difference. They'd had me doing all sorts of things whether I was tired or not.

"Stop complaining," Dean said. "Keep up. Pay attention to your surroundings. Just because we're leaving the woods doesn't mean that training is over. I can still have you running."

"Yes, Dean," I sighed. Pay attention to my surroundings meant that he was going to quiz me about them when we got back to the car. I stopped staring at their backs and put myself back in training mode. No complaints, don't argue. Got it.

Even if it meant that my training was going be broken up, I was thankful that we had a case. I could use a break.


	23. Chapter 23 - Remedial Learning

I was off lockdown. Finally. I could go to the bathroom without asking and storm off angrily without risking a spanking. I didn't have to be under constant supervision. I was still on restriction for another month, but I felt so much freer.

It also felt good to be sleeping in an actual bed again, but like Dean said, being back on the job didn't mean that I wasn't training anymore. Sam had woken me up early to run, and then had dragged me through a bunch of push-ups, sit-ups, bends, and squats. He banished me to the shower when Dean headed out to pick out some breakfast.

When I got out of the bathroom, Sam had my butterfly backpack on the table. I looked at him. "It's been two weeks since you did any schoolwork. Time to get caught up," he said.

My shoulders dropped. "Really?" I asked, trudging over to him. I'd been enjoying the break from schoolwork, even if they had been working me day after day.

He raised his brows at me. "Yes, really. Dean and I are going to talk to Luke Wallace's widow today. We're leaving you here. Since you can't do any training while we're gone, this is what you're doing."

"I thought..." I started and then stopped. I leaned against the chair next to the table, tilting it on to two legs, refusing to meet Sam's eyes.

"You thought what? That training meant that you weren't going to have to do schoolwork anymore?" Sam asked, crossing his arms over his chest and looking down at me. "Or did you think that hunting Gabby was going to override it?"

I sighed and rocked the chair a little. "Both?" I suggested. I didn't want to bring up the whole hunters shouldn't have to go to school thing since I was sure that Sam was of the same opinion Dean was on whether or not I was going to be a hunter, not to mention that I knew that he thought hunters did need to go to school.

"Well, you were really wrong with that thought. I wrote down your assignments." He pointed at the notebook on the table. "If you have questions, you can set the assignment aside and we'll talk about it later, ok? But I want you to keep working on the others. This is your job today. You've got two weeks' worth of assignments to make up." He turned away from the table.

"Sam, you know I was already ahead. Can't I just have a day off?" I whined at him, looking up at him through my bangs. I dug my toe into the carpet.

Sam laughed. "I'm not leaving you alone in a motel room with nothing to do. That's a recipe for disaster. Besides, you're on restriction. You're not allowed to do anything else."

"I could play cards," I said. "I could build another fort. I could..."

"Do your schoolwork," Sam finished, cutting me off. He raised his eyebrows and frowned at me.

"Come on, Sam. You could leave the revolver here and I could clean it, or the shotgun, or I could sharpen knives," I said.

"Stop arguing," Sam said sternly. "There's no chance of us leaving a twelve-year-old alone in a room with weapons to clean. You can do your schoolwork with or without a sore butt, but you are doing it. You keep arguing, and I'll put you over my knee and run you through some more drills before you start. You got me?"

I bit back the smart remark that came to mind. See, I could learn. "Yes, Sam," I said.

"Now stop tilting the chair back and forth and get to work," Sam said. He walked away from the table. I stared after him resentfully, but didn't say anything. He went into the bathroom, presumably to put on his suit. I looked at the notebook and then at my backpack, fighting with myself. It wasn't fair that I had to keep up with my schoolwork while I trained. I just wanted a break. On the other hand, I knew that if I kept pushing, I was going to be in trouble.

"Jessie," Sam called from the bathroom. "I haven't heard you do anything yet."

I sighed, still staring at the dreaded notebook on the table. "That's because I haven't, nitwit," I muttered after a second.

"Excuse me, young lady?" Sam said from behind me. I jumped.

"Nothing," I said, whirling around. Shit. That's what I got for not paying attention to my surroundings.

His eyes narrowed. He took the step that separated us and looked down at me. "Side lunges. Now."

"Sam, I'm sorry," I said, holding up my hands.

"Now," Sam repeated, pointing to the empty area next to the table. For the next five minutes, he had me switch between the side lunges, running in place, and leg lifts until I was out of breath and panting. Then he yanked out the chair, hustled me to it, and sat me down in it. He pointed to the backpack. "Schoolwork," he said. "And I don't want to hear another word out of you."

I was opening the backpack when Dean came in with a bag of food. He set the food on the table and took in my disheveled state. "Already, Jessie?" he asked, looking disappointed.

I flushed, but didn't stop setting up. "I guess," I said in a sulky tone.

"She's got an attitude about her schoolwork," Sam said, coming back out of the bathroom, this time in his suit. "Doesn't think she needs to do it today."

"I just wanted a break," I snapped. "You're running me ragged. I offered to do training things, like cleaning weapons." I looked up at Dean with hope, but the look on his face dashed it. I looked away.

Dean sat down at the table next to me and set a wrapped sandwich down. "Eat your breakfast and then do your schoolwork," he said, tilting his head so he could see my face. "Lose your attitude."

I bit back the 'whatever' that came to my lips and accepted the sandwich, not meeting his eyes. Sam sat down to eat with me while Dean went to change.

"How hard this is on you is in your hands," Sam said, opening his sandwich.

I sighed. "I know," I said.

After breakfast, Sam and Dean left. Sam reminded me to behave myself, and Dean reminded me I was on restriction. I waited until the Impala pulled out of the parking lot and then took another long, hot shower and changed my clothes. I was tired of being sweaty all the time. Two weeks of that was enough.

When I was done, I came back to the table and looked down at my schoolwork. I didn't want to do it, and they were going to be gone for a while. I considered digging out one of my novels from Sam's laptop bag, but decided against it. I didn't want to be on lockdown again and breaking my restriction was sure to land me there if I was caught. Too big a risk. I pulled out my cards and started playing solitaire.

Two hours later, I'd played solitaire, practiced throwing cards into an empty trash can, and built a card tower. I was particularly proud of the tower, since I'd knocked it down a gazillion times before succeeding. I had just sat down to admire it when Sam opened the door. Guilty, I jumped to my feet, knocking into the table and sending the card tower tumbling.

Sam took in the fallen cards and the look on my face. He didn't even bother asking me anything. "Corner," he said. "Now."

Guilt made me reckless. "It's right there," I said, gesturing to it with one hand. "Help yourself."

His eyes widened and then narrowed. He moved fast, grabbing my arm and whirling me towards the corner. "I think I will. I think I'll put my bratty niece into it so she can keep it warm while I check her schoolwork." He landed five hard spanks on my butt on the way there, leaving me stinging and wishing I'd kept my mouth shut.

I leaned my head against the corner and waited. It was only a matter of time now. I cursed myself for losing track of the time. I'd meant to stop screwing around long before they got back. "Where's Dean?" I asked, my voice challenging.

"He's off trying to figure out why someone might want to kill Luke Wallace," Sam said. I could hear him leafing through the notebooks on the table. I was dead when he figured out that I hadn't done anything.

"When's he coming back?" I asked, hoping to distract him.

"Jessie, you're in the corner. Be quiet and stand up straight," Sam said. "Even if Dean were here right now, he wouldn't save you." I stood staring at the swirling pattern on the purple wallpaper and listening to pages flip and books being shuffled. After a couple of minutes, I heard a thump as he dropped a book back on the table, and I knew it was over.

"All right, young lady," Sam said, his voice angry. "Do you have a reasonable explanation for why you didn't do a single thing in the last three hours?"

I stared at the corner and took a breath. "I had questions on all the assignments," I asserted with a confidence I didn't feel.

And then Sam was behind me, his hands on the walls on either side of my head, leaning into me until his head was right next to mine. I froze like a hunted rabbit, trembling slightly. "Do you want to add lying to list of things I'm about to spank you for?" Sam asked softly.

"No, Sam," I whispered, intimidated by his closeness.

"I'm giving you one more chance," Sam said quietly. "Do you have a reasonable explanation for why you didn't do a single thing in the last three hours?"

I closed my eyes. "No, Sam," I whispered again.

"That's what I thought," he said. He gripped my arm gently and led me over to the green couch, sitting down. I went without a fight. He unbuttoned my jeans and yanked them down my thighs before pulling me over his lap. I braced myself.

"Apparently," he said, bringing his hand down on my butt repeatedly, "you need a reminder of the rules. You do your schoolwork when I tell you to. You do not argue. You do not complain. You do not mouth off to me. You do your schoolwork or you get a spanking. Have I made myself perfectly clear?"

I was gasping under the onslaught. "Yes, Sam!" I got out.

"This attitude you have stops now. I don't know what ideas the fact that we are training you has put into your head, but nothing has changed. You have the same responsibilities that you had before. You just have more now. Do you understand me?" His hand was falling hard and fast, over and over, bringing tears to my eyes.

"Yes, Sam," I cried out.

"I'm done with the smart remarks, too, Jessie," Sam said, the final four smacks going right where my butt met my thighs. I sobbed. He stopped spanking. "The next time I have to speak to you about avoiding your schoolwork, we're having this discussion with the hairbrush."

"I'm sorry, Sam," I said as he put me on my feet. I yanked my jeans back up and fastened them. He pulled me into his lap then. He hugged me to him and I rested my head on his wide chest.

"You gonna be good and listen to me now?" he asked me. I nodded. "Are you done being a smart ass?"

A small smile crossed my lips. "For now," I said softly.

Sam smirked. "I guess that's the best I can ask for," he said. "Go get your books and sit on the couch with me while you work. I have research to do and I want to keep an eye on you." He set me back on my feet and I obeyed, grabbing my books and settling next to him on the couch for the afternoon.


	24. Chapter 24 - Tricks not Treats

A couple hours later, Dean came back to the room, eating candy on his way in. I hopped up and hugged him while Sam teased him about the candy. I plopped back down on the couch and pulled my feet up to listen while the two of them discussed the hunt. It was definitely a witch, a powerful one, but there was no reason that Dean could find for Luke Wallace to be a target. There was no way to know where to look next.

"Can I have some of the candy?" I asked Dean when he leaned back and put his feet on the table.

"Not right now, sweetheart. It's almost time for dinner," Dean said.

"You sure you're gonna have room with all the candy you just ate?" Sam asked him, a twinkle in is eye.

"Ha ha," Dean said. "There's always room."

A thought occurred to me. I leaned forward and put my books on the floor. "Can I go trick or treating this year?" I asked. Dean frowned. "Come on, Dean. You let me go last year. You even found me a rich neighborhood so I'd get the best candy, as long as I split it with you!"

"Last year, you weren't on restriction," Dean pointed out. I pouted and picked my books back up, turning away from him to rest the book on my knees. Sam stopped typing on his computer and looked at me, but I refused to meet his eyes. "No," Dean said. "You don't get to pout about this. Do you remember why you're on restriction?"

"I dunno, do you?" I snapped.

"Get up," Dean said, getting to his feet. I stood up warily. "Pushups, now," he said, pointing to the ground. I sighed and obeyed. Five minutes later, I was out of breath again after a crapload of pushups, lunges, and leg lefts. I stood in front of Dean, panting, and Dean put his finger under my chin. "Now, why are you on restriction?" he asked.

I swallowed. "I summoned Gabby, lit fires in secret, and lied to everyone all summer," I said.

"Do you think you deserve to go trick or treating?" Dean asked.

"No," I whispered, looking away from him.

"Then lose the attitude," Dean growled. "You're lucky I'm even considering it."

My eyes widened. "You are?" I asked.

"Yeah," Dean said. "Otherwise, we have to buy all the candy." He grinned and dropped back into his chair. I shut up and went back to work on my schoolwork. Sometimes I knew when to leave well enough alone.

They had me run before dinner and Sam ran me through some verbal drilling on the stuff they'd taught me so far, mostly about the guns, anatomy, and first aid. They had me cleaning weapons again after dinner while Sam checked the work I'd done. Around nine, Dean announced it was bedtime, and I went to shower without complaint. When I came out of the shower, they were back in their suits and shrugging into their suit coats.

I looked from one to the other. "What's going on?"

Dean came over to me and ushered me towards my bed. "We're going to investigate another death," Dean said. He pulled my covers back for me and I climbed in. "You're going to bed."

"What happened?" I asked as he pulled the blankets up over me and tucked the snowman next to me.

"More witchcraft," Sam said, flipping through some papers on the table by the couch. "A girl died at a high school party while bobbing for apples."

"Go to sleep, sweetheart. We'll be back in a few hours," Dean said. He kissed me. Sam gave me a hug and a kiss before they both left, too.

I scooted down under the covers and closed my eyes. I woke up a little while later when the door opened again. They were talking quietly to each other about the case. I fell back to sleep again almost immediately, only to wake up again after one in the morning, when Sam started telling Dean that he thought the witch was trying to summon Samhain, the demon who was the origin of Halloween. Samhain in turn would raise monster after monster until everything that Sam and Dean fought would be in this little town before the end of the night. Dean said it was going to be a slaughterhouse.

Once they'd figured out what was going on, the two of them called it a night and went to bed, surprisingly falling asleep pretty quickly. I hadn't said anything, so they didn't even know I was awake or that I'd heard. I laid in bed and thought about all of those monsters in one place, all the ones I'd read about in the books I'd managed to get my hands on and even more that I hadn't. The thought made my stomach hurt. I climbed out of bed and crawled into Dean's bed with him. He rolled over and put his hand on my shoulder as I settled in.

"Nightmares again, Jessie?" he asked me sleepily.

"Yeah," I said, even though it wasn't really the truth.

"Ok, I've got you, go back to sleep," he said.

I closed my eyes and wondered how they did it, kept fighting all these monsters over and over and were still able to sleep at night. How could they sleep when the next day, they had to find a witch and stop him or her before night fell and they didn't even know who it was or what the link was between the two victims yet? How could they sleep knowing that a demon was going to rise and kill hundreds of people before the next day was out if they failed? I sighed. Clearly, I had a lot to learn before I'd be a hunter, and it wasn't just skills.

Eventually, I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up the next morning, Dean was gone and Sam was lying on his bed surrounded by books and his laptop. I spent the day with Sam. Even though he let me sleep in, he still ran me ragged with exercise and kept me busy with either training or schoolwork for the entire day. When Dean finally got back from his stakeout with news about the witch, I was sitting on the floor by Sam's bed with my head in my social studies book. They talked about the witch and then decided to head to the local high school. Dean told me I was coming and that I could stay in the car and study while they were working. Happy to get the hell out of the motel room for a couple of hours, I packed my books up in a hurry.

On the way to the school, I asked, "So, trick or treating?"

Dean sighed. "I don't think that there's going to be time, sweetheart. This isn't just a revenge case. It's going to happen tonight and we have to stop it. I'm sorry."

"That's ok," I said, a little sadly. "You were gonna let me go, though, right?"

"Yeah," Dean said, a smile in his voice. "I was gonna let you go." That made me feel a little better.

I stayed in the car while they worked the case, questioning teachers and friends. When we got back to the motel, an astronaut bugged Dean for candy, but he'd eaten it all, so he didn't have any to give. I hung back, snickering to myself when the kid pushed past Dean in disgust.

Sam opened the room door and whatever he saw in there made him yank his gun out and start hollering questions. Dean followed after him telling him to wait, that it was Castiel. I took that to mean it was ok to follow and walked into the room to see not only Castiel, but a bald guy facing the window. Staying back by the door, I opened my furnace as Dean said that he didn't know him.

Sam introduced himself to Castiel as Dean turned to me. He rolled his eyes and came towards me closing the door, he whispered to me, "Lock it up, little girl."

"Dean," I objected, nodding at the other guy. He frowned at me and shook his head. I sighed and shut my furnace, but I stayed by the door. Dean went to join Sam as Castiel shook Sam's hand and told him that he was glad Sam had stopped his 'extracurricular' activities. The bald guy made a snide comment about Sam and I couldn't help it. I opened the furnace again and fought the urge to extend a tendril of flame, just in case.

Castiel started asking about the case and pulled out a hex bag he'd found in the walls. When he found out that the guys didn't know where the witch was right now, he told him that raising Samhain was one of the 66 seals to raise Lucifer. Sam suggested that they work with Castiel to find the witch and stop the seal from being broken.

That's when the bald guy interrupted and said, "Enough of this."

Annoyed, Dean snapped back, "Ok, who are you and why should I care?"

Castiel replied, "This is Uriel, he is what you might call… a specialist."

That didn't sound good to me. I set my feet shoulder-width apart and braced myself while Dean asked what the angels were going to do. Castiel said that they needed to leave the town right away because they were going to destroy it. I listened in horror as Uriel talked about smiting the entire town and there was no remorse or care on his face. The four of them went back and forth about whether or not smiting the town was the right thing to do, but every word that came out of Uriel's mouth pissed me right the fuck off.

Finally Dean told them that we weren't leaving and if they were going to smite the town, they were going to have to smite the three of us with it. Uriel threatened to drag Dean out of here himself, and I couldn't hold back any more, I started to extend a tendril, not far, just enough to be ready if Uriel did decide to do something to Dean.

Dean told them that we would stop the summoning. Uriel started to yell at Castiel, but Castiel interrupted. "Enough," he said to Uriel, who lapsed into silence. Castiel turned to Dean and said, "I suggest you move quickly," and then they were gone.

"Angels are dicks," Dean said rubbing his forehead. He turned to me as I guiltily shoved the tendril back down and locked the furnace back up. "You, what did I tell you?" he snapped at me, anger crossing his features.

"Lock it up," I said, abashed. If I hadn't already been pressed against the door, I would have taken a step back.

"When angels are in our room, that's a hunt, little girl. I want instant obedience, do you understand me? If you'd tried to set them on fire, they would have fried you," Dean stormed at me his brows furrowed. He closed the distance between us fast and towered over me.

I shrunk back against the door as much as I could, feeling tiny before him. "I'm sorry, Dean," I whispered. "I was scared."

"When I say lock it up, you _lock it up_!" he yelled, his gaze intense, his eyes boring into mine.

"Yes, sir," I said in a tiny voice.

His eyes flicked back and forth between mine for an agonizing second, and then he turned away from me again. I straightened back up and took a deep breath. "Let's go, we have a witch to find," he said.

"You're not leaving me here?" I asked.

"Not with witches leaving hex bags in our room, no," Dean said. "Get your ass in the car. Best behavior, Jessie, for the rest of the day. I mean it." I turned around to open the door, eager to escape his clear displeasure.

When we got outside, his car was covered with eggs. My mouth dropped open, but I didn't say a word, just hurried to the car and got in the back seat, avoiding egg whites while I opened the door. Dean hollered after the astronaut before joining Sam and me in the car. Sam looked thoughtful and when Dean asked him what was wrong. The two of them talked about angels and god while I dug through my butterfly bag and tried to stay out of Dean's sight.

I knew why he'd been so mad, and I was glad I'd escaped a spanking. He'd been worried about the angels hurting me. I opened my language arts book. He was always the maddest when I was putting myself in danger. I vowed not to push for the rest of the day.

We stopped at a car wash on the way to the school to get the egg off the car. Dean was swearing because we were short on time, but if we left it on there, it would ruin the paint. Eager to make up my behavior to him, I helped him wash the car, gently, with soap and water. With two of us working on it, it only took ten minutes. Once the egg was off the car, we headed to the school because Sam thought that the witch had used the kiln to bake the bone that was in the hex bag.

I stayed in the car while they went inside, but when they got out, they told me that it wasn't the cheerleader, it was the teacher. They'd found children's bones in the room with the kiln. They left me in the car again when they got to the house. Dean told me to stay put, and there was no way I wasn't obeying that, not now.

When they came back a half hour later, they were wiping blood off their faces. Dean told me we were headed to the cemetery next. On the way there, Sam suggested that he use his psychic powers to get rid of Samhain. Dean argued with him and asked him not to, but I could tell that Sam wasn't happy with that. As for me, my stomach hurt. If Sam started using his powers again, would Ruby come back? I didn't want her back.

I stayed in the car again at the cemetery. They were in there for an hour and when they got back, they were both subdued. Dean drove us back to the motel and told me to go to bed. He sounded tired. I showered and got into bed. Dean and Sam both kissed me good night, but they weren't talking anymore. I wanted to ask what happened, but I didn't dare.

The next day, Dean woke me up early. "Come on, Jessie. We're going out." Sam wasn't even awake yet. Dean took me to breakfast. I tried to make small talk, but he wasn't receptive. He parked the car when we got to a park. I turned to him. "Dean, what's going on?"

Dean sighed. "Sam's using his powers again. He used them on Samhain last night. That's why we defeated him."

There were suddenly rocks in my stomach and pressure on my chest. "Oh," I said in a small voice.

"Come on," he said. He led me to the playground and sat on a bench. I looked at him in confusion. "Go on," he urged me. "Have some fun."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said. "Go."

I ran into the playground, but my heart wasn't in it. There were other kids laughing and shouting and playing games. I settled on the swings where I could see Dean. He was sitting on a bench, keeping an eye on me, but also watching the other kids. I swung forward, I swung back, and when I swung forward again, Castiel was on the bench.

I jumped off the swing as it came back down and landed solidly on my feet in the dirt. I headed towards them. Dean saw me and shook his head at me. He nodded back towards the swings. I hesitated but then remembered that when angels are around, that's a hunt. I dropped my shoulders and headed back towards the swings. I didn't feel like swinging anymore, so I just leaned against the set and watched while the two of them talked. I told myself I needed to learn how to read lips. Neither of them looked happy, and then Castiel was gone.

I headed back to sit down next to Dean, and he put his arm around me and kissed my head. "It's gonna be ok, Jessie," he said, but it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself.

"I know," I said, and leaned against him to watch the other kids play.


	25. Chapter 25 - Teddy Bear Blues

I really wanted to smack our server, and the more he came to our table, the more I imagined setting him on fire. I just imagined it, though. I'd never do that. The problem was mostly that he kept interrupting the conversation that Sam and Dean were having.

Fifteen minutes ago, Sam had told us that Uriel had told him to ask Dean what he remembered about hell. Dean had summoned the annoying server and had immediately ordered three shots before telling Sam that he didn't remember anything. Then he got a look on his face and asked Sam exactly what Uriel had said. I anxiously picked at my cold fries while Dean drank the shots one after another and argued with Sam. Sam didn't believe Dean, but Dean kept swearing up and down that he didn't remember anything.

Every time they were deep into the conversation, the stupid server came back. When he finally dropped off the check and walked off, I muttered, "Asshole." Dean looked like he agreed. They were both as annoyed with the guy as I was.

Despite arguing about it for fifteen minutes, the two of them were at a standstill on what Dean remembered from hell. Sam gave up and said that there was a case in Concrete, Washington about a vengeful spirit haunting a woman's shower. Dean almost choked on his beer and threw some cash on the table, saying that he was in. I thought that part of his eagerness was just to have that conversation ended.

We actually weren't far from Concrete, Washington, and we showed up there around noon the next day. While we were on the road, Sam contacted Mrs. Armstrong, who had reported the ghost, and set up a meeting with her. When we got into town, Dean dropped Sam off at the Lucky Chin's Chinese restaurant while he and I went and got a room at Chieftain Hotel.

Once we checked in, I unpacked my backpack and settled in to work on my schoolwork, but Dean had other plans.

"Come on, you're with me today," he said.

I stopped flipping through my social studies book and looked at him. "What?" I asked. "Sam said to work..."

"Come on," he said again. "You can help me get into the women's locker room."

"Really?" I asked.

He raised his eyebrows and widened his eyes, nodding with a 'duh' look on his face. "You comin' or what?" he asked. I quickly slammed shut my social studies book and headed out to the car, just happy to be included for once without having to argue about it.

When we got to the gym, I led the way into the empty women's locker room and waited while he checked it for EMF and any other signs of a ghost. He didn't find anything, but I learned some from watching him. When he was done, he grabbed a discarded newspaper from the bench, and we went outside and settled on the steps to wait for Sam.

I leaned against Dean and he put his arm around me. I read the newspaper with him, both of us quiet and just enjoying the peace. Sam showed up about fifteen minutes later with news that Mrs. Armstrong had seemed basically off her rocker.

As we walked back to the car, there was a guy on the docks yelling at the local sheriff that he'd seen Bigfoot. Dean said, "Get out of sight, Jessie," and he and Sam headed over to talk to the guy. I headed the other direction and waited for them at the end of the dock where it wasn't obvious I was with them. They came back a few minutes later, heading towards the woods. Dean waved at me, and I ran to join them.

We walked into the woods. They were talking about how Bigfoot didn't exist when they suddenly stopped and I ran into Dean's back. I peeked around him to see giant paw prints in the dirt. "What the fuck?" I asked.

Dean and Sam were equally baffled, and we followed the prints through the woods.

"Jessie," Dean scolded mildly as we walked, "this is a hunt. Pay more attention to your surroundings."

"Yes, Dean," I said, embarrassed that I'd run into him. I started paying more attention to what we were doing. Eventually, the tracks led to the back door of a liquor store that had been broken into.

"Stay out here," Dean said before the two of them headed inside.

"How am I going to learn anything if you make me stay outside?" I muttered to myself before sitting down on a bench in front of the store. I kicked the ground with the toe of my sneaker while I waited.

A few minutes later, they came out of the store and sat down with me, looking utterly confused until they both admitted they didn't have any ideas. That's when a little girl drove by and a copy of Busty Asian Beauties fell onto the ground from the basket of her bike.

We went back to get the car and then followed her back to her house. "Stay in the car, Jessie," Dean said when we pulled up.

"Why?" I demanded, scooting forward on the middle of the backseat and putting my hands on the back of the front seats. "You let me go with you before!"

"Because I'm pretty sure this thing is in the house, and I don't want you in danger," Dean said sharply, putting the car in park.

"How am I ever going to learn anything if you don't let me go with you?" I asked angrily. "How am I going to get practice for killing Gabby if you don't fucking let me hunt?"

Both Dean and Sam turned around to glare at me. I scooted back quickly and wilted under their scrutiny, looking down at my hands to avoid their eyes. Neither of them said anything for a minute. They just let me squirm.

Finally, Dean broke the silence. "Two things, little girl," he said. "One, you keep up this attitude and you're on your way to a sore ass. Yes, we're allowing you to learn some things so you can hunt Gabby, but that does not make you a hunter. We all know that that doesn't matter to you, that you're going to push and push to be a hunter, but you're not and you're not allowed to be. We all know that you're going to earn at least one spanking over this, but how bad it is and how many there are is in your hands, so you'd better think about how you're acting and the decisions you're making before you act. Maybe you'll be able to sit longer that way. You understand me?"

I squirmed and blushed to the roots of my hair. Was I really that transparent? "Yes, Dean," I whispered.

"Two," he said, "your swearing has gotten way out of hand. No more. You sound like a sailor, not a twelve-year-old kid."

Indignant, I straightened up and met his gaze. "But," I objected, "you said..."

Dean shook his head, cutting me off. "Yeah, I did, and when you're out of the habit and every other word out of your mouth isn't a curse word, we can revisit it. You got me?"

I resisted the urge to kick the back of his seat. I looked at Sam, hoping for some backup there, but he looked satisfied. I wondered vaguely if he was the one who'd brought it up with Dean in the first place. With no rescue in sight, I gave up for the moment. "Yeah," I ground out, frowning and crossing my arms over my chest.

"Excuse me?" Dean asked, tilting his head down and furrowing his brow.

"Yes, Dean," I said with slightly more grace.

"You got any more questions? No? Then stay here!" he growled at me. I didn't say anything, and he didn't push me. I watched them go the front door, and the little girl answered and let them in.

I screwed up my courage. It was just a little girl, and they'd left the front door open behind them. I'd just sneak in and listen to them question her. That's all. They wouldn't even need to know I was there. I climbed out of the car and closed the car door quietly after me. I jogged lightly to the front door and crept in, staying at the bottom of the stairs. I held my breath and listened.

The little girl called, "Teddy, there's some nice doctors here to see you." A voice shrieked out in response, "Close the freakin' door!"

Curious, I sat down on the bottom step and inched my way halfway up the stairs while the little girl explained to Sam and Dean that all she had wanted was a teddy bear that was big, real, and talked, but now her teddy bear was 'ouch-in-the-head' sad, said weird things, and smelled like the bus. She identified herself as Audrey. I listened with wide eyes as Audrey told them that she had wished for her teddy bear to become real at the wishing well.

I heard a door open overhead and the screechy voice said that it's a terrible world and asked why he was here. Then I heard Audrey say, "For tea parties!"

That's when I lost it. I started giggling, hard. I put my hands over my mouth to choke back my laughter, trying to hide the giggles so that Dean and Sam wouldn't hear me, and I missed a little of the conversation. I was just getting myself back under control when the acoustics of the stairwell brought Sam's murmured words to my ears.

"Should we... Uh, are we gonna kill this teddy bear?" Sam asked.

"How? Do we shoot it, burn it?" Dean asked.

"I don't know. Both?" Sam suggested.

"How do we even know that's gonna work? I don't want some giant, flaming, pissed-off teddy on our hands," Dean said.

The giggles came back full force at that image, and I slammed my hands back over my mouth to keep them in. I managed just barely, missing the rest of their quiet conversation.

When I could hear again, I heard Audrey said that her parents were in Bali, since that's what they had wished for, and then Sam said, "I'm really sorry to have to break this to you, but... your bear is sick. Yeah, he's - he's got..."

"Lollipop disease," Dean offered. I choked against my hands and fled, barely making it to the car before I melted down into gales of laughter.

I had sobered by the time they got back to the car. I wasn't positive that they had heard me, but I was pretty sure that they had and that they were going to kill me. I leaned into the corner of the backseat and pulled my knees up to my chest to wait for them.

When Dean opened the car door, he just said, "What's the punishment for not staying put when you're told to stay put, Jessie?"

I leaned my head against my knees and said into my lap, "The belt."

"Then I guess you know what we're doing tonight," he said, starting the car and pulling away from the curb.

I sagged. It wasn't like I wasn't expecting it, and it hadn't even been worth it. They had just questioned the little girl. I hadn't learned a thing, except her name and that apparently her wish had been granted from a wishing well.

"Where are we going?" I asked to get my mind off my coming punishment.

"Lucky Chin's," Dean answered curtly, still angry with me. "To find the wishing well."

The wheels in my brain started turning. I suddenly knew how to get everything exactly the way I wanted it.


	26. Chapter 26 - Make a Wish

When we got to Lucky Chin's, I whined about being hungry, so Dean said I could come in with them. I followed them straight to the wishing well where Dean tossed in a coin to test whether the wishing well actually granted wishes. A second later, a guy showed up with a footlong Italian sub with jalapeno. Dean grabbed the sub, and we sat down at one of the tables so he could eat it.

"I'm going to the bathroom," I said, sliding back out of the booth while Dean started opening his sub. "Can you order my food while I'm gone? I'm starving." I wasn't starving, and I was almost shaking with anticipation, especially now that I'd seen what Dean wished for come true.

"Sure, honey," Sam said, looking at the couple at the table behind me suspiciously. Neither of them was paying any particular attention to me. I turned and headed towards the bathroom, knowing I'd have to go near the wishing well to do it. I held my breath and tried to walk normally so that I didn't look suspicious. Time seemed to slow.

As I neared the wishing well, I glanced at Sam and Dean. They were in the middle of a conversation and still not paying attention to me. Good. I dug into my pocket and pulled out a quarter. As I walked slowly by the fountain, I tossed it in and thought, _I wish that I'm a hunter and Sam and Dean are ok with it_. Then I quickened my step towards the bathroom, trying not to look over my shoulder as I went and shoving down the guilt I was starting to feel.

Once I was in the bathroom, I checked myself over and I didn't feel any different. I wasn't any stronger. I didn't look any different. I sighed. Maybe it hadn't worked. If it hadn't, at least I wasn't any worse off. I left the bathroom to go back to Sam and Dean.

Sam was pointing out that things like these wishes come with a price tag, usually a deadly one. I slid in next to Dean as he said that we'd put a hold on the wishes until we figured out what was going on. The restaurant proprietor hurried over at that point and said that they don't allow outside food in the restaurant. At that, Sam and Dean claimed to be health inspectors who needed to shut the place down because of a rat infestation.

That was when it got a little weird. Usually, at that point, Dean or Sam would have told me to stay at the table. Instead, as the owner cleared out the restaurant, they called me over to help drain the fountain. Surprised, but pleased to help, I reached in and yanked the plug that was at the back of the fountain and the water drained into a tube that ran into the wall. Sam and Dean inspected the fountain, and Dean said that there was nothing he could see about it that was weird.

I worked on collecting the coins at the bottom of the fountain and placing them in a bowl while Dean asked Sam if he wasn't even a little bit tempted. Sam said he wasn't because he wouldn't trust it since it wasn't real. My heart rate sped up and my thoughts raced. First, Sam had said that there would be a price tag, and now he was saying he wouldn't trust it. If Sam was being this adamant, then maybe this wasn't the best idea I'd ever had. I started to hope that my wish hadn't come true.

Dean kept asking him questions and eventually Sam admitted that if he could wish for something, it would be Lilith's head on a plate, bloody. From the expression on his face, Dean really didn't like that answer.

I'd uncovered a large coin at the bottom of the fountain and tried to pick it up. When it wouldn't budge, I said, "Dean?" He looked intrigued and bent down to look at it. Sam said it was some kind of old coin. They both tried to tug it out of the fountain, but it wouldn't move for them either.

"Come on, Jessie," Sam said. I climbed to my feet, setting the bowl of coins on a nearby table, and followed the two of them out to the car. They gathered a hammer and a crowbar from the trunk. Dean handed me a tool bag to carry back into the restaurant. While I watched, they tried prying, pounding, scraping, and a variety of other things to get the coin off the bottom of the fountain. None of them worked. Finally, when the hammer handle broke instead of the coin coming off the fountain, Sam said that the coin was magical. Dean said that he didn't think we could destroy it while Sam pulled out a piece of paper and a pencil from his pocket.

"I could try with fire," I suggested. "I'm due today anyway."

"Go ahead," Dean said. He and Sam both took a step back. I blinked, trying not to show my surprise. Ok, maybe my wish had come true. I smiled a little. Then, I braced myself and opened the furnace, reaching it out tendril and setting it gently on top of the coin, and about a foot of fountain around the coin. I pushed.

Nothing happened. Not only did the coin not melt, the fountain didn't melt or burst into flames. _Nothing_ happened. I pushed harder and while the coin turned bright red with heat, that was it. I pulled the tendril back into me. Since nothing had burned and no fire had left me, I was suddenly itching for release. I slammed shut the furnace door and tried to ignore the feeling.

Sam handed me the paper and the pencil. "When the coin cools, make a rubbing," he said. "Then you two have to look into this."

Dean asked, "Where are you going?"

"Something just occurred to me," Sam said and left.

I watched him go. When the coin cooled down a few minutes later, I made the rubbing and handed it to Dean. We headed back to the hotel to research the coin, but before we went, I asked the owner to make me some Peking duck to go. I really was hungry now.

Dean started getting sick while we walked back to the hotel. While I ate my dinner and we researched the coin online, he kept running to the bathroom. After the third time, I asked him if he was ok, and he said that the sandwich had given him food poisoning, that the wishes turned bad just like Sam had said.

I turned away from the bathroom door and flopped onto the bed in front of the computer screen, staring blankly at the website with the coin and the legend Dean had found. I leaned my head against my hand and randomly clicked on things on the screen like I was still reading or researching.

Nothing bad had happened yet, and they were taking me with them everywhere and letting me help. Dean had let me do research. They'd even let me try to set something on fire to destroy it. That had never happened before and it felt good, like I was contributing and useful. They respected me and were letting me help. Plus, Dean hadn't said anything about my not staying put earlier at Audrey's house. He'd just forgotten about it, like nothing had happened at all, like I'd been allowed to go with them the whole time. He wasn't even mad any more. No growling, no threats. I was back on his good list.

My wish had come true and now, I knew that somehow my wish was going to go bad, just like Audrey's and just like Dean's. I just didn't know how yet. A hard knot was forming in my stomach, full of guilt and dread. I didn't know what to do.

When Sam came back in, I jumped to my feet and ran to him to bury myself in his arms. He hugged me to him automatically and looked down at me with a confused look. "Dean's sick," I whispered into his stomach, lying about why I was upset.

Still hugging me, Sam called through the door to ask Dean if he was ok, and Dean told him the same thing he'd told me, that the wishes turn bad. I let Sam go and flopped down on the bed as Dean came out. Dean told Sam that the coin was Babylonian. The Babylonians had made the coin to sow the seeds of chaos. Whoever throws the coin into the wishing well turns on the well and it grants wishes to all comers, but the wishes get twisted. It's wiped towns off the map. The way to stop it is to find the first wisher and have that person pull the coin from the well to reverse the wishes.

I pulled myself into a sitting position on the bed and averted my face from them, fear overcoming me. We had to find the first wisher. I needed to get my wish reversed before it went bad, because there were so many things that could go wrong with the wish I'd made. I wished I'd never made the wish. I went to my roll-away and sat down, pulling out my cards to try to distract myself.

When Dean fell asleep on his bed a couple of hours later, I realized that no one had told me to go to bed. I also realized that the itching that I'd been ignoring for hours now was becoming more insistent. The need to burn was pounding through me.

"Uh, Sam?" I said. He was deep in reading more about Tia-mat, the god on the coin.

"Yeah, Jessie?" Sam asked, sounding distracted and not pulling his eyes from the screen. I frowned. That was totally not like him.

"I really need to burn something," I said, hoping that would get his attention.

"So go do it," he responded. I blinked.

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"If you need to go burn something, just take care of it. Why are you telling me?" Sam asked, still not looking away from the computer screen.

It took me a minute to absorb that. "Oh," I said. "Ok." I got unsteadily to my feet and headed towards the door. A thought occurred to me. "Do you mind if I watch TV when I get back?" I asked and held my breath for the answer.

"Just keep it low. I'm still researching this," he said.

I turned away from him, pulled on a jacket, and headed outside to find something to burn, hurt winding through me. I'd expected relief at not having them on my back all the time, but this... Sam seemed to have forgotten that I was on restriction until the end of November, almost an entire month more. Dean hadn't told me to go to bed. Neither of them were concerned about the fact that I hadn't set a fire yet today nor about me setting a fire without supervision or safety equipment.

I suddenly felt very vulnerable and very, very alone.

I wandered the streets until I found a pile of wood in someone's backyard. It was dark out, one in the morning, but the need to burn something was stronger than my fear of being outside alone at this time of night, and believe me, I was jumping at every sound, flinching at every shadow.

My fire was pounding in my temples, my head aching, my arms itching. I was having a hard time keeping the flames locked up. As soon as I found the woodpile, without any preparation, I opened my furnace and just shoved the fire into the woodpile, like I used to before I'd figured out the tendril thing, but I made sure I stayed connected. The woodpile whooshed into flames and burned down to ash in less than a minute. I relaxed as the need to burn left me.

"Who's there?" I heard from inside the house and then the unmistakable sound of a shotgun being cocked.

Shit! I started running, hearing shouts after me, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I didn't really care. I needed to get away as quickly as possible. Thankfully, no one actually shot at me, but it was a close thing.

When I was sure I was far enough away and that no one had followed me, I stopped running. After about five more minutes of walking, I realized that I didn't recognize anything around me, and I was completely and utterly lost. I went to reach into my pocket to find my cell phone and it wasn't there. I vaguely remembered plugging it in when we got back to the room, and I'd been so put off by Sam's reaction to my admission that I needed to set something on fire that I hadn't picked it up when I'd left the room.

I sank to the sidewalk, leaned against the building I was next to, pulled my knees up to my chest, and just bawled.


	27. Chapter 27 - My Own Worst Enemy

I'd never been so happy to see the lights of a police car. I was on my feet and running towards it before it came to a full stop.

"You have to help me," I said when the police officer opened her door. "I'm lost."

"What are you doing out at this time of night?" the officer asked me, climbing out of her car. She was short and her hair was in a braid down her back. She looked friendly, but then, I wasn't giving her any trouble.

"I kind of ran away," I said, flushing as I lied. I couldn't tell her the truth.

"Where are you parents?" the officer asked, opening the back door of the police car for me. Relaxing now that I had some help, I clambered in.

"My dad and uncle are at the Chieftain Hotel," I said when she got back in the car. I fastened the seatbelt around my waist. "I'd've called them but I left without my cell phone."

"Why'd you run away?" the officer asked, her voice falsely light as she pulled away from the curb. I tensed back up. I knew that she was searching for some admission of child abuse or endangerment or neglect, and I knew that I had to reassure her that everything was ok or things would go bad in a hurry once she got me back to the hotel.

"I got in trouble, and they grounded me, and so I got mad and decided to teach them a lesson, so I ran off, but then I got scared and lost, and now I can't find my way back," I said, lying through my teeth with a surprising lack of guilt. I even added a little sob at the end to make it more convincing.

The officer made a 'hmph' sound, apparently accepting my story. She drove me to the hotel and let me out of the back of the car. I sighed when I realized I had only been about five blocks away, just in a different direction than I'd been before.

"Thanks," I said, but she didn't get back in her car. I started to worry

"I'm delivering you to them, so lead the way to your room," she said. "I'm sure they are worried sick, and I want to let them know what happened."

A burst of panic spread through me. She may have accepted my story, but she wanted to verify it. I should've guessed. "Uh," I stammered, trying to buy time. "They were sleeping when I left. They probably don't even know I'm gone."

She smiled at me, and I knew I was sunk. "If they didn't know you were gone, that's all the more reason for me to deliver you to them," she said. She gestured for me to lead the way. My shoulders slumped. I wondered how Sam would react, if he was even still up.

He wasn't. I pounded on the door for a minute before Sam opened it. I heard Dean moaning behind him, lost in some nightmare. He'd been having them more and more often lately.

"Jessie," Sam said, towering over me and the police officer. His voice was concerned. "Where have you been? It's two-thirty in the morning."

"Your daughter..." said the officer.

"Niece," Sam corrected, moving his gaze from me to her.

"Your niece ran away because you grounded her," the officer started again, her eyes flitting from me to Sam and then into the room, looking for any evidence of some kind of wrongdoing. "I found her lost about five blocks from here."

Sam frowned and stepped to the side so I could come in. "Thanks for finding her, ma'am," he said to the officer. "Jessie, go to bed. We'll talk about this in the morning," he said with an angry tone. A weird and unexpected feeling of relief spread through me at that tone. I relaxed.

"Yes, Sam," I said softly, slipping by him and heading towards my bed, my head down.

The officer nodded apparently mollified, and Sam shook her hand before shutting the door.

"You got lost?" Sam asked me in an amused tone when the officer was gone. At this new tone, I tensed up again, but he kept going. "I'd never have expected that given how good you usually are on a hunt. You never get lost."

I blinked back tears. I got lost all the time. I'd gotten lost in the woods that one time when Gabby had rescued me, I. He didn't seem concerned at all about me or the fact that I hadn't called. His anger had apparently evaporated as soon as the police officer was gone. He'd never been upset to begin with. It was just a ruse to keep the officer from wondering what was going on. He didn't ask me what had happened. He just dropped back into his bed and rolled over to go back to sleep.

I swallowed my tears and headed into the bathroom to shower and get ready for bed. I'd asked for this. Now I just had to help them solve the case so I could have my Sam and my Dean back, not these guys who didn't care a thing about what I was doing or where I was going.

The next morning when I woke up, Sam and Dean were fully dressed and ready to go. I climbed out of bed and got ready as quickly as possible while Dean filled me in on the plan. We were going to question Wesley Mondale, who was getting engaged to Hope Casey after only a month. They were the couple who had been lovey-dovey at Lucky Chin's. I'd barely noticed them, but Sam and Dean had found their actions to be suspicious and the timeline of their engagement fit.

I had so much to learn.

They didn't make me stay in the car when we got to Wesley and Hope's house, but I didn't contribute much either. I was surprised that Hope didn't question why the two florists had their kid with them, although I knew what I was going to say if anyone did. She seemed just so glad that Wesley had surprised her, it probably never even occurred to her to ask.

I stood behind Sam and Dean and listened while they questioned Wes and Hope. By the answers Wes and Hope gave, it was obvious that Wes was the one who'd tossed the coin in the well. Finally, Wes admitted it. Sam told Wes that Wes needed to take the coin back, but Wes said he wasn't going to do that. Dean pulled his gun at that point and threatened him to make him come with us. We left Hope at the house and headed out to the Impala.

On the way back to Lucky Chin's, I sat in the backseat with Wes while he whined about not being able to have what he wanted. Dean told him that he wasn't supposed to get what he wanted, not like this, that nobody is. The coin takes your heart's desires and twists them back on you. I stared out the window and agreed with him silently. Yeah, I wanted to be a hunter, but not like this. Not with Sam and Dean not really caring about what I did or how I did it.

I missed them.

The three of them continued to argue and I hated to say that I pretty much saw the guys' point when it came to wishes. Wes didn't, though. He asked where all the insanity that they predicted was, and that's when we saw a little boy shove over an SUV filled with kids who were obviously terrified of them. The little boy was yelling "Kneel before Todd!" over and over.

"You wanna handle that, Jessie?" Dean asked me, surprising me.

I swallowed and thought fast. "Uh, no. I think you're better with kids than I am," I said. "I think I should go with Sam and keep an eye on Wes." I flinched when Wes glared at me, but that was all he did.

Dean told Sam that he would handle Todd while we got Wes to Lucky Chin's. When we got the restaurant, Wes and Sam stood outside the restaurant while Sam told Wes it was time to pull the coin, trying to convince him that it was the right thing to do. I looked in the front window and saw Hope in there, tossing a coin into the fountain as Wes asked why he couldn't just get what he wanted. I grabbed Sam's hand to get his attention as Sam said "Because that's life, Wes."

And then lightning struck and the world went black.

And then it wasn't, and I was standing next to Sam, holding onto his hand. He looked around confused as Hope came out of the restaurant looking lost. Wes came out afterward and handed Sam the magic coin, and then Wes walked away without a word. I had no idea what had happened.

Sam looked down at me and smiled, but then it quickly changed to a frown as he remembered the events of the last two days. "You made a wish, didn't you, young lady?"

Relief washed over me, but it quickly changed to apprehension. "Yes," I said, looking away, unable to meet his eyes.

"Get in the car," he growled at me. I don't think Sam had ever growled at me before. I obeyed immediately, climbing in and putting on my seatbelt. In silence, we drove back to where we had left Dean to pick him up. Waves of displeasure seemed to roll off Sam. I knew I was in trouble.

Dean was sitting on the curb waiting for us. He did not look happy. He looked seriously, seriously pissed. My stomach started hurting. I stayed in the back of the car while Sam got out and Dean took the driver's seat. He barely got the car door shut before he started yelling.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he demanded. "You made a wish, from a supernatural well!"

"So did you!" I responded defensively, crossing my arms over my chest. My face was hot.

"I was testing it, and my wish was for a sandwich. Sam wouldn't wish at all. What exactly was your wish, Jessie? Huh?" When I didn't say anything, he snapped, "Answer me, little girl!"

"I wished that I was a hunter and that you and Sam would be ok with it," I said. I let myself get mad. "Because you guys don't ever let me help! You always keep me locked up in the car or the room, and I can help! I'm not useless!"

"Yeah? How did your wish work out for you?" Dean yelled at me, pulling into the parking lot of the hotel.

"Fine!" I said, still mad and somehow hoping to somehow reduce the punishment I was sure I was headed for, even though it wasn't true. "You guys let me help and treated me and my opinions and my abilities with respect! Everything went fine."

"That's not how I remember it," Sam said, turning around to look at me, his jaw twitching. "If I remember right, and I'm sure I do, because of your wish, we stopped caring about what you did. We forgot about the fact that you weren't supposed to be in the house when we were at Audrey's, we let you try to light the coin on fire in the wishing well without any safety equipment nearby, we forgot about you being on restriction, no one told you to go to bed last night, and then when you needed to light a fire, we just let you leave the room and wander the town alone to find a place to light one. We still don't know what happened with that, and a police officer brought you back home last night. To top it all off, you got hit by lightning this afternoon when Hope wished that I would be. So, young lady, how is any of that 'fine', exactly?"

Stunned and guilty, I stuttered, but nothing came out. Dean parked and whirled around in the front seat. The look on his face was frightening. "Get your ass in the room and get in the corner, right now." I burst into tears, stumbled out of the car, and ran to the room.

I let myself in and put myself in the corner, leaning against the wall and sobbing. This sucked. Not only had I had to spend yesterday dealing with the fact that they didn't seem to care about me, but now I was in trouble for it. And the worst part was that I knew I deserved it.

A couple of minutes passed before Dean and Sam came into the room, and I couldn't help myself. I whirled from the corner and flung myself into Dean's arms. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I cried into his shirt. "It was stupid. I knew better, but I just wanted to be a hunter like you, and then when I was, you guys didn't care about anything I was doing. You just let me do whatever." I took a shuddering breath, intending to continue.

"Jessie," Dean interrupted, his voice rough. "Get back in the corner. We'll talk about this when all of us have calmed down. Go on." I clutched him to me more fiercely, but he unwound my arms from his waist and turned me away from him, guiding me back to the corner. He put his hands on my shoulders and said, "I want you to think about what happened. Think about everything that happened and how you felt about it, and what could have happened to you because of it. Then think about how I must feel right now, knowing that I wasn't watching out for my little girl because of a wish she made." He kissed the top of my head and left me there.

I sobbed once and then caught myself, leaning my head against the wall to think.


	28. Chapter 28 - Facing the Music

I tried to think, but I was just too miserable. Yesterday had been horrible and today was winding up even worse. Tears flowed down my cheeks and I kept wiping my eyes and nose with my sleeve, until Sam gave in and handed me the box of tissues that had been in the bathroom. My legs and feet got tired, and I started shifting my weight from one foot to the other. After a while, Dean left to go get some food, since none of us had eaten for hours, and when he came back he finally called me out to eat.

I turned from the corner to find the Dean unpacking the bag with subs in it. I was unsure what to do. "I need to pee," I said hesitantly. "Can I...?"

"Go, but hurry," Dean said, his voice calm but coated with displeasure.

Once I was in the bathroom, I took care of my business and then washed my face with cold water. My eyes felt swollen and itchy. I didn't want to go back out and sit at the table. Why did they always think it was good idea to feed the prisoner before killing her? Who could eat with certain death facing them? I sighed and cupped some more cold water in my hands, splashing it on my face again before drying off. I still wanted to cry.

I was looking in the mirror at my red eyes when Dean banged on the door. I jumped about a foot. "Stop screwing around and get out here, little girl. You don't want to push me right now," he said.

"Yes, Dean," I squeaked. I turned away from the mirror and opened the door to find him standing on the other side with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Sam was standing by the table with almost the exact same posture. It was definitely the firing squad for me. Still frowning, Dean extended his hand towards the table for me to go in front of him. I trudged the fifteen or so steps to the little table, feeling him behind me the entire way, and dropped into the chair that had the smallest sub in front of it. My wooden hairbrush was sitting in the middle of the table like a beacon. I stared at it for a minute before forcing my eyes onto the paper-wrapped lump in front of me.

"This isn't the best last meal," I muttered to myself.

In the middle of sitting down himself, Sam reached over and grabbed my chin, turning me to look at him. "Are you feeling sorry for yourself?" Sam demanded as he settled into his chair. Even I knew the right answer to that.

"No," I lied, pulling my chin away and looking back down at the white paper around my sandwich.

"Good, because you brought this on yourself. Eat your lunch," he ordered.

"I'm not hungry," I whispered, and I wasn't, even though I hadn't eaten since breakfast. Impending death will do that to you, not to mention the not-so-subtle threat of the hairbrush in the middle of the table. "May I be excused?" I asked petulantly.

"Well I am," Dean said, unwrapping his sandwich. He gave me a stern look, his eyebrows furrowed. "And no, you may not. You'll sit there where I can watch you whether you eat or not. I'm not letting you out of my sight right now." He took a huge bite of the sandwich. "Not as good as the one I wished for," he said.

"That one probably won't give you food poisoning," Sam pointed out, unwrapping his own sandwich. Both of them ignored me.

I unwrapped my sandwich, leaned my head on my hand, and picked at the bun, putting tiny little bits of bread in my mouth. I could see that it was my favorite though, turkey with melted cheese and bacon, lettuce, and tomato on top, a tiny bit of mayo, but I couldn't bring myself to eat it. Sam and Dean discussed the case we'd just solved. Dean wanted to stay in town one more night to make sure that all the wishes had reverted. Sam said that he hadn't seen any omens anywhere so they should take a couple of days after this to hustle some pool and refill their pockets. They discussed towns near us where they could do that.

The small talk was getting to me, but I knew better than to push, especially this time when I was already on restriction. I wondered briefly if lockdown was back on the table. I hoped not. I didn't want to be under constant supervision again. Trying to ignore the wooden hairbrush, I pulled a little more bread from the center of my sub and wadded it into a little ball, rolling it between my fingers to smooth it out.

"Jessie," Dean said crossly. "If you're not going to eat it, wrap it back up and put it in the fridge. Don't ruin good food."

"I _am_ eating it," I objected on principle, popping the ball of wadded bread into my mouth.

He gave me a warning look, and my stomach dropped. I flushed. Still chewing and without another word, I got to my feet, wrapped the sandwich up, and put it in the fridge, my hands shaking a little. Sometimes my mouth ran faster than my brain. I needed to work on that. I dropped back into my chair and stared at my feet. My sneakers were filthy and beat-up, and a hole was wearing where my big toe was. I guessed I had grown again and needed new shoes. I supposed that was a good thing, since it wasn't like I was all that big to begin with.

"All right, let's get this show on the road," Dean said, wadding into a ball the paper that his sub had been wrapped in. I looked up at him in alarm as he stood up. Sam followed suit, pulling the table away from me so that I had nothing to hide behind. Vulnerability washed through me, and I looked away from both of them, back at my feet. At least the hairbrush was farther away now. It was a miniscule comfort.

"What conclusions did you come to in the corner?" Dean asked, leaning with his back against the wall to stare down at me. Sam stood right next to him, only leaning with his shoulder against the wall instead, boxing me in.

"Answer me," Dean demanded when I didn't say anything right away.

"I... I... None," I whispered, finally. I wouldn't meet his eyes. My shoes were safer targets. "I couldn't think."

"I can put you back in the corner until you have answers, little girl," Dean threatened.

I shook my head and frantically fumbled around my brain for something to say to keep me from having to wait for this punishment any longer. I didn't think my sanity could handle that. "I... uh..." I stuttered. Dean waited with his eyebrows raised and his head tilted. Sam's jaw was twitching with annoyance. "I was selfish," I said after an eternity.

"And?" Sam prompted.

More? They wanted more? "Untrustworthy?" I asked after several more seconds of panicked thinking. At Dean's single nod, I grabbed those two ideas and ran with them. "If I'd stopped to consider what you guys would want, I wouldn't have made the wish. And since I made that decision, you can't trust me anymore?"

"It's waaaay worse than that, Jessie," Dean said. I felt sick, but he kept going. "You know what I see in front of me right now? I see a girl who will lie, cheat, and steal to have what she wants without considering anything else but her own desires, a spoiled brat who will do anything to get what she wants, regardless of the consequences, regardless of the people she loves, regardless of her own safety."

Tears welled up in my eyes, again. "Oh," I said in a small voice, looking up at their angry faces through my bangs.

"What did you think would happen when you wished to be a hunter?" Sam asked, his face tight.

"That you guys would, you know, take me on hunts and I'd kill monsters and help save people," I said tentatively.

"Did you think you would die? Because on this hunt, which wasn't even all that dangerous, you _died_," Sam said, "because you were holding _my_ hand."

I blinked. Is that what had happened when the world went black? "I did?" I asked.

"You did. I died, you died. Dean was almost choked to death by a seven-year-old, and he's died before too, and been near death so many times that it's uncountable. He went to hell. I died a couple years ago, killed by another psychic during a demon-driven winner-takes-all match. You've heard these stories. You've been there for some of them," Sam said, his voice rising as he spoke. "Hunters die, Jessie, and congratulations, you've died now too. It was only because Wes did the right thing that you aren't dead right now. And if you hadn't come along, you'd have been completely safe in the hotel room or the car!" Sam was shouting now.

"Oh," I said, feeling the blood leave my face. Sam rarely shouted.

"If you didn't have Gabby chasing you, I'd have you on a bus to Bobby's right now," Dean ground out. "Because not only are you selfish, spoiled, and untrustworthy, you are not sorry. You do nothing to change your attitude. It doesn't matter how many times we tell you no, you still do what you want. It doesn't matter to you that we give you hunting lessons so that you can keep yourself safe, or that you're training to fight the goddess. You don't even consider that we're risking your life for those things, the first one to keep you happy and the second one to keep you alive, you still push to die, with no regret or apology. You just keep doing exactly what you want, and nothing we do can stop you. Hell, half the time we don't even see it coming! There's no guessing what you're going to do next!"

My mouth was open and my bottom lip was trembling. I fought against tears, trying to stay strong in the face of this. Dean was right. He was so right. I was ashamed of myself, ashamed of how I'd acted, ashamed of the choices I'd made, ashamed of my behavior, my impetuousness, and my selfishness. Unable to fight it anymore, tears tumbled down my cheeks in hot waterfalls and I wailed, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish I'd never done it. I won't do it again. You're right. You're right!" I curled over my lap and hugged my knees, my tears soaking into the legs of my jeans and my thighs muffling my sobs.

Sam grabbed the hairbrush from the middle of the table, reached down, and pulled me to my feet. He took my place in the straight-backed chair, yanked my jeans and panties down, and upended me over his lap. With no preparation, he brought the hairbrush down onto my butt in sharp, stinging, painful smacks. He peppered my bottom, but concentrated on the spot where my butt met my upper thighs, but even landing some on my upper thighs until I was howling and kicking. He just held me there and continued to land swats.

"You will listen to us, young lady. You will let us keep you safe. You will not fight us, disobey us, or deliberately put yourself in danger," he said finally. Even as I howled, and even though I was having trouble following what he was saying, I was grateful that he'd finally started talking. "You will start earning our trust and keeping our trust or we will put you on a bus to Bobby's and have him lock you in the panic room until we get rid of Gabby. You will act responsibly and think about the consequences of your actions. I'm through talking to you about this. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Sam!" I screeched. "Yes! I'm sorry!"

He landed several more before he finally yanked my panties up and put me on my feet. My jeans pooled around my feet. I heeled off my sneakers and stepped out of my jeans right before Dean grabbed my arm and dragged me over to the bed. I stood in front of him and watched in horror as he unbuckled his belt and slid it from his belt loops, the soft clank and whisper of leather over cloth filling me with dread.

"Lie on the bed," he said.

Swallowing hard, I didn't argue. I laid down on the bed and he reached out and yanked my panties back down around my thighs. I clutched the bedspread to me as the belt came down hard on my already aching backside. I hollered and then pushed my face into the bedspread where I could cry without making too much noise and where no one could see my face. The belt came down again and again, up and down my butt in waves. I sobbed into the bedspread until he stopped and yanked my panties back to where they belonged.

"Corner, little girl," Dean said. I got up and tried to hug him, and he let me for a minute, but then he walked me to the corner and put my nose in it. "Stand up straight."

He left me there for a while. I could hear them moving around the room, but I didn't dare look at them. Tears dripped down my face. Finally, Dean said, "All right, come here."

When I turned around, the room was back in order and my hairbrush was nowhere in sight. Sam was at the table on his laptop, and Dean was sitting on his bed. I stood in front of him and he pulled me into his arms and hugged me to him. "Jessie, please behave. I don't want to send you away, but I will."

"I'm sorry, Dean," I whispered into his chest, my arms tucked under his and around his back. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it to happen like this. I'm ashamed of myself. I really am. I promise I'll never do anything like this again."

"Good," Dean said gruffly, and then he held me for a long time. Finally, he put me on my feet. "Go see Sam," he said. "And then we'll talk about the rest of your punishment."

Those words sparked a shiver of fear through me, but I didn't argue. I went over to Sam.

Sam frowned at me but then he sighed and pulled me into his lap too. "I'm done, Jessie," he said. "The next time, you're going to Bobby's. I mean it."

"I know," I said filled with regret. "I'm sorry. Sam. I promise, I won't do anything like this again." He relaxed and hugged me close. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on tight.

I almost fell asleep there, but when I started nodding off, Sam nudged me and set me on my feet.

"Come here, Jessie," Dean said. I tensed up and turned to go to him. Once I was in front of him, he put his finger under my chin and met my eyes. "You're on lockdown," Dean stated flatly. I nodded. I'd been expecting that. "You leave our presence without permission, you get a spanking right there. And you'd better not throw a temper tantrum this time like you did last time. You got me?"

"Yes, Dean," I said.

"And you're getting another spanking tomorrow night and the night after that, from both me and Sam. Your behavior for the day will determine how bad it's going to be, but you will get a spanking. I'm done with you not listening and putting yourself in danger and I don't want you to forget that ever again."

My shoulders slumped. "Yes, Dean."

"Now go shower and put on your PJs. When you get out, you're eating your sandwich and going to bed."

"It's four o'clock!" I objected, but the look he gave me quelched that immediately. "Yes, Dean." I said, and headed to the shower.


	29. Chapter 29 - Disgraced

**AN: Yes, I am a bad author. I took a lazy weekend and played computer games. *shame* Here's the next chapter. **

**While I have you here, if you want to let me know anything about what you don't like about my story or if there is anything I can do to improve it, I am open to constructive criticism, but I may ask for more info so I know what to improve. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

I didn't go to sleep right away. First off, it was five o'clock. No self-respecting twelve-year-old falls asleep at five o'clock, even if she is in disgrace, but second, I was really upset with myself. Why the hell couldn't I get this under control? All they asked of me is that I keep myself safe and follow their rules, and I kept flying off the handle and completely disregarding what they wanted. I stared at the wooden wall and cried silently. I swore up and down that I'd do better, that I'd do what Sam and Dean wanted me to, when they wanted me to. I promised myself that I'd think before I acted, that I'd keep my temper, that I'd try harder to keep myself safe. I promised I'd do my school work and go to college like they wanted me to. Even if I did that, it wasn't like I was swearing off hunting. Sam had gone to college and he was a hunter, and look how smart and capable he was. They'd done so much for me and I'd caused nothing but heartache for them.

Dean was right, I was an ungrateful, selfish little brat who didn't even try. I wanted to be a better girl. I wanted to be his good girl, and there was no judge on earth who could say that I was right now. It hurt that I had hurt them. It hurt that they were mad at me and they thought so little of me, and it hurt that I had worked hard to earn that opinion, that I was completely deserving of it.

I didn't want to go to Bobby's. If I went to Bobby's, I'd miss both of them so badly, and if I went to Bobby's, it would be in disgrace. They'd be sending my away because they couldn't trust me, because I was bad, and I didn't think I could handle that. It hurt my stomach just thinking about it. Up until now, Bobby's had been a safe haven, a home, a shelter, but if they sent me away now, it would be exile, and I didn't want Bobby's house to be my exile when I'd been so happy there before.

I was just going to have to be good. That was all there was to it. There was no other choice.

I must have fallen asleep because before I knew it, Dean was gently shaking me awake. "Jessie, sweetheart, you need to wake up and come burn something," he said. "Come on, get up."

I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes. My fire was pounding away, and I hadn't even realized it. There was a faint glow around my hand in the gloom of the room. If he had waited much longer, I would have woken up on my own, my fire driving me. I slid my shoes on my feet without bothering to put on socks, and then shrugged into a coat. It was early November, and it was cold out. My pajama pants and sleep shirt were not going to be enough.

Dean took my hand and led me outside to the brazier that he had set up in the alley behind the hotel. He held the fire extinguisher while I burned through the bags of charcoal one by one. When I was done, I helped Dean clean up the brazier in silence and then went with him while he put it back in the trunk, wrapped in a large black garbage bag to keep the rest of the contents of the trunk clean. I stood next to the trunk shifting my weight from one foot to the other, my thoughts whirling away.

"Come on, back to bed with you," Dean said. He held out his hand, but instead of taking it, I wrapped my arms around his waist under his leather jacket and buried myself in his flannel shirt. He wrapped his arms around me in return.

"I want to be your good girl again," I said into his shirt, tears pricking my eyes and leaking into his shirt.

"The only way you can do that is with your actions, sweetheart," Dean said quietly. "I can't trust you and only what you do from now on will change that." He gently pried my arms from around his waist and knelt down in front of me to look me in the eye. "I love you, Jessie. I know you can be what you want to be. I know that you can make me proud of you again." With his thumb, he wiped away the tears that were leaking from my eyes. "You know what we want from you. All you have to do is to do it."

I pulled my gaze away from his. "I know," I said. "I will." I flung my arms around his neck and hugged him tight. He stood up and slid his arms under my hips, carrying me up to the room while I buried my head in his shoulder. When we reached the room, he set me on my feet and kissed the top of my head before unlocking the door. "I know you can do it, sweetheart," he said again.

Sam looked up when we came in and I went to him too, hugging him silently as tight as I could before I said, "I'm going to do better Sam. I'm going to make you proud of me."

Sam ran his hand down my hair as he hugged me back. "I know you will, Jessie." Then he stood up and led me back to my bed, tucking me back in. Both of them kissed me good night again, and I rolled over and went back to sleep.

The next morning, Sam woke me up before it was even light out. "Jessie, wake up. We're going for a run," he said. I wanted to groan, but remembering my promise of the night before, I didn't. Instead, I got out of bed and got dressed, sliding on my sweats and my sneakers. I sleepily followed Sam out into the bracing air of early morning, where we went through some stretches before we started running.

I was so used to the activity by now that after the initial shock of the cold air, I fell into my normal rhythm and used the time to look at the town and to think. The mountains were beautiful on the horizon and he ran us down by the docks where I watched the sun come up over the trees in the east. We ran for a long time before he took me back to the room where Dean was up. Dean ran me through some more training, like bends, thrusts, leg lifts, side lunges, crunches, and push-ups.

After all of that was done, we went out for breakfast, and then Sam took the coin to go melt it down. I wanted more than anything to be the one to melt it, and I knew that I could do it, but so did they, and they didn't offer, so I kept my mouth shut. Dean and I went around town checking on the wishes that we knew had been granted. After a couple hours of wandering, we determined that the invisible boy was visible again and that the lottery winner was declared a fake in the newspaper, and as we sat on the dock waiting for Sam, Audrey walked past with her parents and her teddy bear, which was back to normal size and no longer speaking. Audrey waved at Dean as she walked past, and he smiled at her and waved back. I ignore the twinge of jealousy that bit me and told myself it was my own fault Dean wasn't happy with me right now.

Sam showed up not too long after that with the news that the coin was melted down. Dean stood up and started heading towards the car, but about a quarter of the way there, he stopped and told Sam that Sam was right. As I leaned against the railing, Dean said that he remembered everything that happened in the pit. Sam asked Dean to tell him about it, but Dean refused. He said he wouldn't lie about it anymore, but he wasn't going to talk about it because talking about it wouldn't help. He said that there was no making it better or forgetting about the things that he saw. It would always be in his head and that Sam wouldn't understand. Both of them were near tears as Dean said that he couldn't make Sam understand but that he was sorry.

"Come on, Jessie," Dean said, holding out his hand to me without looking at me. I took it and followed him down the docks, looking after me to make sure Sam was following.

They didn't talk to each other for about a half hour after that, even after we got in the car. I pulled out my schoolbooks and started working on my assignments without any prompting from Sam, mostly to try to get my mind off of what Dean had said. Finally, Sam asked Dean where he wanted to go and the two of them fell into a more normal banter. I relaxed but didn't stop working.

We drove all afternoon, stopping for food and bathroom breaks. Once I finished all of the day's schoolwork and half of the next day's out of sheer boredom, I drew a little and wrote a little. Dean put music on, and I sang quietly to myself in the backseat while we drove.

As we drove away from the diner we'd eaten dinner at, I asked, "Are we driving straight through, or are we getting a motel room?" After the emotional upheaval of the night before and today, and after the training I'd done this morning, I wanted to go to sleep. If we weren't getting a motel room, I could just crash in the backseat of the car, even though it was only eight o'clock.

Dean looked at me in the rearview mirror. "We're driving through, but we're stopping to scrounge some money later."

"Ok," I said. That didn't really answer my entire question though. I wanted to go to sleep, but Dean had promised me a spanking before bed from both him and Sam. I didn't want to remind him of it, but I didn't want to go to sleep and have him wake me up later. I looked miserably at the floor of the car, unable to decide. Finally, I just said, "Is it ok if I go to sleep now? I'm tired."

"Not just yet," Dean said. "We have some business to take care of."

My face flared and adrenaline pumped through me. "Ok," I whispered. That answered that. I had hoped he would forget but knew that he wouldn't. About five minutes later, he pulled off onto a road with a sign for a scenic overlook. I pulled my feet up onto the seat with me, dreading what was coming. I only hoped that the place would be empty when we got there.

It was. Dean pulled in and I climbed out of the car. There were picnic tables next to a lake, but sun had been down for a long time. I hesitantly trailed after Dean to a picnic table. He sat down and then reached out and pulled me forward to stand between his knees. He held my hands while he looked at me.

"Why am I spanking you?" he asked me.

I was so miserable that a smart ass answer didn't even come to mind. "Because I was selfish and broke your trust and put myself in danger. Because I wasn't even out of trouble for basically the same thing when I did it again. Because you don't want me to forget how disappointed you are in me for acting like this." My voice caught on the last sentence, but I fought down the tears.

Dean nodded, his face sad but set. "That's right," he said. "What did I say would happen tonight and tomorrow?"

I squirmed and looked away from him, but he wouldn't let my hands go. "You said that you would spank me and that Sam would spank me, and that my behavior would determine how bad it was."

Dean nodded again and then pulled me over his lap. He brought his hand down ten times on my jeans, which stung, but didn't hurt all that much, but since I was so overwrought, I burst into tears at the first smack and sobbed through all ten. When he was done, he hugged me to him until I stopped crying. Then he stood up and let Sam sit down.

Sam didn't say anything. He pulled me over his lap and did the same thing, ten smacks over the top of my jeans. I cried for him, too, for the same reason, and when he was done, he pulled me into a hug. Dean sat back down next to Sam and rubbed my back while I cried again. I wondered vaguely if I'd ever stop feeling bad over this.

"You were really good today," Sam said when I stopped crying. "You did everything that we told you to, and you did all the things that you were supposed to without any prompting from us."

"You keep this up and you'll be back on our good side in no time," Dean said. "I know you can do this, Jessie."

"I will," I said. I wiped my eyes. Sam put me on my feet and Dean led me to the car. I climbed into the backseat. Dean dug the blanket out and covered me up. He kissed me goodnight. Sam followed suit.

I fell asleep while they went in search of a bar to hustle pool in.


	30. Chapter 30 - Demon's Advocate

We spent the next few of days on the road just kind of driving. Sam and Dean were keeping an eye out for any possible cases, but nothing had shown up recently. I was concentrating on being a good girl for once, and my second bedtime spanking went the same as the first one, only I didn't cry as much. Since we had no cases, Sam and Dean were hustling pool in the evenings. We'd been spending nights in the Impala, sleeping at some really beautiful mountain and lakeside stops.

While we ate dinner at a diner on the third day, Sam had his laptop out and a browser open. "Jessie, I want you to start looking for signs of Gabby. We don't have the stake to kill her yet, but we need to find her, too. It will be easier if we know where she is when we have the stake."

A little thrill shot through me. "Ok, Sam," I said, smiling at him. I was eager to be useful and helpful. Plus, getting rid of Gabby was high on my list of things to do. I fingered the ring at the end of my necklace. We were supposed to get it sized to fit my finger, but I didn't want to be without it on me for long enough to do that, so we'd left it on the necklace.

"I've bookmarked some searches for you and some sites," he said, moving the laptop over so that it was between the two of us. He walked me through the sites and the searches and showed me how to do my own, if I had other ideas.

"What am I looking for?" I asked after he showed me everything.

"Anything strange about fires, I'd think," Sam said. I nodded. "I'll let you have the computer after your morning training if we have internet access. Otherwise, you can go through the newspapers and magazines I buy," he added.

My mind started whirling, as Sam closed the laptop and Dean dropped some cash on the table. I'd make a list of things to search for. I knew all of Gabby's signs and symbols and most of her history. I knew I could find her. This was something I could do when I was done with my schoolwork, especially since I couldn't read novels or play on my GameBoy for three more weeks.

When we got in the car, I pulled out my Gabby notebook and started writing down ideas, some with question marks. Dean and Sam discussed which bar they were going to hustle pool at that night. It took about a half hour to get to the bar. They'd been leaving me to sleep in the car while they hustled pool, but it was still earlyish, nine o'clock, and this new assignment to look for Gabby had me excited.

"Can I come in with you?" I asked. It was amazing how many bars would let a kid hang out at a table in the corner as long as her parents were there and she wasn't causing any trouble or making any noise. Also, I was pretty good at being unobtrusive.

Sam and Dean looked at each other. "It's bed time for you," Dean said. "Nine o'clock."

"I know, but Sam gave me this thing to do…" I said. "I promise to be good and I won't get in the way."

Dean shook his head. "No, sweetheart. You're still grounded, and he gave you that assignment for the morning, not before bed."

"Ok," I said, not arguing with him. He didn't tend to get mad if I asked, only if I argued. I'd been trying hard not to argue the last few days. I stood up and leaned over the seat to hug and kiss both of them. Then I put my notebook away and pulled the blanket over me as they got out of the car. I set my cell phone next to me. I knew that if I woke up and needed to go to the bathroom or needed one of them for something, I could just call them. I waved at them as they walked towards the bar, and then laid down and closed my eyes, my brain whirling with search ideas.

I woke up when the two car doors slammed shut. I blinked into the gloom, surprised at how easily I had fallen asleep. I wondered how long I'd been out. Dean started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, his movements jerky. He was mad. Something had happened.

I sat up as Sam started dialing numbers on his phone. I listened as he talked to a police department about someone named Anna Milton. When he was done, he turned off his phone and told Dean that Anna Milton was real. Dean said that didn't mean the case was real and that the hospital was a three day drive. Sam said that we'd driven further for less. As I listened, it became clear that Dean was mad because Ruby had shown up and given them a tip on a case. Dean didn't trust Ruby, obviously, but Sam did.

Dean wanted to know why Sam trusted Ruby so much and Sam said that she'd helped him go after Lilith. Dean said he wanted more detail. Sam snapped back that they should trade stories. He said that Dean could go first and give him details on what had happened in hell. Dean glared at him and they both lapsed into angry silence.

I sat uncomfortably in the backseat and picked at my nails in nervousness. I'd told Dean what had happened with Gabija over the summer, but I hadn't told him anything about what Sam and Ruby had done. As far as I was concerned, that was Sam's story to tell, and Dean hadn't asked. Besides, aside from going after Lilith the one time where I'd snuck out with them, I didn't really know what they'd done. Sam had been very careful to keep me out of it as much as he could.

Dean checked the rearview mirror and then checked it again before saying in a gentler tone than he'd been using with Sam, "Jessie, what are you doing up?"

"You guys weren't exactly quiet," I said softly, looking at him in the mirror from my spot in the middle of the backseat. "Besides, I kinda could use a rest stop." I waited a beat before asking, "Where are we going?"

"Mental hospital three days from here," Dean said, his voice hardening with annoyance. "Some girl escaped and there are demons after her. We're looking into it."

"Ok," I said, trying not to annoy him further. "So, about that rest stop?"

Three days later, the guys parked me in a motel room while they went to the mental hospital to search for Anna. I was still on lockdown, but since demons were involved, they decided it was safer to leave me at the motel, calling me to check on me periodically.

The place had free Wi-Fi, so while they were out searching for Anna, I stayed at the room, running searches on Gabby. Since Gabby was a Lithuanian goddess, I'd added searches for any news or articles about Lithuania to my criteria. I hadn't found anything yet.

The guys had been gone for about two hours when my phone rang with Sam's ringtone. I tore myself away from the computer to answer on the second ring. "What are you doing?" Sam asked me.

"Looking for news on Gabby, like you said to," I said, standing up and pacing the floor in front of the sink. "I haven't found anything yet. Did you guys get any good info on Anna?"

"She knocked a possessed orderly unconscious and then ran," Sam said. "She drew a bunch of sketches that look like they're related to the seals that have been broken, and she's missing. We're heading to her parents' house to see if she's there or if they've heard from her."

"That's interesting," I said. "Which seals did she draw?"

"We've got this, Jessie. I want you to stop looking for news on Gabby and start your school work for today."

Ugh. "Yes, Sam," I said, disappointed but sticking to my whole 'good girl' stance.

"You being good?"

"Yeah," I said. I had been, too, although it was kind of on accident, since there was nothing I'd rather do than look for Gabby. "Call me if you want me to look anything up for you," I said, my tone wheedling.

Sam laughed. "When you finish your schoolwork, if you want to go back to looking for Gabby on the computer, you can."

I smiled, "Thanks, Sam."

An hour later, my phone rang again while I was working on my Pre-Algebra, but this time it was Dean. "What up, dawg?" I chirped into the phone just to liven things up.

"What?" Dean asked after a second, sounding confused.

"Nothing," I said, rolling my eyes at his cluelessness. "I'm being good. I'm doing my school work. I'm still in the room. Nothing interesting is happening. Did you find Anna?"

"No, we're headed to her dad's church to see if she's there. Did you eat lunch?"

"Yeah, like two hours ago," I said. "When are you coming back?"

"Soon, sweetheart. You call me if you need something. Be good."

Three more hours passed and I didn't hear from them. I'd finished my school work and was starting to get worried. I tried calling both of their cell phones, but they didn't answer. I called Bobby, but he hadn't heard from them. While he had me on the phone, he told me he had a lead on a piece of wood from that Lithuanian oak tree. I didn't care, though. I made a non-committal noise at him and rushed off the phone. Then I paced, and I checked my phone, and I paced some more.

I started to panic, wondering what I'd do if they didn't come back. I actually knew what I was supposed to do if they didn't show up. First, I was supposed to wait 24 hours and then call Bobby to come help. If Bobby wasn't available, I was supposed to get on a bus and go to his house. It hadn't been anywhere near 24 hours yet, but they'd been keeping me with them so much and riding me so much when I wasn't with them that the small amount of time that they'd been missing seemed huge.

I stared out the window. It had gotten dark while they were gone. I checked every car that went by, every car that came into the lot, and none of them was the Impala. Twenty minutes later, they finally pulled in. I went to the door to the motel room and flung it open, running to the Impala.

"Where were you guys?" I demanded as Dean got out. My eyes widened as I saw that he was holding his arm at a weird angle. He spit blood onto the sidewalk.

"Get the first aid kit out of the trunk," he said. I grabbed the keys from his hand and ran to the trunk. Sam was getting out with a bloody towel held down on his bicep.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath. I dug in the trunk to find the first aid kit while they headed towards the room. I ran after them, shutting and locking the door behind us. Sam dropped onto the bed. I opened the first aid kit and dug out a needle and thread as he took the bloody towel off his wound. Blood gushed.

"What the hell happened?" I asked. Sam gestured for the bottle of whiskey that Dean had brought in, and I handed it to him. He poured it over his wound, wincing. I took the bottle back from him and handed him the needle and thread. He started stitching up his wound. I couldn't watch.

Dean was spitting blood into the sink, rinsing, and spitting again, his bad arm clutched against his stomach. I sat down on a chair at the table and waited for them to finish with their wounds.

"Demons are after Anna because she can hear the angels talking to each other," Dean said, finally answering my question. He rinsed and spit again. "One of them attacked us. We jumped out a window to escape him. We took the long way back to make sure no one was following." He rinsed and spit. Then he washed his face, and rinsed and spit again.

Turned out that he'd dislocated his shoulder in the fall, and Sam's injury was from the broken glass. They'd lost the demon-killing knife in the fight. Sam said that Ruby had Anna so that meant that Anna was safe. When Sam was done sewing up his wound, he put Dean's shoulder back in place. Dean and Sam got into an argument about whether Ruby was trustworthy. Sam said that we had to lay low and wait for Ruby to contact us.

Dean asked Sam why he trusted Ruby so much. He asked Sam to tell him more. Sam said that Ruby had saved his life. For the next two hours, I listened as Sam told his side of what had happened over the summer. He told Dean everything, from how Ruby had found us to us going after Lilith. Ruby had had a bigger impact on Sam than even I had realized. Apparently, he felt that Ruby had said to him the same kind of things that Dean would have. She'd made him want to live again, she'd driven away his suicidal tendencies, just by having him concentrate on revenge on Lilith. She'd come back to him and saved him from the demons when we'd gone after Lilith.

I knew it should have made me like her more, trust her more, but I couldn't. She'd treated me like crap, like the chaff with the wheat. I couldn't let that go and I still didn't trust her.

We sat in silence after Sam was done with his tale. Then a maid showed up with clean towels. Turned out it was Ruby. She gave Sam an address to a cabin and told us to get out through the bathroom window. We couldn't even take the car because demons would follow us. We abandoned everything and ran.


	31. Chapter 31 - Angels Descending

We stole a car and high-tailed it to the address that Ruby had given Sam, or rather, we found the mailbox that the address was attached to. The trip to the cabin itself was a walk up a trail in the woods. We approached the cabin quietly, since we weren't sure what we were going to find once we got there. Dean had me following a good fifty feet back from them, just to make sure I wasn't in any danger. I had my furnace open to make sure I had some protection in case we ran into anything. Dean noticed me glowing, but for once, he didn't tell me to lock it up, so I took that as a good sign.

When we got to the cabin, Dean and Sam went first, and when Ruby opened the door, Dean looked inside and then gestured for me to catch up. I jogged the distance between us and went into the house right behind them.

A red-headed woman was sitting on the couch, who I assumed was Anna. Sam asked her if she was ok, and she said she was and that Ruby wasn't like other demons. I started wandering the cabin, checking to see where things were, while Dean gave an awkward thank you to Ruby for saving Sam. I rolled my eyes. Great, another Ruby convert.

The cabin was really rickety, you could see outside through the slats in the walls, but at least it had running water and electricity. That was a nice change. I wandered out of the main room and into a bedroom with a double bed and a vanity table. From inside that room, I heard Anna ask about her parents. I sat down on the bed and leaned against the wall. I didn't want to be in the room when Sam told her that her parents were dead. It hurt too much to think about. When she burst into tears, I dropped my head and felt tears welling myself. I knew exactly how she felt.

I was wiping the tears from my eyes when Anna gasped and said, "They're coming."

"In the bedroom," Dean said, and suddenly Dean and Sam were hustling Anna into the room with me. I climbed off the bed, and Dean pointed at me. "You stay put," he said. He raised his eyebrows at me.

"Yes, Dean," I said, sinking back down. Then he and Sam rushed back out of the room, shutting the door behind them.

Anna looked at me. I gave her a tremulous smile, but there wasn't time to do much else before the cabin started shaking and I heard the door in the main room bang open. Ignoring Anna, I climbed off the bed and huddled up next to the wall between the two rooms, watching between the slats as Castiel and Uriel strode in. Unable to help myself, I opened my furnace. Anna gasped.

"Don't worry," I whispered to her, turning away from the wall for a second to look into Anna's frightened face. "It's fine." Dean wasn't here to tell me to lock it down, and I had no intention of trying to light the angels on fire, but I sure as hell could cause a distraction while we got away, if I had to.

I turned my attention back to what was going on in the main room. The angels told Sam, Dean, and Ruby they were here for Anna. They said that she had to die. My eyes widened when Uriel said that Anna was an abomination, worse than even Ruby. They demanded that Sam and Dean give her to them. Dean refused.

I heard Anna gasp again and turned to see what was wrong, ready to set something on fire. She had a knife in one hand and had cut her wrist. She took two steps to the vanity that was next to me and started drawing a sigil on the mirror.

"What the hell?" I asked, locking up my fire. She finished drawing the sigil in her own blood and slammed her hands down on the top of the vanity in exhaustion. I pushed myself away from her and up against the opposite wall as bright lights shone through the slats between the two rooms and the fighting in the other room stopped.

Dean burst into the room. Anna asked if the angels were gone, she said she'd sent them away and that the sigil had just popped into her head. Dean wrapped up her arm to stop the bleeding while I just stood there like an idiot, my eyes wide in shock.

Ruby sat down on the bed to take a better look at Anna's arm while Dean pulled me out of the room with him and Sam. He closed the door behind him and then turned me around and swatted my butt hard several times.

"Do not leave our sight without permission, little girl," he growled at me while I hopped up and down from the sharp smacks. He let go of me and my hands flew to my backside to rub the sting away.

"I forgot," I said, looking up at him through my bangs.

"Don't forget again," Dean said. "Go park yourself in the corner." I obeyed, checking the corner for spiders before I settled myself in it. Then Dean asked Sam what he thought and the two of them discussed Anna. They knew something strange was going on with her. Sam was going to take off and look into Anna while Dean got us somewhere safe. He went into the bedroom to talk to Anna and Ruby while I stared at the wooden walls, shuffling my feet and leaning my head against the walls.

"Stand up straight and hold still, Jessie," Sam said from behind me. I sighed and straightened back up.

A couple minutes later, Dean came out of the bedroom, Anna and Ruby in tow. "Jessie, you're done. Come out." I turned away from the corner as Dean said, "We're headed to Bobby's."

We weren't that far from Bobby's, thank goodness, just a few hours. Sam had gone to get the Impala and we took the stolen sedan to Bobby's. Ruby rode in the backseat with me while Anna rode up front with Dean. Exhausted from the night's activities, I fell asleep with my head on the window. When I woke up, it was early morning. We were pulling into Bobby's yard and my head was on Ruby's lap. I jerked up in the seat, appalled that I'd been touching Ruby. I'd only had about three hours of sleep.

When we got into the house, Dean took Anna down to the panic room, Ruby in tow. Bobby wasn't home, which made me sad. I really had wanted to see him. I headed up to the room I usually slept in and the furniture was gone. It looked like Bobby was using the room to do some sort of project with wood and paint and metal. There were several old, leather-bound books in the room with weird sounding names in Latin and one that looked Asian. I flipped through a couple of them, unable to read a word. I was going to have to add several languages to the list of things I needed to learn to be a hunter.

From downstairs, I heard Sam yell, "Hey, Dean!" I shut the book and with one last look at the stuff in the room, I headed downstairs to see what Sam had found out.

I hugged Sam while Dean told him that Bobby was in the Dominican Republic. Dean handed me and Sam each a hex bag that Ruby had made, and Sam told us that Anna's parents were a church deacon and housewife, but that when she was two and a half, she didn't think her dad was her real dad, and that she'd thought that her real dad was mad enough at her to kill her. She'd seen a child psychiatrist and gotten better though. Dean asked what she was hiding, and that's when Anna and Ruby came into the room. Anna had no idea why the angels were after her or why they thought she was guilty of something.

Sam said that we should find out. "We know this psychic," he said. "She can help you remember. Her name is Pamela Barnes."

Dean pulled his keys out of his pocket. "I'll go get her," he said.

I'd dropped into a chair while Sam told us what he'd found out, but now I jumped to my feet. "Can I come?" I asked. "It's not going to be dangerous if we're just going to pick her up."

Dean leveled a look at me. "No. I want you to go to take a nap for a few hours. You were up way too late last night. I don't want to have to deal with you later because you're grumpy."

I wanted to argue, but I knew what he meant and I knew he was right, and I didn't want him to spank me later either. "Ok," I said. "My room is a craft room right now, though."

"You can sleep in Bobby's room," Dean said. "Go shower, brush your teeth and put on your PJs and I'll tuck you in before I go."

I obeyed. Dean called and arranged things with Pamela while I got ready for bed, then both Sam and Dean tucked me into Bobby's double bed. I listened to the Impala drive away and then I fell asleep.

I woke up about four hours later to the sounds of silence. I climbed out of bed and crept quietly downstairs to find Sam asleep on the couch. Ruby was nowhere to be seen. I went into the basement and the panic room door was closed. I pulled it open a little, since it wasn't locked, and saw Anna asleep on the bed in there. I went back upstairs to the kitchen to find something to eat.

There wasn't a lot. Bobby didn't really cook and we'd gotten here early enough this morning that no one had gone for a food run. I dug in Bobby's pantry until I found a box of granola bars that I'd left over the summer, back behind a pile of salt and other odd and assorted spell items that he kept in there. I took two to tide me over until I could get other food. I sat down at the desk in the kitchen and opened Sam's laptop to start doing my searches for Gabby.

There wasn't a lot. I found some reports of arson in various places throughout the country, but none of them seemed particularly strange, until I found reports of a fire at a Lithuanian school in Chicago.

_**Girl Missing after Massive School Fire**_

By Alaina Thompson | November 13, 2008 | Chicago, Illinois

_A girl is missing after a massive school fire that destroyed part of The Lithuanian Cultural School of Chicago. Thirteen-year-old Audra Molis has not been seen since the fire started in the basement of the school on Sunday morning. No remains were found at the scene and no lives were lost in the blaze, leading officials to suspect that the girl may have had a part in the setting of the fire._

_The weekend fire grew to gigantic proportions early Sunday morning and burned down the section of the school that housed the seventh graders. It could be days before investigators discover the cause. Investigators from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives, the Chicago Fire Marshal, and the Chicago Police Department's arson task force are processing evidence at the school._

_Anyone with information about Audra Molis or the fire is urged to contact the Chicago Police Department._

I read through the article twice. It included a picture of the Lithuanian girl, which had sandy-brown hair and looked much more like Gabija than I did with my red hair and freckles. It made me wonder again why Gabija had come after me when I wasn't even Lithuanian. My heredity was mostly German or Norwegian. There wasn't a bit of Lithuanian in me, as far as I knew.

The fact that the fire had happened at a Lithuanian school and that a girl my age was now missing made me suspicious. It was possible that Gabija had something to do with it. Since I had cut her off, she could be looking for a new priestess to lead her followers, to learn to sacrifice for her. If anyone or anything had died in the blaze, that would have strengthened her.

I pulled the ring out from under my shirt and fingered it, looking at the markings in the stone. I knew if I took it off, Gabby would feel it. She'd be able to find me and she'd be able to pull fire from me, power from me, to do whatever she wanted. I printed the article out and stuck it in my notebook with the rest of my Gabby information.

Then Ruby came into the kitchen. I slammed the notebook shut and stuffed it into my backpack. She looked at me. "There you are. I was just checking your room," she said, her face open and relaxed.

"Yeah, here I am," I said guardedly. "Why?"

"Sam said that he wanted you up at noon," she said, coming further into the kitchen and leaning against the sink to look at me. I didn't like how comfortable she was and I didn't like that Sam had told her to wake me up. My eyes narrowed as she said. "He asked me to get you up and tell you to start your run."

"He did, huh?" I responded. It was likely he had asked her to do that, but there wasn't a chance in hell that I was going to do anything she told me to. "Thanks," I said. I pulled my Life Science book and notebook out of my backpack and opened them up to start my schoolwork. Ruby frowned. I smiled, ducking my head to hide it.

"Jessie," she said, sounding a bit annoyed.

My temper started to rise at her tone and I tamped it down. "What?" I asked, looking at her innocently. I didn't have to do what she told me to.

She glared at me and then held her hands up in surrender. "Fine, whatever," she said. "It's your ass." She turned away, and then a smile crossed her face and she turned back. "Literally," she smirked.

My temper sparked and I got to my feet in a rush. I hated that she was here in our lives, a demon, a bad guy. I hated that Sam was involved with her, that he had _fucked_ her. I hated that even Anna thought that she wasn't like other demons. I hated how she had treated me over the summer. I hated her and everything she stood for. I clenched my hands at my sides and opened my furnace.


	32. Chapter 32 - Hell Bent and Angel's Mercy

"What are you doing?" Ruby asked, derisively. "You think you're going to set me on fire?"

"I don't think it, bitch," I said, anger pounding in my skull. "All I have to do is reach out a tendril."

"And what do you think that's going to do?" Ruby scoffed. "It's not going to kill me."

I didn't respond. I just reached out a tendril and put it on her feet. Her shoes lit up. She shrieked and jumped back. I laughed and pulled the fire back into me before much of anything had burned.

"You little brat!" she screamed at me.

"I don't have to pull it back in," I said to her. "You're not human. You don't count as people." I reached the tendril out again, this time concentrating on her jeans. They flared and she screamed, backing into the bookshelf against the wall.

"Put it out! Put it out!" she screamed.

"Don't tell me what to do!" I screamed back. I yanked the tendril and all of the fire back into me. Her jeans had huge burned holes in them, and her skin underneath was blistered. "You can't tell me what to do!"

"Jessie Elizabeth Winchester!" Sam thundered from behind me. He grabbed my arm and whirled me around to face him. I gasped and stumbled, slamming my furnace shut in the face of his anger. His eyes were narrowed and his jaw twitched as he looked at me. So not good.

"She was…" I started, but Sam swatted me twice, hard, over my jeans. I faltered.

"Be quiet. I don't want to hear it," Sam snapped. Still holding onto my arm, he jerked me after him, grabbing a wooden spoon from the counter and pulling me over to the desk.

"Sam, wait, please," I objected, trying to pull away from him. I was in huge trouble. I knew it.

"That's one," Sam said, sitting down. Shit! He pulled me closer, unbuttoned my jeans and yanked them down. I was frantic to plead my case.

"She was taunting me," I wailed as he pulled me over his lap.

"That's two," he snapped. His hand descended and I was howling under the onslaught of his hand.

"Please," I cried.

"I don't want to hear it, young lady," Sam said, never slowing. "There is nothing you can say that will excuse you setting a person on fire!"

"She's not a person!" I screamed. He paused and picked up the wooden spoon. "No, Sam! Please!" The wooden spoon crashed onto my butt in a sharp, searing series of spanks that had me crying and kicking in no time at all. "Please! PLEASE!" I screamed.

"She is a person and she is helping us. You do not set people on fire! You know better! You should be ashamed of yourself," he scolded as the spoon continued to fall. "Unless she was trying to hurt you or damage you, there is no excuse for what I walked into."

"I'm sorry!" I yelled.

"Sorry you did it or sorry I'm spanking you for it?" Sam asked, still spanking. When I didn't answer except in a long wail, he said, "That's what I thought. What cardinal sin did she commit that made you try to set her on fire? Huh?"

It took me a second to figure out what the hell he was asking me. Then I shrieked, "She told me to go run and then when I wouldn't she made fun of me!"

Sam dropped the spoon on the table and went back to just his hand. "So she passed on the message that I gave to her to give to you and you decided to punish her for that?"

"No!" I said, squirming and trying to get out from under his hand, but he just wrapped his arm around my waist and kept going.

"Then what?" he asked. "Explain it to me!"

"I can't think!" I hollered, my vision a blur of tears. All I could think about was the fire on my rear. He stopped spanking at that, startling me. Still tilted over his lap, I gasped for air, taking advantage of whatever break he was giving me.

When I didn't say anything right away, he said, "I'm waiting, young lady."

I sobbed. "I don't know."

"You do know and unless you want me to keep going, you're going to tell me right now," Sam warned me.

"She hates me," I said softly, tears dripping off my cheeks. "She's horrible and I hate her. I don't want her telling me what to do."

Sam didn't say anything for a minute, and then he set me on my feet. "Pull your jeans up," he said, his voice hard. I sniffed and obeyed, yanking them up over my panties and buttoning them. I wiped my eyes and looked up at him through my bangs. He looked more annoyed and frustrated now than mad. That was a little better, I guessed.

He grabbed my chin and tilted it up so that I was looking him in the eyes. "That is no excuse. None," he said.

"I know," I whispered. I tried to look away from him, but he tugged on my chin until I met his gaze again.

"You do not set people on fire, no matter how you feel about them," he said.

"She's a demon," I objected weakly.

"Do you really not understand what I'm telling you?" Sam asked in a hard voice.

I didn't want to answer, but he shook my chin again, his hand hard. "I understand," I said. I did. I just didn't want to.

"I don't care how much you hate someone. That's no excuse for setting her on fire. She is not your enemy," Sam said. "You have to work with her, Jessie. I suggest you find a way to do that. If I tell her to tell you something, that's coming from me, not her. You understand me?"

"Yes, Sam," I said. He let go of my chin and sighed. I dropped my gaze, staring at my feet on Bobby's dirty linoleum floor. I could see faces in the patterns there.

"Go find Ruby and apologize," Sam said. My head jerked up and I looked around the kitchen in surprise. I'd expected her to have spent the entire time laughing at my plight, but she was nowhere to be seen.

"She left when I yanked you over my lap," Sam explained. "Maybe she doesn't enjoy seeing you in trouble as much as you seem to enjoy putting yourself there." I flushed in response to his scolding. "Once you've apologized, get your ass upstairs and get your sweats on, and then go for a run. Add an extra mile to it. When you're done, come see me. I've got some other stuff for you to do."

"Yes, Sam," I said. I turned to go find Ruby.

Sam called after me, "And Jessie, you better not hold this against her. You've only got yourself to blame."

My face got even hotter. "Yes, Sam," I said and then fled.

I found Ruby downstairs by the panic room. She looked up as I approached, but she didn't say anything. She had different jeans on already. I vaguely wondered if the burns I'd given her would heal. I didn't know a whole lot about how demons worked.

"Uh, Ruby?" I said as I approached.

"Yeah?" Her voice was a little hostile, but a little apprehensive, like she thought I was going to do something to her again. I felt a little guilty.

"I'm sorry I lost my temper and set you on fire," I said, looking everywhere but at her. "It won't happen again."

She just looked at me for a minute and then she said, "I gotta hand it to you, kid. I didn't think you had it in you."

A flare of pride shot up inside me, and I set my chin and looked up into her eyes. "Well," I said slowly with a bit of anger in my tone, "I do."

She nodded once. "I'll remember that," she said, her voice hard too.

My apology duly delivered, I turned and jogged up the stairs.

Two hours later, Sam had me running through exercise after exercise in the basement in penance while he talked to Anna and Ruby. Finally, after a final set of jumping jacks, he told me I could stop.

"Go upstairs and shower," he told me. "And then get back down here. You're going to explain to Dean what you did when he gets back, so you may want to think about what you're going to say."

I ran up the stairs at full tilt, eager to get a few minutes to myself. I did not want to have to explain anything to Dean. Before he'd heard about Ruby saving Sam over the summer, I wouldn't have been afraid of his reaction, but now he seemed to be changing sides on me. I hoped that Sam's punishment would be enough for him and that I wouldn't get a second lecture or spanking from Dean for it, but now I couldn't be sure.

I showered and changed and went back downstairs. On my way down into the basement, I heard Dean's voice and then Sam's. Excitement warred with dread. Dean was back with Pamela, but now I was going to have to tell him what I'd done. When I saw him in front of the panic room door, though, I couldn't help myself. I flung myself into his arms.

He hugged me and walked me back towards the stairway, Sam following along behind. I glanced at Sam and then looked up at Dean when he stopped at the foot of the stairs. "You have something to tell me?" Dean asked, his voice low.

I hadn't really thought about what to tell him, and now that I was facing him, I just came out with it. "Ruby made me mad and I sort of set her on fire a little, and Sam caught me and spanked me and made me do PT," I said, looking up at him at the end of my outburst.

A flurry of expressions crossed his face, until he settled into displeasure. "You clear on what you did wrong?" he growled at me. I nodded emphatically. "Are you going to do it again?" Dean asked. I shook my head. "Out loud, little girl," Dean said.

"No, Dean."

He tilted his head. "You sure, or do I need to deliver the message, too?"

"I'm sure," I gulped.

"She's on our side and setting demons on fire only pisses them off," he said, raising his eyebrows.

"I know," I said.

He bent down lower and dropped his voice. "If you had pissed her off, she could have killed you, Jessie, with almost no effort." I flushed. I'd forgotten that in my anger.

"Oh," I said, abashed.

"We clear?" Dean asked.

"Yes, Dean," I said.

He straightened back up and pulled me into his arms. "Don't do it again," he said. Then he kissed me on my head. When I finished hugging Dean, or actually, when he was finished hugging me, I looked at Sam. Sam gestured to me and I went to his arms, too.

"Be good, Jessie," he said. "Think before you act."

"Yes, Sam," I said. He hugged me tight and kissed my cheek.

"Now, go say hello to Pamela," Sam smiled at me. "She'll be glad to see you."

I smiled up at him and then turned to go into the panic room.


	33. Chapter 33 - Heaven Forfend

Pamela pulled me into her arms and hugged me tight. "There's the little firestarter who set my lawn on fire," she said above my head as she hugged me. I blushed.

"I'm sorry about that," I said. "I didn't mean to."

She laughed. "The lawn needed clearing anyway. Don't worry about it. Besides, how are you going to learn anything if you don't practice," she asked. Then she let me go and I dropped into the old chair that was next to the panic room door, between where Sam was sitting next to the panic room door and where Dean was sitting on the desk. Anna was sitting on the bed and Ruby was outside the panic room, unable to enter.

Anna laid down on the bed and Pamela put her under, hypnotizing her while the rest of us watched. She questioned Anna about the spell and her father. Then Pamela pressed her about her real father and why she had been upset about her real father when she was two years old. Anna started screaming, slamming the panic room door shut. I pressed myself back into my chair as Dean and Sam got to their feet. Dean tried to grab Anna to calm her down and she hit him and sent him flying across the room to land on his back on the floor. Sam helped him up as Pamela woke Anna from hypnosis. When she woke, she was calm and collected, more so than at any point I'd seen her so far. She thanked Pamela and said that she knew who she was now. When Dean asked her who that was, she said she was an angel.

Ruby banged on the panic room door at that point, since she couldn't see anything or hear a thing we were saying, and Anna suggested we move upstairs where it was more comfortable. We all settled in the living room to hear the rest of Anna's story. I leaned against Dean as he perched on the arm of a chair.

Anna said she wasn't like the other angels, that she had been Castiel and Uriel's boss and then she had disobeyed. She said that it was the worst thing that angels could do.

"Tell me about it," I muttered, and Dean bumped me and gave me a look. I subsided, while Anna continued, saying that she ripped out her grace and fell to earth, only to be reborn to a human mother. She said heaven wants her dead. Ruby said that hell just wants her and that sooner or later either the demons or the angels would find her. Anna said that she knew it and that she was going to find her grace. The problem was that they didn't know where it was. Sam suggested that they could look at the news reports during that time and see if any meteors or other falling heavenly objects showed up around that time. It would help us find her.

Sam went to get his computer with Ruby and Anna trailing him as he explained his plan. Pamela turned to Dean. "Look," she said, "this is a little too rich for my blood. You gotta take me back home, Dean. I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine," Dean said. "Let's go."

"Can I come this time?" I asked. "Please? Sam's just going to be looking for signs of Anna's fall, and I'm going to be stuck here with nothing to do and Ruby…" I trailed off.

Dean looked down at me and considered. "Yeah," he said finally. "I could use the company. Come on."

We piled into the car and headed out. The trip went well. Dean flirted with Pamela a little. It was a three hour drive to her house. She asked about my abilities and I told her all about them, how I set fires, how the fires worked, and the fact that I had to do it or I lose control. I started to tell her about Gabby and Dean cut me off, which I quickly figured out that he meant he didn't want me sharing that information. We stopped for food on the way to her house. It was full dark when we turned around to head back home.

I climbed into the front seat, which was a place I didn't get to sit often. I made sure my seatbelt was on and sang along with one of Dean's tapes for a while. He looked lost in thought the whole time and then he turned off the tape player in the middle of one of his favorite songs.

"I want to talk to you about Ruby," Dean said, his hand falling away from the radio.

Nervous now, I pulled my legs up onto the seat with me and turned a little to better look at him. "Ok," I said, wondering what exactly we were going to discuss. He didn't leave me waiting.

"You said you hate her and then you tried to set her on fire," Dean said. "You said nothing happened today, so what happened over the summer between you two?"

"I didn't try to set her on fire to hurt her," I explained, talking mostly into my knees at this point. "I was trying to scare her."

"Why?" Dean asked. "And look at me. I can't hear you if you're talking into your lap."

"So she wouldn't try to push me around," I said, bringing my head up so he could hear me but still not really looking at him.

"Jessie, don't make me dig it out of you," Dean said. "Tell me what happened over the summer."

"Nothing," I said. "It's just that Sam was ignoring me in favor of Ruby. He let me do all these things that I wasn't supposed to do, and he didn't seem to care. All he seemed to care about was Ruby and finding Lilith and avenging your death."

Dean's face had darkened. "What did he let you do?" he asked me.

"I don't remember, just stuff," I hedged. I didn't want to admit the lengths I'd gone to in order to get Sam's attention, both for my sake and for Sam's. "I disappeared for a few hours once without my cell phone, but he got on me later about it and told me he'd been trying to give me time to adjust, and then he didn't let me get away with anything anymore."

Dean let out a sigh. "Ok," he said. "So you hate Ruby because Sam was involved with her?"

"Yeah," I said. "And because she either ignored me or treated me like I was problem the whole summer. She acted like she resented me being there, distracting Sam from what she wanted him to do. Like I was in the way…" I looked out the window at the stars. "I just wanted to show her that she can't ignore me or treat me like I'm nothing. I'm not nothing." My voice dropped then as I remembered how I'd felt over the summer, how lost I'd been without Dean, how absent Sam had been even though he was right there, and how Ruby had made it so much harder, taking the little bit of attention he had for me away.

"You're right," Dean said. "You're not nothing and you didn't deserve to be treated like that."

"He apologized, though," I said, turning away from the window and interrupting him. "He said he was sorry for making me feel like he abandoned me. We talked about it and everything was good after that, except that now Ruby's back, and you seem to like her too now…"

"Sam trusts her, and she saved his life," Dean said. "I'm willing to give her a chance."

"I'm not," I muttered, staring at the dashboard now, my jaw set.

"And that's fine," Dean said. "But you do need to be civil to her."

I didn't say anything,

"You need to work with her, Jessie, because she's going to be around now and then." Dean paused and when I still didn't say anything, he said, "Jessie!"

"Fine," I ground out. "I'll be civil."

"Good. Now I have one other thing to say to you." Dean paused and then demanded, "Why in the hell did you think it would be a good idea to prove to a demon that you can't be ignored?"

I blinked. "I dunno," I said, my face heating.

"You do not want demons or angels or any other supernatural beings aware of your existence," he said. "Don't you think we have enough on our plate with Gabby without you showing off your abilities to every monster that comes along? Why do you think I'm always telling you to keep your fire locked up? It's for your safety. Stop flashing your abilities around."

"Yes, Dean," I said. I hadn't thought about it like that. It made sense. I vowed silently to keep my abilities more hidden.

"Good girl," he said. Then he turned the tape player back on and I knew our talk was done.

A couple hours later, Dean dropped me off at the house and went to park in the salvage yard again to make it less likely that the demons would find his car. "Let Sam know we're back," he said, "and then get ready for bed."

"I need to burn something," I told him, my fire itching trails up and down my arms.

"Get ready for bed and then we'll take care of it," Dean said.

I found Sam in the living room with Ruby. Giving Ruby a wide berth, I hugged Sam and delivered the message before heading up to bed. I'd just put my pajamas on when Dean knocked on the bedroom door. "Jessie, get dressed. We're hitting the road," he called through the door.

I looked down at my pajamas and then opened the door. "I just put these on," I said. "We just got back. Where are we going now?"

"Fine, you can wear those in the car. Get your stuff, let's go. We're heading to Kentucky to find Anna's grace," he said. I sighed and started packing up my stuff.

The next evening we were parked in a barn. Anna's grace hadn't been at the beautiful old oak tree in the field, and now we had no plan left. I sat on the floor and listened to the four of them as they argued. Ruby said that both heaven and hell were after us and that we couldn't fight both of them. Anna interrupted and said that she could hear the angels talking again and that they were basically saying on repeat that if Dean didn't turn Anna over by midnight, then they'd send him back to hell.

I gasped and sat up. "No!" I said. I jumped up and flung myself into Dean's arms. They closed around me and I got the feeling he was holding on to me for support as much as I was holding on to him. Sam asked Anna if she knew of any weapons that worked on angels. Anna said there was nothing we could get to. Dean said we had to think of something. Then Sam said he had a plan.

I sat on the floor and listened as Sam explained that we needed to get the two groups together at the same time and let them fight it out amongst themselves. He said it was the only way we'd survive. The only problem was that Ruby was going to have to turn herself over to Alastair and trick him into coming to the barn. Ruby agreed.

"What am I going to do?" I piped up.

"You are going to be in the Impala," Dean said. "With a hex bag. You're going to stay out of it, Jessie. There's nothing you can do to help."

After they worked out the details, Dean went off to get one of the books out of the Impala, leaving me with Sam. Sam started digging into some books. I sat next to him on the floor, falling asleep on the floor while I waited, and when Dean got back with Anna in tow, he handed me a hex bag and told me to go.

I went to the Impala, got in, and waited. I didn't think I was going to be able to sleep, but all of the activity over the last several days and the darkness overcame me. I fell asleep. When I woke up, the sun was up and no one had come to get me yet. I wanted so badly to go to the barn and see what was going on, but I didn't. Dean had told me to go to the Impala and wait, and that's what I was going to do, I told myself. I had to be good. I had to obey or I couldn't go with them anymore.

It was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. The Impala was far enough away from the barn that I couldn't even see it, and the forest around the Impala was quiet. Then the faint sound of fighting came to me. I climbed out of the car and looked towards where the barn was. Moments later, a bright white exploded from the barn, half a mile away. I covered my eyes and dropped to my knees. I knew then that it was over.

When Sam and Dean emerged from the forest a half an hour later, I ran to them. Dean hugged me tight. "Good girl," he said, and his praise felt good to my ears. I hugged Sam next.

"Where's Anna?" I asked.

"She gone," Dean said. "She's an angel now. Come on, let's get on the road."


	34. Chapter 34 - Fuel to the Fire

**AN - I have no real excuse for the long break. I hope you'll all forgive me anyway. Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

* * *

I was off restriction. I was off lockdown. I was finally free. And I was stuck in a motel room while Sam and Dean were off burning the bones of some ghost.

Two weeks ago, we'd got Anna her grace back. The day after that, Dean had sent me for a run and then he and Sam had stood by the car talking. I didn't know what they'd said. All I knew was that it had something to do with Dean's experiences in hell. We'd been on the road constantly since, on case after case. I'd spent most of that time in motel rooms or in the car, although every once in a while, I got to sit inside a circle of salt. Whoo-hoo. Whatever, I'd been good, and now it was finally the end of November and my restriction was up. I'd made it.

Now, though, instead of doing any of the myriad of things I hadn't been allowed to do while I was on restriction, I was immersed in a search on Sam's laptop for signs of Gabby. I'd found another possible link to her a week ago, another missing girl story. She'd gone missing from another Lithuanian-American school; this one associated with a church in Wisconsin. Unfortunately, the article was from the middle of October, which meant it was from before the Audra Molis story. There was no fire, but a girl named Daina Shukis had gone missing during school hours. She'd just disappeared between classes. The school had assumed she'd either skipped class or gone home. Their first indication that she had not was a frantic phone call from her parents when she didn't show up at home. Her parents had told police and reporters that there was no reason for her to have run away. This girl was fifteen.

Then tonight, I found another article. No fire at this one either. Her name was Grazyna Vidas and her charred bones were found in the boiler in the basement of the Lithuanian-American school in Indianapolis, Indiana. She was fourteen. They'd identified her using her dental records and the fact that the metal in her braces hadn't burned in the fire. There were no suspects, but foul play was suspected. The article was published this week, but they'd determined the time of death to be on or near October 29th… between Daina's and Audra's disappearances. Daina was fifteen, Grazyna had been fourteen, Audra was thirteen.

It had to be Gabby. A missing Lithuanian girl, a burned Lithuanian girl, a fire with a missing Lithuanian girl. I sighed. It was time to tell Dean and Sam about it.

I hadn't told them about Audra because I wasn't sure that it was related to Gabby, and Daina's story had been different enough that I thought maybe it could have just been a coincidence since I found missing girl stories all the time, but now I had three, all Lithuanian, in a path across the Midwest.

I pulled the printout of the first article out of my notebook, pulled up the file I'd saved with the second article I'd found, and kept the browser open to the third article. Then I picked up my cell phone and dialed Dean's number, twisting my ankle in nervousness as I listened to the rings.

"Yeah?" Dean said into the phone. I could hear the clink of bottles, voices, and music in the background. I narrowed my eyes.

"Are you at a bar?" I asked.

"Yeah," Dean said as if my question were ridiculous.

"I thought you were on a hunt," I said.

"I thought you were in bed. It's after midnight, Jessie," Dean said. "What time are you supposed to be in bed?"

"I found something on Gabby," I said, hoping he'd just let it go.

"Is that why you're not in bed?" he asked me.

"Uh," I said. "Sort of?"

"Uh huh," he said. "What did you find?" It was quieter on his side of the line now and I knew he'd moved into a hallway or something so he could hear me better.

I told him about the three articles and the three Lithuanian girls: Daina, fifteen, Wisconsin in mid-October; Grazyna, fourteen, Indiana at the end of October; and Audra, thirteen, Illinois in mid-November. "I think it's Gabby. I think she's looking for a new priestess and she's doing it in the Lithuanian schools across the Midwest. If it's Gabby, then she's probably already trying something on a new girl. The incidents are about two weeks apart and we're at the beginning of December now."

"All right," Dean said. "Sam and I will look at the articles when we get back. Go to bed, Jessie."

"But, Gabby…" I started.

"Can wait until morning. There's nothing we can do tonight."

I huffed. "We can get on the road," I said. "We can start heading towards Wisconsin to look into it."

Dean's voice hardened. "Stop arguing with me and go to bed, little girl," he said. "Sam and I are finishing up this job and then we'll be back. We'll get on the road then."

I blinked. "I thought you were at a bar," I said, confused.

"The job is at the bar, little girl. Salt the door and windows, get ready for bed, and then go to bed. Text me when you're in bed. Understand?"

"Yes, Dean," I said, abashed.

"And Jessie? Good work on the research."

"Thanks, Dean. Bye," I said. I hung up. I looked at the laptop screen a little longer. The last article I had placed the Audra's disappearance on November 12th. It was the first week in December. I wondered if there had already been another disappearance, or fire, or death. I picked up the mouse.

Twenty minutes later, my phone rang and I jumped a mile high. It was Dean's ring tone. I didn't want to answer it, but I knew if I didn't, he'd be mad.

"Hello?" I said.

"Are you in bed?" Dean asked. There was no more noise on his end.

I flushed even though he wasn't there and he couldn't see me. "I…" I started.

"You just got off restriction, so please don't lie to me, Jessie," he said, interrupting me.

I sighed. "No, Dean."

He sighed this time. "Turn off the computer and get your ass in bed. Right now. We'll talk about this later. Move."

"Yes, Dean," I said. I hung up, closed the laptop without shutting anything, and rushed to get ready for bed. Once I'd salted the door and windows, I climbed into the roll-away bed and texted him._ I'm in bed. I'm sorry. I love you. Good night._

I closed the phone and plugged it in next to my bed. I'd just rolled over and the phone chimed at me. I picked it back up and read the text that came in. _I love you, too. Sleep tight, sweetheart._ I smiled and went to sleep. Sometime later, I woke up when they came in at five in the morning, but I just went back to sleep once I was sure it was them.

The next morning, Dean woke me up by shaking me. "Up," he said. "You owe me for last night."

I sat up and glanced at the clock. It was 9:30. Sam was asleep in his bed. "Did you even sleep?" I asked quietly.

"I got a couple hours.. Get your sweats on; let's go," he said. Once I was dressed, he dragged me outside and ran me through the woods behind the motel. He stopped every five minutes or so to make me do push-ups, sit ups, squats, leg lifts, and all that sort of stuff. The cold air burned my nostrils and my lungs, but I didn't complain because I knew that it wouldn't matter and it might make it worse. I certainly wasn't cold with all the work he was making me do.

I was a sweaty, exhausted mess by the time we got back to the room. He ordered me into the shower. I made the water as hot as I possibly could to try to ease the aches that were in my near future. By the time I got out and put clean jeans, a t-shirt, and a flannel shirt on, Sam was awake and sitting on the side of his bed. Dean saw me and crooked his finger at me. He was standing by the desk where all of my research was. I walked over to him a little hesitantly and sat when he pointed at my chair.

"Lines," he said. "200 times each: I will go to bed on time and I will obey orders."

"Aw, man," I said without thinking. "That's going to take all day. Can't you just spank me?" His eyebrows shot up. My face reddened as I realized what I'd said. "Never mind. Sorry," I said quietly, dropping my eyes to the paper where he'd written the sentences for me.

"Looks like I picked the right punishment, then," Dean said. He kissed the top of my head. "Why are you writing those lines?" he asked me.

"Because you enjoy torturing me?" I grumbled, refusing to look at him.

"You want to add 200 lines of 'I will not be a smart ass'?" he asked me, his voice harsh.

"No," I said sulkily, still not looking up from the paper.

"Then answer the question properly," he snapped. He seemed more annoyed than the comment warranted.

"Because I broke rules that are there to keep me well and safe," I said softly.

"Good girl," he said, his voice softer now, too. "You can show us your research on Gabby at breakfast and then we'll decide where to go from there."


	35. Chapter 35 - Iron in the Fire

I took a bite of my egg sandwich and watched Sam read the article I'd printed and the two I had saved on the computer. His expression was grim when he looked up at me. "What are you thinking?" he asked me. I knew he'd drawn his own conclusions and that he was trying to walk me through the same process, but I'd been sitting on this for almost two weeks and I thought I knew what was going on.

"I think we cut Gabby off from me with the ring and that she's off trying to find a new priestess from her people so that she can continue to grow in power," I said, ticking off the points with my fingers while I talked, my egg sandwich forgotten on my plate. "She started with a fifteen-year-old, that we know of, and the last one we know about is a thirteen-year-old, so I think she started with older girls and moving to younger girls. I don't know if she's collecting priestesses or if she's accidentally killing them or what, though. She must be trying to keep a relatively low profile, since she's done it once in each state so far. Really, what I think is that we need more information to know for sure that it's her and to try to figure out what's going on."

Sam nodded, an approving look on his face. "Good job," he said. "I agree. We need more information. Dean?" I preened under Sam's praise. Watching over his shoulder and asking questions while he'd been researching all these months had definitely been worth it. I looked at Dean.

Dean had slid the laptop around so that he could look at the articles, his eyes flicking over the screen. A couple minutes passed while I watched him read. "Looks like we're heading to Wisconsin," he said, shutting the laptop and picking up his coffee. "But first, Jessie needs to finish her breakfast."

I smiled and picked up my sandwich.

* * *

"It's my case. It's about Gabby." I whined. "Why can't I come?"

Sam paused in shrugging into his suit coat and looked at me, his expression resigned. "FBI agents don't…" he started.

"You didn't have to pick FBI agents!" I interrupted, leaping up from the couch. "You could have pretended to be parents considering sending me to the school so that I could go, too, but noooo."

Dean finished stuffing his wallet into his suit coat and turned to face me, his face set. "Lose the attitude, Jessie."

My temper spiked. I clenched my hands at my sides and glared at him. "It's not fair. You picked FBI agents on purpose, just so I couldn't come along. It's my goddamn case!" I stomped my foot on the carpet, crossed my arms over my chest, and turned my back on Dean, staring intently at the wall until Dean put his hands gently on my shoulders and turned me to face him.

"You are in a direct path to going over my knee, little girl," he said to me softly, his eyes flicking between mine. "Stop and think about why we chose FBI agents instead of parents." I frowned stubbornly, and he raised his eyebrows at me. I squirmed.

"Fine. Ok," I snapped, the discomfort of his scrutiny getting to me. "You picked FBI agents because you can ask more questions and get more details that way because you're in a position of authority. I get it! I do! Why can't I come? I wanna come, Dean! " Emotion and frustration overcame me, and I pulled away from him and stared at the ground, tears coming to my eyes as I stared at the dirty blue carpet. "I want to find Gabby as much as you guys do, and there's no danger here! She's not even here. She's off in Illinois or Ohio or Michigan hunting some other poor girl who's going to die or go missing or something. I can help! I swear! I won't get in the way!" I dragged my eyes up to meet his, my tone pleading. "You're in a position of authority! Just tell them I'm a witness or something and I'm there to help you find clues."

"Clues? This isn't Scooby-Doo," Dean said, struggling to hide the smile on the edge of his lips. He looked at Sam, who shrugged.

"She's got a point. She might see or hear or feel something that we don't," Sam said. "She might have better luck with the kids there."

Dean turned back to me, a frown back on his face. I looked up at him through my bangs, holding my breath, almost not daring to hope. He regarded me for several seconds before he finally said, "Ok, you can come." I whooped, but he cut me off in a hurry. "You will obey every order I give you, little girl, right when I tell you. You got me? No arguing, no talking back, no smart ass comments."

"Yes, Dean!" I said, grinning and relieved.

"You will not leave my sight unless I tell you to. You will carry your phone on you. You will be polite and respectful to everyone. Do we understand each other?" His eyes were flicking back and forth between mine again, his expression darkly serious.

"Yes, Dean," I said again, my enthusiasm in no way diminished. They were letting me come on a hunt voluntarily, and I was going to get to help. Nothing could quell my happiness.

"Put some nicer clothes on, get your stuff, and get in the car," he said. He turned from me and slammed out the motel room door. I went to dig through my duffel bag hoping to find something that constituted 'nicer'. My wardrobe lately consisted mostly of flannel shirts, t-shirts, jeans, and a hoodie or a coat.

"Jessie," Sam said from next to his bed, interrupting my search. I turned to look at him. He was frowning at me.

"What?" I asked, dropping the side of the duffel. I was concerned now. I knew the only reason that I was coming was because he'd backed me up to Dean and if he took that back, I'd be stuck at the motel again.

"Why are we letting you come?" Sam asked me. I felt a trap closing around me and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Because I can help and because it's mostly safe?" I asked hesitantly, tilting my head to the side.

"Yes, and do you think that the temper tantrum you just threw helped convince us of that?" Sam asked.

I flushed. "No…" I said. I knew it hadn't, but sometimes I couldn't help myself.

"How could you have handled that better?" Sam asked.

"I dunno," I said. I sat down on the bed, frustrated. Sam came over and sat down next to me, more relaxed now and no longer frowning.

"You think maybe you could have just told us all the rest of it without losing your temper first? Maybe then Dean wouldn't have threatened to spank you and he wouldn't be mad right now," Sam said. Uncomfortable with his questions, I hugged him and buried my face in his chest. His arms wrapped around me.

"I guess," I whispered. I hated having the results of my temper so succinctly pointed out to me and Dean always got mad at me when I threw a tantrum.

"You should try that next time. Ok, squirt?" Sam asked and kissed the top of my head. I nodded into his chest. "All right, finish getting ready before Dean comes back in here and yells at both of us."

Slightly subdued, I pulled the duffel into my lap to finish my search.

I ended up in my only skirt, white tights, white socks, my sneakers, a white t-shirt with a huge black cat on it, a purple hoodie, and my coat. We had to stop at a drug store for me to get the tights, but it was too cold to go without. Dean took one look at me and shook his head. "If you're going to be going on hunts with us, we need to get you some better clothes," he said. "I guess it doesn't matter for this since you're just a witness, but…"

I looked down at myself. "I like what I'm wearing," I said, a whine entering my voice.

Dean didn't say anything, but Sam chuckled. "You look fine, Jessie. He's just saying that you don't really have anything for special occasions."

I hmphed. "It's not like I go anywhere special," I said. "Who wants to dress up anyway?"

Dean chuckled this time. "Exactly," he said.

We pulled into the parking lot across from the building that housed a Lutheran church and school. Classes in Lithuanian culture and language were held after school hours. I was fiddling with the ring on the end of the chain, wondering if taking it off would help me figure out what was going on when Dean turned around in the seat. "Leave that be," he said. "Put it back in your shirt and leave it be." I pulled my collar out, dropped it in, and looked up at him again. "What are you going to do on this hunt, Jessie?" he asked me.

"Obey your orders, don't leave your sight without you saying to, and be polite," I said confidently.

"Do you have your phone?" he asked me. I patted the pocket of my hoodie and nodded. "All right, let's go," he said. I pulled on my coat and climbed out of the car. Dean put me in front of him and put his hand between my upper shoulders to guide me to the school. Now that we were moving, I was nervous. I hoped I wouldn't screw anything up.

School was in session, but it was during class, so the hallways were quiet. We headed to the front office. Dean introduced us using some fake names, and he and Sam showed their FBI badges. He introduced me as a key witness on the case. I dropped my eyes and smiled. I could see this whole 'key witness' thing being of use in the future.

They started asking questions about Daina Shukis. They talked to her teachers and the school administrators. They called some of her friends out of class and asked them questions, too. I mostly listened, but the story wasn't much different than what was in the paper. She'd just gone missing with no sign of why or where she'd gone.

"Did you add any new staff, recently?" Sam asked the principal as the day wrapped up. "Janitors, cafeteria workers, teachers?"

"We haven't," said the principal. "But the church may have, and we have several groups who meet here after hours during the week."

"Like the Lithuanian-American group that Daina belonged to?"

The principal nodded and wrote down a number. "This is the leader of the group," she said. "You can call her and talk to her."

On the way out to the car, I was quiet. We'd spent three hours at the school, but hadn't gotten any information that we hadn't gotten off the Internet. I was disappointed. I wasn't disappointed for long though, because Sam was dialing the number that we got from the principal before we even got to the car. By the time we had the doors shut, he'd arranged for us to meet her at her workplace. He got the address and we were on the way.

Her name was Violeta Paeglė, although she told Sam he could call her Vi after she assessed him from head to toe. She was tall and willowy with light brown hair and green eyes. She resembled Gabby to some extent, and because of that, she made me uncomfortable. She led Sam and Dean, with me trailing behind, to the cafeteria where they questioned her about any new staff that had been hired recently.

"We don't really have staff," Vi said. "We have volunteers, but we did have a new volunteer in October. Her name was Gabriele Dievas. She was… a challenge to work with."

"What do you mean, a challenge?" Dean asked.

Vi looked uncomfortable. "Well, she was an expert on historical Lithuanian culture and religion. She was teaching the kids some of the old rituals that were followed before Christianity. Some of the parents didn't like that."

I sucked in a breath, and Sam and Dean looked at me. "What rituals?" I whispered.

"The kids said that it was the sacred rituals for fire that she mostly covered. She was only here for a month and the classes only meet once week. Something about bread and salt," Vi said and shrugged. "Anyway, the parents didn't like it and the church didn't like it, so we asked her to step down from that position or to stop teaching that particular thing. She left."

"How close was that to Daina's disappearance?" Dean asked.

Vi frowned. "We asked her to leave about a week after," she paused. "You think she had something to do with the disappearance?"

"We're just looking into all the options," Dean said. "Do you have a picture of her?"

Vi nodded. "Yes. Let me get my laptop." She left us in the cafeteria.

"It's her," I said. "Sacred Gabija be satisfied." I showed them my notebook where I had written down the name Gabby had used and how long she'd been here. "If the kids are using the ritual at all, then every time they burn bread or salt and every time they say the blessing, she's getting power. And if this isn't the first place she's taught, lots of kids could be doing it."

Sam looked at me dubiously. "Why would kids do that?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes. "The idea of magic and blessings is so cool to kids," I said. "Don't you remember when you were kids, playing make-believe and coming up with rituals to do and imagining supernatural things and all sorts of stuff like that? It just hits your imagination…"

"No," Sam and Dean both said.

"Fine," I said, a little annoyed. "Normal kids without hunter dads do. I mean, not all of them. Some of those kids definitely rolled their eyes at how stupid the idea of blessings and burning bread and salt was, but others probably do it every chance they get. My friends and I played this game when we were kids that had to do with Egypt and prophecy and worshiping Osiris after they covered Egypt in social studies. Plus, my best friend had read a book…" I trailed off, not wanting to go into the details of that game.

"So, she's programming a bunch of kids to worship her and give her power and they have no idea that it's even real," Sam said.

"Basically," I said. "That's what it sounds like."

"We still don't know what happened with Daina, though," Dean said.

Vi came striding back into the cafeteria then, her laptop in her hands. She set it down on the table and we clustered around behind her as she clicked through pictures from a potluck dinner they had had in mid-October. I spotted Gabby immediately, dressed all in red, her face haughty. "That's her," I said, pointing to the figure all the way in the back of the picture. Vi looked at me.

"That is Gabriele," She said. She flipped through a couple more pictures until there was a closer picture of Gabby standing next to a girl. Gabby's hand was settled possessively on the girls shoulder. "This is Daina," Vi said. I looked closer. Gabby was surrounded by a light glow and Daina looked uncomfortable. The fire in the fireplace in the background had a bowl of clean water next to it, and a child was throwing bread into it. The fire itself had bent and snapping tips. Gabby was angry.

I swallowed and looked at Dean. He took one look at my face. "Thank you, Vi. I think we have everything we need," he said.


	36. Chapter 36 - Burning the Midnight Oil

Sitting on the floor in the bathroom with a flashlight, I read my notes over and over, my stomach eating at me. It was the same thing when we talked to the Lithuanian-American group in Indiana and then when we talked to the leader of the group in Chicago, Illinois earlier today. Gabriele Dievas gets accepted as a volunteer at the Lithuanian-American school as an expert of historical culture and history. She stays and teaches. Unlike at the Wisconsin group, though, she quit both in Indianapolis and in Chicago. In Indianapolis, she quit after Grazyna went missing, while in Chicago, she quit before the school fire. She must have learned something from what had happened in Wisconsin, then. Her time in Indianapolis and in Chicago overlapped, which meant she was preparing for moving on from Indianapolis before she actually left.

I rubbed my forehead with the back of my hand and read the notes again, and again, my ankle twisting in anxiety. I glanced from my notes to the map of the U.S. that I had pulled up on Sam's laptop, the screen glowing dimly in the dark bathroom. She wasn't even moving in a straight line. She'd skipped over Illinois completely and then gone back. There was no way to know where she was going to go next. The Lithuanian-American community website had chapters and schools and classes all over the U.S. Would she go to Ohio next? Missouri? Maybe Michigan?

Guilt was eating at me. The girls were missing and their parents were frantic. Grazyna was dead, and it was my fault. I had to figure out where Gabby was and what she was up to before things got worse. We'd been traveling after her for days now. We were well into the first week of December. She may have already infiltrated some other school and have her eye on some other girl, who was going to end up missing or dead. The thing that made my stomach hurt so bad though was that I'd been in Gabby's hands before and they weren't gentle, and she'd looked so mad in every picture I saw her in, any flames near her snapping or jumping.

I didn't think there was any chance that Audra and Daina weren't dead. I didn't think Gabby would have kept searching if she found what she was looking for, and she was leaving a trail of little worshipers behind her, who found the whole idea of a ritual to call a blessing down just so very quaint and interesting. I pulled Sam's laptop close to me and started typing in my search terms, one after the other. This entire thing was my fault because I'd accidentally sacrificed Jack Montgomery and loosed Gabby on the earth, not to mention going to her to help her to begin with. The only way to atone was to stop Gabby before she wreaked more havoc and send her to where ever dead goddesses go.

Someone knocked softly on the bathroom door, interrupting my thoughts. Startled, I jumped, stifling a squeak and having to grab the laptop to keep it from being knocked backwards across the floor. "Jessie?" Sam asked quietly through the door. "What are you doing in there?"

I scrambled to my feet and unlocked the bathroom door. I opened it only a little bit and looked out at him, hoping to keep what I was doing a secret. "Just using the bathroom," I said softly. "I'll be out in a minute."

Sam made an amused scoffing noise. "I can see the laptop glow and the flashlight behind you, squirt."

I slumped a little in defeat and swung the bathroom door open. I had three notebooks, a leather-bound book on pagan gods (which had NOTHING about Gabby, by the way, much to my disappointment), and the laptop spread out over the floor. Next to my notebooks was a stack of highlighters, two pens, and a pencil. Sam took it all in in a slow gaze. "If only you were this diligent with your schoolwork," he commented, stepping into the room. I stepped back to let him by.

"No one is going to die if I don't do my schoolwork," I said. We were both keeping our voices down so that we didn't wake Dean. Dean hadn't been sleeping more than a couple hours a night lately, and neither of us wanted to disturb what little sleep he was getting.

Sam grunted in acknowledgment and picked up the laptop. He clicked through my browser history before turning to me. "You're supposed to be in bed asleep, young lady," he said, frowning. "Not trying to find Gabby. You're lucky I'm the one who found you and not Dean."

I flushed and didn't say anything, digging my socked toe into the terrazzo floor of the bathroom and dropping my eyes to the sink. Two nights ago, on our way from Indiana to Illinois, I was supposed to be sleeping in the backseat. Instead, I'd pulled out a tiny flashlight and studied my notes on the floor of the Impala. Dean had caught me and made me come up in the front seat to sleep where I couldn't 'sneak around'. Sam had taken my spot in the backseat. Once I'd settled myself in the front, Dean had threatened to spank me the next time he caught me researching when I was supposed to be sleeping. That's why I'd gone to hide in the bathroom this time.

"Get this stuff picked up and put away and then get back into bed," Sam said.

I dragged my eyes up from the sink. "Are you going to tell Dean?" I asked tentatively.

"What do you think?" he replied. "Go on." He gestured with his chin towards my stuff.

"Guess I'm not so lucky then," I muttered, crouching to pick up my notebooks.

"Excuse me?" Sam asked, his voice surprised and a little annoyed.

"Nothing," I said sulkily. I hoped he would just let it go, but he didn't.

"That's what I thought," Sam said. "You need to watch your attitude, Jessie. Being smart with me isn't going to get you anything good."

"Thought you wanted me to be smart," I snapped, scooping up my pens and markers, "that's why you make me do all that schoolwork."

Sam grabbed my arm and pulled me out of my crouch. He turned me around and landed ten hard smacks on my flannel-covered butt. "Lose the attitude, young lady," he snapped at me, letting me go. Clutching my notebooks to my chest with one arm, I rubbed my butt with my free hand and glared at him from under my bangs. "You want ten more without the covering?" Sam asked, looking down at me. I dropped my eyes and shook my head. "Then get this stuff cleaned up and get in bed. And you better hope we didn't just wake Dean up." Sam took the laptop and left the bathroom.

Guilt flooded me, and I hurried to pick up the rest of my stuff, hoping that my smart mouth hadn't just cost Dean some much needed sleep, but when I came out of the bathroom, Dean was still a lump under his blankets. I set my notebooks down on my bed and pulled my backpack out from under it. I stuffed the flashlight, notebooks, and pens into the backpack as quietly as I could. I went to stick the book on pagan gods into the backpack, too, but Sam picked it up from my bed before I had a chance.

"Did you ask me if you could read this?" he whispered, his jaw tight.

I shook my head, not trusting my voice and not wanting to get into more trouble.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow, then," he said. He reached down and pulled my covers back, pulling out the pillows I tucked under the blanket to make it look like I was still in bed. He shook his head and looked at me, but didn't say anything. I climbed into bed, and he pulled the blankets up to my chin. He kissed me. "Good night, Jessie. Do not leave this bed again until morning." His voice was stern.

"Yes, Sam," I whispered, already trying to figure out how I could continue my research without getting out of bed, but Sam picked up my backpack and carried it with him to his bed. He put it on the bed right next to him and laid down. I sighed and closed my eyes. My stomach was still aching with guilt. I don't know how I managed to go to sleep but I did.

* * *

Dean woke me up the next morning. "What'd I tell you about researching when you're supposed to be asleep?" he demanded the second I opened my eyes. His arms were crossed over his chest.

I blinked rapidly, my dreams of fire and freedom fading from my mind as I tried to figure out what he was talking about. "What?" I asked, my voice hoarse. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Dean's upside down watch said it was 7:30. The events of the previous night trickled back to me, along with the guilt. I was nauseated with exhaustion and angst. "Um, not to?"

"Yeah," he said. "And what did I say I would do if I caught you doing it again?"

I squinched my eyes shut and then opened them again. It was way too early for this. "You'd spank me?" I asked, my stomach plummeting in dread.

"Yup," he said. He reached down and pulled the blankets off me. I scrambled away from him until my back was pressed against the wall.

"You didn't catch me," I objected, grasping at straws. "Sam did."

Dean sat down on the bed, reached over, and pulled me over his lap. "You think it matters which one of us caught you?"

"But that's not what you said," I cried as he yanked down my pajama bottoms.

"You want to have a discussion about technicalities while you're over my lap?" he growled. His hand fell, and I yowled.

"No!" I cried out as his hand fell over and over. "No, Dean!"

"You sure?" he asked, not stopping in his onslaught.

I shrieked. "Yes! I'm sure," I cried, kicking in pain.

He paused. "We'd be done now if you hadn't lied about it," he said.

"What?" I asked, going still, my heart practically stopping. "I didn't lie about anything!"

"You didn't put pillows in the bed so we'd think you were still sleeping?" Dean asked me, his voice dark. "You didn't hide in the bathroom so we wouldn't know you were up?"

"What was I supposed to do?" I wailed. I clutched the blankets to me and buried my face in them, my voice muffled as I said, "You'd've figured it out if I'd turned on all the lights and sat at the desk!"

"You were supposed to go to bed and stay in bed. You were not supposed to get up and do research in the middle of the night! You were supposed to obey me." Dean's hand fell again, over and over, and I shrieked. "Is that clear now?" he asked me.

"Yes! Yes! It's clear!" I wailed. He finally stopped, pulling me up to sit on his lap and surrounding me in his arms. I felt safe and clear-headed for the first time in a few days.

"Good. The next time we have to have this talk, it's going to be with the hairbrush. Do you understand me, little girl?" he asked. I nodded.

"Yes, Dean," I said quietly.

He rested his chin on my head and then dropped a kiss there as he held me to him. "You need your sleep, sweetheart."

My stomach roiled with guilt. "I can't sleep," I whispered. "Those girls are probably dead and it's my fault. I let her loose on the world. I said no and now she's going after new girls. It's my fault!" I started crying. Dean held me to him and rubbed my back. "The only way to atone is to find her and stop her. I can't sleep. There's no time. She may already have another one!" I was shaking with emotion, my voice getting higher and louder.

"Shh, sweetheart," Dean crooned. "It's ok. It's not all your fault. You're twelve years old. She manipulated and used you. She killed your parents. She gave you these abilities. She's the one at fault for all of it."

"But if I hadn't…" I said.

"Jessie, we're looking for her. We'll find her. We'll stop her, but it's not your fault. It's not. She would have found some other way to accomplish her goals with or without you. This isn't on you. It's on her. You got me?" Dean tilted my chin up so that I was looking into his eyes and I knew he meant it. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him as tightly as I could while I cried myself out.


	37. Chapter 37 - Where There's Smoke

"I'm not hungry, Dean," I whined. "My stomach hurts."

"Jessie, it's been three days since you ate more than five bites at any meal. If you want to go with us today, you. will. eat," Dean said, raising his eyebrows and gesturing at my oatmeal.

I sighed and poked my spoon into the oatmeal, twirling it around to make gouges and designs. The guys were dressed up like FBI agents again, this time to meet with the fire investigator who had looked into the cause of the fire that Audra had gone missing during. I wanted to go. I needed to find out what happened to her, to hear all the details. I needed to see if I could find any indication at the site that would tell us where Gabby had headed next. Even after crying all over Dean this morning and after he'd told me all about how I wasn't at fault, I couldn't let it go. I just couldn't. If I'd let her take me, these girls wouldn't be missing and probably dead.

I took a spoonful of the oatmeal and swallowed it, not even tasting it. It went down easy, at least. I stuck the spoon back in the bowl and tried to get it to stand there in the oatmeal all on its own, but it wasn't working. After Dean had spanked me this morning, Sam had taken me out to run. There had been a park about a mile from the motel with an exercise course on it that included ropes to climb, chin-up bars, and stuff like that. We'd run down there and then he'd run me through the course. When I was good and exhausted, he explained in small and careful words that I was not to read any of the occult books without his express permission. Then he'd run me through this hellacious set of push-ups, squats, arm rotations, side straddle hops, and steam engines. If I thought I was exhausted before, I was wrong. Between the sleeplessness and the exercise, I was light-headed with exertion when I was done and very, very sure I never wanted to get caught with a book I hadn't asked about again.

I looked up at Sam and Dean. Dean was reading through a newspaper and Sam had his laptop open. I sighed. "We'll sit here as long as it takes for you to finish, little girl," Dean said, not looking up. I looked down at my oatmeal again. I took another bite, swallowing past the lump of guilt in my stomach. It hurt. How could guilt make an actual lump in my stomach that hurt to swallow past? I took another bite and then drank some milk with it. This time it went down easier. The oatmeal was basically cold now and only about a third gone.

When Sam and I had gotten back to the motel room after our workout, we'd showered, dressed, and packed up our stuff. Once we visited the site of the fire, we were most likely going to head out of town. I'd gone to get my backpack off of Sam's bed, anxious to get my notes on Gabby back to look at in the back of the car, but he'd lifted it out of my hand. "You'll get this back later," he'd said and slung it over his shoulder. He'd handed me my Game Boy and the beat up Harry Potter paperback that I was reading my way through. I'd taken them hesitantly and then looked up at him. "Take a break," he said shortly and walked out the motel room door with my multi-colored butterfly backpack over his shoulder. I'd've laughed if I hadn't wanted to cry so much.

"Can I be done?" I asked.

"Do you wanna come to the fire site?" Dean asked, looking up from his paper.

I met his eyes, pleading. "Yes," I whispered.

"Then no," Dean said, looking back down at his paper.

"It's cold," I complained. A tear rolled down my cheek unbidden.

Dean sighed and set his paper down. He waved the server over. "Can you heat this up?" he asked. "She doesn't want to eat it cold."

"Sure, man," the server said, taking the bowl from in front of me. "I'll bring it right back."

"Ok?" Dean asked me. He picked the paper back up.

"Yeah," I said. I looked down at the now empty table in front of me. I needed to get away from them for a while. I looked back up. "Can I be excused?" I asked. "I have to… you know."

"You come right back here when you're done," Dean said, pointing at me. "Don't screw around with me."

"Yes, Dean," I said. I got up from the table and walked around the separator wall that separated us from the hallway to the bathroom. Once I was in the bathroom, I went in the handicapped stall and washed my face. Leaning against the wall, I rubbed my hands up and down my arms. I'd been burning every other night and didn't need to light a fire, but I wanted to. It would make me feel better. I fought the urge though. If I got in any real trouble at all, they'd shut me down and I wouldn't be able to help any more. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply to try to calm down. When I figured that I'd delayed as long as I reasonably could, I left the bathroom, walking slowly down the hall. As I approached the edge of the wall, I heard Sam say my name. They were talking about me. I slowed down and shoved my back against the wooden wall to listen.

"She hasn't been eating. She's not sleeping. She's sneaking around to do research," Dean said. I could hear the pain in his voice and the guilt in my stomach spiked.

"I know you're worried, Dean. I'm worried, too. Listen, I'm going to get her to start her schoolwork again today. She can't spend all her time researching Gabby. She's driving herself nuts," Sam said. "I'll make research a condition on her finishing her schoolwork."

"You do that and she'll race through the schoolwork just so she can go back to the research. No. We have to restrict how often she gets to run her searches and how long she gets her notebooks."

"I don't know how effective that'll be, Dean. She practically has the notebooks memorized."

"We have to do something! She's making herself sick," Dean exclaimed. I jumped when his hand hit the table, the dishes clattering.

"Ok, look, we can't keep her from thinking about it, but we can distract her and we can keep her away from the laptop and the notebooks. If worse comes to worst, we can lock them in the trunk when we don't want her near them," Sam said.

"She's guilt-ridden over these other girls," Dean said. "That's what's eating her up. She thinks it's her fault because she's hiding from Gabby and so Gabby is looking for a new priestess."

I pushed away from the wall and crept back down the hallway away from them to take a few deep breaths before I walked up the hallway with more noise this time. I didn't know what to do with what I'd just heard. I felt bad worrying them both, but they didn't understand. How could they? The sacrificed themselves all the time for other people, but me? I was hiding, a coward, and other people were paying the price.

They'd stopped talking by the time I came around the wall, trying to look nonchalant. My oatmeal bowl was sitting there, just as full as it was when I left. I looked up at Dean. "He heated up your oatmeal," Dean said when I met his eyes. "You gonna finish it now or are you spending the day in the car while we talk to the fire investigator?"

I picked up my spoon and forced the oatmeal down in five large bites, not even tasting it. I drained the rest of my milk and looked at Dean. "Well?" I asked. "What are we waiting for? Let's go."

* * *

I walked behind Dean while I listened to the two of them talk to the fire investigator. I couldn't make any sense of what she was saying. She was leading us around the damaged building, going through all sorts of technical details about the fire, using big words with almost no meaning to me, but Sam was nodding his head like he knew what she was saying. Hell, he probably did. Dean was flipping through the report, looking at the pictures and presumably skimming the text. The investigator had Sam's full attention as she pointed to areas the walls and gestured while she spoke. I sighed. This wasn't helping me at all. I couldn't tell anything from out here. I needed to be in the building, but the investigator had said that the building wasn't safe. Sam asked her some question about accelerants, and I gave up. The building to my right had a huge hole in the wall where the wallboard and door had burned. The brick was covered in soot. I looked at Sam and then at Dean. I needed to know where to go to find Gabby next and the only way I was going to find out was in the basement. I swallowed hard and slipped into the building.

The inside of the building was dark and dusky. There was no electricity, but the holes in the ceiling and walls provided some ambient lighting, enough that I wasn't tripping. I pulled the ring out of my shirt and fingered it, thinking about Gabby. I could take it off and she'd just show up, and then I could take her down. But Dean said that I wasn't ready, that my training wasn't complete. I fiddled with the ring and headed further into the building, looking for a door that led to the basement. I didn't find one, but I did find a hole in the floor. It was significant because it wasn't singed or broken wood or stone. There was no wood or stone at all. Something had melted metal.

I got down on my hands and knees and peered into the basement. It was too dark and I couldn't see anything. I touched the melted metal bar and tugged on it. It was solid now and would hold my weight. Good thing I'd skipped all those meals, I thought without meaning it. I grabbed the bar with both hands and slid into the hole. As my feet dropped into the darkness, I heard Dean's voice holler my name.

I hung from the bar and stared beneath me. My eyes were adjusting to the lack of light, and I could see shapes about ten feet below me. I couldn't tell if it was safe to drop. I looked above me. I could pull myself out and go to Dean. Then he wouldn't kill me as much. I knew I was already in for it. I'd already left his sight without telling him where I was going or getting his permission. Or, I could drop down and look for signs of where Gabby had gone. Guilt fought with guilt and Gabby won. I let go of the bar as I heard Dean's voice come closer.

My feet hit on a pile of burned wood, ash, and beams, but I lost my balance and fell to my knees. I gasped as pain shot through me. My right knee and the palms of my hands were throbbing. It felt like I'd probably skinned them, but I couldn't see well enough to tell. I was tempted to set something on fire so I could see, but that seemed like a bad idea. My phone rang and I jumped. I dug the phone out of my hoodie pocket and answered it. "Hi," I said, my voice guilty.

"Where are you?" Dean growled.

"In the basement," I said, wincing.

"You stay right where you are, Jessie. We're coming to get you," Dean said.

"The floor isn't safe," I heard the fire inspector say. "It's not going to support our weight. She's much smaller than any of us."

"I'm going to get her," Dean said. Guilt flashed through me. He was going to risk his life to get to me and I wasn't even in any danger.

"Dean!" I said into the phone. "Wait! I can find my way out."

"No, Jessie. Stay put. You understand me?" His voice was rough.

"I'm fine," I said. "Nothing has happened. I can find my way out!"

"And I'm going to make sure you stay fine. Stay put, little girl," Dean said. He hung up before I had a chance to answer.

I looked at the phone. He didn't actually know where I was. He only knew that I was in the basement. The phone was giving off enough light that I could make out the boiler across the room. They'd found Grazyna's bones behind the boiler in Indianapolis… I pointed the light on the phone at the floor and made my way slowly across the broken slab to the exploded boiler. The heat must have been intense to crack the slab like this. Once I'd picked my way to the boiler, I aimed the light from the phone behind it. There was definitely something back there. I stuck my arm behind the boiler and prodded the pile. It broke apart in my hand, but I managed to grab something. I pulled it out. It was a charred bone, a long bone, like from a leg.

Horrified, I dropped the bone. Audra was definitely dead. I swallowed hard.

"Jessie?" I heard Dean yell. I stared at the bone on the floor, unable to holler back. My throat was dry and sore. Tears dripped from my eyes into rubble on the floor, onto the bone. I was so selfish. She'd died because of me. "Jessie! Answer me!" Dean's voice came from closer now.

"I'm here," I tried to say, but my voice wouldn't work. Unable to help myself, I reached back behind the boiler and grabbed something else. This one had jagged parts. It was too wide to pull out the same way I'd pulled out the leg bone. I stood on my toes and lifted it up and over the top of the boiler. When I saw what it was, my sight wavered. The pain in my knees flared and pushed me out of shock. I was on my knees, holding Audra's charred skull in my hand. The top half of the part that held the brain was gone… like her head had exploded. I dropped the skull next to the leg bone, my stomach heaving.

I dropped onto my hands and threw up. Dean's voice seemed like it was getting farther away. The ring rocked free at the end of the chain around my neck. Gabby.

Gabby would come if I took off the ring. I couldn't kill her yet, but she'd take me with her and stop hunting these other girls. I balanced on my knees and unfastened the necklace. My heartbeat pounded in my ears. This was better. This was the only answer. I held the necklace in my hand, closed my eyes, and let go.

"No, sweetheart," Dean said quietly next to me. I opened my eyes as he put the necklace back around my neck. "No. You're not sacrificing yourself today. Come on. I'll get you out of here."

I burst into guilty, terrified, and relieved sobs and clung to him as he picked me up and carried me out of the building.


	38. Chapter 38 - There's Fire

I clutched Dean, burying my face in his shoulder. He held me tight to him. "Shh, sweetheart, shh…" he said softly. "It's ok; everything is going to be ok."

"Is she all right?" I heard Sam ask. I refused to pick up my head. "What happened?"

"She's fine. She's got skinned knees and a terminal case of guilt," Dean said. "I'll fill you in later. I'm gonna take her back to the car. You tell that fire investigator that there are charred bones in the basement."

"Audra?" Sam asked.

"Audra," Dean said.

Dean opened the car door and set me on the seat inside. "I can walk," I objected weakly. I was drained from crying and the world seemed unreal around me, surrounded in a haze of tears and ash.

"Yeah, well, I wanted to carry you," Dean said. His face tender, he ran his hand down the side of my head and slid it under my chin to make me look at him. "Anything else wrong with you but those knees?" he asked gruffly, indicating the scrapes clearly visible through my torn, previously-white-now-gray tights. I held my palms out to him. He looked at both of them and then got up to go to the trunk. "Get those tights off so I can clean you up," he said. He turned away from me, his head down. I looked after him and then slid into the car and shut the door. I pulled off my sneakers and socks and slid the tights off gently over my knees. They were scraped pretty deep and still seeping blood, the right one worse than the left. Dean opened the car door, the first aid kit in his hand and gestured to me to scoot back to the edge of the seat where he could reach me.

The look on his face was scaring me. He looked… lost, but that faded as he surveyed the damage to my knees and palms. He cleaned my scrapes and cuts, me wincing the whole time. He was about half done when Sam came back over. "We need to get out of here, Dean. Place is going to be crawling with cops soon."

Dean reached into his pocket and pulled his keys out. "You drive," he said, handing the keys to Sam. "Jessie, scoot." Startled, I slid over and Dean got into the backseat with me. Sam started the car and drove us away while Dean continued cleaning my scrapes and putting bandages over them, his hands gentle. "You need a shower, sweetheart," he said. "You're covered in ash and soot." I looked down at myself to see that he was right.

"What happened?" Sam asked, his tone impatient.

Dean closed his eyes and shook his head before opening them again to put away the bandages and peroxide. "I found her on her knees in front of a pile of charred bones about to drop her necklace on the floor. I caught it and put it back on her." He looked up from zipping up the kit. "You wanna explain that, Jessie?" he asked gently. I was surprised at how tired he sounded, at how tired he looked. "Jessie?" he asked.

"If I talk about it, I'll cry again," I said quietly. I pushed myself back against him, seeking comfort. He put his arm around me and pulled me closer.

"That's ok, sweetheart," Dean said. "Tell us what happened."

"I was in the basement," I said. "I got off the phone with you and I saw the boiler and I thought that the other girl's bones were behind the boiler." Tears choked me up and I couldn't talk for a second. Dean tightened his arm around me.

"And so you reached back there and found them," Dean said. I nodded, tears falling faster now.

"The skull," I said. "The skull looked like it had exploded, like her brain had exploded." I sobbed, unable to talk for a minute.

"Oh my god," Sam said, and Dean pulled me into his lap to hold me close to him, his hand moving up and down my back. He kissed the top of my head and just held me while I cried.

"Dean, she's finding them because of me, they're dying because of me. If I hadn't run… I thought that if I gave myself up, she'd stop killing them. She'd just take me, and it would be over. It would be over!"

"Oh, Jessie," Dean said, hugging me tighter. "You took off your necklace so she'd come get you. Oh, baby…" He held me, rocking me until my crying slowed. "You're definitely a Winchester, sweetheart, and I'm not so sure that's a good thing."

"I think it's a good thing," I whispered. "If it means I belong to you."

"Look at me, Jessie," Dean said, turning me a little so he could meet my eyes.

"I need tissues," I said, unwilling to look up while my nose was running. He handed me the rag he'd used to clean my scrapes, and I blew my nose on it, which was gross, but better than having snot running down my face. When I was done, I looked up at him, the rag clutched in my hand.

"Listen to me very carefully, Jessie, and hear what I'm saying," Dean said, his eyebrows raised. I met his eyes and waited uneasily. His voice was still gentle, but there was a firmness there that hadn't been there before. "I want you to promise me, right now, that you will never, ever take off that ring again until we tell you it's time."

I swallowed, wanting to promise, but … "Dean, if I'd let her take me, they'd be alive now."

Dean ran his hand down his face. "Oh Jessie, don't you understand? If you had gone with her, she'd be killing more people. It would be so much worse if she had you. She'd take your abilities and use you and them to murder people, to sacrifice people for power. Jessie, please, please promise me that you won't take off that ring again. You swear to me, right now, because I can't handle this, sweetheart. I can't handle losing you or even the thought of losing you because you want to sacrifice yourself futilely because a crazy goddess is killing girls," Dean said, his voice ragged, tears in his eyes.

My heart lurched. "I promise, Dean. I swear. I won't take off the ring until you and Sam say to, no matter what." I wrapped my arms around his neck. I'd do anything to get that lost look off his face, anything he asked of me and more.

He pulled me close, his head against my shoulder as he held me. "Thank you," he said, relief suffusing his voice.

* * *

I fell asleep in Dean's arms and a couple of hours later, Sam pulled over at a motel off the interstate. I was worn out and stiff. I felt liked I'd been through a wringer. Dean led me into the room by my hand and then ushered me into the bathroom, handing me my duffel bag. "Shower, brush your teeth, put on our pajamas."

"It's only four in the afternoon," I said.

"I have a watch, Jessie. I know what time it is. You're taking it easy for the rest of the day. Go on, get the ash out of your hair," he shut the door firmly. I stared at the door, feeling the loss of him, but he couldn't exactly shower with me. I pulled off my clothes and dropped them on the floor. I wondered if the motel had a washer and dryer we could use. Only my tights had been ruined, but my clothes were filthy. When I turned on the shower and got in, the water that streamed off my hair at first was dark gray and then light gray. I washed it three times, hot water streaming over me.

When I was done, I put on my Eeyore nightshirt, panties, and fuzzy socks. I combed my hair and brushed my teeth. When I came out, Sam had takeout food from the Denny's down the road. My bandages had come off in the shower, so Dean put new ones on me while Sam changed his clothes. Then I ate my burger and my steamed vegetables without complaint, although I could only eat about half the food, but Dean was satisfied with that. The rest went in the little mini-fridge in the room. Sam opened a beer, sat down on the couch, and put on the television

"Jessie, get your blanket and pillow and come sit with me while Dean showers," Sam said, patting the spot next to him. I obeyed, grabbing my snowman, too, and settling on the couch with Sam's arm around my shoulders. Dean disappeared into the bathroom.

I stared at the movie, _Raiders of the Lost Ark_, but was unable to concentrate. "Sam?" I said tentatively.

"Yeah, Jessie?" Sam asked.

"Am I… in trouble?" I asked, sitting up.

"We'll talk about that later, honey," Sam said, putting his feet up on the coffee table. He patted his side so that I'd lean against him again. "Right now, we both just want you to get some rest. You had quite a shock today."

I leaned against him again, this time trying to focus on the movie, but it wasn't long before I was drifting off to sleep.

I woke up sometime later; the television was turned off. Sam was gone and I was lying on my side on the couch, my back to the room. I was about to sit up when I heard Sam say, "Yes, thank you for your help." His phone clicked shut and then he said, "The top part of Grazyna's skull was missing, too." I stifled a gasp. I knew it! "The bones were too damaged to determine whether or not the damage occurred before of after she died."

"What do you think?" Dean asked.

"I have no idea what to think, Dean. All I know is that Gabby's after Jessie and killing girls. My guess would be that she's trying to do the same thing to these girls as she did to Jessie, but that it's not working for some reason, and they're dying instead. She's going after younger and younger girls, so maybe she's hoping that it had something to do with how old Jessie is? But really, I just don't know. We have no idea what's going on in her head and no way to stop her yet."

"I called Bobby," Dean said. "He's still working on getting that stake."

"We need other options. There's got to be something else that will stop her."

"I know!" Dean snapped.

"Shh! You'll wake her up," Sam interrupted him. I held my breath, knowing that they were both looking at me. When I didn't move or respond, Sam said, "She asked me if she was in trouble."

Dean sighed. "I don't know, Sam. She saw charred bones, she threw up, she ripped up her knees and hands, and then tried to give herself over to Gabby out of guilt. She's going to have nightmares about the bones, I just know it, and there's no way that guilt is gone no matter what promises I extract from her. God, I almost lost her today. I don't want to punish her."

One of them pulled out a chair and sat down heavily. "I know what you mean," Sam said. "But I think we have to."

"Why?" Dean asked, his voice muffled. I could just picture him covering his face with his hand. "Why do we have to?"

"We always punish her when she endangers herself, and that's what she did here," Sam said. I really hated him just now. "Even and even especially when she ends up hurting herself. Remember when she got lost and sprained her ankle? And the time she left the motel room and walked into the lake? What about the time she left the car and saw the dead rabbit that that witch had killed? She hurt herself each of those times, and we spanked her each of those times so she wouldn't do it again."

"Yeah," Dean said, "and look how well that worked."

"Ok, it's not just that, Dean," Sam paused. "You know when you were in hell? She… acted out a lot, and I ignored it because I thought she needed space, that she needed to get used to it just being me, that she needed time to grieve. You know how she took it? She thought I didn't care. She pushed and pushed and pushed, breaking more and more rules until I had to punish her."

"What'd she do?" Dean asked.

"She followed me when I went to hunt Lilith and walked right into a house full of demons, and then afterward, she disappeared to take a little girl home. Everything I told her not to do, she did. If I'd just been consistent from the beginning…"

"Yeah, I got it," Dean said, his voice harder now.

"It doesn't have to be harsh. It just has to happen," Sam said.

"I got it, Sam," Dean said. One of them got up and opened the fridge. I heard a bottle open.

I hugged the snowman tighter. Dean had moved past being scared for me to being mad that I endangered myself in the first place. I was so dead. I wondered if I pretended to be asleep if I could at least delay it, and then I realized I didn't want to. It would be better to just get it over with since it was going to happen anyway, right?

I sat up. "Well, I'm awake. Wanna just get it over with now?" I asked.


	39. Chapter 39 - All Fired Up

"Jessie…" Dean said, running his hand through his hair. He was standing by the table with a beer in his hand while Sam was sitting at the table with his laptop open.

"What?" I asked with anger starting a slow spread through my chest. "You're all fired up to punish me, why don't you just do it? Why do I have to wait?" I got to my feet, my heart beating hard, pressure rising in my head. I set my socked feet shoulder-width apart and crossed my arms, the snowman caught between my elbow and my chest.

Amusement flickered over Sam's face, but then Dean caught my attention. "Jessie, you've had a hard day. Sit back down on the couch and take it easy."

"Why? To make things easier on you?" I retorted. "I should shut up and rest meekly like a normal twelve-year-old girl?"

"As if you could do anything meekly," Sam said, stifling another smile. I glared at him.

"One of us has to have some balls," I replied angrily.

"Jessie!" Dean snapped. He took three long strides towards me and grabbed me by the elbow. I clutched at the snowman as his grip loosened its spot in the crook of my elbow. Steering me into the corner, Dean growled into my ear, "Don't think I don't know what you're doing, little girl. Don't push me." He let me go and leaned over me from behind me, his hands on either wall above my head. I suddenly felt very small in his shadow. He spoke to me softly, his breath tickling my ear. "You are feeling guilty and lost, and you're fighting for control. You listen to me. You are my little girl, and if and when you get punished for something you did wrong is up to me, not you. I am in charge here. You understand me?"

I didn't say anything. I just crossed my arms in front of me, hugging the snowman close, and glared at the wall. My head was pounding with pressure and my arms had started itching.

"Answer me, little girl," Dean said.

"Yes, Dean," I ground out. I hugged the snowman tighter.

"And get yourself under control," Dean said. "You're glowing." He turned to go back to the table, leaving me in the corner.

I stared at the wall for about ten seconds before I whirled around and threw the snowman at Dean's retreating back. It bounced off his head and landed on the table, right on top of Sam's keyboard.

Sam picked the snowman up and set it gently on the table. Then he closed his laptop and rested his elbow on the table, his hand covering his mouth. His eyes flicked from me to Dean and back again. I would've sworn he was amused.

Dean on the other hand… Dean dropped his head and just stood there for a moment before he turned around slowly, his head tilted down and his eyebrows raised. "So that's how you want this to go?" he asked, nodding a little. "You sure about that?"

My stomach flipped, and I knew this was my last chance; he was offering me one final get out of jail free card. As much as I wanted to push and push until he did what I wanted him to, I couldn't do it. It was too much. I dropped my glare and shook my head.

"Nose in the corner, Jessie," he said flatly. My shoulders slumping in defeat, I turned slowly until I was facing the corner. Putting most of my weight on one foot, I dug my toe into the carpet and rested my forehead where the two walls met. "No, stand up straight. No leaning. Now, Jessie!"

Was my name some kind of talisman? I sighed heavily and obeyed. I heard Sam snicker behind me, and then I heard a smack, like Dean had bopped him in the back of the head. I made sure my furnace was locked up tight, and as I stood there with my anger fading, so did the pressure and the itching. I shifted my weight from leg to leg and waited.

"You ready to come out and be a normal twelve-year-old girl?" Dean asked after what seemed like an eternity.

"Yes, Dean," I said into the corner.

"Come here," he said. I turned around and trudged over to him. He pulled me into his lap and held me.

"When are you going to spank me?" I asked after a couple of minutes, my voice small.

"You have a one-track mind," he said.

"I hate waiting," I whined, resting my head on his chest. "I hate having it hang over me."

Dean shifted a little in the chair so I was better situated. "Sam and I have to decide what your punishment is going to be, Jessie, and we haven't done that yet. We don't even know for sure what happened or why you were in the basement. So tell me, did you do what we think you did?"

I flushed and looked up through my bangs. "I… what do you think I did?"

Dean looked down at me. "Uh-uh. It's your turn to talk. How did you get in the basement?"

"Through a hole in the floor," I whispered.

"Jessie," Dean said warningly.

"Ok!" I said, knowing what he wanted. I fiddled with the buttons on his overshirt. "I couldn't understand what that lady was talking about, the investigator, but I knew that the fire had started in the basement, so I thought I'd just go down there and see if I could find anything on Gabby, like where she was going next… you know, to hurry things up?" I looked up. Dean's face was dark, and I glanced at Sam hoping that he would still look amused, but his jaw was set. I dropped my eyes again. "Anyway, I slipped in through an empty classroom and looked around, and there was this hole that looked like it probably led to the basement. Something hot must've shot up through there because it had melted metal. I went through that hole and dropped into the basement. You called me right after I landed."

"And then," Dean said, "after I told you to stay put, you wandered over to the boiler to find her bones." I nodded. Dean looked at Sam.

"What rules did you break?" Sam asked. I groaned. I hated it when they double-teamed me.

"Don't leave your sight unless you tell me to," I said. "Stay put when I'm told to stay put. Obey every order when it's given."

"What happened because you broke those rules?" Sam asked.

"Oh, come on," I said, rolling my eyes, a whine entering my voice. "You know what happened."

"Jessie, we're having this conversation right now because you didn't want it hanging over your head. Get rid of the attitude," Dean said. He slid me off his lap and stood up. "Sit."

I sat down in the chair, suddenly feeling more adrift now that I wasn't on Dean's lap. I looked up at Sam. Sam raised his brows at me. "Well?"

"I hurt my knees and palms. I found Audra's bones, I threw up, and I freaked out. I tried to summon Gabby. Dean had to come rescue me from the basement," I said.

"Yeah," Dean said. "And what would have happened if you'd stayed with us?"

I swung my leg. "I dunno," I said softly. "None of that stuff?"

"Yup," Dean said. "We would have finished with the investigator and then come back later to look at the site. You wouldn't have found those bones by yourself and you wouldn't have almost summoned the goddess that wants your life and abilities. You understand what you did wrong here?"

I nodded, staring at Dean's boots. "I didn't obey your orders."

Dean nodded and looked at Sam again. "On the surface, sure," Sam said, "but what you really did wrong was you ran off half-cocked without thinking about what you were doing and ended up getting hurt. You need to think, young lady. I've explained this to you before."

My mouth kind of gaped open and shut a couple of times. "Well, how'm I supposed to know what's going to happen? I didn't know that was going to happen!"

"And that's why you're going to write me an essay," Sam said. "Two pages on thinking before you act. You could have thought about what's happened before when you just ran off. You could have looked at that hole in the floor and thought - what might happen if I drop down there. I might sprain my ankle or skin my knees. Maybe I should find another way. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Sam," I said. I stared at Dean's feet a little longer before I looked up at him through my bangs again.

"You're detailing the car nice and early tomorrow morning. You're going over it with a fine-tooth comb, cleaning up every speck of soot or ash or dirt or blood. You're going to wash, vacuum, armor-all, and shine her. That's before your PT. You got me?"

"What about the trunk?" I asked.

"Top compartment only" Dean responded. "I'm not letting you dig around in there."

"Ok," I said. I frowned. I felt like I was getting off easy, and I didn't like it. The ache started up in the pit of my stomach, guilt washing over me.

And then Dean scooped me up from the chair and carried me over to the bed. He sat down and put me over his lap, lifting the back of my nightshirt, and a weird wave of relief washed through me, easing away the ache, right before his hand came down. Not a word came out of his mouth. His hand smacked my butt over and over, from the top to my thighs until I was crying and clutching the bedspread, but I didn't fight and I didn't talk back and I didn't argue.

When he was done, he put me back on my feet and looked at my tear-streaked face. "I agree with Sam, but don't misunderstand me, little girl. If you had just obeyed the rules that we have in place for your safety, none of this would have happened. Next time you ask and next time you stay put. Clear?" I nodded.

He pulled me back into his arms and held me there. "You're on restriction for two weeks, little girl. No research on Gabby, no studying Gabby. Nothing about your goddess."

I pulled back from him in shock. "What?"

"You heard me. You wanna argue?"

"But… so I can watch television and play with the Game Boy and read, but I can't do any research on Gabby?"

"That's right," Sam said. "I'll keep an eye on it, but you will keep your nose out of it. You understand, young lady?"

I looked back and forth from Sam to Dean in disbelief, my stomach hurting again. If I couldn't research and study, how would I ever stop her? I rubbed my neck. Both of them looked dead serious.

"Jessie, do you understand?" Dean asked, his voice hard.

I had no choice. "Yes, Dean," I said.

"All right, back to the couch. Come on," Dean said. He led me over to the couch and handed me my snowman, and we settled in to watch television. Sam brought over snacks and Dean ordered pizza. I snuggled between them to watch _Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade_, my mind already working on how to get around my new restriction.


	40. Chapter 40 - Nightmares

I woke up to Dean and Sam arguing about the fact that Dean was taking us from case to case since we'd gotten Anna her grace back. We'd just got off a case and he was already looking for a new one. I kept my eyes shut so they wouldn't know that I was awake. I was more likely to get caught here in the front seat where my feet were across Dean's lap.

Dean insisted that he was fine and Sam insisted that he was not, that he was running on fumes and he couldn't run forever.

"And what am I running from?" Dean asked, annoyance in his voice.

"From what you told me. Or are we pretending that never happened?" Sam asked.

Dean paused and then said, "Stratton, Nebraska. Farm town. A man gets hacked to death in a locked room inside a locked house. No signs of forced entry." Sam said it sounded like a ghost and when Dean agreed, Sam flopped back down in the backseat to go back to sleep. I peeked at Dean through slitted lids. He looked thoughtful and disturbed and I wondered again what he and Sam had talked about while I was on the run. I knew it had something to do with what had happened to Dean in hell, but I had no idea what it could possibly be. I thought Sam was right though; Dean was running from it, whatever it was.

I wanted to know what was going on with Dean, and I decided that I was going to find out. I considered just asking, but if Dean was avoiding it and running himself ragged over it, then he probably wouldn't tell me. I was going to have to be sneaky.

"You ok, sweetheart?" Dean asked me. I looked at him.

"How did you know I was awake?" I asked.

He smiled at me and indicated my feet where they were resting on his thigh. My right ankle was twisting in circles, unbidden. "You twist your ankles when you're upset about something. You ok?"

I stopped it and sat up. "Yeah," I said. "Nebraska is a long way from Indiana…"

Dean sighed. "Jessie, leave it alone. We don't know where she is and no new stories have popped up."

"That should worry you more than the fact that there were stories in the first place," I said. "She does learn from her mistakes."

"Go back to sleep, sweetheart," Dean said, ignoring my observation.

"Can I put my head on your leg?" I asked.

He smiled at me and patted his thigh. I turned around and put my pillow on his leg and my head on the pillow. He stroked my hair, and I closed my eyes.

Two weeks had passed with no news or sign of Gabby. I'd hoped that Dean's pushing us from case to case without a rest would make them both less vigilant about what I was doing, it hadn't. Dean had locked my notebooks in the trunk so I couldn't sneak them away or look at them while I was doing my schoolwork. I'd lost my laptop privileges after Sam had figured out that I'd run some searches for her online while they were on one of their hunts. He'd added an extra week to my Gabby search restriction, too. I'd cleared my browser history so I wasn't sure how he'd figured it out, but I couldn't ask him or I might get in more trouble because I'd tried to hide it.

They wouldn't let up, and I thought that part of the problem was that I'd been having nightmares again, where I woke up screaming about lost girls and burning men, some weird conglomeration of guilt over Audra, Grazyna, and Daina. I could never remember the details, though, just the guilt. I was sleeping with one of the guys any night I could and when they weren't there, I'd lie awake in bed until they were and then crawl into bed with one of them. When I slept in the car, they let me sleep in the front seat so that I could be touching whoever was driving. It was the only way for me to get any rest. I was exhausted and I needed to find Gabby. I just had to be good for one more week and I'd be able to start my searches again.

I could do it. I had to.

The next afternoon, we pulled up to the house in Stratton, Nebraska. A For Sale sign hung by the side of the road. We pulled up behind the house. I got out of the car and shut the door. Dean turned to me as he got out and frowned. "No, Jessie. You're staying here."

"Why can't I come?" I demanded. "All you're doing is checking out the house. It's not even a real hunt!"

Dean opened my door pointedly. "Because you slept like crap last night. I already told you I wanted you to take a nap. You need to get some sleep."

I pouted. "You never sleep," I grumbled. "Why do I have to?"

"Get back in the car," Dean said, punctuating each word.

"Fine," I grouched. I climbed in and scooted across the seat.

"Stay put and go to sleep," he said and shut the door.

I sighed, pulled the pillow up from the floor, and laid down to close my eyes.

_A girl with light brown hair and blue eyes stood in front of me, dressed in a light blue dress with a flowered print and a small white apron with pockets over the skirt. Her hair was pulled up and back, fastened with rue flowers and tumbling in ringlets down her back. She was looking through me, as though I wasn't there. "Hello?" I said hesitantly, but she didn't answer._

_She threw bread and salt towards me and whispered the words, "Sacred Gabija, be satisfied. Accept my offering, and let no flame walk where it is not wanted." I heard fire whoosh behind behind me and I whirled around. The fire flared up in the fireplace, flames rising up the brick chimney, wild and snapping, like when Gabby was angry. "Fuck," I muttered. I stepped to the side and turned again so I could see both the girl and fire._

_"What did I do wrong?" She muttered to herself. "I said the blessing, I burned the salt and bread." She paused and tried again, tossing more salt, more bread. "Sacred Gabija, be satisfied," she repeated. The fire flared again, higher this time, blue at its base, flickering, snapping, and flashing wildly._

_"No," I said. I tried to grab her, but my hands passed through her like I wasn't there. "No, no. Please stop!"_

_"But that's what I'm supposed to say," she muttered again. She reached into her pocket and pulled more bread and more salt out._

_"NO!" I screamed at her. "Can't you see she's angry?" As she tossed the bread and salt the third time, I threw myself in front of it, but it passed through me and landed into the furious flames. They whirled into a tiny tornado, around and around in the fireplace._

_"Sacred Gabija, be satisfied," she said as the flames twisted and turned. "Accept my…" But she didn't get any further. The fire tornado whirled into a tendril, flowing out of the fireplace and into her open mouth surrounding her inside and out, burning flesh. We both screamed as the fire burned down through her towards the floor and up out the top of her head, through the ceiling above her, melting flesh and bone, metal and stone. I screamed as her head exploded in flames and the fire went out, leaving charred bones behind._

_Sobbing, I crawled to her burned bones and picked them up, holding them in my hands as they turned to dust and ash, floating away, leaving only her charred skull behind, her blue eyes somehow still intact, staring up at me accusingly. "Audra," I whispered._

"Jessie! Come on, honey. You're having a nightmare," I heard Sam say as I woke, my face wet with tears. He was leaning over the front seat, shaking me gently.

"Should've let me come into the house," I whispered, looking up into his concerned eyes. I sat up. We were driving down the road away from said house. "What happened?"

"New owners showed up. We fed them a line of bullshit about a gas leak and asbestos. They're going to go stay at the motel down the road," Dean said. "You remember the nightmare this time?"

"No," I lied, and I knew he'd believe me because I hadn't remembered the others. For some reason, this one was sticking with me, though, but I didn't want to tell him about it. I hoped that if I just didn't think about it, maybe it would fade like the others. I closed my eyes briefly and saw Audra's blue eyes staring up at me from her charred skull. I shuddered and opened my eyes quickly. "Where we going now?"

"Sam and I need to question the cleaning lady," Dean said. "Get more information about Bill Gibson and who the ghost might be."

"Guess I'm staying in the car for that one, too," I said.

"You've got some schoolwork to do. If you can't sleep, I want you to work on that, ok?" Sam asked.

"Do I have a choice?" I grumbled.

"No," Dean said. "Sleep or school."

I sighed. "School, I guess, but you have to tell me what she says when you get back."

"Deal," Dean said. I pulled out my backpack and yanked out my Life Sciences book.

After changing into their suits at a gas station, they visited the cleaning lady, who told them that Bill Gibson had lost his wife in childbirth and that his daughter had hung herself twenty years later. They'd both been cremated. She gave them some pictures and told them that the only thing weird that happened while she was there was that there was sometimes rustling in the walls, like rats, but she'd never seen any. I finished my schoolwork as we drove back into town, and then we headed out to get some dinner before going back to the house after dark so that Sam and Dean could finish the hunt.

When we got back to the house around eight, well after dark, the family hadn't left.

"Crap," Dean said. "So, what now?"

"We could tell them the truth," Sam said.

"Really?" Dean asked, looking over at Sam.

"No, not really," Sam said. I giggled.

They decided to just watch the house."Jessie, I want you to lay down…" Dean started.

"No," I said stubbornly. "I'm not going back to sleep, not without one of you right next to me."

Dean looked at me over the seat, his eyebrows raised.. "Ok, out with it. You remember something about your nightmare."

"Uh," I said, backing down. "Never mind. I'll lay down and try to sleep."

"Jessie, what the hell could be so horrible that you can't tell me about it?" Dean asked, his voice kinder now.

I flushed. "Can I come up there and tell you?" I asked.

Dean patted the seat between him and Sam. "Come on," he said.

I climbed over the back of the seat and settled between them. I took a deep breath, looked down at my lap, and told them all about Audra, the bread and salt, and the fiery tornado. I told them about her head exploding and going through the ceiling. I told them how I couldn't stop it, how I was invisible, how nothing I did had any effect. By the time I was done, I was crying.

"Ok, sweetheart," Dean said, his arm around me shoulders. "It's ok. It was just a dream."

"I know," I said.

"It didn't happen like that," Sam said. "It was just your mind trying to deal with what you saw, trying to figure out what happened, why the top of her head was gone, why there was a hole in the ceiling."

"I know," I said. "It just seemed so real."

"Come here," Sam said, patting his side. I scooted over and leaned against him. He turned so that I was half laying on him.

Dean pulled my feet up into his lap. "Try to get some rest," he said. "We've got you. We're right here." One of Sam's arms rested across my waist and Dean put his hand on my knee. I looked at him and he nodded, so I closed my eyes.

I slept dreamlessly until I woke up to the sound of a girl screaming.


	41. Chapter 41 - Helpless

Sam and Dean were out of the car in a flash. Disoriented, I followed slowly, lagging behind. They were banging on the front door of the house as I climbed the stairs of the porch. A man opened the door and they ran inside asking what was going on. The man, who Dean later introduced as Ted, looked at me with a confused expression as I followed, rubbing my eyes.

Another man, Brian, demanded to know if Dean had touched his daughter. I crept up next to Dean and wound my hands into his jacket as he said no in a thoroughly offended tone. Then he looked down at me and did a double-take, but he didn't say anything. Brian demanded to know who they were and then who I was. Sam responded that they had a ghost and the other kids started clamoring about some girl. Dean told them that they were in danger and that they needed to get out of the house. Then the lights went out and Dean shouted for us not to move. With my hands still clutching his jacket, I leaned into him, knowing that the safest place to be was with him..

We could hear a dog whimpering in the dark and I, too, whimpered at the sounds, the noises getting to me. Dean shushed me, placing a comforting hand on my head as he and Sam both looked around trying to figure out what was going on. The boy, Danny, hollered the dog's name and then Brian and Ted ran outside to find the dog.

"Stay here," Dean said to me, and he and Sam followed after them. I was finally not so disoriented, but I was completely unsure of what I had walked into. The three left over, Danny, Susan, the mom, and Kate, the girl went to run outside after a minute.

"He said to stay here," I objected. They ignored me and went anyway. Shaking off the last of my sleepiness, I followed, knowing that I shouldn't stay alone in the house. Staying on the porch, I followed them around the side of the house. Danny screamed the dog's name as I saw 'Too Late' written on the side of the moving truck, presumably in dog's blood. The world swam in my sight a little. I'd seen blood before, but this was too much for me right now. I grabbed the porch railing, sank to my knees, and held on, dropping my head to breathe as Brian told his family to get back inside. They rushed to obey as I knelt there clutching the railing. Dean looked me over and then told Brian that we weren't the bad guys, and Sam said that he needed to get his family out of there. Brian nodded once and the four of them came back up on the porch. Dean nodded at Sam to follow Brian while Dean came to get me.

"Jessie, are you ok?" he asked, helping me to my feet.

"Yeah," I said and then I burst into tears. "The poor dog."

"Ok, good. We don't have time right now. You need to go with the Carters to the motel. I'll come and get you later," he said, pulling me after him. I nodded and clutched his hand as we hurried towards the front door. Brian was telling his family that they were getting out of there and squelching his kids' arguments. Dean led them out of the house with Sam behind, telling them that they would be safe at the motel down the road.

When we got outside, though, Dean freaked out. Someone had slashed the tires on his baby. Sam opened the trunk and all of the weapons were gone. Brian checked his car and the moving van and their tires were slashed, too. I leaned against the car, confused by the blur, and then Kate started screaming again.

Annoyed now, I slammed my hands over my ears. "Fuck! Stop screaming!" I snapped. "It doesn't help anything!"

"Jessie!" Dean barked at me and then as Kate screamed that someone was there in the woods, he and Sam headed over with flashlights, but didn't see anything. They talked together really quick and then turned around and ordered us back into the house, clearly freaked out at least to my experienced eyes. Ted argued with them, but Dean shut him down and we all headed back inside.

"In the living room," Dean ordered. He and Sam headed into the kitchen and to find salt. I followed them. "Jessie, go in the living room," Sam said.

"It's safer with you," I complained, looking behind me. "Besides, I don't know them."

Dean opened another cupboard. "Didn't stop you from snapping at the girl, did it? That's one," his voice was angry.

I looked down at the linoleum floor and wiggled my socked toes. "Sorry," I said.

"Got it," Sam said, holding up a salt container from one of the partially unpacked boxes. "Living room, Jessie. Now."

I scurried into the living room with the two of them behind me. Dean told everyone to take a seat on the furniture, and Sam got Susan's help to pour salt around the furniture in a really large circle. I sat down on the piano bench next to Dean and watched. I was outside the circle, but I felt safer next to Dean.

Dean put some wood in the fireplace and turned to get the stuff to light it. I noticed what he was doing as he tried to light the tinder, cursing under his breath. This I could help with. I opened up my furnace and extended a tendril towards the fireplace. "Dean," I said, to warn him out of the way, and he turned to look at me as I set the tendril down on the logs and they flared into life. He jumped back as I was pulling the tendril back into me. The look he gave me was like a splash of cold water, and I flushed.

"That's two," Dean murmured to me, his eyes boring into mine. "You don't want to reach three." I didn't say anything but I held my breath until he looked back at the fire and started giving a lecture to everyone on how staying in the circle was the safest place to be, but Brian didn't believe him and said he was getting his family out of here.

Between Sam and Dean, they convinced Brian to stay. Danny was impressed that Sam and Dean hunted ghosts. While Sam showed Kate the pictures that they'd gotten from the cleaning lady to see if she recognized any of them, Dean pulled me off the piano bench by my upper arm and maneuvered me into the salt circle.

He leaned down and whispered fiercely in my ear, "Stay in the circle and keep your fire locked up!" He gave me a meaningful look. I nodded and flopped down on a chair while Kate picked the picture of the daughter as the person she'd seen in the field outside. Danny said that she was the girl in the walls.

Sam said he'd go check out the attic where the daughter had killed herself while Dean watched over the group of us. Ted tried to push past Dean and leave, not believing it was a ghost and Dean said very quietly convinced him to stay by threatening him with a gun. My eyes got wide, but I didn't say anything. Sam headed upstairs and Dean paced around inside the circle with us. I pulled my feet up on the chair and rested my chin on my knees. We'd been sitting there for a couple minutes when his eyes focused on me.

"Jessie, where the hell are your shoes?" he asked me. They all looked at me then, and I turned red for the second time that night.

"I wasn't wearing them when she screamed," I said, nodding at Kate. "I just followed you guys."

Dean closed his eyes and shook his head shortly. "Should've stayed in the car," he muttered.

"Yeah, that would've been brilliant. Then the ghosts could've taken me, too," I grumbled without thinking.

He glared at me, but Brian smiled a little in understanding. "Guess she's your kid, huh?"

"Yup," Dean said with a sigh. "She's my kid."

He went back to pacing and I let out the breath I'd been unconsciously holding, waiting for the dreaded three. Another ten minutes passed and then Ted started giving Dean a hard time about the salt, asking him if it had to be kosher. He was a real smart ass, and I really wanted to kick him, but I didn't. Susan told him to lay off.

Right after that, the closet started to open and the girl came out of it. She looked evil, pale white with dark eyes and dark, unkempt hair, all uneven and hanging in her face. She was wearing this sack-like dress than came down to her shins. The family clustered together at the back of the circle, clutching each other. I got slowly out of my chair and stood behind Dean in my socked feet. He had his feet braced and the poker in both hands.

"All right, everybody stay calm," Dean said. "She's a ghost. She can't come in the circle." She was so freakin' creepy! I resisted the urge to grab the back of Dean's jacket, knowing he needed to be able to move freely if he had to swing the poker, but it was a hard thing.

The girl stopped at the edge of the circle and glared balefully at us. She opened her hand a little and knife slipped into it. She clutched the knife and stepped over the salt. She stepped over the salt! Dean stiffened and said she wasn't a ghost. He told us to move, to run. The family fled the room as the girl stabbed at Dean over and over again. I pushed myself back against the wall in panic and opened my furnace. I frantically sought an opening, thinking about how to help, what I could do, but there was nothing! There was nothing I could do! I couldn't set her on fire because she might light up the house or Dean or both, and Dean had told me to keep it locked up. Helpless tears streamed down my face as Dean defended himself from her remorseless onslaught, and I did nothing as she knocked him to the floor and slashed at his face.

"Hey!" Sam shouted. Startled, the girl turned and Sam shined his flashlight into her eyes. She screamed and ran back into the closet. Sam chased after her and shone the light around the closet to see where she'd gone, but he didn't see anything.

Dean got to his feet and rounded on me. "What the hell, Jessie? I told you to get out."

"I thought…" I started.

"I don't care. I told you to go." Dean shouted at me.

"I'm sorry, Dean!" I cried, panic rushing through me. I half expected him to turn me over his knee right there.

"Not as sorry as you're going to be," Dean said. "That's three, little girl, but we'll talk about that later. Come on. I'm getting you out of here." He grabbed my arm and hauled me after him out of the house and down the porch stairs.

Brian ran up and Dean sent him to get the others. I sat down on the porch stairs to wait, my heart pounding. Dean had been under attack and all I'd done was stand there. I hadn't even tried to help. Shame flooded me. I barely listened as Sam and Dean discussed who the girl might be. She was definitely human, but was too young to be the daughter. Dean said that since she was just a human, the family could make a run for it while Sam and Dean held her off. They could figure out who she was later.

The family came up, ready to make a run for it, but after a couple of minute of yelling, we all knew Danny was missing.


	42. Chapter 42 - Backlash

Dean told Susan and Kate that the safest place for them while they found Danny was inside the shed. Kate didn't want to go, but Dean insisted. Then he reached down and pulled me to my feet. "You, too, little girl. Go with them." The look he gave me brooked no argument. I didn't say anything. I just got to my feet and turned to follow them. "Jessie, you stay in that shed, you understand me?" Dean called after me.

I turned around and looked at him. Yes, Dean," I said. He pointed at the shed and I went, my head hanging. It was no wonder he was sending me off to the shed with how useless and stupid I'd been in the living room. Susan and Kate let me into the shed. Susan blocked the door behind me, and I sat down in the corner and rested my head on my knees, tears flowing from my eyes.

Susan and Kate talked to each other for a few minutes about the four guys and whether they would find Danny. I looked at the two of them and it annoyed me that they weren't being more help in finding him themselves. Susan was a grown woman and Kate was a sixteen-year-old girl. They were perfectly capable of helping find the kid and the more people looking, the faster they would find him and the safer he would be. Me, I understood. I was dumb and worthless. I couldn't even use the skills that they'd trained me in. I'd just stood there frozen, unable to act. What a fucking waste as a hunter.

"Hey, Jessie, right?" Kate asked me after they'd been quiet a couple of minutes.

My head still down, I wiped the tears from my eyes with the heels of my palms before I lifted my head to look at her. She was standing in the middle of the shed with her arms crossed over her chest. Her mom stood next to Kate with her arm around Kate's shoulders.

"Yeah," I said.

"How old are you?" Kate asked.

"Twelve," I said.

"You hunt ghosts with them at twelve?" Susan asked, clearly horrified.

"No," I whispered, looking away from her. I gestured around myself in a circle. "This was… kind of an accident. I'm usually in a motel or the car when they're hunting." She looked slightly mollified.

"What about school?" Kate asked me.

"Sam teaches me," I said. "And he doesn't make it easy."

"What about friends?" she asked. "What do you do for friends?"

I blinked at her. "I meet people on the road," I said. I didn't tell her that I'd never had many friends to begin with.

"Where's your mother?" Susan asked me, stepping closer to me, a concerned look on her face.

"She died in a fire," I whispered and looked away again.

Susan reached her hand out like she was going to touch me and I stiffened. I didn't like this woman for some reason. She just seemed so weak to me.

Someone banged on the shed door and we all jumped. Kate let out a little scream. "Hey, it's us," Sam's voice came in. Glaring at Kate, I jumped to my feet and yanked the table away from the door without any help at all. Sam and Brian came in, and I flung myself into Sam's arms. "It's ok, Jessie. Everything's ok," Sam said.

"Did you find him?" Susan half-said, half-shrieked at her husband.

"He wasn't outside. He's got to be in the house somewhere," Brian answered.

Sam pulled a heavier wooden workbench in front of the door with Brian's help, and then Sam leaned against it. I settled next to him. He put his arm around me and pulled me close.

Brian paced around the shed for several minutes before returning to stand in front of Sam. "Look," he said. "Why are we just standing here? Let's go in. Let's check the house."

"We have to wait for those guys to get back," Sam said. "Ok?"

Dean pounded on the door, calling in that it was him. I stepped back towards Susan and Kate while Brian and Sam pulled the workbench back away from the door to let them in. Dean told them that he hadn't found Danny and that Ted was dead. Grief, regret, guilt, and resignation were etched across his face as he explained. He said they'd been in the walls when the girl attacked. Dean hadn't been able to get to him in time. Dean said that he shouldn't have left him alone, apologized, and then left.

"Dean!" I called after him, but Sam held up his hand to stop me. When I ignored him and pushed past him to follow Dean out, Sam grabbed my by the back of my collar and held me there. When I looked at him, he shook his head and raised his brows. I stopped pulling, and he let go of my collar and kind of motioned for me to come to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him again, needing him for comfort. He bent down and kissed the top of my head. Then he leaned against the workbench and pulled out the diary he'd found, which was the daughter's diary, Rebecca's. I sunk to the ground by his feet and sat with my legs criss-crossed, leaning a little against his legs.

We sat there for a long time. Brian tried to convince Susan that they'd find Danny, but Susan wasn't sure. She thought that since Ted was dead, Danny must be, too. Brian insisted that Danny must be alive because Danny had told them that the girl who lived in the walls had said he could stay. Susan was not consoled by this, but Brian promised that he would find Danny and that they would all be fine. He stayed and comforted his wife and daughter for a little while longer before he went outside.

I laid down on the dirt floor of the shed and cradled my head on my arms. I pressed my back into Sam's feet, needing the connection even though he towered six feet above me. I dropped into a doze, feeling safe for at least a moment. Then Sam stepped away from the workbench, and I sat up.

"Where are you going?" I asked, alarmed.

"To find Dean," Sam said. "I found something in the diary."

He opened the shed door as I got to my feet. "I'm coming, too!" I insisted.

"No, stay here," he said, and then he left, closing the door of the shed behind him.

I stared at the closed door of the shed for about thirty seconds. "Fuck that," I muttered. I edged around the workbench, hauled open the shed door, and followed him out. By the time I caught up to him, they were headed into the house, shutting the door behind them. I ran past Brian as he walked around the side of the house. He didn't notice me since his back was to me. I ran up the porch steps and pushed open the front door quietly. As I slipped the the door shut behind me, I heard Sam say that he was pretty sure that the girl was actually Rebecca's daughter. They talked a little more as I listened. I peeked around the wall so I could see them while I did.

Apparently Rebecca's dad had been raping her and got her pregnant, and that's where this girl had come from. When he'd found out that Rebecca was pregnant, he told Rebecca he was going to lock up the baby where no one would find it. At some point, the kid had broken out and the first thing she'd done was kill her dad/granddad. Dean said that he couldn't say that he blamed her. Sam said that her life was hell but that didn't give her a free pass for murder. Dean's face closed and he said that Sam didn't know what hell was like. When Sam started to object, Dean told him to forget it. Then he told Sam that he thought he knew where the girl was.

That's when he saw me, his face closing even more. He stalked towards me and I backed up quickly, my hands held up in front of me placatingly. It didn't work. Dean grabbed my arm and shook me. "What are you doing in here? I told you to stay in the goddamn shed!" he hollered.

"It's safer with you!" I cried, unable to explain how I felt. "I want to help!" He stopped shaking me.

"I am not losing you like I lost Ted! Get your ass back in the shed, right now!" he barked at me, pointing at the front door. "You stay there. You do not come out. Do you understand me?"

I burst into tears, my gaze shooting to Sam, who was frowning, his jaw tight. "Don't look at me, young lady. I told you to stay there, too," Sam growled at me. My heart sank. I was in so much trouble and all I'd wanted was to help, to not be useless.

Dean grabbed my chin and turned my gaze towards him. "Do you understand me?" he asked, deadly quiet this time, his eyes flicking between mine. When I didn't answer, he frowned. "You're already getting the belt. You want it on the bare?"

"Noooo!" I wailed. I tried to pull my chin away but he wouldn't let me.

"Then answer me, little girl!" Dean demanded.

"Yes! I understand!" I said.

He let me go. "Move!" he snapped.

I went to the front door and turned to look at him. He'd crossed his arms over his chest forbiddingly, and he raised his eyebrows at me. I slipped out the front door and then closed it behind me, running down the steps. Brian came from along side the house and saw me standing at the bottom of the steps looking up.

"What are you doing out of the shed?" he asked. "Didn't your dad tell you to stay there?"

"Yes," I answered. He sighed.

"Come on, I'll walk you there," he said. He put his hand on my shoulder gently and led me to the shed. He knocked on the door and Susan opened it. "There you go, Jessie. Stay in there. It's safe. I'm watching from out here," Brian said.

I looked at him. He was a civilian. I was no more safe here than I would have been inside with Sam and Dean, but I didn't say that. "Thanks," I said.

"Block the door," he instructed. I stepped into the shed and obeyed.

I sat down in the middle of the floor, exhausted. My feet hurt from running around in only socks. My heart hurt because Sam and Dean were mad at me and because I couldn't do anything right. Susan and Kate were sitting in the corner, hugging each other. Kate's eyes were closed and she was leaning against her mom's shoulder for comfort. Susan gestured to me to come to her, too, but I shook my head. A stranger's comfort wasn't any better than no comfort at all.

We sat there in silence, just waiting, for about ten minutes, then the boarded up window burst in behind Kate and Susan. They screamed as we all scrambled to our feet, away from the window. Susan put Kate behind her. I stood up and opened up my furnace. Susan looked around the mostly empty shed until she found the one thing in the shed that could be considered a weapon, a rake. We all watched the window nervously until a loud noise behind us startled us forward. A knife had slammed through the thin wall of the shed and then was ripped back out. Seconds later, Kate took a screamy, hoarse intake of breath as the bottom of the shed wall behind us bowed in towards us. Susan grabbed me and pushed me back towards her screaming daughter.

"Shut up!" I snapped at Kate, but she couldn't. Her eyes wide, she just screamed and screamed. Susan shoved the rake at the bottom of the wall, trying to block it, but it didn't help. The wall burst in, knocking Susan down as the girl crawled in on top of her and pulled the knife up to stab her. Finally, a chance for me to do something. I hurriedly extended a tendril to set the girl on fire, but she was yanked out the hole in the wall before I got a chance and my tendril landed on the fallen wooden wall instead of on the girl. The wall burst into flames on top of Susan.

"Fuck! Fuck!' I shrieked and yanked the fire back into me, putting out the shed wall, but now my furnace just wanted to be emptied even though I'd emptied it just the night before. I shoved the furnace door closed and locked it, but my head pulsed and my arms started to itch. "Fuck," I muttered again. Susan and Kate were both too freaked to notice. I ran towards the hole in the shed wall and found Brian on the other side, stabbing the girl. He didn't see me though. He finished killing the girl and then ran towards the shed door. My stomach flopped at the sight of the bloodied girl in the grass, but my head hurt worse and my arms were tingling now.

Fearing my fire wouldn't stay contained for long, I stumbled to the woodpile twenty feet behind the shed and sank to my knees in the tall grass. I took a deep breath and set the woodpile on fire, pushing my fire into it as fast and as hard as possible. The woodpile burst into flames, burning down into ash quickly as my fire consumed it. Empty at last, I stumbled to my feet and walked around the shed to find Susan holding Kate in the grass and Brian staring at the girl's dead body. Sam and Dean came down the porch steps and I ran to them. Dean grabbed me and hugged me tight as he looked at the dead girl behind me in the grass. He took a deep breath and paused. He bent down and sniffed my hair.

"Jessie," he said, his voice ominous. "Did you set a fire?"


	43. Chapter 43 - Exhaustion

"It was an emergency," I insisted, hiding my face in his shirt, my voice muffled. "I swear, Dean." I was desperate to stay out of more trouble. As far as I could tell, I was already in too much.

He was still looking down at me, I could tell, but he relented. "We'll talk about it later," he said, his voice still stiff. "I want you to get in the car and lay down while we finish cleaning this up."

Suddenly, everything was too much for me and I started crying… again… for the gazillionth time that night. I was so weak and that thought made me cry even harder. "My blanket and pillow are gone, and so are my shoes and my books and…"

"Ok, sweetheart," Dean interrupted, his voice soothing. He took my hand and pulled me away from the dead body to Brian. "Do you have somewhere she can lay down? She's upset."

"Aren't we all," Brian said. "Come on, Danny, Kate. You guys, too."

The other two kids followed Brian into the house without argument, their eyes huge, and Dean held onto my hand and led me in. Brian took us up the stairs and showed us to his and Susan's room. "She can stay in our bed. We're not going to be sleeping tonight."

"Thanks," Dean said. He led me into their room and shut the door behind me, leaving Brian, Kate, and Danny in the hall. I was still crying, wiping tears from my eyes. He grabbed a towel from a box on a chair and handed it to me. "You need to calm down, sweetheart."

I hiccuped and wiped my face with the the towel. "Ok," I said. He took my hand again and led me into the bathroom.

"Wash your face, and then I want you to lay down and sleep for a while," Dean said.

I looked up at him through blurred eyes. "Nightmares," I reminded him.

"You have a nightmare, you come find me," Dean said. "But I don't think you're going to have any tonight." He stuck the corner of the towel under the tap and wet it. Then he washed my face for me. Numb, I let him.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I think you're exhausted and you're not going to dream at all," he said. He filled the cup that was next to the sink with water and handed it to me. "Drink this." I took the cup from him and swallowed the contents. He took it back and shuffled me back into the bedroom.

"Are you sure it's safe?" I asked.

"I'm positive, sweetheart. Get in the bed now." His voice was so gentle. I climbed into the bed, and he put a blanket over me and kissed my forehead. "Go to sleep. I'll be right downstairs."

"Ok," I said, completely drained. I closed my eyes and felt him brush my bangs off my forehead. That was the last thing I was aware of for a while.

Sam woke me up a couple of hours later. I scooted to the edge of the bed and he handed me my shoes and my hoodie. "I guess you found the stuff," I said, still bleary-eyed. I yanked the shoes on over my dirty socks.

"Yup. The car is packed and Dean's almost finished changing the tires," Sam said. I slid off the bed and shrugged into the hoodie. I looked at him askance to try to judge his mood. The problem with both Sam and Dean is that they were really adept at not showing the emotions they didn't want you to see, so it was often hard to tell how much trouble I was in. I took Sam's hand and followed him out to the car. I waved at Kate and Danny on the porch, and then I stood next to the car and waited until Dean was done with the jack. As soon as he finished, I climbed into the backseat, grabbed my pillow off the floor and curled up under the blanket to go back to sleep. Sam and Dean talked to the Carters for a couple more minutes before getting in the car. As soon as the engine started up, I dozed back off.

_Dean shoved the rake at the bottom of the wall, trying to block it, but it didn't help. The wall burst in, knocking Dean down as the girl crawled in on top of him and pulled the knife up to stab him. Finally, a chance for me to do something. I hurriedly extended a tendril to set the girl on fire, but she was yanked out the hole in the wall before I got a chance and my tendril landed on the fallen wooden wall instead of on the girl. The wall burst into flames on top of Dean's still body._

_"Fuck! Fuck!' I shrieked and tried to yank the fire back into me, but nothing happened. I'd lost my connection! I tried to reconnect to it, but was blocked. The shed wall was burning now, bright white, orange, and red. Dean was trapped underneath. If I didn't stop the fire soon, he'd be caught up in it. I scrambled towards the wall, intending to pull the wall off him, but someone caught my shoulder and whirled me to face them. It was the girl with light brown hair and blue eyes, dressed in a light blue dress, Audra._

_"Help me!" I screamed at her. "He's going to die!"_

_Audra laughed. "Sacred Gabija, be satisfied," she whispered and tossed bread and salt into the fire._

_"No!" I screamed. I whirled back around to see the flames twist and turn into a tornado. "NO!" I screamed again as the tornado fell upon Dean. He burned to ash in front of me as I watched, unable to do anything but scream._

My eyes flew open, and I realized I was screaming silently around my tongue in my throat. The car was stopped under an overpass. I sat up and saw Dean leaning against the barrier on the side of the road and Sam was leaning on the hood of the Impala. They were unwrapping hamburgers. I reached for the door handle intending to go to them for comfort when I heard Sam say the word 'Hell'. I froze. Now was my chance to find out what was bothering Dean. I slid closer to the window, pressing my ear against it so I could hear better. I hoped that neither of them would look my way.

Sam was saying that the people that we had just fought were barely human and that Dean wasn't like that. Dean agreed and said that he was worse, he'd done it for sheer pleasure. A stone settled into my stomach.

"I enjoyed it, Sam," he said. "They took me off the rack, and I tortured souls, and I liked it. All those years, all that pain. Finally getting to deal some out yourself. I didn't care who they put in front of me. Because that pain I felt, it just slipped away. No matter how many people I save, I can't change that. I can't fill this hole. Not ever."

Sam was saying something to Dean, but I couldn't hear him over the noise in my head. I leaned back in my seat, the dream set aside, although not forgotten. He'd tortured people in hell? He'd liked it? My stomach hurt. Did he still like it? I didn't know what to do with this and I knew I couldn't talk to them about it or they'd know I'd been listening. I was pretty sure I wasn't supposed to know this or they wouldn't have gotten out of the car. I covered my face with my hands and sobbed.

"Weakling," I said to myself. "Stop your bawling. Suck it up." I fought down my tears. "Everything you've learned and all you do is cry," I whispered. "Hunters don't cry." It didn't help, Hunters didn't stand by helplessly watching people get almost killed, either, and that's all I'd done the night before. I choked back another sob and admonished myself again. "You have to be strong for yourself now," I murmured into the empty car. "You can see how torn up he is. It'd be mean to lean on him when he's like that, or on Sam when Dean needs him so much. You can't be such a child."

That just made my stomach hurt more. Helpless, alone. No friends, no family. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," I whispered at the pang of fear and grief that ran through me. I pushed myself into the corner of the seat and pulled the blanket over me. God, I was tired. Two hours here, three hours there… it wasn't enough. I rested my head on my knees. No more sleeping with Sam and Dean. Only weak, little children had nightmares. I need to just get over this.

Dean opened his door and got in; Sam got in his side. Since I was sitting in Sam's line of sight, he saw me first.

"Jessie," he said, looking concerned. "Are you ok?" Dean turned around.

"Yeah," I said, my mouth dry. "Why?"

"Because your eyes are red and bloodshot. Have you been crying?" Dean asked.

"No," I said, looking away from him.

"Bullshit. You had another nightmare, didn't you?" he demanded, probably more harshly than he intended. It was too much for my exhausted brain to take and I started sobbing again. "Jesus, Jessie. Why would you lie about that?" He shook his head and got out of the car. When he opened my door, I went to slide away from him, but he didn't let me. Instead he picked me up and pulled me out of the car. I didn't fight him. He shut the back door with his hip and set me down in the front seat between him and Sam.

"Are you hungry?" he asked me. I shook my head. "Then you need sleep," he said bluntly as he got into the car. "Lean against Sam and close your eyes. Go on."

"Dean…" I started.

"Jessie, you're emotional because you're exhausted. If the only place that you can get some rest is between me and Sam, then that's where you're going to be," he insisted. He raised his brows at me. "Now close your eyes."

I leaned against Sam, like I had the night before. He put his arm around me again. Dean pulled my legs up onto his lap and then started the car. "That's my good girl," he said softly, and I was out.


	44. Chapter 44 - Aftermath

When I woke up, I was in a motel bed with the blankets piled on me. Dean was fully dressed, propped up in the bed next to me, his hand resting on my shoulder. The television was on low, but I recognized the movie. Dean was watching _The Blues Brothers_. I sat up and went to rub my eyes, but my hand was covered with blue plaid flannel.. I was wearing one of Dean's flannel shirts, panties, and clean fuzzy socks. His shirt was huge on me. I shoved the flannel down my arm to expose my hand and then rubbed my eyes.

"Welcome back to the world of the living, sleepyhead," Dean said with gruff affection. I blinked at him.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"Hastings, Nebraska," Sam said from the desk where he had his laptop set up.

"What time is it?"

"8 o'clock," Dean said.

"I slept all day?" I said. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"You needed it, Jessie," Dean replied. "Are you hungry?"

I was, and I really, really had to pee. "Yeah," I said, climbing out the bed and heading towards the bathroom. While I was in there, I realized that not only was I hungry, but I needed a shower. I could still smell wood smoke in my hair, and the rest of me wasn't much better. I stuck my head out the bathroom door. "Dean, is my stuff in here? I want to take a shower."

"Thank, god," he groaned. "I didn't want to have to tell you how bad you stink." I stuck my tongue out at him while he went and got my purple duffel from beside his in the half-assed closet that they always put in these places. He handed it to me.

"Thanks," I said.

He kissed the top of my head and wrinkled his nose. "Wash your hair," he said as he turned to go back to his bed. "I'm tired of the reminder."

I flushed and shut the door quickly. Oh… yeah…

By the time I was done with my shower, I'd managed to remember all of my sins: being rude to Kate, not obeying a direct order to go into the living room, setting the fire in the living room, not obeying a direct order to run, leaving the shed to follow them into the house, setting the shed wall on fire, and then setting the woodpile on fire. I'd run the entire, confusing night through my head and I didn't think that he could possibly know about the shed wall, and he could only guess about the woodpile, but the rest of it... Yeah, I was dead.

I pulled on my clothes and ran my fingernails up and down my arms out of habit. I'd been such a mess last night. I felt better now that I'd gotten some sleep, but the feelings of helplessness and uselessness were still there. I'd been so inept the entire hunt. I hadn't managed to do a thing right, no matter how hard I tried. I wasn't any better during a hunt than I had been at helping those girls. Guilt pulsed. It was no wonder I was in trouble. They might as well just send me to Bobby's for all the help I was giving them and for all the additional trouble with watching after me and bringing this Gabby thing to their doorstep. Why did they even keep me around?

Dean banged on the door. I jumped in the middle of shoving my stuff back into my duffel. "You ok in there?" he asked through the door.

"Yeah," I said.

"You decent?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said, confused.

He opened the door, surveying the tidied room, and then his eyes landed on me. "What are you doing?"

I flushed. "Just thinking," I said. "Packing." I nudged the bag.

He leaned against the door jamb. "You wanna eat first or have our talk first?" he asked me.

"Our talk?" I asked, faking ignorance, my hands twisting the strap of the duffel bag out of nervousness.

"Don't give me that shit," he said, lifting his chin. "You know what I'm talking about."

"I…" I said, shaking my head like I didn't know.

He rolled his eyes. "So much for subtlety. Fine. You want to eat before or after your spanking for what you pulled last night?"

If my face had been red before, now it was crimson. "A.. After," I stuttered out.

"Come on then," he said, stepping to the side and holding his arm for me to go in front of him.

"I didn't brush my teeth yet," I objected, hanging back, my mind scrambling for anything to delay this.

"Now," he barked, snapping his fingers. I jumped again and pulled the duffel over my shoulder, making sure it blocked my butt as I walked past him.

He followed after me, lifting the duffel off my shoulder and dropping it onto the floor by the bed. Then he sat down on a chair by the table and pulled me between his knees. "Tell me about the fire," he said.

"Fire?" I asked, looking away from him.

"Enough!" he snapped at me. My eyes shot back to his face. He was pissed. "Pretend you don't know what I'm talking about one more time and see what happens," he said. I swallowed. "Now, tell me about the fire."

"You were having trouble," I said, talking about the first time I'd lit a fire the previous night. "I knew I could light it, so I did."

He growled and yanked me over his lap, his hand coming down ten stinging times over the top of my jeans. I gasped and kicked. When he was done, he set me back on my feet. "Next time, your jeans come down." He raised his brows. "Wanna try again?"

Tears stung my eyes. "My head was pounding and I was itchy," I said. "I had to light a fire and I was worried I wouldn't be able to hold it very long. It was bad, Dean. I swear. I would've waited for you if I could've."

His eyes narrowed and he tilted his head down. "You sure about that?"

Butterflies started in my stomach. "Yeah…" I said.

He sat back in the chair and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "You set a fire the night before last," he said. "Why'd you suddenly need to set one in the middle of the action last night?"

"What?" I asked. The butterflies got more insistent.

"You see Gabby?" he asked.

"No," I said.

"You get mad about something?"

"No, Dean." I resisted the urge to squirm.

"You pull some other fire into you?"

"No," I said, looking away from him.

"You sure about that?" he asked again.

"YES," I insisted loudly, angrily, dragging my eyes back to his face.

"Watch it, little girl. You're walking a thin line with me right now," he warned. I dropped my eyes again, and he stood up and started pacing the room.

"You see, Jessie, your fire has rules. It doesn't just boil over on its own anymore. There's only a few things that will make you have to set a fire, an emergency, as you called it yesterday."

Shit… I rubbed my neck and looked at my socks.

"And while I have no doubt that you burned up the woodpile because you had to, I want to know why you had to," Dean said. He was standing behind me now. He set his hands gently on my shoulders and I held very still. "I talked to Susan and Kate while you were asleep. You wanna know what they said?"

"No," I whispered, closing my eyes. He took his hands off my shoulders and started pacing behind me again.

"They both said that a fire started and went out while Susan was trapped under that shed wall. Kate said that it looked like you were glowing at one point, but she couldn't be sure because things were happening so fast. So, do you want to revise your story?" He moved in front of me and sat back down in the chair, leaning down to look up at my face. He was not happy with me.

I didn't say anything.

"Have you been lying to me, little girl?" Dean asked.

I didn't say anything.

"Answer me!" Dean yelled.

I nodded.

"Out loud," he growled.

Tears started dripping down my cheeks. "Yes," I said.

"Say: _yes, Dean, I've been lying to you_," he said, his face hard.

"Yes, Dean, I've been lying to you," I whispered, my face red hot.

"What happens when you lie to me, little girl?" he asked.

"Double the punishment," I said in a tiny voice.

"Tell me the truth," he said, punctuating each word.

"The girl burst through the wall and was attacking Susan and I tried to set her on fire to make her stop, but Brian pulled her back through the wall, and I missed. I set the wall on fire and then I had to pull the fire back into me," I said all in a rush.

Dean stared at me, one arm propped on his thigh while he leaned his elbow on his knee. "So," he said, "What we're looking at here is that you set three fires without permission last night, disobeyed my orders twice during a hunt, didn't stay put when we told you to stay put, and lied to me."

I started crying. "I'm sorry, Dean."

"I bet you are," he said, dryly. "This is not your most shining moment. You got anything else to say?"

I shook my head.

"All right, then listen up. First, I'm adding two more weeks to your Gabby search restriction," he said. I opened my mouth to protest, but he just held up a hand. "I don't want to hear it, Jessie. You screwed up, you take the punishment. Sam's got it covered, so there's no reason for you to be looking into it right now. Second, you have an early bedtime for the next two weeks. You haven't been getting enough sleep and I'm sure that's why you screwed up so bad on this hunt. When I say go to bed, you go to bed with no arguments. Screw that up and you'll get a spanking, and you'll still go to bed. You got me?"

"Yes, Dean," I said, fiddling with the ring around my neck.

"Stop playing with that," he said, spearing me with a look. I dropped my hand. "Third, your PT is going to consist of a lot of obedience drills from now on. I want you obeying me and Sam immediately, without question, without hesitation. When we are on a hunt, you need to act on what we say when we say it until you've got enough experience to make the right decisions. We clear?"

"Yeah," I said.

Dean narrowed his eyes. "Try again," he said.

"Yes, Dean," I said softly.

"Drop your jeans and get over my lap," Dean said.

I flushed, moved to his side, and struggled with the button on my jeans, wondering why the hell I'd even bothered putting them on. When I finally got them undone, I dropped them and lay over Dean's thighs. "I want you to think about what you did wrong while I'm spanking you, Jessie," Dean admonished. "I don't want to see this behavior again. You know better." And then his hand fell.

Smack after burning smack fell all over my butt, covering from the top of the cheeks to the place where my butt met my thighs, the pain growing as he spanked. He'd told me to think and I was. I'd let him down on this hunt. I'd lit fires without permission, I run off without permission, I'd made him worry about me, and then I hadn't even told him the truth when he asked about the fires, and I knew how he felt about lying. I knew it. Jesus, he tortured people in hell and it was eating him up and here I was forcing him to spank me, because I couldn't fucking behave myself. His hand fell again and again and I burst into tears, crying because I'd fucked up, I'd let him down, and I never considered how he felt or what he wanted. I was a horrible daughter, a horrible hunter. I sobbed over his knee, clutching his leg.

He paused and I knew what was coming next. I held my breath. "What happens when you don't stay put," he asked me, his voice stern.

"You spank me with your belt," I whispered.

He slid me off my lap and put me gently on my feet. Then he stood up and walked around behind me. "Put your hands on the seat of the chair," he said. I looked up at him with tears in my eyes.

"Please, Dean? I'm sorry. I won't screw up again," I said.

"Bend over, Jessie," he said. I sighed and put my hands on the seat of the chair. I listened to the clink and slide of his belt coming off and braced myself. He moved to the side of me and pulled my hip in towards him, holding me in place so I couldn't move.

"You do not lie to me and you stay put when you're told to. Understand, little girl?"

I nodded frantically before realizing he couldn't see me. "Yes, Dean," I said.

And his belt came down, once, twice. _Useless, helpless, weak_, my brain whispered to me. _Suck it up. You deserve this for letting all those girls die for you. You deserve this for failing to save Susan, to save Dean_. I bit my lip and tried not to cry again. _Only babies cry_, my brain said. _Useless, screaming babies_. It hurt so bad. I mean, the spanking hurt like a motherfucker, but what my head was saying to me hurt more. I couldn't help it, I burst into fresh tears. _Weak, puling child_, I heard and sobbed again. I lost track of the spanking, too caught up in what my head was telling me.

He stopped. "That's it," he said. "Pull your jeans up." Still sobbing, I bent and yanked my jeans up over my sore butt, fastening the button and looking at Dean with wide eyes. "Go stand in the corner," he said.

No, I couldn't do it. I wailed and flung my arms around his waist. "I'm sorry, Dean. I'm sorry that I was so much trouble on the hunt. I lit fires and didn't obey and couldn't keep that girl from attacking you or Susan just like I couldn't protect those girls from Gabby, and all I did was fail at everything and let you down and you had to spank me. I'll go to Bobby's if you want, Dean. I don't want to cause all this trouble and make you unhappy…"

"Whoa," Dean said. "Whoa, sweetheart." He untangled my arms from his waist and pulled me into his lap, managing somehow to sit down at the same time. He hugged me and I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest. "What are you talking about? I'm not sending you to Bobby's. That never crossed my mind."

I bawled into his t-shirt. "I'm useless, Dean! I'm useless and helpless and I can't do anything right! I can't help anyone. I couldn't even think when that girl was on you and when I tried to set her on fire when she was attacking Susan, I almost killed her. Gabby's killing girls and I can't stop her. And you're so torn up right now and I can't help you. You need Sam and all I do is distract you both. All I do is add to your trouble, make you punish me.. I don't know why you keep me around. I'm not even your real kid. I'm just some fuck-up you picked up in Tennessee…"

"Ok, stop," Dean said, his voice hard. He pulled my arms off of his neck and made me look at him. "Just stop. Where the hell did you come up with all of this shit? None of it is true. Who have you been talking to?"

Shocked by his reaction, my tears slowed. "No one," I whimpered.

"You came up with it yourself?" he asked. He shook his head. "Jessie, you are my real kid. I want you here or you wouldn't be here. Do you see us rescuing and keeping any other kids? No. We send them all back to their families. I want you here, and so does Sam. And you are anything but helpless. You are anything but useless. Why would you even think that?"

"I can't save anyone!" I cried. "I try and I fail. I couldn't protect you, I couldn't help Susan, and Gabby's killed three girls and I can't find her to stop her!"

Sam had stopped whatever he was doing on his laptop, and he and Dean traded looks. Sam sighed, got up, and pulled a chair over so that he was sitting next to us, facing me. He leaned his elbows on his knees and put his hand on my knee. "Ok, let's look at this logically. First, you're twelve. You are half-trained. You do not have the experience that Dean and I do, so you need to stop comparing yourself to us. Second, none of us can find Gabby, but even if could, we wouldn't chase after her right now. We don't have what it takes to kill her. We would all three try and fail right now. We cannot stop Gabby. That does not make us useless, that makes her powerful. We will, though. It's just going to take some time. Third, those girls are not on your head. They are on Gabby's head. She killed them. I know you brought her here, but honey, she's the one who gave you your abilities to begin with. This is all on her." He met my eyes. "I want you to think about that and understand that. You are doing all you can to stop her, but it's going to to take time."

"The thing I wanna know is why you think it's your job to protect us," Dean asked, his voice gentle but laced with indignation. "We're the adults here. We protect you."

"I know, but that girl was attacking you and I should have stopped her."

"Why didn't you, then?" Dean asked. "If you should have, why didn't you?"

"I might have set you on fire or the house on fire or something if I'd lit her up," I said. "And you'd told me to go and to keep it locked up."

"Oh, so you obeyed me and that made you useless and helpless and all those other terrible things?"

I flushed. "No…" I said. I'd long ago stopped crying.

"I think that not setting her on fire was you doing the right thing amongst all the things you did wrong on that hunt," Dean said. "You also spent most of the time that we told you to spend in the shed. That's what you were supposed to do. You are not supposed to be helping, Jessie. You're supposed to be staying safe. That does not make you useless. It makes you good and it keeps you out of trouble. The only reason you're in trouble is because you didn't follow our rules or our orders."

"I know," I said, "but…"

"But what?" Dean asked, his eyebrows raised. "It's that simple."

"Ok," I said, giving up. I was starting to feel better in the face of their logic. "I'm not useless. I'm not helpless, but I am a lot of trouble. You keep having to spank me because I fucked up and I wasn't even doing it on purpose."

Dean gave me a confused look. "So? You'll learn," he said, a small smile crossing his lips, "Eventually… I hope. That's the whole point."

I glared at him. "So you tortured people in hell and it's eating you up and here you are punishing me…"

Dean looked like I slapped him. He slid me off his lap and got to his feet. "How do you know that?" he asked me, his back to me and his voice dark.

My stomach flipped, and I backed up into Sam. "I woke up and you guys were talking outside the car, and I… uh…"

"You heard us having a private conversation and you listened in, even though you knew we were trying to talk privately?" Dean growled, his hand going to his face. "Those words were not for your ears, little girl."

I flushed and looked away. Sam put his hand in mine and held on.

"If I had wanted you to hear that, I would have said it in front of you, and you knew that, didn't you?" He turned around and leveled a look at me.

Fuck. "Yes, but I knew you were upset and I didn't know why."

"Goddamn it, Jessie. We're on the road stuck with each other 24/7. You need to respect my privacy and not sneak around to figure out what's wrong. You can ask, but you are not to listen in on conversations that you know we don't want you hearing. Did you even think to ask me?"

Anger flared. "No, but you won't tell Sam shit, why would you tell me anything?" I yelled at him.

"Do you want another spanking?" Dean asked.

I almost said, "You'd like that, wouldn't you," but I bit it back just in time. Guilt flared in me that I'd even thought of saying that to him, of taking the secret that I'd overheard and using it against him because I was mad. Horrified, I dropped my eyes, my shame cooling my temper."No, Dean," I said instead. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I listened in and I'm sorry that I didn't ask. I won't do it again."

Dean stood there stiffly for a minute. "Fine," he said, but he looked torn up.

"No, Dean, it's not fine," Sam said, his voice angry. He whirled me around and grabbed my shoulders. "Now you've got an essay, too. A written apology that's all about respecting privacy and asking when you want to know things. And I'm serious, Jessie. You better never pull that again. No more listening in on conversations between Dean and I that are not meant for your ears. You will be extremely sorry. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Sam," I said. Dean had been willing to let it go, but since Sam could tell that I'd hurt Dean, it had pissed him off. Not that I didn't deserve it. I felt ashamed for acting how I had. "I'm sorry."

Sam let me go and I went to Dean. "I'm sorry, Dean." I took his hand and wrapped myself around his waist. "I'm sorry. I swear. I didn't mean…"

"I know, sweetheart," he interrupted me. "It'll be ok." He hugged me. "You are not a lot of trouble. I am spanking you, not torturing you. You don't like it, but ultimately you learn from it and don't pull the same shit again. It's not the same. You understand?"

"Yes, Dean," I said.

"Go wash your face and put your shoes on. It's been far too long since you ate anything," Dean said, running his hand down my wet hair.

I swallowed. "Ok… I love you."

"I love you, too, sweetheart."

I reluctantly let him go and went into the bathroom to wash my face. Right before I closed the door, I saw Dean sink onto the bed and cover his face with his hands.


	45. Chapter 45 - Sim Sala Bim

"I am tired of having this argument with you," Dean yelled at me. I glared at him from the edge of the bed, arms crossed over my chest, anger radiating off of me.

"So am I!" I yelled back. "It's stupid that you won't let me go! You're shuffling me off to some idiotic child's magic workshop like I'm six!"

"Silly me! I thought you'd prefer that to being locked up in the damn room," Dean shot back.

"I'd prefer to go with you!" I yelled, shoving my arms down at my sides, my hands in fists. "I'd prefer to help, not be sent off somewhere..."

"You're going to be sent over my knee if you don't stop arguing with me, little girl," Dean interrupted me.

I flushed and shut up, but only for a second. Changing tactics, I put on a wheedling tone. "Please, Dean? These things are stupid. They're to keep the kids entertained and out of the way while the parents are out at the panels and stuff during the day…"

"Exactly," Dean said. He turned away from me to pick up his suit coat and shrug into it.

Since I wasn't getting anywhere with him, I turned to Sam, who was tying his tie. "Saaaam…"

He gave a short laugh. "Uh uh, don't involve me in this. This is between you and Dean."

I gave up and flopped on the bed on my back, staring up at the ceiling. We were in the last room in the hotel. Apparently, Sioux City Magic Week had a big turn out. There were three hotels involved and the stupid hotel we were in was even out of roll-aways. My anger melted when I remembered that they were letting me sleep in the bed with them to avoid my nightmares. It had been a week since we'd rescued the Carters, and I was still having them whenever I tried to sleep without one of them.

Dean walked by me and patted my knee. "Get your shoes on, we gotta go."

"Fine," I said. "But don't say I didn't warn you." I sat up and bent over to pick my shoes up from the floor next to the bed. When I sat back up, Dean was standing practically on top of me and looking down at me, frowning. His arms were crossed now. I swallowed. "What?" I asked, my voice small.

"Once we drop you off at that workshop, you better stay there until one of us comes for you," Dean growled. "You understand me? I don't want a repeat of Nebraska."

I drew my eyebrows together as I looked up at him, my heart pounding. "Yes, Dean."

His face relaxed and he kissed my forehead. "That's my good girl," he said. Then he turned away.

I pulled my shoes on, struggling to figure out any way around Dean's declaration. Sam and Dean were waiting by the door, and Sam handed my my hoodie as I joined them there. I frowned as I shrugged into it, unable to think of anything. I sighed. Today was going to be boring. The worst thing was that I knew part of it was to keep me out of trouble in the room. Dean didn't want me getting onto the laptop and doing searches for Gabby while we were there, and since the car was in a parking garage half a dozen blocks away, they couldn't just lock it up. I had to admit, if they'd left me there with it, I wouldn't have been able to help it.

As we walked down the street towards the hotel that had the kid's workshop, a magician was doing a street performance for a group of people, with a microphone and a camera recording him. Dean said he was a douchebag, and rolled his eyes at the fake demon possession, but aside from that, the trick he did was pretty cool to me. I scooted forward to watch closer as he riffled a bunch of cards into the air in front of the bridal shop window and the card that the girl had picked appeared on the other side of the window, inside the shop.

"Wow," I said.

Dean put his hand on my shoulder and tugged me away. I went with a bit of reluctance. "I can't believe that people actually fall for that crap," Dean said.

"It's not all crap," Sam said

"What part of that was not a steaming pile of BS?" Dean asked.

"The trick part with the card," I muttered to myself, a little annoyed with Dean. I fell back a little, looking behind me. If that's the kind of thing they taught in the magic class, maybe it wouldn't be as stupid as I thought, but if it was full of babies, then the rest of the day was going to be a waste.

The two of them went back and forth about magicians. Sam said that it took skill, but Dean said that it made him uncomfortable, playing around with fake demons and magic when the real thing will kill you bloody. My head down, I was walking past a storefront when something inside caught my eye. I paused and backed up. _Sioux City Fire Supplies_ was on the door and inside were fire extinguishers, protective clothing, extinguisher cabinets, a display with a kitchen suppression system, fire hoses, signs, inspection tags, sprinkler heads, smoke alarms, and anything else that you could possibly think of that might put out a fire. A vague idea was starting to form in my head, something about fire extinguishers and Gabby, when Dean hollered my name. I turned and he was about half a block up, his hands on his hips, and his head tilted like he was annoyed.

"Get a move on," he hollered back at me. I looked back at the shop door and noted the times it was open, and then I broke into a light jog to catch up with Dean.

"Keep up," he grouched at me when I reached him.

"Maybe you shouldn't walk so fast," I grouched back. "No one can keep up with your long ass legs."

"Maybe you shouldn't stop and stare at every shiny thing you see," Dean grumbled. "You're like a damn crow."

"The whole world doesn't revolve around your schedule," I shot back.

"Will you two stop it?" Sam said. "You don't have to constantly poke at each other, you know."

"Says you," I muttered, a twinkle in my eye. Dean snorted in amusement.

Sam shook his head and gave up. We headed to the hotel and went up six floors to Room 623. It had a sign that said _Magic School_ on the brown door. I hung back behind Sam as he knocked, hooking my fingers through his belt loops and looking back to where Dean was leaning against the wall looking at his phone. "Deeeeeeeean?" I whispered in a last ditch effort to come with them, suddenly nervous at being left behind.

"Don't wanna hear it," Dean said, not looking up from his phone. I pouted and turned to look at the blonde lady who was opening the door.

"Hey, I'm Sam. I called earlier. I'm here to drop off Jessie," Sam said, tugging me around in front of him. I looked up through my bangs at a put-together middle-aged woman dressed in pink and gray. This woman looked nothing like the magicians I had thought would be teaching this class. She looked so boring. My eyes shot around her to the kids inside and then narrowed. Not one of them was my age. Hell, I was sure that not one of them was over nine.

Sam and the woman were shaking hands, and the woman extended her hand towards me in a welcoming gesture. I looked up at Sam, wrapping my arms around his waist as both a goodbye hug and an objection. "They're little kids," I hissed at him.

"I don't want to hear it either, Jessie," Sam whispered back. He raised his brows at me. "Behave yourself. Stay put."

"Damn it," I said. I turned to go into the room, but Dean caught my arm and pulled me into a hug.

"We'll be back to pick you up later, sweetheart," he said. "You call if you need us."

I sighed and hugged him back, then I turned away to follow the pink and gray woman into the room.

There were about twelve kids in the room, between the ages of four and nine, I'd guess. Another woman, a brunette, was at the back of the room setting up the seats at a round table and putting a set of items at each seat. The kids were sitting in a circle in the middle of the floor. Pink and gray lady pointed to a spot that was in the circle. "We were just introducing ourselves," she said, a welcoming smile on her face. I sat down with my legs criss-crossed where she indicated. The kids were went back to saying their names and stating something they liked to do. I half listened, more sulking than paying attention. I didn't fit in here and I didn't want to be here. There was no way this was going to be interesting. I was going to have to make it that way.

Finally, the kid on my left introduced himself as Trey and said that he liked playing baseball with his dad. I was last to go. "My name's Jessie," I said. "But you can call me 'Your Majesty'."

The kids snickered, but the pink and gray lady ignored my remark. "And what do you like to do, Jessie?" she asked.

Keeping my face completely still and serious, I looked up into her eyes. "I like to set fires," I said and then I smiled, slowly and menacingly. She went white, and the two littlest girls across from me, Riley and Suzy, got huge eyes. I winked at them and gave them a little smile, and they relaxed, but pink and gray lady had turned away.

"I'm Linda," pink and gray lady said. "This is Liz. Today, we're going to be teaching you all about magic and how to do magic tricks."

"It's not real magic," I said. "My dad's in the FBI, and he says magic is bullshit." Liz and Linda looked shocked. The kids all gasped at the word 'bullshit', but the oldest kids, Rachel, Trey, and Tonya all covered their mouths and looked at each other. I blinked. This might be easier than I thought.

"It's real magic," said Liz, recovering surprisingly well from my words.. "Magic is illusion. You trick the person watching into believing something that isn't possible is."

"Isn't that lying?" I asked. "My dad says that lying is wrong." All of the kids looked at me and nodded sagely.

The women looked at each other, and then apparently decided to ignore my question. Linda said, "We've got lots of magic tricks and illusions to show you today and when you leave, you're going to know how to do them all!"

Linda had us all move into a group facing a table at the front of the room. They started a little magic show. First, Liz did something called 'The Magnetic Pencil', where she pressed her hand down hard on a pencil while holding her wrist and when she picked her hand up, the pencil was stuck to the palm. The kids oohed but I laughed.

"Well, duh," I whispered to Trey. "She's holding the pencil there with the finger of her other hand." I demonstrated. Trey nodded and moved closer to me.

Linda called one of the kids up to examine the pencil, and then waved the pencil in the air so that it looked like it was bending. "That's just stupid," I said, louder this time. About half the kids nodded their heads and the other half, who had bought the illusion, looked uncomfortable. Two of the older girls, Rachel and Tonya, moved closer to me now. I smiled. Once I had all of them trusting me more than they trusted Liz and Linda, the real fun could begin. I knew exactly what I was doing. Before my parents had died, the time I'd probably gotten into the most trouble at school was when I'd led a rebellion against a particularly annoying substitute teacher. My dad had grounded me for two weeks as a result, but it had totally been worth it. The teacher had stopped subbing at our school after that, and that lady was a veteran. These two had no idea what they were up against.

Liz went on with a necklace trick this time. The necklace had three beads on two strings. She took an end from each side of the necklace and tied a knot. She called up and boy named Nate and put the beads into his hand. Then she pulled on the strings. The beads released themselves from the strings. I wasn't sure how that one worked, so I didn't say anything. I just rolled my eyes at Rachel, Tonya, and Trey to show my contempt.

Linda was up next. She pretended to bend a spoon with her mind. "Really?" I said derisively and just loud enough for Brenda and Riley to hear me. "You're just bending it with your thumb." Riley's eyes got wide like that was the most amazing thing ever that I had figured that out and scooted back towards my group, but Brenda ignored me. I'd keep trying. If I could even get half of the kids on my side, we'd make a mess of this place. I already had four, and three of the four were the older kids. It was looking promising.

Liz looked out at the audience and frowned, and then she and Linda had a quick talk up in front of the room. They whispered to each other and then Liz nodded. She moved back in front of us and pulled out five cards all stuck together. She showed us the five cards. The Queen of Hearts was in the middle, with four other black-suited cards around it.. She turned it around and showed us the back. "Jessie, would you come up here, please?"

My mind clicked. I got to my feet and walked to the front of the little group, taking a quick look back at the group. Oh, so that's why they'd had their little pow-wow and decided to call me up. It looked like I actually had more than four of the kids. Some of the kids who had been behind me had moved forward as well. Basically, there was a clump of about seven of the twelve kids around where I had been sitting. The others were scattered on the outskirts of my clump. I smiled.

"As you can see, the middle card is the Queen of Hearts," Liz said, a smirk on her face. She flipped the connected cards over so that only the backs were displayed. "Please place this paper clip the Queen of Hearts," she said, handing me a pink paper clip. I looked at her. Seriously? She expected this to work on me? I looked at the kids, who were looking at me expectantly. She was trying to knock me down a couple of pegs, show the kids that I didn't know as much as I seemed to. That might have worked with some other trick, but not with cards. I'd spent waaay too much time on restriction over the last several months, waaay too much time playing solitaire to be fooled by cards.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked out loud. I rolled my eyes and gave a big sigh. I took the paper clip and clipped it on the last card about one-third of the way in. She swallowed and turned the cards around. The kids cheered when they saw I'd clipped correctly. I laughed.

"Thank you, Jessie. You may take your seat," Linda said formally.

"Take it where?" I quipped, and the kids all laughed.

"Go back to your seat, Jessie," Liz said. I headed back and sat down in the middle of the clump of kids. I'd gotten two more with that little show. The rebellion was begun.

The rest of their magic show didn't go so hot for Linda and Liz. The kids started jeering and trying to guess out loud how the tricks worked. They even managed to guess right a few times. Linda and Liz didn't seem to know what to do. It probably would have gone better if they'd stopped doing the show and switched to showing how each trick worked, but they didn't seem to know how to go off their script. Near the end of the show, they tried to demonstrate a couple of tricks with fire, to try to gain the kids' interest back, but it didn't work. Literally. Every time they tried to light a match or a lighter, I just sucked that drop of fire right off the end and into my furnace. They couldn't even light a fire. They looked like fools.

By the end of the magic presentation, the kids were noisy and mostly ignoring the teachers, but Linda got a little control back when she said they were going to show them how the tricks were done now, and led us over to the table. I lost a little of the kids attention while they played with the props and practiced the tricks as we were shown how to do them, but I started doing little things to break up the teachers' control. I didn't let them finish a sentence without making a smart ass remark, laughing, whistling, or kicking the table. Sometimes, I just started a conversation with Trey, who was sitting right next to me. After a bit of talking to him, it was clear that he wasn't any more interested in magic tricks than I was and had been dropped off here while his mother was off attending some of the panels for the adults. He started helping me with the distractions. That made all the difference.

A couple of hours after I got there, Brenda was the only one who wasn't completely ignoring the teachers. In fact, she had moved closer and closer to them as the rest of us got rowdier. I started to get the feeling that maybe she belonged to one of them, she was so set on being good. By the time a third hour had passed, magic was no longer being learned. The kids were running wild, playing chase, building card houses, and generally causing havoc. I'd started them singing 100 bottles of beer on the wall about a half hour ago, and they weren't done yet. I sat at the table and surveyed what I had started with a certain amount of satisfaction. It was good, but not enough. The adults were at this point just watching us and making sure that no damage happened to the hotel room and that no one was being hurt, and I was starting to be bored again.

Then Trey dropped into the chair next to mine.

"I got an idea," he said.


	46. Chapter 46 - Prestidigitation

Trey's plan seemed like a good one. I nodded excitedly while he told me about it, laughing at some parts. I shot a few glances at Liz and Linda. They looked tired and worn out. Brenda looked near tears. Actually, the look on her face made me feel a little bad, and I started to have second thoughts, but when I looked back at Trey's jubilant one, I couldn't help it. We had to do it.

Trey disappeared into the hotel room bathroom for a few minutes. I moved to a better position, where I could see both the bathroom and the teachers. When Trey started yelling from the bathroom, I ran to Liz and Linda.

"Trey's hollering in the bathroom," I said to Liz, ignoring Linda's dubious look. Just then Trey hollered again, loud enough this time to be heard over the newly restarted rendition of 100 bottles of beer on the wall. They both jumped to their feet and rushed to the bathroom. The kids fell silent and turned to see what was going on. Liz banged on the door, shouting to Trey to unlock it. The door swung in. The toilet was full of water and overflowing. So was the sink and the tub. Water poured out the open door onto the rug. Trey had blocked all the drains, but was pretending that he didn't know what happened. The teachers rushed into the bathroom and started shutting off the water. Trey slipped out and slammed the door shut.

Trey held the door shut with all his might and Tonya joined him. The teachers screamed and hollered on the other side of the door. With Rachel's help, I shoved a really heavy dresser in front of the door. Trey and Tonya let go at the last second. Brenda jumped up from where she was sitting when she saw what was happening. Trey headed off to handle her while Rachel and I pulled more and more furniture in front of the door to make it as hard as possible for the teachers to get out.

When I turned around, some of the kids had gone back to doing whatever they had been doing before. I turned to see if Trey was taking care of Brenda, and was astounded to find that he'd knocked her on her butt and was standing over her with fists clenched. She was sobbing and clutching the side of her head.

"Don't hurt her," I yelled, running over to him.

"She was trying to let them out," Trey said.

"Yeah, what's she gonna do?" I demanded. "It took two of us to put all the furniture there. She can't move it all out of the way. Don't hit her."

He pointed at her with a malicious look on his face. "Stay away from the door or I'll hit you again," he yelled at her.

I shoved him. "Stop it," I said.

And that's when I felt the fire start behind me. I whirled around to see that two of the smaller kids had found the pack of matches and the lighter that the teachers had in their purses. They'd set the curtains on fire and were trying to set the carpet on fire. "What the fuck?!" I screamed. I braced my feet and pulled the fire into my furnace. The furnace bulged. I was already due to set a fire tonight and there wasn't that much space in there. I ran to the kids and snatched the matches and the lighter out of their hands. "Are you fucking crazy?" I screamed at them. "Don't play with matches! You'll kill everyone."

The kids started bawling, and then I heard a smack behind me. I turned to find that Trey had hit Brenda again. "Trey!" I shrieked. "Don't!" My head pounding now, I ran over to him and pushed him. I had a good three years on him, but he was a stocky little bugger. "Leave her be!"

Then a wailing cry grew behind me and I turned to see that one of the four-year-olds had fallen and hit his head on the table I'd moved. "Trey!" I yelled. "Help me!" Trey came running over, and we checked over the four-year-old's head. He'd only banged it. There wasn't even a lump or any blood. I did a quick concussion test on him, but he was ok. I left him with Trey and got to my feet in time to see a couple of the other kids helping Brenda move the furniture away from the door. I didn't stop them. Everything was getting away from me.

My head pulsed and my eyes started watering. My arms were itching like crazy. The extra fire I'd pulled into my furnace hadn't done me any favors. There was nowhere to go to let it out. I thought I could probably hold out a little longer, but it would be better if I didn't. I sank to my knees on the floor and pulled the phone out of my pocket to call Dean.

That's when the door to the room opened, and Sam walked in and froze. I ran to him. "Sam," I gasped in relief.

"What the hell is going on here?" he asked, looking around with wide eyes. I turned around to see what he was talking about and the sight astonished me.

The room was completely trashed. The curtains had been partially burned and pulled from the windows. Soot marked the walls where the fire had been. None of the furniture was where it belonged and most of it was tipped over or knocked down. There were pools of water on the floor. Two kids were crying because they'd hurt themselves. There were crayon markings all over the wall as three of the kids drew a mural. Brenda and two other kids were arguing with Rachel and Trey about whether or not the they were going to move the furniture, and the teachers were yelling from inside the bathroom.

Sam raised his voice. "Nobody move!" he snapped out.

Every single kid shut up.

"All of you, grab a chair and sit down. Not you, Jessie," he said as I went to join the rest of the kids. "Where are Liz and Linda?"

I flushed. "In the bathroom," I said, pointing to the pile of furniture in front of the door to the bathroom.

"What the f…" he stopped himself. "Help me move it."

"Sam, I need to light a fire," I whispered. "I'm itching." If we could just get out of there, he'd never know the extent to which I'd been involved in this.

"You're gonna have to hold on a little longer," he said as he slid the coffee table out of the way. "Can you do that?" I nodded reluctantly. "Good. Help me."

So I helped him move the furniture out from in front of the bathroom. Once the furniture was moved to the side, Liz and Linda came out of the bathroom, looking bedraggled. Brenda ignored Sam's order and ran to Liz's arms. The other kids started to move, but Sam stopped them with a single look.

"You ok?" Sam asked the teachers.

Liz and Linda both started talking at once. I started to slink away, but Sam put his hand down on my shoulder hard and pulled me next to him as they told him all about what had happened before they got locked in the bathroom. Of course, the worst of it had been done after… Sam nodded and soothed them. I tugged on his arm. "Fire, Sam," I whispered, my head still pounding. "Please."

Sam looked down at me and his eyes widened. He excused himself to Liz and Linda as quickly as possible, apologizing for my behavior and promising that I wouldn't be back. They looked relieved as we left, but there was no way that they were as relieved as I was. My head hurt so bad I was having trouble seeing. A sharp shooting pain shot through my head as my furnace pulsed. I checked the lock, but the pressure was going up and up. I whimpered, and Sam scooped me up into his arms and carried me downstairs as quickly as he could.

"Sam," I gasped.

"We gotta make it to the car, honey," Sam said soothingly. "That's where the charcoal and brazier are."

"Can't control it that well," I said as a heat wave pulsed through me.

Sam started running.

When we got to the car, Sam set me on my feet, flung open the trunk, and pulled out six bags of charcoal that we'd bought on our way into town, just dropping them on the cement. "Go," he said, yanking out the fire extinguisher. I braced my legs and pushed a tendril into the charcoal, burning it hard and fast. "More!" I said, before the six bags were entirely gone. Sam pulled out the last bag and dropped it on the pile. I pushed the final bit of excess out of me and sagged in relief. Sam aimed the nozzle of the fire extinguisher at the remainder of the charcoal and put it out. There hadn't been much left.

"You ok?" Sam asked me, setting the fire extinguisher back in the trunk.

I looked at him with wide eyes. "Yeah," I said.

"Good," he said, shutting the trunk and leaning against it. "Then you can explain to me right now what the hell happened in that hotel room." His jaw was tight and pulsing, his head tilted a little. I didn't answer, looked away from him, shoved my thumbs through my belt loops, and nudged the ashes of the fire with the toe of my shoe.

"Start talking, young lady, or I'll spank you right now and then again for whatever part you played," Sam threatened me. "You have to the count of three."

"I was stupid," I interrupted. "It wasn't supposed to go that far, but Trey had this idea and it went all bad." I kicked the ashes again and put my hands behind my back, refusing to look at him.

"Details, Jessie. And don't you dare leave anything out."

"I was bored," I said. "So, I thought it would be fun to kind of sow a rebellion, like I did to a substitute once, and it worked, so eventually we weren't in magic school any more. The kids were just kind of doing whatever and Liz and Linda were watching us, but Trey had this idea to trap them in the bathroom, and that's when things went bad. Once they were in there, some of the kids lit a fire and I had to put it out, and then Trey was trying to keep Brenda from letting the teachers out. He kept hitting her. And then one of the little kids fell down and hurt himself. I dunno. It was nuts. I couldn't keep up and the kids were all over the place, and that's when you showed up." I still wouldn't look at him. I just stared at the ashes.

"Really, Jessie?" Sam said calmly after a minute. "We leave you in the care of some innocent women and you decide to entirely disregard them and wreck their magic school? You encouraged the other kids to misbehave, made them feel bad about themselves, locked them in the bathroom, and destroyed the hotel room?" His voice was getting louder and louder with each word. "That's what you decided to do today? Look at me, young lady."

I flinched, rubbed my neck, and dragged my eyes off the floor to look up at him through my bangs. "Are you proud of yourself?" he asked me when my eyes met his. I shook my head. "You think that was a nice thing to do? An appropriate way to behave? You instigated a riot! Aside from how disrespectful that was of both us and those women, and how badly you ruined their day and the day of all those kids and their parents, what have we told you about drawing attention to us? Huh?" He wasn't leaning on the car any more. He was standing straight up, his entire body stiff with anger. It was like looking at a brick wall.

"Not to," I whispered, looking down again. I wanted to slink away and hide.

"You think you accomplished that today?" he asked me. "Do you think that's how we wanted you to act while you were away? How do you think those women felt? How are those kids going to feel when their parents show up and they get in trouble for how they acted? That hotel room is totaled and someone is going to get charged money for that. Did you even think before you decided what you were going to do, or did you just decide 'well, I'm bored, so screw it, I'll do what I want?'"

My stomach started hurting, guilt shooting through me. "I dunno," I whined.

"I dunno is not an answer. We're going back to the room. When we get there, you're going to have an answer to that question, and it better damn well not be 'I dunno'." Sam snapped. He stalked away from the car and grabbed my arm to drag me out of the parking garage. "Then, you and I are going to finish this discussion with you over my knee."

"Saaaam!" I wailed as he pulled me after him.

"Not another word, Jessie. Not one more word until we're back in the room."


	47. Chapter 47 - Broken Wand Ceremony

He let go of me once we got down to the sidewalk. He was walking quickly and I was having to half-jog every once in a while to keep up. That wasn't really a bad thing, since it was after dark and cold outside. I started getting annoyed though, and when we got to a more crowded section of the sidewalk, I stopped trying to keep up quite so hard, falling behind bit by bit until he finally stopped and turned around. His face was hard and he pointed to the spot next to him on the sidewalk. A little alarmed, I broke into the half-jog to catch back up to him.

"You keep up, young lady," he said when I reached him before turning and striding away again.

"You could go a little slower," I said to myself, but he wasn't far enough away and my voice wasn't pitched low enough. He stopped and turned around deliberately. I blanched and held up my hands, but he reached back and grabbed my arm, pulling me down an alleyway to the next street. He turned the corner and whirled me around to land several stinging smacks on my butt. I sucked in my breath, but I didn't cry. When he let me go, I looked up at him with tear-filled eyes.

He shook his finger in my face. "Not one word," he said. "Unless you want a repeat." I shook my head hard. He stared at me for another second before walking down the street again. "Keep up," he repeated, not looking back. I sighed and jogged to catch up.

When we reached the hotel room, he opened the door, grabbed my arm again, and closed it behind us. I stood where he put me, watching him while he took off his suit jacket and rolled up his sleeves. My stomach sank. Then he pulled me over to the table, yanked out a chair, and sat down, putting me in front of him. I wanted to tell him to stop hauling me around, but I bit it back. Now was not the best time.

"Well?" he asked. He was looking at me expectantly, but I didn't know what he wanted.

I combed through my memory but was coming up blank. "Uh," I said to buy time. He frowned and shook his head. Then he just tipped me over his lap. "Saaam!" I objected with no hope of changing my fate.

"Fine, we'll start again," he said, bringing his hand down on top of my jean-clad butt over and over. "Did you think about the damage your little plan was going to cause before you put it into effect or did you just decide you were bored and that you'd do what you wanted."

Oh god, ok. I don't know wasn't an answer. My brain wasn't working; the spanks were all I could concentrate on. "I can't think!" I shrieked.

"You better or you're going to be here a long time," he said, but he slowed down. "Answer the question."

"I didn't think. I was just bored… and mad," I gasped.

"Mad? Why were you mad?" he asked, not pausing.

"Because you were dumping me off and telling me to behave myself like I was a little kid," I cried. I was kicking now. Even over my jeans, Sam's giant paw was painful.

"So you thought, what? That you'd prove that you were a little kid? You know better than to act like that! I haven't seen you behave this immaturely since that motel in Columbus where you got into that fight with Marcia! I am ashamed of you Jessie, and you should be ashamed of yourself."

I wailed at his words which hurt almost more than the spanking. "I'm sorry," I shrieked.

"Kids could have gotten hurt, the teachers could have gotten hurt, you could have gotten hurt, not to mention the damage to the hotel. It would never have occurred to me that you would act like that and you did it because you were bored and mad? That is no excuse!" I started crying, but he tipped me back up and set me on my feet.

"Drop your jeans," he said sternly.

"Please, Sam! I won't screw up again," I begged him, my hands flying to the seat of my jeans. My butt was throbbing, and I didn't want him to add to it.

"You want to go get the hairbrush and then drop them?" Sam asked me.

Oh my god, no. I did not want that. My head was already shaking from side to side as I said, "No, Sam."

He raised his eyebrows at me and looked pointedly at my jeans. I unbuttoned them and dropped them, and he pulled me back over his lap, this time bringing his huge mitt down on my pantied bottom. I shrieked as it made contact for the first time, and I started crying. Why did it hurt so much more without the stupid jeans?

"You will never act this way again. When we drop you off somewhere, you will stay there and you will behave yourself. A six year old wouldn't have acted the way you did. You spent the entire day acting like a spoiled, resentful, vengeful brat, and it is unacceptable. Do you understand me?" Sam asked, still spanking.

"Yes, Sam," I sobbed. "I'm sorry."

"How many times do I need to tell you to think before you act? I am done telling you. The next time you fly off the handle, lose your temper, and cause destruction because you didn't think first, it's the hairbrush on your bare butt. You got it, Jessie? I am not fooling around here!" He doubled his pace and I shrieked.

"YES!" I wailed.

He stopped and put me on my feet, pulling up my jeans for me while I wiped my face with my palms. It made me feel even smaller. "Go stand in the corner and think about what you did wrong," he snapped at me. My butt was throbbing. It hurt more than some of the spankings I'd gotten with the hairbrush, but the worst part was that Sam was ashamed of me, that I'd let him down. I hung my head and trudged to the corner. He was still shaking his head behind me, muttering about how he couldn't believe I'd acted that way.

The entire time I was in the corner, he scolded me, listing all of the things that could have gone wrong in the hotel room because of how I'd behaved. My guilt built and built. I hadn't even thought about any of that. Hell, I hadn't thought that the four-year-old was going to fall and hit his head either, and that sure had happened. When he called me out of the room, he handed me a box of tissues so I could clean up my face, since I was still crying. Then he pulled me into his lap, heedless of my sore butt. I winced as he slid me across his slacks, but then he cuddled me and held me.

"Are you going to act like that again?" he asked me quietly. I stared down at the box of tissues in my lap and shook my head. "Out loud, honey," he said.

"No, Sam," I whispered.

"Do you understand why you need to think before you act?"

"Yes, Sam," I said and pulled another tissue from the box to wipe my nose with.

His arms tightened around me reassuringly. "I'm glad to hear that. I love you and I know you can do so much better than you did today."

"Are you still ashamed of me?" I asked in a small voice. I probably sounded like I was six now.

"No, honey," he said. He rested his chin on top of my head and rocked me until I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight. We stayed there for a while and then he set me on my feet. "Go shower and put your pajamas on. I'm going to order you some room service."

"What about the magic show later?" I asked, my voice hesitant. I fiddled with the zipper on my hoodie.

"Do you think you deserve to go to a magic show after how you acted today?" Sam asked.

I flushed. "No," I said.

"Me either," he said. "Go get ready for bed."

I grabbed my purple duffel and headed into the bathroom. It was bigger than the bathrooms at the other hotels we'd stayed at. I brushed my teeth and climbed into the shower. While I was washing my hair, I heard a knock on the door, but didn't think anything of it since Sam had said he was ordering room service. And then I heard a female voice raised in annoyance. It sounded like Ruby. It couldn't be Ruby… right? Sam had said he was done.

Curious, I climbed out of the shower, leaving it running, and padded across the floor to the door. I pressed my ear up against the door, shoving away the scolding I'd gotten about private conversations. I'd promised not to listen to Sam and Dean's private conversations. If Ruby was involved, then I was listening.

Ruby was mid-sentence. "…only one who can stop her, Sam. So step up and kill the little bitch."

Sam replied, "Oh, I'm game, believe me. It's not the psychic thing I got a problem with."

"Yeah, I know what you got a problem with, but tough. It's the only way," Ruby responded derisively.

"No," Sam said, his voice hard.

"You know, this would all be so much easier if you'd just admit to yourself that you like it. That feeling that it gives you," Ruby said, her voice softening.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Sam said quietly.

"Oh I don't, huh?" Ruby scoffed. "Fine." A second passed and then she said, right outside the bathroom door. "It's simple. Lucifer rises, the apocalypse starts. You think that you have demons on your hands now? People are gonna die, Sam. Oceans of people. So you just let me know when you're ready." The door to the room opened and shut.

I'd barely moved my head away from the door when Sam pounded on it. "Jessie, don't take all night." I scuttled back to the side of the tub.

"Ok," I called. I jumped back in, finished rinsing off, and got out. I dried myself off and put on flannel pajama pants and a long-sleeved pajama shirt. When I came out of the bathroom, Sam was tipping the guy who was delivering my food.

"Everything ok?" I asked after he shut the door.

"Yeah," he said, putting the tray on the table. "Why?"

"I just…" I thought about telling him I'd heard yelling and decided against it. "You just seem upset," I finished lamely.

"Come on, eat your food and then you're going to bed."

"It's 7 o'clock!" I objected.

"Do I need to remind you about the early bedtime Dean gave you?" Sam asked. He pointed to the chair and I sat down with a huff.

"No, but you were going to let me go to the magic shows while we were here."

"If you behave yourself tomorrow, maybe then, but since you didn't today, you're going to bed," Sam said. His eyes narrowed. "You wanna keep pushing me?"

I picked up a fry and stuck it in my mouth. "No," I said. I sat there and at about a third of my fries and half of my sandwich while Sam watched. Then I looked at him. "Are you going to tell Dean?" I asked.

"What do you think?" he said.

I squirmed. "I think you are."

"I am, squirt," Sam confirmed, his voice soothing, "but he's also going to know that I took care of it, so unless he has something to add to the lecture I gave you, you're not going to be in any more trouble."

I played with my fries a little longer until Sam said, "You done?"

I sighed. "I guess."

"Go lie down," Sam said.

I got to my feet and got into Dean's bed. Sam handed me my snowman and tucked me in. "I'm not going to be able to sleep until you guys get back," I said.

"See what you can do. If you need us, call us," he plugged my phone in and set it on the nightstand. "'Night, Jessie."

"Good night, Sam," I said. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Sam said. He dimmed the lights and I watched him as he shrugged into his suit coat, took the tray, and left the room to go meet up with Dean.


	48. Chapter 48 - Legerdemain

**AN - I used a bit of the actual dialogue from the episode here because it flowed better. I hope y'all will forgive me. :)**

* * *

After Sam left, I lay in bed for about an hour until it was clear I was not going to sleep any time soon. I was frankly terrified of having more nightmares. I thought about Ruby's visit and wished I had any idea what she'd been talking to Sam about. She'd sounded mad and he'd sent her away, so I didn't think that there was anything still going on there. She wanted Sam to go after Lilith, but he'd turned her down. I wondered if I should mention it to Dean. I chewed on my lip and thought about that. I hated it when they argued. If I told Dean, they'd be sure to get into another argument and I didn't want to deal with that. I decided not to mention it to Dean. After all, he hadn't gone with her and he hadn't done whatever it was that she'd said he liked. I'd just keep my ears open in case something else came up. I'd tell Dean if it did.

I toyed with the idea of getting out of bed, hunting down the laptop, and doing some searches for Gabby, but the soreness of my butt reminded me that wasn't a good idea. If I was caught, not only would my restriction be extended, again, but I was sure Dean would have something altogether unpleasant to say about the decision. See, I could learn to think about the consequences of my actions.

I thought about the fire supplies store I'd seen. I had a vague idea growing there, something about using fire equipment against Gabby. The only thing was that I didn't know if it would work or not. If I coated her with the stuff from a fire extinguisher, would that prevent her from being able to set a fire? I knew I could set fires under water if the material was in any way combustible, but could I set a fire through something that wasn't combustible? I'd never tried to set a fire somewhere I couldn't see before, or somewhere that was blocked off from me, like through glass. Was that even possible? I thought about the time I'd let go of my tendril in Pamela's backyard. The tendril had dropped to the ground and the entire line from me to the woodpile had lit up. Would a hole burn in a wall between me and something that I was trying to set on fire in, say, another room? I needed to do some experimenting. I was relatively certain that anything I couldn't do, Gabby couldn't do. She had more control over the fire, but she hadn't shown me she could do anything with it that would also be impossible for me to do. I thought it was probably a safe test if I did it to me first, and whatever I couldn't do, she probably couldn't. I knew that I didn't want the first time I tried something to be against her. I'd be fried if it didn't work.

My mind was whirling, and I was getting excited about all my ideas, but I couldn't do anything about them tonight. I couldn't even ask if I could try them tonight, and I knew I needed to ask. I bit my fingernail. What if they said no, though? Dean had always been adamant that I check with Bree before I try anything, but I hadn't talked to Bree in forever, and I felt kinda weird about calling her now. She had no idea what I could do anymore. Maybe I should just try it without asking. I wondered which one would be worse. I rubbed my head and sighed, confused by all of the possibilities. Acting without thinking was easier than this think about the consequences thing. I needed help. I decided that I'd just ask Dean when we were done with the case and see what he thought. If he said yes, then I was saving myself some trouble. If he said no, well, I'd figure out what to do then. Until I could talk to him, I needed to put it out of my mind or I'd go crazy.

Sam had turned off three out of four lights in the room for me so that the room was pretty dim, but I wasn't restricted from reading or playing with my Game Boy. There was no way I was falling asleep. I climbed out of the bed and dug my Harry Potter book out of my backpack. I borrowed Sam's iPod and put on the headphones, but low so that I would still hear if anything happened. I turned on the light on the nightstand, got back into bed, and opened the book to read.

I was deeply embroiled in the book and thus didn't hear the key in the lock when they got back a couple of hours later. My first clue that they were even in the room was the book being removed from my hands. I jumped about a mile and uttered a little shriek, swiping off the headphones. When I looked up, Dean was watching me with his eyes twinkling in amusement. "Not paying attention to your surroundings?" he asked me in a teasing tone. He held his hand out.

I glared at him while I put the headphones into his outstretched palm. "I'm in a hotel room," I said. "You guys were downstairs in the lounge. I didn't think I had anything to worry about."

Dean closed the book and set it and the iPod on the nightstand with my phone. He held up the covers so I could scoot down under them. Then, once he'd tucked the blankets around me, with my arms out, he sat down on the bed. I looked around for Sam, but the bathroom door was closed, so I thought he was probably in there. I really hadn't been paying attention.

"Couldn't sleep?" Dean asked, brushing my bangs back from my forehead.

"Don't want nightmares," I said, my voice small. I kinda crumbled the blankets in my embrace.

Dean grunted. "I heard you got in some trouble today. I'm not happy about that."

I flushed and didn't say anything, since I didn't know what to say.

"You better not pull anything like that ever again, little girl, or I'll have something to say about it," he said to me with his eyebrows furrowed.

"I won't," I whispered. "Am I still in trouble?"

"No," Dean said, his expression easing. "I think Sam covered it." He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. "Go to sleep, sweetheart. I'm right here." He slid off his shoes and leaned back against the headboard. He put his hand in mine. I turned towards him and curled around our joined hands to fall asleep. I had no nightmares.

The next morning, Sam got me up early and dragged me down to the hotel's poor excuse of a gym to work out. There were two crappy treadmills, an elliptical machine, and a stair-stepper in there. There was also this 'all in one' weight machine. Sam made me run for awhile on the treadmill, while he ran on the other one. When we were done with that, he ran me through a bunch of those horrible muscle building exercises they seemed so fond of. Since there was an ancient pull-up bar in one of the corners, he had me do some pull ups and some crunches with my feet hanging over the bar. All in all it was exhausting, but I knew that the end result was something I wanted, so he got no argument from me.

When we were done, he sent me back to the room to get cleaned up while he went to go pick up breakfast. I found Dean awake and doing research. By the time I was done showering and dragging on my clothes, Sam was back. He told me to get started on my schoolwork while he showered. Since Dean was on the bed, I dragged my social studies book over to him and draped myself across the bed to do some reading. Once Sam was out of the shower, and we'd all eaten the bagels he'd brought back, the room was practically silent as we all worked on our different projects. I sped through social studies and was working on my English assignment when Sam looked up from his laptop.

He and Dean started talking about the magician they had been investigating, Jay. I only half-listened initially as they talked about the magician getting old and maybe using a spell that's like a death transference. Then Dean got to his feet to go look at the tarot cards and said that he hoped he dies before he gets old. My ears perked up and I kept quiet. Sam thought for a second and then asked Dean if Dean thought they would. Dean shrugged and pointed out that they both had already.

Sam rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean, Dean. I mean, do you think we'll still be chasing demons when we're sixty?"

Dean shook his head. "No, I think we'll be dead," he said. "For good."

Sam huffed and looked over at the window. Dean asked him if he wanted to end up like Travis or Gordon, and Sam pointed out that there's Bobby.

Dean laughed. "Oh, yeah. There's a poster child for growing old gracefully," he said. He came back over to the bed and sat down, putting his hand on my head for a second before leaning over and resting his elbows on his knees.

Sam looked upset. "Maybe we'll be different, Dean."

Dean looked resigned. "What kind of Kool-Aid you drinking, man?" he asked. "Sammy, it ends bloody… or sad. That's just the life." He looked over his shoulder at me and met my eyes. "And that's why we don't want you in it."

I looked back at my schoolbooks without saying anything, my thoughts racing. Sam shifted in his seat and closed his laptop. "What if we could win? What if there was a way we could just...put an end to all of it?" he asked.

Dean's eyebrows shot up. "Is there something going on you're not telling me?"

"No," Sam said.

"Sammy," Dean said with a slight warning in his voice.

"No. Look, I'm just saying..." He stood up and came over to Dean. "I just wish there was a way we could...go after the source. That's all. Cut the head off the snake." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Well, the problem with the snake is that it has a thousand heads," Dean pointed out. "Evil bitches just keep piling out of the Volkswagen."

Sam looked down at the ground. "Yes," he said. "I guess you're right."

Dean sighed. "Why don't you go see if you can track down Jay? I'll see what I can dig up on this tarot card."

I sat up in the bed. "Can I come?" Dean shook his head.

"You're not coming with us," he said to me. I pouted. He dropped a kiss on my head and ignored the pout.

Sam put on his jacket. "Finish your schoolwork," he told me.

Dean picked up his jacket. "Stay off the laptop," he said flatly as he tilted his head and raised his brows at me.

"Fine," I muttered. I swung my legs off the bed and hugged them both before they walked out the door.

I went back to my schoolbooks, but really all I could think about was the conversation they'd just had. I kind of wanted to cry. No, I definitely wanted to cry. Dean thought that both he and Sam would be dead long before they were actually old. Well, they were old now, but not old enough to die. The thought of losing them made my chest hurt, but it didn't make me want to be a hunter any less than it had. Chances were that if they died bloody and I was with them, then I'd die bloody, too. Or, more likely, if I was with them, I might be able to prevent them from dying. I liked that idea better. I settled in to finish my schoolwork.


	49. Chapter 49 - Self-Working Trick

I was just finishing up the last bit of my social studies work when the hotel room telephone rang. Startled, I stared at it for a second and then got to my feet and picked up the receiver.

"Hello?" I asked tentatively.

An automated voice said, "This is the operator with a collect call from…"

"Dean," Dean's voice said gruffly.

"Press one to accept the charges," the automated voice continued. I pressed one hurriedly.

"Dean?" I asked. "What's going on?"

"We're at the Sioux City police station on breaking and entering charges. I've only got a couple minutes so listen up."

"Ok," I said, swallowing my fright and the sudden tears that welled up in my eyes.

"The motel room is paid through tonight," Dean said. "If we're not back by checkout tomorrow, you call Bobby to come get you and take you to his place. Ok?"

"Yes," I said. I reached down and slid my fingers through the telephone cord, winding it around them. My stomach was hurting all of a sudden.

"You stay in the damn room until then," he said, his voice getting a little harder. "Don't go running around the hotel. Don't go to the magic show. Stay in the room and stay off the laptop."

"Ok," I said.

"No, not 'ok'," Dean snapped. "Try again."

"Yes, Dean," I said, flushing.

"Order a pizza or something for dinner. You know where I keep the spare cash," he said. Then he paused, his voice softening. "Listen, sweetheart, I know this is scary, but it's going to be ok. You're going to be fine."

The tight knot in my stomach loosened a little, but didn't go completely away. "Ok, Dean." I didn't bring up what I should do if I had to light a fire. I'd lit one the night before. I should be ok. If it came up again, then I'd deal with it then.

"Be good, sweetheart. I love you."

"Love you too," I whispered into the phone. Then I heard the click as he hung up. I sat down on the floor next to the bed, pulled my knees up to my chest, and cried.

When I finally stopped crying ten minutes later, I felt drained, but more clear-headed. It was going to be ok. Even if he hadn't been able to call me, it would have been ok. I knew to call Bobby when I hadn't heard from them in a while and if I couldn't reach them. Basically, all that had happened was that I'd just been handed a full night with no supervision. I looked at the clock. It was three in the afternoon.

I went through the same thought process as I had the night before. Even though I wanted to go search for stories about Gabby on that laptop, I'd been specifically told not to do that, and I knew I needed to ask about trying new stuff with my fire. Plus, I wasn't supposed to leave the room, and I sure wasn't going to try anything I hadn't tried before without Sam and Dean around. Stuck, I put away my schoolbooks and turned on the television. _Firestarter_ was on.

By the time it was over, I was biting my lip and crying again. Yeah, it was a cheesy movie and no one from the government was after me, but Gabby was. Gabby could capture Sam and Dean and make me do things for her, and I'd never be able to stop her. I couldn't blow her up the way the little girl in the film had blown up the government facility she was in. If Gabby had any weaknesses, I didn't know what they were. I knew one of mine was long-term exposure to cold, but that was it, and that was not something I could just toss on Gabby to make her stop. She was as immune to heat and fire as I was. I couldn't lock her in a meat freezer. Those didn't carry well in your pocket.

Maybe I wasn't comfortable trying something new with my fire while Sam and Dean were out, but I was reasonably confident that just setting a fire wouldn't go badly, especially if I could find a reasonably fire-safe place to do it, like in the bathtub. I didn't know if coating myself with the contents of a fire extinguisher would prevent me from setting a fire, but I was going to find out. I climbed out of the bed and yanked open Dean's duffel bag to find his spare money in a pocket sewn into the side. It wasn't all his spare money, but it was one of the three or four places he stashed money to make sure that he always had some. I grabbed the credit card that was in there, too.

I pulled on my coat and stuffed the money in the pocket with my phone, only hesitating at the door. Dean had said to stay in the room. He didn't want me wandering around alone without him. I swallowed. I was about to deliberately disobey a direct order. If he caught me, he'd use the hairbrush at the very least. I stood there with my hand on the doorknob, thinking. How likely was it that he would catch me? He was in jail right now, probably for the night. I chewed on my lip. It wasn't really likely. It's not like he was tracking me or anything. He was in jail. How would he find out? I stopped chewing and set my jaw before I turned the doorknob and left the room.

I didn't meet anyone's eyes as I headed down the stairs and out into the darkening evening. The fire supplies store was open until six and it had been around five when I left the room. I had plenty of time. I walked quickly, but I made sure I crossed at the corners and that I avoided going too near any of the people wandering the streets and any of the people watching the magicians perform tricks on the street corners. About five minutes later, I was at the door to _Sioux City Fire Supplies_.

A bell rang over the door when I went inside. I started looking at the various items in the shop, looking up when an average height, skinny, dark-haired guy came out of the back. He did a double-take when he saw me. He probably wasn't expecting to see a twelve-year-old alone in his store. He put a little half-smile on his face. "Can I help you?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. "I'm a Girl Scout and we're working on getting our fire safety patch. One of the things that we have to do is learn how to use a fire extinguisher. I volunteered to go buy them." I looked up at him with my eyes wide. "I'm not really sure what I should be buying, though."

He narrowed his eyes a little and crossed his arms over his chest. "Girl Scouts, huh?" I nodded. He seemed to come to some decision and shrug. "Where are your parents?"

"My dad was supposed to come with me, but he works until 6 and I kept putting it off…" I trailed off, digging my toe into the linoleum. "We're supposed to do it at tonight's meeting at seven."

The man chuckled at that. "Waited until the last possible second, huh?" he asked me. I looked back up at him and nodded. Lying to this guy was so much easier than lying to Sam and Dean. I didn't even feel guilty. "Sounds like you need some standard ABC fire extinguishers. Maybe a few in the smaller sizes? CO2 is the safest. I'll pull some out. How many do you need?"

My mind raced. "There are different kinds of fire extinguishers?" I asked.

"Yup, just like there are different kinds of fires. There's five different designations, but I think that you'll be ok with an ABC extinguisher, since you're not likely to run into any combustible metals during your drill." He came out from the behind the counter and headed towards a rack of small red extinguishers. I frowned.

"But, there are different kind of ABC extinguishers?" I asked, trailing after him.

"Sure," he said, pulling down one of the smaller canisters. He showed it to me. "CO2, dry chemicals, different kinds of foam, even water," he pointed to the label on the side of the extinguisher.

"Can I get one of each kind?" I asked.

He regarded me with surprise and a little bit of suspicion. "Why?" he asked.

"Well, wouldn't it be good to go over all of them? So they know the differences?"

He pulled another smallish canister off the rack. "That what your troop leader told you to do?"

"Yes," I said confidently.

"That's gonna get expensive, and I don't know how you're going to carry it out of here all on your own," he said. "Some of those tanks can get pretty big."

I frowned unhappily. "Well I don't know what to do then. Can you show me a list or something so I can pick?"

"Sure," he said. He led me over to the counter and pulled a binder out. He flipped through the pages showing me the different sizes and kinds of extinguishers. Some of them didn't come in anything less than a 30 lb size. I winced at the prices. Finally, I asked for the most common fire extinguishers for each type: Monoammonium phosphate for dry chemical, AFFF for foams, CO2, and sodium chloride for metals. The metals one was the most expensive.

"I really don't think you need a fire extinguisher for combustible metals," the man said as he rang me up.

"I do," I mumbled. He looked up from the register.

"How are you going to carry all of these yourself?" He asked.

"My dad's office is like five minutes from here," I said. "I'll run the ones I can carry over there and then come back to get the others. You're open for another half hour."

The man narrowed his eyes again. "What Girl Scout Troop did you say you were with again?"

"573," I said, making up a number.

He pressed his lips together. "That's $608.44," he said.

I handed him the credit card that I'd taken from the duffel bag. He took it, read the name, and then shook his head and handed it back. "I'm sorry, I can't take a credit card without your dad here," he said.

"But, I need this stuff," I said in a sad voice. "He can't get out of work."

"Just call him up, then," the guy said. "If you can get him on the phone, then I'll charge the card."

I pressed my lips together this time. I couldn't call either Dean or Sam because they were in jail, and besides that, I wasn't supposed to be out of the room. I couldn't call Bobby because while he'd vouch for me, he would call me later and get me to explain AND still tell Sam and Dean what I'd been up to.

I pulled out the cash that was in my pocket. "What about cash?" I asked, knowing I was way more likely to get caught this way. Pizza for dinner didn't cost six hundred bucks.

The guy leaned on the counter and looked me in the eye. "Normally, yes, but something's off here. I think you're lying to me. I don't know why you want these extinguishers, but it's not for a Girl Scout patch. I have a girl your age in scouts and her fire safety patch didn't require them to use a fire extinguisher, just to know how. You've got no parent here, a credit card, and a wad of cash. I don't know what's going on, so, no. I'm not going to take your money."

He pushed himself off the counter, closed the binder, and stuck it under the counter. Then he looked at me. "Go home," he said, meeting my eyes. Embarrassed, I fled the store.

As I walked back to the room, I reviewed the whole exchange trying to figure out what I could have done differently. The only think I could come up with was to be older than twelve. If Sam or Dean had pulled that, it would have worked. They wouldn't have even needed a reason they were buying them. I sighed. The only good thing that came out of this was that Sam and Dean would never even know I had been out of the room.

I slunk into the hotel lobby and tried to avoid notice as I headed to the stairs. While I was walking down the hall to my room, I realized that there was a fire extinguisher, right there between my door and the stairwell and another one on the other end of the hall. They weren't even behind glass. Someone was behind me so I slipped into my room and waited until the hallway cleared. Then I checked them both out. Oddly, there were two different kinds. Both were ABC, no combustible metals here, but one was labeled FOAM and one was labeled CO2. No dry chemical, though. I wondered if I would find one of those on another floor.

An hour later, I had scoped out the entire hotel. I'd found a bunch of foam and CO2 extinguishers and a dry chemical one near the kitchen. There was also a dry chemical one in the basement, which I'd managed to sneak into by sheer chance. I'd caught the door while someone was leaving and slipped in behind them. There was a ton of crap down there, but I was more comfortable taking the fire extinguisher from the basement than I was the kitchen. The only thing was that I couldn't sneak the fire extinguishers up to my room. First, they were huge. I was only going to be able to handle one at a time. I was strong now, but these things were gigantic. Also, I didn't want to be caught. I was pretty sure it was illegal to steal these things and I could see why. If an actual fire started… I shoved that thought away. If something happened, I'd just pull the fire into me.

In the meantime, I was going to start with the fire extinguisher closest to my room, but I still needed something to try to light on fire. I'd seen a gas station and a grocery store the day before on the way back to the room. Someone would have charcoal or some wood I could buy. I headed outside.


	50. Chapter 50 - Misdirection

I put the small bag of charcoal in the tub. It was a ceramic tub, so it should be ok, especially since the goal was to not be able to light the bag on fire. Also, I wasn't burning off my excess, so I could just use a little. I pulled the shower curtain rod down and shoved it in the corner to make sure that there was no fire hazard from the curtain itself, although I was going to have a fire extinguisher, so it wasn't like I couldn't put out the fire if something went wrong. Then I resettled the bag.

I moved the bag three times before I realized I was stalling. "Do it, you baby," I said out loud. "Sam and Dean take stuff all the time." The sensible part of me argued that it was always for good reasons and this really wasn't. "Yes it is," I muttered. "I need to know if it will stop Gabby." The sensible part of me argued again that it could wait until they got back. "They might not let me and I have to know," I said to no one, guilt starting to rise. I looked at the mess I'd made of the bathroom. I'd be able to clean it up before they got back, I told myself.

I left the bathroom and checked the clock.I'd spent a lot of time around and about and the night was getting away from me. I hadn't eaten yet, but that was really the last thing on my mind. I poked my head out of the door to see if anyone was coming, and someone was. I sighed and slipped back in. The next hour was like that. Every time someone closed the door to their room, someone else either opened their door or came up the stairs, or came out of the elevator. I knew there was a magic convention going on, but why the hell were all these people coming and going right now? Eventually, I sat down with my back to the door and just waited.

I heard sirens outside. I got up and looked out the window. Whatever it was, it was happening here, and that increased the traffic rather than decreasing it as a bunch of people went downstairs. I didn't much mind though. I stared out the window for a long time and watched as they wheeled a body bag out the front door of the hotel. I bet it was another one of the victims from the case Sam and Dean were on. After a while, I watched the ambulance and fire truck both leave. The police car left last, but he still left, sirens quiet. The crowd in front of the hotel had dispersed, too. That's when I remembered what I was supposed to be doing, and now I had to wait for everyone to go back to their rooms.

Finally, it was quiet for more than a couple of minutes in the hallway. I opened the door and slipped out. The fire extinguisher wasn't far away. I unclipped the clamp that held it to the wall and slipped back into my room just as I heard one of the doors down the hall open back up. I'd made it, though. I took the canister into the bathroom, put it on the closed toilet seat, and took a look at it. It was the foam one. I read the instructions on the side of the canister for how to use it. Of course, it didn't tell you how to spray it on yourself.

I broke the seal on the top and pulled the pin. I picked up the little hose on the top of the fire extinguisher and pointed at myself. I moved myself around to where I could pull the release lever at the same time. Then I took a deep breath, and my cell phone rang from the other room with Dean's ringtone. My heart almost stopped. I abandoned the fire extinguisher and ran into the other room to answer it.

"Hi," I said. "Are you out of jail?"

"Jay dropped the charges. You ok?" he asked me. I could tell that he was outside and walking. I could hear traffic in the background.

"I'm fine," I said. "Why did Jay drop the charges?"

"We don't know yet. We're coming back to the hotel to talk to him. You in bed?"

"No," I answered, my voice hesitant.

"Jessie, your bed time is 9 o'clock. It's 9:30."

"You were in jail," I retorted. "I don't know how you expect me to sleep while you're in jail. I was watching a movie."

Dean sighed. "Fine, go to bed. Now."

I glanced at the bathroom. "Are you coming up when you're back?"

"Not right away," he said. Then he chuckled. "You have time to clean up whatever mess you've made, but then I want you in bed. Got it?"

"Yes, Dean," I said.

"Call us if you need us," he said. Then he hung up.

Crap. I needed to do this as quickly as possible. I went back into the bathroom, arranged myself again so I could spray myself, feet first, and pushed down on the lever. I sprayed myself from my feet up, covering my entire body, and trying not to get it in my face, although I did spray my hair some. I tried to spray my back, too, but that was harder. When I was as coated with the yellow foam as I could be without help, I turned to the bathtub. I breathed shallowly because the foam was making me cough. I opened up my furnace and extended a tendril, touching the small bag of charcoal lightly. The bag burst into flames. Well, that didn't work to block my fire. It didn't affect it at all. I sucked the flame back into me. I decided to wait five minutes and try again. Maybe it had to soak in or something. I sat down on the edge of the tub to wait, coughing every so often. After about five minutes passed, I tried to light the fire again with the same result. I pulled the flame back into me a second time, and that's when my skin started to itch, but not in the way that it did when I needed to start a fire. I started coughing again. I needed to get this foam off me.

Still coughing, I turned on the shower, climbed into the tub, stripped off my clothes, and let the water run over me. When I let it sluice over my head, though the foam went into my eyes and they started burning. Hissing, I washed my eyes out under the shower for a few minutes to clear it out, thankful for the lessons in lab safety that I had read last year. I used soap and washed every bit of my skin. The foam had soaked through my clothes and gotten on the parts of me that had been covered, too. Twenty minutes later, I'd gotten all the foam off, but my eyes were sensitive and my skin was still a little itchy. I was still coughing a lot. I dried myself with a towel, the rough nap aggravating my sore skin. I briefly entertained the thought of going to get the CO2 one next when I heard Dean's ringtone in the other room and ran out there, but didn't manage to answer it before it went to voicemail. Clutching the towel around me, I picked up the phone: three missed calls and two text messages. The last one said that Dean was on his way up and that had been two minutes ago.

Shit! Shit shit shit! I ran back into the bathroom and picked up the slightly burned bag of charcoal, intending to dump in in the closet. It was wet, though, and the bag ripped as another coughing jag went through me. The charcoal went all over the bottom of the tub. I picked up the shower curtain rod to put it back so I could hide the charcoal. I was halfway to the tub when I heard the door to the room open. I gave a little shriek and then hit the open bathroom door with the end of the rod to knock it closed, but Dean's hand caught it before it shut and pushed it back open. He stood in the doorway, his face thunderous, and took in the whole room… Me, standing by the tub dressed in nothing but a towel holding the curtain rod, the fire extinguisher on the toilet, the charcoal all over the bottom of the bathtub, the water all over the floor, and the pale yellow foam coating the wall next to the toilet. I held my breath, but the irritation in my lungs made me start coughing again.

"What the hell happened in here?" he demanded. He strode forward and grabbed the curtain rod away from me. I expected him to just start spanking me, but instead, he inspected me from head to toe. "What did you do? Why are your eyes red and why are you coughing? You've got a rash!" He hustled me out of the bathroom and opened the window. "Did you get that foam on you? Jessie! Answer me!" Unsure of what was going on, I nodded reluctantly. "Did you flush your eyes out? Did you wash your skin?"

"Yes," I said and then coughed again.

"Good. Stand next to this window so you can get some fresh air. No, don't talk. Just breathe." I stood next to the window and breathed in the cold air like he had told me to while he dug in my duffel and pulled out my Eeyore sleep shirt, panties, and socks. "Get ready for bed," he said brusquely, handing them to me. I took them and pulled the shirt on over the towel. While he headed into the bathroom to look around, I pulled on the panties and then the socks. Then I took the towel off underneath and dropped it on the floor.

Dean came out of the bathroom shaking his head. "We'll talk about this later," he said, his face dark. He crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't know exactly what happened in there or what you were doing, but I can make some guesses. You are in big trouble, little girl."

Tears filled my eyes. "I'm sorry, Dean," I whispered.

He shook his head and the look of disappointment in his eyes stung me to my core."Yeah, we'll talk about it later. Get in bed." He dropped his arms and pulled back the top blanket on his bed. I climbed under it, suppressing another cough. "Stay in the bed, Jessie. If you get out of this bed, so help me god, I will wear you out with my belt when we get back," he said angrily. "And I WILL know." He tucked the blanket around me. "Call me if your cough gets worse. Otherwise, go to sleep."

"Yes, Dean," I said, my face hot at his threat. He set my phone next to me on the bed and closed the window most of the way, but leaving a crack so that fresh air could get in. Then he turned out most of the lights and stalked out the door.

I lay in the darkened room listening to the cars driving by outside. I really wanted to be mad at him for being mad at me, but I couldn't. He'd told me to stay in the room, he'd told me to get pizza for dinner, he'd told me to stay off the laptop. I'd only managed one of those. Almost every order he'd given me, I'd disobeyed, on purpose. Jesus, what was wrong with me? I'd gotten all worked up over a stupid movie and flown off the handle. Oh no, his money and credit card were still in the pocket of my jeans, which were soaking wet on the bottom of the tub with the charcoal. The bathroom was a wreck. He had to have guessed I tried to set a fire. How many rules was that? At least three, probably more. And I was sure I'd disappointed him. Why the hell hadn't I stayed in the damn room like I'd been told? I couldn't even go clean up my mess because he'd know I'd gotten out of bed, and I was sure that belting he'd promised me would be in addition to whatever punishment I had coming for everything I'd pulled today. Why couldn't I just do what I was told?

I burst into tears and cried into my pillow, sobs and coughs intermingling. I was a horrible daughter, and he was going to murder me for the shit I'd pulled. I hugged the pillows and blankets to me and cried myself to sleep.


	51. Chapter 51 - Sleight of Hand

I didn't stay asleep. I tried, but it seemed like every time I started to fade into sleep, I would cough. The fresh air from the partially open window was helping because the coughs were coming less often and they weren't as deep, but I was still coughing. Besides, I felt so guilty about not listening to them again, not obeying them again, that it was hard to even fall asleep. So, I was still only dozing when Sam and Dean got back to the room, well after two in the morning. The sound of the door opening jerked me out of the doze, but I didn't move. I wanted them to think I was still asleep.

"Check out the bathroom," Dean was saying quietly when they came in. I heard the bathroom door creak as it was pushed open.

"What the hell?" Sam said with shock in his voice. "What was she doing?"

"I don't know yet but I'm going to find out. Two things I know for sure, she definitely left the room and she definitely lit a fire," Dean said, his voice getting fainter as he went into the bathroom. I took a chance and opened my eyes a crack to see what they were doing. Sam was leaning against the doorway into the bathroom, looking in. I assumed Dean was in the bathroom doing something. "She sprayed herself with this fire extinguisher."

"She's immune to fire. Why would she need to spray herself with a fire extinguisher?" Sam asked.

"I have no idea," Dean said, "but I'm going to find out, and then I'm going to kill her." I heard sounds of the charcoal being moved around in the bottom of the tub. Sam went into the bathroom. I rolled over and buried my head in the pillow, hoping that Dean wouldn't find his money and credit card in my wet jeans, but then I heard Dean say in a tight voice, "What the hell is this?" Guilt and shame washed over me and tears sprang to my eyes. I fought them. I considered getting out of the bed, but he'd told me to stay there and I didn't want to get in more trouble, so I just sat up and hugged the blankets to me.

They were only in there for about ten minutes. From the sounds, they were cleaning up the mess I'd left, and when Sam came out carrying the fire extinguisher and Dean came out carrying my wet clothes, I knew for sure that's what they'd been doing. Dean saw me first and shook his head at me. "I told you to go to sleep," he growled at me as he dropped my wet clothes into a pile by my duffel. Sam glanced at me as he took the fire extinguisher into the hall.

"I tried," I said, my voice hoarse. "I kept coughing and I couldn't sleep."

Dean grunted. "You feeling better now?"

"I'm not really coughing anymore," I said. "Just sometimes..."

Sam came back into the room and flipped on the lights as Dean pulled a chair out and sat in it backwards, leaning his arms on the back of it. Sam leaned against the ugly partition be the door and crossed his arms over his chest. Dean cleared his throat and I went back to looking at him. "Since you're up," Dean said, "you wanna explain this?" He tossed the money clip with the wet money and credit card in it onto the bed. I looked at it and took a deep breath, fighting the urge to be smart ass.

"You said to buy pizza for dinner," I suggested in a tiny voice, not really answering his question.

Dean raised his eyebrows and lowered his head to glare at me. "You wanna start this off by lying to me?" he asked gruffly. "Because you won't like the way that goes."

"I didn't lie!" I said, my face heating. "You did say that!"

"One," Dean said.

I swallowed hard. "No, Dean," I squeaked out.

"You've got one more chance to explain before you punishment doubles," Dean said. "There's no way you needed that much cash for dinner, and I didn't say to take the credit card. Something's up here and I want to know what it is. NOW!"

"It's kind of a long story," I whimpered.

"I can't wait to hear it," Dean remarked.

I stared at my hands, still just a little red and blotchy, and opened my mouth. "Yesterday, I started thinking about Gabby, and I'd come up with these things I wanted to try with my fire because if I can do it, she can do it, and if I can't do it, it's probable she can't, I mean, once you get past the force behind it." I had started quiet and slow, but momentum built up and words were just flying out of my mouth. "But I just really wanted to know what would stop her, and I came up with this idea that if fire extinguishers put out fires, then maybe they could prevent me from setting a fire." I looked up at them, but they were just watching me. Dean's eyebrows were furrowed and he was frowning, so I kept going. "There's all these other things that I'd never even tried and thought would be good things to see if I could do, but I knew I shouldn't be trying those without you guys around, so I was going to ask later."

"Did that change while we were gone?" Dean asked, his voice quiet and hard.

"No," I whispered. "Well, sort of… I watched _Firestarter_, and I started thinking about how Gabby could use you guys against me, hurt you to make me do what she wanted, and I wouldn't be able to stop her. The girl in the movie blew up the government facility, but I can't do that to Gabby. I've got nothing against Gabby but this stupid ring, and that only keeps her from finding me!" I started crying, but I fought it because I was frantic to make them understand how worried I'd been. My voice was rising and rising. "I wanted so bad to have something to use against her!" Dean had his skeptical look on, but that didn't mean he didn't believe me. My eyes flew to Sam. "And I thought about the consequences! I swear I did. The fire wasn't going to get away from me because I was only setting little fires in a tub with a small amount of charcoal that I could put out quickly and I had a fire extinguisher in case something bad happened and I couldn't put it out! I thought it through! I picked the thing that wouldn't get away from me, that wouldn't hurt anyone and I did it as safely as possible!" I started coughing and coughing, the stress on my lungs from talking was really getting to me. Dean looked at Sam and Sam came over to the bed to sit behind me and rub my back until the coughing jag was over. I leaned against Sam in gratitude and looked at Dean with watery eyes.

"Ok," Dean growled out. "We have the why. We still don't have the what."

I squirmed on the bed. Now that I was not coughing anymore, Sam stood up and resumed his position against the partition. I started picking at the blanket, refusing to meet their eyes. "I was going to do what you told me to," I said softly. "I was going to stay in the room and watch TV and stay off the laptop and order pizza for dinner."

"What did you do instead?" Dean prompted when I didn't say anything for a few moments. I took a deep breath against the growing certainty that they were, in fact, going to kill me.

My voice dropped back into a whisper. "I took your spare cash and went down to the fire supplies store and tried to buy one of each kind of fire extinguisher." My voice started rising again. "But he wouldn't sell them to me. He said something was weird and wouldn't sell them, so I came back here." I stopped talking and pulled the pillow in front of my chest, hugging it.

"So you stole the one from the hallway," Sam said.

"Yeah, but only after going around the hotel and seeing which kinds they had," I said. "The foam one didn't work, but the CO2 one might still."

"So, what, you stole it and coated yourself with foam and tried to set a fire in the bathtub?" Dean asked, disbelief coating his words. He got to his feet and started pacing.

"Yeah," I said. I didn't bother mentioning that I had to leave the hotel a second time to get the charcoal. "It didn't prevent me from setting the fire, but it did start stinging my skin and I had to wash it all off really quick, and some of it got into my eyes." I was staring back down at the blanket but I saw Dean's legs come up next to the bed. He reached down and put a finger under my chin, tilting my head up so I was looking at him.

"What exactly were you doing when I called you and told you to go to bed?" Dean asked me, looking me straight in the eye.

I tried to drop my head again, but he wouldn't let me. "I was getting ready to coat myself with the foam," I squeaked. He let my chin go and I watched him walk away, his back to me.

"Did you ever eat dinner?" he asked me. I blinked in surprise. It was the last question I'd expected out of him.

"No," I said in confusion. The two of them looked at each other and then back at me. I couldn't help it. "I'm really sorry!" I said, tears starting to flow again.

"Stay there," Dean said. He smacked Sam lightly on the arm and they went out in the hall, leaving the door ajar just a little. I shoved myself up against the headboard and pulled my knees to my chest to wait.

I couldn't hear anything they said, but they were out there for a long time. Finally, the door opened and the two of them came back in. I hugged my knees tighter. Dean pointed at me and then pointed to the chair that he'd recently vacated. I got up reluctantly, turned the chair around and sat in it. Dean sat down on the corner of the bed while Sam stood behind me. I was as good as surrounded.

"Do you know how many rules you broke, little girl?" Dean asked.

"At least three?" I suggested in a very small voice, my face pained.

"Ok, let's start with that. Which three do you think you broke?" Dean asked.

"I disobeyed a direct order, started a fire without supervision, and left the room and you guys didn't know where I was," I whimpered.

"Yeah, you also stole from us and endangered yourself," Dean said. "Not to mention that stealing a fire extinguisher is a felony if you'd gotten caught." I blanched. "You could have ended up in jail right next to us, and it would have been harder to get you out."

"You went and pulled this crap on top of what you did yesterday to those teachers and you didn't think it through before acting!" Sam added.

"I did!" I objected. "I thought it through! I told you!"

"Yeah?" Sam said. "The fact that you didn't even consider that you could get hurt means that you didn't think it through. And you certainly didn't consider how it would affect us when we found out."

I picked at my nails. "I didn't think you'd catch me," I said in the smallest voice possible.

"What?" Dean yelled, coming to his feet. I jerked back so quickly the chair rocked. "You were going to keep this from us? Let's not even go into how you thought we wouldn't find out, but you were going to lie to us and let us think you'd behaved yourself and stayed in the room the entire night?"

I flushed and looked away. "I… I didn't think about it like that!"

"That just proves my point," Sam said. "You didn't think it all the way through."

Dean glared down at me a little while longer before taking a deep breath and sitting back down. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "What were the conditions of you coming with us a year and a half ago?" Dean asked.

This was dangerous ground and I knew it, but there was no way to avoid it. "That I had to obey you and that you had to be able to trust that I would do what you said," I whispered.

"You seem to do a fine job of that when we're around," Dean said, "but the minute we're not around, you ignore everything we tell you and go off to do what you want. You've done it again and again, regardless of the punishments we've given you and the essays that you've had to write." I started crying. "We have to be able to know that you will obey us when we're not here, and we can't right now. There's this, there's what you pulled on those poor, undeserving women yesterday, and there's everything you've pulled with Gabby and sneaking onto hunts since I got back from hell. I'm sick of it, Jessie. I can't hunt if I don't know you're safe."

"I didn't do anything that bad!" I cried, guilt coming to the fore. "I didn't try to finish the hunt! I was just trying to research whether fire extinguishers would stop Gabby…" Dean turned away from me and went to look out the window. I twisted in my seat to look hopefully at Sam. I was afraid I knew what was coming.

Sam didn't give me an inch. "And you couldn't even wait until we got out of jail or until you got to Bobby's to do it. There was no reason for you not to wait. There was no rush for you to figure this out. You could have talked to us about it and then we could have researched what was in the extinguishers to make sure it wouldn't hurt you. Instead, you took the fact that we weren't here and used it against us. I'll give you credit for imagination, young lady, but the actual research could have waited for us to be there. The fact that you thought about whether or not we would catch you means that you deliberately disobeyed us. No, you can't deny that. You did this on purpose, didn't you?"

I covered my face with my hands and sobbed, "Yes."

"You're going to Bobby's," Dean said from the window.


	52. Chapter 52 - Disappearing Act

**Thanks again for reading and to those of you who review. Sorry for the delay on the last two chapters and that this one is a little short.**

* * *

I jumped to my feet and flung myself at Dean. "No! No! Please, Dean!" I begged. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

He hugged me, but he didn't relent. "We can't trust you when we're not around. If we can't trust you, you can't stay."

"I'll do better, please!" I begged him.

"No," Dean said, his voice hard. "You've said that before and you behave yourself for two weeks or a month, but we keep ending up back here. The deal was that for you to come with us, you had to behave and obey us, and you don't do that. We can't trust you. You're going to Bobby's."

Still clutching Dean, I looked at Sam, but he just shook his head. "We called him. We'll put you on a bus tomorrow, and he'll pick you up."

Despair swallowed me. "You're not even taking me? You're just sending me there on a bus?" I started crying, unable to stop the tears. I could barely breathe. No, no, anything but this. "Please, don't send me away," I whimpered and started coughing.

Dean sat down on the bed and pulled me into his lap. "It's not forever, sweetheart. It's for a week. Long enough for you to think about what it means that we need to trust you."

I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his shirt, sobbing. "Please, Dean. Please, just spank me. Don't send me to Bobby's. I don't want to lose you both!"

He looked down at me. "Jessie, look at me. Come on, look at me." I unburied my head and he put his hand under my chin so that I was looking up at him again. "We don't want to lose you either, and that's exactly what's going to happen if we can't trust you to obey us when we're not here. You're going to do something you haven't thought through and we're going to come back and find you seriously hurt or dead. I can't handle that."

Sam sat down next to Dean on the bed and I looked at him. "I can't handle it either. We're sending you away so you can think about what you keep doing here and think about how you're going to change that behavior. The stuff you've pulled in the last 48 hours alone astounds me. You need to reevaluate your priorities, young lady. Once you've proven that you've done that, you can come back."

I sniffed and wiped my nose with the back of my hand. "How am I going to prove it?" I whispered.

"You're going with a list of essays you're going to write for us. Bobby will email them to me when you're done with them."

"What if I haven't proven it when the week is up?" I asked, looking at him from under my bangs, tears in my eyes.

"The minimum time you'll be there is a week," Sam said. "The maximum time is up to you. You don't finish the essays to our satisfaction, you don't come home."

I started crying again. Dean shifted me until my head was against his shoulder. "We want you here, Jessie. We both want you with us, but we want you safe more. You need to understand that the two are dependent on each other. If you're going to deliberately endanger yourself when you're with us, then you can't be with us. Do you understand?"

"Yes," I whispered, and I did. It hurt terribly, but I understood that if they couldn't trust me, then I couldn't stay with them. "Please don't make me take a bus, though, Dean. His house isn't that far away. Please just take me there."

Dean and Sam both shook their heads. Dean said, "No, we have things we need to finish up here and we can't keep you here until we're done for the same reason we're sending you to begin with."

"Jessie," Sam said. "You understand that we love you and want you here with us and that's why we're doing this, right?"

"Yes," I said, but I couldn't meet his eyes.

"You understand that if you get hurt while we're gone because you disobeyed us then that hurts us, right?" Sam said. "It hurts us because we love you and we want what's best for you."

"Yes," I said, guilt stringing its way through my midsection.

"Do you understand that if you get hurt and someone who is not us finds out that they can take you away from us?" Sam asked. "They can call social services and take you away."

Panic shot through me. "You wouldn't let that happen," I said. "You wouldn't!"

"No, but do you understand how much trouble that would land us in, if we had to snatch you back from a foster family or from social services? We'd have warrants out on our heads."

"Oh my god," I whispered, the guilt and shame and worry spiking. I started crying again. "I'm so sorry, Sam," I said. "I'm sorry."

Sam nodded and leaned over to kiss me on the head. "This is what I mean about thinking about things and asking before you do things. I want you to keep that in mind while you're writing the essays."

"Ok," I said. I felt so ashamed of myself that I didn't know what to do. I wanted to hide away from everyone, but I knew that wouldn't help either. I leaned into Dean and fought my tears. "Can I go back to bed now?" I asked.

Dean shifted and said, "You've still got a spanking coming for stealing."

"What?" I sat up straight, panic shooting through me. "I thought you were sending me to Bobby for all the stuff I did."

"We're sending you to Bobby's so you can get some perspective and realize we need to be able to trust you," Dean said. "That's got nothing to do with you stealing. You know better than to steal from family. You know better than to steal from strangers without a damned good reason, and you did both of those things today," Dean said. Sam got up while Dean flipped me over his lap and pulled my shirt up in one fluid movement. "Didn't you?" he said.

"Yes, but isn't exile enough?" I wailed, but his hand came down on my pantied bottom. He spanked and spanked, and I just cried. He didn't stop except to ask Sam to get him the hairbrush, and then he peppered my butt cheeks with that fucker from top to bottom until I was sobbing and very, very sorry.

"Do not steal without a good reason," he scolded after tossing the hairbrush onto the bedside table. Then he pulled me to a sitting position and wrapped his arms around me.

"Yes, Dean," I said. He held me for a long time, stroking my back and hair until I stopped crying.

He set me on my feet and got up. "Are you hungry?" he asked me. I shook my head, so he pulled the covers back. "Get in bed," he said. I obeyed and he tucked me in. Sam came over and kissed me goodnight too. I closed my eyes and eventually fell asleep.

The next morning, I felt like an automaton. It was after noon when we woke up. Sam had gotten bagels and Dean made me eat them, and then they made me get ready to leave. I packed my stuff in silence, feeling empty inside. Once I was done packing, I basically glommed onto Dean until he was ready to go. We walked to the Impala, Dean carrying my duffel and Sam carrying my schoolbag. They put them in the trunk and then we all got inside. I kept hoping against hope that they would take it back; all the way to the bus station I hoped that. When I saw the Greyhound sign, though, I knew it was too late.

"Please, Dean, Sam, please? Please don't send me away," I tried again as we parked.

"Jessie," Dean said, his voice hoarse and his face pained. Sam looked at me and he had tears in his eyes too. "It's for your own good, sweetheart," Dean said. they led me inside and I stayed with Sam while he bought my ticket, wrapping my arms around his waist.

Sam looked down at me and then kissed the top of my head. "We love you, honey," he said. "This is not what we want any more than it is what you want, but you have got to learn to obey. Write the essays and you can come home," he said.

Dean came back and handed me my ticket. The bus was already boarding. No long goodbyes for me. "It's only an hour and a half ride," he told me as they led me to the door. "You'll be fine. Call us when you get there, and call us anytime you need anything. We'll miss you, sweetheart."

"I'll miss you, too, Dean." I wiped my eyes and hugged him tight. He kissed me and then I hugged and kissed Sam. "I love you," I said to both of them. Then I walked out the door carrying my duffel and backpack and got on the bus. It wasn't very busy and I got my own seat, right behind the bus driver. We sat parked for another ten minutes before we pulled away from the building and I was on my way to Bobby's.

I stared out the window the entire way and thought about what Sam and Dean had said. I already knew they were right, but I had known they were right before I even did it, and yet I'd still acted impulsively and done it. I deserved to get sent away. I promised myself that I would work hard on the essays so that I could get back home as soon as I possibly could.


	53. Chapter 53 - Blacklisted

Bobby was waiting when I got off the bus. I went to him, and without saying anything, he took my duffel from me and slung it over his back. He kissed the top of my head and put his hand on my back to lead me to his car. I couldn't look at him. I could only watch the ground in front of me. He opened the car door for me and I climbed in the front seat and fastened the seatbelt.

We were halfway to his house before he said anything. "Guess you didn't take my advice," he grumbled from the seat next to me. I stopped staring out the window and turned to look at him, wiping tears from my eyes.

"What?" I asked.

"I told you, kid. You gotta listen to those boys," Bobby said.

I cocked my head to the side. "I did listen, Bobby," I insisted.

"Then what are you doing here with me instead of off with them?" he asked, turning down the road towards the salvage yard.

"They don't let me hunt with them," I sulked, pulling my knees up into the seat and resting my chin on them.

"You think that might be because you don't listen to them?" he asked, his voice getting louder.

"No," I said. "It's because I'm twelve." I looked back out the window. "And because they don't want me to get hurt."

Bobby pulled into his yard and turned off his car. "Get your stuff, come on," he said. I yanked my butterfly bag off the floor and clambered out of the car, trudging after him into the house. He dropped my duffel on the floor of the library and pointed at the couch. "Sit," he said. I sat. "You've had a lot of time to yourself over the last day to think about this and about why they sent you here, and this is the shit you came up with?"

Just the tone that he was using made me feel ashamed, even if I wasn't quite sure why. A slow flush started from the middle of my chest and spread all the way up to the roots of my hair while I tried to think of something to say to that. The whole time Bobby just looked at me. When I didn't say anything, he tipped the bill of his cap up with his finger and turned away sighing. "I guess Sam was right," he said, going around his desk to sit in his chair.

I stared at him and swallowed in indecision. After a couple seconds, I gave up and asked hesitantly, "Sam was right about what?"

"You do need to write some essays," he said. He nodded at my backpack. "Take a look. The green notebook, I think he said."

I unzipped the backpack and pulled out the green spiral-bound notebook. On the first page was an assignment: "What it means to think before I act." I flipped a couple of pages to another assignment: "Why I shouldn't set fires without supervision." Then more: "What trust means to me and why Sam and Dean need to be able to trust me," "Why I should run my ideas and plans by Sam and Dean," "Why Sam and Dean should always know where I am," "What could happen if something happened to me while I am alone," and "Why I should obey Sam and Dean whether they are with me or not."

I looked up at Bobby. "There's seven essays," I said.

He nodded. "One for each day you're here," he said. "And I'm adding one that you can fit in around the others: 'What it means to listen to Sam and Dean.'" I dropped my eyes and rubbed my neck, digging my toe into the floor. I heard him get up from his chair and watched him sit down next to me out of the corner of my eye. He put an arm around me. "This is a dangerous life, kid. You've got to start acting like it."

"I know, Bobby," I said with my head still down.

"Get your stuff upstairs and then give the boys a call so they know you got here safe," Bobby said, standing up again. "Then come back down here and we'll talk about what it's gonna be like while you're here."

I slouched to my feet and yanked my backpack over one shoulder, grabbing my duffel with the other hand, my thoughts dark. I shoved them aside and carried my stuff up the stairs to the guest room he usually let me stay in. I dropped my bags on the bed and pulled out my phone to call Sam first, a little afraid to talk to Dean.

The phone rang a couple of times and then Sam answered. "Hey, honey, you have a safe trip?" Sam asked me. I closed my eyes in relief at the sound of his voice, the sound of home.

"Yeah," I said, pulling myself together and sitting down on the bed. "Did you finish the magician convention thing?"

"Almost. We're going to talk to Jay in about an hour. Did you talk to Bobby yet?"

"Some," I said. "We looked at the green notebook. That's a lot of essays, Sam…" My voice kind of trailed off.

"You've got a lot of stuff you need to think about, Jessie," Sam said. "A lot of changes you need to make. I left a list of your school assignments in your backpack. You have any questions about any of it that Bobby can't answer, you call me, ok?"

"Yeah." I looked down at my feet, afraid to ask what I really wanted to. "Sam…"

"What is it, squirt?" he asked with sympathy in his voice.

"Please, can't you talk to him or something? I can do the essays with you guys. I don't need to be here. I'm really sorry, and I swear, I won't screw up again. Please? I don't want… "

"This is for your own good, Jessie," Sam interrupted, his voice a little hard now. "You've got to stop flying off the handle and doing whatever you want without any regard for the consequences." Stung, I didn't say anything for a minute. Sam's voice was softer when he spoke again, "Honey, we just want you to be safe…"

"I know, Sam," I sighed, unhappy that I couldn't convince him. If I couldn't convince Sam, my chances with Dean were on the none side of slim. "Can I talk to Dean now?"

"Sure," he said. "I love you, squirt. Be good, ok?"

"Love you, too, Sam," I said and then waited while Sam handed the phone to Dean.

"Hey, sweetheart, you make it ok?"

His voice washed over me like a wave. I fought back tears, wanting to be with him and knowing that I'd done this to myself. "Yeah, Dean," I said. "Bobby picked me up and took me to his house. Then we looked at the essays that Sam came up with." I paused and then said with a little whine, "He added one to it."

Dean chuckled. "Well, that's his right, and Sam didn't come up with all of those. Half of them are mine."

I laid down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. "I have to do all of them before I come back?" I asked.

"Yes," Dean said. "Every day you're going to write an essay and when you're done with it, you're going to call and read it to us, and we'll discuss it."

"Ok," I said, closing my eyes. "What happens if you don't like the essay?"

"Then you'll have to rewrite it after we talk about it," Dean said. "I want you to really think about it, ok? As long as you do that, we'll be fine."

Unable to help myself, I started to cry. "What if I never get it right? You'll never let me come back!"

"Jessie," Dean said, "that's not going to happen. I want you back, sweetheart. I miss you already. Sam does, too. You just have to learn to stop breaking our trust. You understand?"

"I miss you, too!" I cried into the phone. "I don't want to stay here, Dean! I want to come home!"

"You know why you can't do that right now, don't you?" Dean said, his voice rough. When I didn't answer, he said sternly, "Jessie, why can't you come home right now?"

"Because you can't trust me," I whispered into the phone. My tears were sliding down my cheeks and dripping into my ears.

"Right, and what do you have to do to come home?" Dean asked.

I rolled over onto my belly and pressed my forehead into the pillow. "Earn back your trust," I said.

"And how are you going to do that?"

"Do what Bobby says and write the essays," I said, miserable.

"It's a week," Dean said, sighing. "It's just one week." It sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than me. "Be good, Jessie, so you can come home."

"Yes, Dean," I said, sitting up and wiping the tears from my eyes.

Dean was quiet for a second before he said, "I love you, sweetheart. You call me again before you go to bed, ok?"

"I love you, too," I said. I waited until he hung up before I put the phone down, my heart aching in my chest. I went down to talk to Bobby.

Bobby spent an hour explaining to me the rules. It wasn't as bad as being on lockdown, but I was pretty restricted. I couldn't leave the house unless I told him, and since he had to work even though I was there, if he was in the salvage yard or off taking care of some other job and left me in the house, I had to call him before I left the house. If he didn't answer, I had to text him and wait for him to answer before I went anywhere. I couldn't just text and go. I got annoyed and asked him why I couldn't have just gone through all this with Sam and Dean instead of him, and he snapped back that I had gone through all this with Sam and Dean, and the fact that I couldn't obey these simple rules was why I was here in the first place.

I was going to have a schedule, too. Up at seven in the morning, physical training, schoolwork, essay, whatever chores Bobby wanted to have me do, fire starting, and then bed by nine at night. I tried to argue that when I was with Sam and Dean, I didn't have to keep a schedule because it was impossible, and Bobby told me basically to suck it up, even though he didn't use those words. I was supposed to call one of the guys after each activity so they'd know how I was doing.

Finally, his head bowed like it hurt him, Bobby told me that I was going to start each day with three strikes and if I hit the third strike, I'd be there for an extra day. I immediately started crying when he told me that and, while he hugged me tight, he didn't take it back. He just let me cry into his plaid shirt. I think that's finally when it sunk in. If I didn't toe the line, I was never going home. Sam and Dean were dead serious; if they couldn't trust me, I couldn't stay.

By the time we finished going over everything, it was starting to get dark out. Bobby made me dinner, soup and a sandwich, and then he let me watch television with him until bed time. I needed to light a fire, so he took me out to the fire pit, freshly cleaned and wooded. "No tricks, nothing new," he said. "Just set it on fire and then it's bedtime." He put his hand on my head. I sighed in acceptance and lit up the fire pit, burning the logs to ash. When I was done, I got ready for bed and called Dean. Dean said he was at a bar and that Sam was out. I told him everything that Bobby had told me and what I'd done all day. After we said good night and good-bye, Bobby tucked me in. He kissed my forehead and turned to leave and a rush of panic shot through me.

"Bobby!" I said, sitting up. He turned around. "What if I have nightmares?"

"You come find me, darling," he said. "Or yell for me and I'll come to you."

"Ok," I said uncertainly, lying back. After he left the room, I got out of bed and went to my duffel bag. I dug out Dean's red plaid shirt that I'd snagged and Sam's sweatpants. I pulled off my Eeyore nightshirt and put on the guys' clothes instead. Then I curled back up on the bed to go to sleep.


	54. Chapter 54 - Fire Suppression

**AN: Sorry for the long wait. I've had to deal with a crisis this month and between that and a couple of normal, non-catastrophic but still time-consuming events that I needed to take care of, both my ability to write and the time I have to do it has been heavily affected. I'm sorry for that because I know that I had more time to dedicate in the past. My updates will continue to be slow for a while, but I promise, this is my favorite hobby and I will still get updates out. Thanks for the encouragement and continued expression of interest during the lapse. Eventually, I expect that I will have great expanses of time again to immerse myself (and thus you guys) in this world.**

**Thanks again for reading and for the reviews. It means a lot to me. I know I've been crap about responding (for the same reason I've been crap about writing), but I really appreciate all of you, both lurkers and reviewers.**

**Also, to the guest who suggested that Dean spanking me would motivate me to write more... yes, that, please. :)**

* * *

Six days later, I was sitting at the desk in the kitchen just staring at the paper in front of me. I had my head propped up on my hand and I was swinging my feet while I read my last essay for Sam and Dean: What it means to think before I act. I'd done all the other essays they'd assigned me and read all of the essays to them, and they'd been happy with them. This one, though… I sighed and tried to shove the tears down. Bobby was off in the salvage yard accepting some new cars, so I couldn't really talk to him about it, and Sam and Dean's descriptions of what they wanted were leaving me completely baffled.

God, I was trying really, really hard and it wasn't good enough. The slow knot that had been forming in my stomach since lunch tightened and grew. If I couldn't get this right, they wouldn't let me come back. I rubbed my forehead and then dragged my hand through my hair, still fighting tears. I thumped my elbows onto the table and covered my face with my hands. What would happen to me if they wouldn't take me back? I had no idea. Homeless? In the hands of complete strangers with no idea how to take care of this fire thing I had? Bobby wouldn't let me stay with him, not long term. He'd said as much, multiple times. I swallowed against the lump, dug into my pocket, and pulled out my phone. I'd rewritten the essay again, added some sentences. I could only hope that they would be enough.

Dean answered the phone on the second ring. "You rewrite it again?" he said right off the bat. I'd called him just a half an hour before, and a half an hour before that, and an hour before that. I wasn't entirely sure what they were hunting right now, something about a ghost or a demon at a school making kids hurt other kids, but he'd been taking my calls at least.

"Yeah," I said. My heart pounding, I read him the sentences I had added, my voice quick, sharp, and breathless.

"No," he said patiently. "You're just repeating what you said before. You're just rewording the same things. Listen, Jessie…"

I'd already stopped listening to him, closing my eyes. His voice poured through the phone, but couldn't penetrate the haze in my brain. Again, I'd screwed it up again. They were never going to come get me. I was going to end up back in the woods, taking care of myself, or under the misguided care of someone who would have no idea what they were getting into. Elbows still on the table with my head propped up on my hands, tears dripped from my closed eyes onto the essay. My throat was closed and my head had started throbbing. I was frozen.

"Jessie? Damn it, little girl, you better not have hung up on me!" Dean growled into the phone, breaking through the fog a little.

"I didn't," I whispered through my closed throat. I felt like I couldn't breathe and the haze in my brain was thickening and turning red.

"You think you can do that?" Dean asked me in the tone of someone who was repeating a question.

I stared down at the table where my essay was, biting my bottom lip as hard as I could. I felt like I was being buffeted by waves. "What?" I asked.

"You think you can add that to the essay?" Dean asked more slowly this time, his voice beginning to sound a little impatient.

I lost it. I screamed into the phone. "I don't know what you want from me, god damn it! I tried! I tried and I failed and now you're never going to come get me." I started sobbing.

There was a pause on the other end of the line. Then Dean said in a soothing tone, "Jessie…"

"No!" I shrieked. I pulled the phone away from my ear and threw it at the wall as had as I could. It shattered, bits and pieces of plastic falling all over the stove and sink. Then I ran.

Bobby found me about a half hour later sitting against one of the trees in the yard, my back to the house. I had my knees pulled up to my chest and my head buried in my arms. He crouched down next to me and put his arm around me. "You've gone and done it now, kid," he said, pulling me towards him. I let go of my knees and wrapped my arms around his neck, which made him plunk unceremoniously on his knees in the dirt, but he didn't say anything. He just held me while I cried, rubbing my back.

After a little bit, when I'd calmed down a little, I asked, "What did I do?"

He sighed. "Two strikes," he said.

"Oh." After thirty seconds, I added, "What does it matter? I can't finish the stupid essay. They aren't coming for me anyway."

"Bullshit," Bobby said forcefully. "Those boys would never abandon you. They're trying to teach you a lesson, not get rid of you."

I didn't believe him. I let him go and got to my feet. "I can't get this essay right!" I said, looking anywhere but at Bobby. "They said that I can't come home unless I do the essays."

"Idjit," Bobby said, getting to his feet.

I'd only ever heard him say that to Sam and Dean, and it gave me pause because he only ever did it when they were being dense. I wiped my eyes and turned to look at him.

"Did you write the essay?" Bobby asked, taking my hand. I let him.

"Yeah."

"Did you do your best?" he continued, starting to lead me towards the house.

"Yeah, but I don't understand what they want from me. They keep telling me it's wrong," I wailed, dragging my feet.

We'd reached the steps to the porch. Bobby sighed and turned to me. "Did you listen to why it's wrong? I mean really listen and try to understand?" He looked me in the eyes. I opened my mouth to say I had, but he held up a hand. "Think about it."

So I thought, replaying the memories of the phone calls back in my head. I'd thought I'd listened to them, but now I couldn't remember anything they'd said. I couldn't remember what they'd said when they were telling me what they were looking for. "Uh," I said, dropping my eyes.

"Did you just hear that it was wrong and get upset?" Bobby asked me. "Did you stop listening to them after that?"

"Uh," I said again, staring at the scuff marks on my sneakers.

"Those boys will explain everything to you in different ways until you get it, but you have to listen to them, darlin'" Bobby admonished mildly.

I flushed bright red. I had to stop doing this to myself. I needed to think… oh.

Bobby saw the understanding cross my face. "Come on, you're calling Dean back. He's worried about you and not too happy about you hanging up on him." He took my hand.

As I followed him up the porch steps, I said, "Does he know I broke the cell phone?"

"Nope," Bobby said. "You can explain that to him, too. Then, you can write me my essay on why you should listen to Sam and Dean, since you've got a case study to work from now."

"Great," I muttered, following him into the house.

* * *

I called Dean on the kitchen phone and explained what I had done, my face red the whole time. He wasn't happy that I'd broken my cell phone in a fit of temper. He told me we were going to have to work on that in the future and that it tied into the whole thinking before I acted thing. I responded him I had two strikes now today, one for breaking the phone and one for leaving the house without asking permission from Bobby, and he got really quiet for a second.

"Don't get any more," he said. "I want to be able to come get you tomorrow."

I took a second to absorb that. It made me feel a little better, like maybe he'd been missing me as much as I'd been missing him. "Yes, Dean," I said with the tiniest of smiles.

After a couple of seconds, he sighed. "All right, look, I'm going to cut you some slack here because you've been trying so hard and because I know you need to write Bobby's essay about listening to us still." I perked up a little. "Get a pen and write this down. Thinking before you act means that when something happens or when you get an idea, you stop and ask yourself a few questions. You ask why you want to do it, what your options are, how much trouble you're going to get into, what it's going to do to other people, and if it's in your best interests. You got it?"

He'd said them slowly so I'd managed to keep up with him. "Yes, Dean," I said, setting the pen on the desk.

"Now take what you wrote and explain why you're asking yourself each of those questions, ok?" Dean asked. "You've already got most of it in there, like the how much trouble you're going to get into and a little bit of the what it will do to other people, but I want you to write down why you're asking each of those questions."

I sighed in relief. That was actually much easier. "Thanks, Dean," I said.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked me.

"Yeah," I said.

"You know, if you'd just listened to me…" he started.

"I know! I'm sorry. I got upset."

"Being upset doesn't mean that you stop listening to the people around you, little girl. You put that in Bobby's essay too, got it?"

My ears were red again. "Yeah," I said.

"Write Bobby's essay first," he said. "If you don't get this one done before we come get you, you can work on it on the road."

"Ok, Dean," I said. I sat down in the chair, put my elbow on the table and rested my head on my hand. "You are coming to get me tomorrow, right? You promise?"

"Yes, sweetheart. I promise. Do NOT get that third strike. Promise me," he said sternly.

"I promise, Dean. I love you," I said softly, feeling better than I had in days.

"I love you, too. We're going to go wrap up this ghost case we're working on now. We've got to stop a bus and burn some remains. I'll see you tomorrow. Be good."

* * *

After I cleaned up the cell phone, I dashed out Bobby's essay. I knew why I needed to listen to Sam and Dean. They had more experience than I did, they knew what was right and wrong, I'd get in trouble if I didn't, they knew how supernatural things worked, they had my best interests at heart and could judge them better than I could, they wanted the best for me, they loved me… By the time I was done writing, I had tears in my eyes as it was again brought home to me just how badly I'd been treating them by not doing what they said. I was worrying them unnecessarily and making their already hard lives more complicated with the shit I was pulling, on top of just dealing with my abilities. I hadn't even been trying the last couple of months, not really. I'd let my terror and grief over Gabby get the best of me. I put all that in the essay. Bobby was on the phone pretending to be an FBI agent supervisor or something when I was done. I handed it to him and went to sit on the couch in the living room to wait for him to be done.

After a couple of minutes, he came in and sat next to me. "You're missing a little bit," he said. When I tensed up, he added, "No, don't fly off the handle. I'm not telling you you're wrong. All of this is right, but you're missing something."

I took a couple of breaths. "Ok…" I said in a small voice, scared and a little upset. "What?"

"If you listen to them and do what they say, what happens?"

"I stay out of trouble?" I asked uncertainly.

"Yeah, and that means…"

"I don't know, Bobby. Jesus. Can't you just tell me?" I snapped.

"You wanna spend some time in the corner thinkin' bout this on your own?" Bobby shot back.

"No," I said, dropping my head.

He let me sit there for a minute before he went on. "Why are you here?" he asked.

"Because I screwed up and now they don't trust me anymore."

"So if you listen to them and do what they say, what happens?"

"They'll trust me again?" I asked.

"Exactly. They're training you to kill Gabby, right? So if they trust you and you're trained to hunt, and they can count on you when they need to, what do you think that means?"

I let that sink in, thinking about it, a faint hope beginning to rise. "They might let me hunt other things?" I looked up and met his eyes.

He nodded, his eyebrows raised. "Yeah," he said. "They might let you help do small things, little things, over time, and then when you can do those things, they'll know they can count on you and they might start asking you to do bigger things."

I was afraid to hope. "Really?" I asked.

"You shouldn't count on it, but it's possible. It's only if they can trust you, darlin'."

I threw my arms around his neck. "Thanks, Bobby," I said.

He hugged me back. "Don't tell them I said that or Dean will kill me," he said. I giggled into his shoulder.

"All right, how about we get some dinner and go see a movie," he said.

"Can we get some pie?" I asked, thinking about Dean.

Bobby let me go, and I climbed off his lap. "Sure, kid. We can get some pie."

* * *

I woke up when the bedroom door opened. I cracked an eye and saw two tall silhouettes in the doorway. Shrieking, I flew out of bed and into Sam and Dean's arms. They hugged me to them, one after the other. Then Sam flipped on the light and started laughing.

"What are you wearing, squirt?" he asked me, holding me an arms length away from him so he could see. Dean's eyes were dancing. I looked down at myself. I had Dean's red plaid shirt on with the arms rolled up so my hands were free and Sam's sweatpants with the bottoms rolled up so that my feet were free. The drawstring was cinched tight around my waist, but the clothes hung on me like sacks.

I pouted. "They kept me from having nightmares," I explained sulkily.

Sam laughed again at my expression, and Dean picked me up and hugged me. "You won't have to worry about that now that we're here," he said. "Get dressed and packed. We've got a case in Iowa we're headed to." He put me down. "Meet me downstairs in ten," he said. "I need to talk to Bobby."

Sam stepped out of the room while I changed and then came back in to help me pick up the wild mess the room had become over the week I'd been here. I asked him about the case they'd been on while we packed me up, and he told me all about how they'd gone back to a school that they'd gone to as kids because there had been a haunting. It had turned out that the kid who had tried to bully Sam while he'd been there had killed himself. His father had kept a lock of the kid's hair on the school bus. From there, the ghost of the kid had been possessing students and attacking bullies at the school. They'd chased him down and burned the hair to stop it. I was sad I had missed the hunt. It would have been neat to see a school that Sam and Dean had gone to.

By the time he was done with the story, we'd gotten all of my stuff packed. Sam shouldered my school bag and I carried my duffel down the stairs to meet Dean in the living room. Bobby was sitting at his desk, looking grumpily awake. It was only six-thirty in the morning, and the sun wasn't even up.

"You ready?" Dean asked me.

I nodded emphatically, dropped my duffel, and turned to Bobby. Walking around his desk, I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I love you, Bobby. Thanks for everything."

He hugged me back. "You're welcome, darlin'," he said. "Try not to get sent back here, ok? Remember what I said and listen to those boys."

"Yes, Bobby," I replied. I went back around the desk and picked up my duffel. While Sam said good-bye to Bobby, I slid my hand into Dean's and leaned against him.

He kissed the top of me head. "Don't ever make me do this again, Jessie," he whispered to me, his voice strained with emotion.

I shook my head. "I won't," I said, but there was a nagging ache in my stomach as we went out to the car, knowing that he would send me away and wondering what I would do if he did it again and didn't let me come back.


	55. Chapter 55 - Nobody's Fault but Mine

We were in Bedford, Iowa, staying at the Lion's Pride Motel. It had only been a day since they'd picked me up. I'd been keeping a low profile, spending most of my time listening to Sam and Dean when they were talking, doing what I was told, and keeping my mouth shut. I wanted to be happier that I was back with them, but the idea that they'd send me away again, possibly for good, scared the crap out of me. It was hard to enjoy it when I thought it might be taken away again. I couldn't stop thinking about it, so when Sam set the laptop down in the English book I was studying before he and Dean left to go talk to their suspect, I stared in confusion.

"What?" I asked, taking the pencil I'd been chewing on out of my mouth.

He smiled at me and kissed the top of my head before saying, "If you can promise me that you'll only spend two hours online, you can start searching for stories about Gabby again."

I blinked hard. I hadn't thought about Gabby hardly at all since they'd sent me to Bobby's. Putting my elbow on the table, I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against my hand for a second. Jesus, how could I let that go even for a second? The familiar guilt and grief rose up in me.

"Jessie?" Sam asked. Dean came up behind him and looked around him at me. I ran my hand across my face and opened my eyes. Concerned, Sam looked at me askance and then leaned over to pick up the laptop. I grabbed at it and he stopped.

"No, leave it. I promise," I said, pushing it gently back down to the table. "Two hours."

Dean pointed at me while he put his watch on with his other hand. "Set an alarm on your phone so you don't forget."

I picked up my phone and set the alarm while he was watching. He smiled at me. "Good girl. We'll be back. You've got food in the fridge if you get hungry. Don't forget to eat."

"I won't," I said. I wouldn't either. Not now. I picked up the laptop and pulled my English book out from under it, setting the laptop gently back down on the table. The guys were still standing there. I turned to look at them. "What?" I asked.

The guys looked at each other and then Dean kinda cleared his throat. "We… we're leaving now."

I blinked and shook my head a little. "I know," I said.

He sighed. "You usually want a hug before we leave," he prompted.

"Oh," I said. I got up from the chair stiffly and hugged Dean and then Sam. Then I dropped back into the chair and stared blankly at the laptop. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dean's eyes narrow in confusion.

"Ok, call us if you need us, honey," Sam said. He set his hand on my head for a second. I didn't look at him. Then they walked out the door.

As it closed behind them, I heard Dean say in a hurt voice, "Do you think she's sick?"

When they were gone, I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my face in them, letting a few tears fall. Everything was so awkward. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to hug them and trust them and be with them all the time, but there was a part of me that was scared that I would do something on accident that would make them send me off again.

I pushed away those thoughts and turned my attention to the laptop. "Right," I said. "No more of that. It's Gabby time now." I opened a browser and started searching.

Two hours later, my alarm went off. I clicked the button on my phone to shut it up without taking my eyes off the screen. Rasa Lukas, age twelve, missing on a camping trip from Michigan. She'd gone out with her Girl Scout troop. The next day when everyone got up, she was gone. They couldn't find her anywhere. She was just gone. There was no huge fire, and it was girl scouts, not the Lithuanian community. The only reason I'd found it was because of the 'new' scout leader's name: Gabriele; although she was using a different last name this time. I looked up Rasa's name and she was definitely Lithuanian. In fact, her parents had come over as immigrants. When I looked them up, they were heavily involved in the Lithuanian community. The last paragraph mentioned that Gabriele had led one of the search parties herself, hunting deep into the surrounding forest to try to find Rasa, and she'd been the last one to stop looking. The article said that she was "overcome with grief."

I swallowed hard. It looked like Gabby was getting smarter and she was playing her audience now. I wondered if Rasa had run away from Gabby, was dead, or if Gabby had hidden her away somewhere. Or maybe, the transformation had finally worked on Rasa. That would be even worse.

I closed the laptop, aware that I was pushing my two hour limit, but I hadn't actually started looking until they'd left, so I guessed it would probably be ok that I went over a little. Knowing Sam would want me to get my schoolwork done, I pulled the English book back in front of me and picked up my pencil again.

I spent the afternoon working on schoolwork and answering the phone when one of the guys called. I asked them how their case was going and they filled me in each time. They'd talked to the guy who had killed his wife, who had done it for a stripper. Dean had talked to the other victims, too, and they had all claimed that strippers had made them do it. Then they talked to the medical examiner, Dr. Cara Roberts, who told them there were high levels of oxytocin in their blood, which is a chemical that encourages bonding and is sometimes referred to as the "love hormone." On the last call, Dean told me that they were coming to get me so we could eat before they headed to the strip club. He sounded pretty happy.

I listened to all of it without saying much back. When they asked me what I was doing, I'd tell them, but I didn't tell them about the story I found about Gabby. I told myself I'd tell them later and flipped on the television. I didn't know what I was watching. Mostly, I was staring off into space, my mind whirling between Gabby and being sent away again. I'd start thinking about one and then the other one would intrude. I was going nowhere. The phone rang.

"We're here; come down," Dean said when I answered the phone.

"Can't you just bring me something back?" I asked.

"Are you sick, sweetheart?" Dean asked, concern in his voice.

"No," I whined. "I just don't want to go out."

"Are you sure you're not sick?" he asked.

"I'm not sick," I insisted. This was more trouble than just going along with them would have been. "I just want to…" I bit off the words before I finished the sentence. If I told him I just wanted to be alone, he'd be up here in a second trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I'd been alone all day. Usually I couldn't wait to get out of the motel room

"You just want to what?" Dean asked.

"Never mind, I'll be down in a second," I said. I already had his suspicions up. I didn't want to talk about any of it, not my fear, not Gabby, not yet. What if I told him that I was worried he'd send me away again and he told me he would? What if he did just because I brought it up? Ok, that was stupid, but the other wasn't. And what if he decided that it worked so well as a punishment that he sent me away all the time from now on? I had been behaving myself, trying to earn back their trust. I pulled my shoes on and got my coat, waves of panic and despair washing over me. Once he figured out how terrified I was of being sent away from him, he'd probably use it all the time.

I stood in front of the motel room door, swallowing back tears. I had to get this under control before I headed down to the Impala. My phone rang with Sam's ringtone this time. I snatched it out of my coat pocket. "Yeah, Sam?" I choked out.

He paused at the sound of my voice. "Jessie? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. I'm on my way down. What do you want?"

"What's taking so long?"

The conversation was annoying me enough that I was able to fight back my tears. "I had to pee," I said, allowing the annoyance to creep out in my voice. I knew it would hide the despair I'd been fighting. "And now, you're keeping me on the phone. I need two hands to lock this door, ya know."

Sam scoffed. "Ok, squirt. Hurry up." He hung up. I stuffed the phone back into my pocket and headed downstairs.

Dinner was painful. They talked about the case. I sat there and made myself eat my food so as not to get Dean's suspicions up again. The only problem was it was making me sick to my stomach, and while I could not ask questions or offer anything to talk about, I still couldn't stay out of their attention forever.

"How'd the search for stories about Gabby go?" Dean asked me, setting down his hamburger after the two of them finished discussing possible creatures that they might be hunting on this case.

I kinda scrunched in on myself, really not wanting to answer. "Fine," I whispered.

"Did you turn off the computer after two hours like we told you to?" Sam asked.

"Almost," I said. "It might have been a little over."

"How much over?" Dean asked.

"I dunno, like five minutes?" I suggested, squirming. Dean relaxed and I knew it was ok, for the moment.

"Did you find anything?" Dean asked. I shrugged. He narrowed his eyes at me. "What does that mean?"

"I'm not sure?" I suggested. I really didn't want to talk about this, but I also didn't want to lie.

"How can you not be sure?" Dean said impatiently. I panicked. What if this was it? What if he sent me to Bobby's because I wouldn't answer his question. I burst into tears.

Dean eyes got wide. "What? What'd I do?" he asked, clearly baffled. He looked at Sam and Sam looked back at him, shaking his head. Dean got out of his chair and came over to me, but I stood up quickly, almost knocking my chair over, and ran to the bathroom.

Once inside, I shut myself into a stall and tried to calm myself down. I'd already let too much out. They already knew I was acting weird. I had no idea what was going to happen when I left the bathroom, but I needed to be calm when I did it. I needed to act normal. I made myself stop crying and blew my nose. Then I stood in front of the mirror and examined my face. My eyes were pink-rimmed and my nose was red. I washed my face with cold water and dried it with a paper towel, which kinda hurt. I could do this. I could act like nothing was wrong. Sure I could. I took a deep breath and pushed the bathroom door open.

Dean was leaning against the wall outside the bathroom. "What the hell was that all about?" he demanded.

I stared at him and tried to change the subject. "Where's Sam?"

"Paying the bill. I want to know what I said that made you burst into tears and go hide in the bathroom." He was standing over me now, looking down at me. It was intimidating, but also weirdly comforting. I wanted to wrap my arms around his stomach and tell him everything, but I couldn't.

I tightened my midsection and said, "I'm fine."

"Bullshit, Jessie!" Dean said. He drew a circle with his arm, taking in all of me. "This is not how you act when you're fine."

"Stop yelling at her for a second, Dean, and maybe she'll tell you," Sam said, coming into the small space. At this point, I was basically backed into a corner between the women's room door and the wall. They were blocking the escape route. I looked from one to the other. Sam crouched down so that he was closer to my height and pulled me to him. "What's going on, honey? You've been acting weird since we picked you up."

I dropped my gaze and turned away from him so that my side was facing him. He put a hand on each hip and pulled me into his embrace. I let him, but didn't hug back. "I'm just tired," I said weakly. I knew they'd never buy it, but I couldn't come up with anything else.

Dean threw his hands up and reached down, pulling me out of Sam's grasp. "Come on," he said. "We're going back to the motel, and then you're going to tell me what the hell is going on with you." He pulled me out of the restaurant by the hand like I was five. I flushed in embarrassment as some adults turned to look. I knew what they were thinking. They were thinking I was in trouble, that I'd done something wrong, but I hadn't, and that made me cry all over again. He wasn't being rough with me, though. His hand was tight on my wrist, but not painful, and he wasn't making me run or anything. Sam followed after us. I looked at him and he shrugged, like he was trying to say that he'd tried to help and now I'd made my own bed.

When we reached the car, he opened the back door for me, and waved me in. The drive back to the motel took an eternity and was nowhere near long enough.


	56. Chapter 56 - Don't Let Me Get Me

"Ok, what the hell is going on with you?" Dean asked. He'd pulled me into the room and sat me down on one bed. Then he'd taken a seat across from me on the other bed. He leaned his elbow on one knee and looked me in the eye.

"I'm fine," I said, again, for the gazillionth time and then dropped my head, my hair falling around my face in a red curtain.

"If I hear I'm fine come out of your mouth one more time…" he started, but he didn't finish, and I could tell it was mostly an empty threat… mostly. He sighed heavily as Sam sat down next to him. The two of them exchanged looks as I peeked up at them through my bangs.

Dean closed his eyes for a second. "Sweetheart, please tell us what's wrong," he almost pleaded.

"Nothing's wrong!" I said.

Dean got up and started pacing, but Sam took my hand and said, "You've been quiet and withdrawn since we picked you up, honey. We know something's wrong. Just tell us what it is and we can fix it."

"You can't fix it," I whispered, taking my hand back. Sam let me.

"Jessie," Dean breathed and ran his hand down his face. There was such sadness, such concern in his voice that my heart broke a little.

"You sent me away," I whispered and looked back down at my hands.

Dean froze. "Yeah," he prompted when I didn't say anything else.

"You'll do it again," I said in an even quieter voice.

"What?" Dean asked, his head tilted and he took two steps towards me. Despair swallowed me and I flung my head back to look at him, my face twisting.

"You'll do it again! How am I supposed to…? What am I ,,,? How can I tell…?" I pushed my clenched fists into the mattress at my sides, my breathing quickened. Huge tears dropped from my eyes and splattered on my jeans making dark blue dots. I closed my eyes to stop them, lost. I couldn't think; I could only feel. Panic battered at me like waves against the shore. I couldn't explain it. I didn't know how!

Dean dropped to one knee in front of me and took my face in his hands. I opened my eyes and saw sympathy and worry etched across his features. "Breathe, little girl," he said to me. "You're glowing. Calm down." I fought to obey. His voice hardened just a little. "Listen to me, Jessie," he said. "We sent you away because we couldn't trust you."

"I know that!" I started, trying to turn my head away, but he held it there, his thumb caressing my chin softly.

"No, listen to me!" he demanded. "You wrote those essays. You talked to us; you talked to Bobby. You spent the whole week there and you were good. You proved to us that you understand how important it is that you obey us and that how much you want to." His voice softened. "You were practically an angel, sweetheart."

I was crying in earnest now, and he pulled me into his arms. I wrapped myself around him and sobbed into his shoulder. "Jessie," he said quietly but firmly, "promise me that you'll try your hardest to keep yourself safe, that you'll take care of yourself." His voice cracked, and it made me stop crying, now more concerned about him than I was about me. "Promise me that and I won't send you away again."

I pulled back to look him in the eyes and saw tears there. "I promise," I whispered, wiping the tears from my eyes. "I promise I'll try to keep myself safe. I promise to take care of myself."

Dean moved his hands back a little, his palms over my jaw, and held my head more firmly. "Don't break this promise to me," he said, his voice dark with emotion.

I shook my head, dropping my eyes. "I won't."

"Then I promise, too," Dean said. Hesitantly, I looked back up. His eyes flicked between mine, and then he let my head go, sliding his fingers gently across my jawline.

I looked at Sam. He smiled at me and pulled me into his embrace, kissing the top of my head hard. "You're a good girl, honey. I know you'll keep that promise."

I felt at peace for the first time since they'd sent me away. I squeezed Sam as hard as I could, before letting go and returning to Dean. He engulfed me in his arms and clasped me to him tightly. "Are you ok now?" he asked me. I nodded. "Am I gonna get my smart-ass little girl back now?"

I smiled in spite of myself. "Yes, Dean," I said.

"Good. Go get your pajamas on," he said, letting me go and smacking me lightly on the butt.

"It's only seven-thirty!" I objected, crossing my arms over my chest.

"You leaving the room tonight?" he asked.

"No," I pouted.

"Then go get your pajamas on," he said. "I didn't say you were going to bed."

I picked up my purple duffel and dragged it into the bathroom with me, shutting the door behind me. I started to change, but the walls were really thin and I could hear Dean on the other side.

"Jesus, Sam," he said, his voice tight. "Did you know she was going to react like that?"

"No, but think about it, Dean. Dad sent us off a couple of times, but we always had each other. She's got no one but us."

"She was with Bobby!" Dean protested. "We didn't abandon her!"

"She's got no one but us, Dean," Sam repeated.

"There was no chance of us not taking her back," Dean said.

"I guess she didn't know that," Sam said.

"How could she not… Jesus," Dean said again and then went silent. I had just decided that they were done when he spoke again, his voice so quiet I almost couldn't make it out. "It's not like I would ever send her off again anyway. That was one of the hardest weeks of my life."

"Mine too," Sam said.

I stared at the door in shock and then a warm feeling spread through me. I smiled and put on my pajamas.

The next day over breakfast, they told me about the case. They'd gone to the strip club but the club owner wasn't much help. Sam said that he talked to Bobby, who thought they were dealing with a siren, which are creatures who lure in men by appearing to be their greatest desire. They didn't know how to kill the siren yet. Sam had already started on the research since we were eating breakfast with a stack of books pushed off to the side of the table.

When they were done telling me about the case, I told them what I'd found about Gabby and the missing twelve-year-old girl, Rasa Lukas.

"I dunno, Jessie," Dean said when I was done. "It might not be Gabby. It doesn't match up with the other disappearances."

"She can learn, ya know," I said, indignant that he didn't believe me. "It is her. I know it. She's just gotten smarter about it. Either she hid the body better or whatever she's been trying to do to make a priestess worked this time, like it did with me."

The guys looked at each other. Sam nodded once. "Ok," Dean said, looking back at me. "We'll look into it when we're done with this case. At the very least, we can make some calls."

I sighed in relief. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Dean said. He nodded at the now empty paper wrapper in front of me. "You done?"

"Yeah," I said apprehensively.

"Good, you and me have some training to do," Dean said, getting to his feet. Sam followed his lead and shrugged into his suit coat.

I groaned. "What about Sam?" I asked, standing up.

Dean smiled. "Sammy here has another vic to question. Let's go. Outside."

I hugged Sam really quick and headed to the door. Sam waved at me and smiled. "You two have fun," he said. I rolled my eyes as Dean and I left.

A few hours later, we were back in the room. I'd showered and started my schoolwork while Dean researched sirens. Except, he wasn't so much researching sirens as staring at the phone Sam left on the table. It had been buried under the bunch of the books and Dean had found it while digging through the stack looking for something specific. I glanced up from my science book to see him glaring at the phone, an angry expression on his face. He glanced at the door and then back at the phone. Finally he picked it up, scrolled through the numbers, and picked one, putting the phone to his ear.

"What are you doing?" I asked. He had his own phone. There was no reason for him to be using Sam's that I could think of.

"Shh," he said, shooting me a quelling glance and then turning his attention back to the phone. From the phone, I faintly heard "Hey, Sam," in a female voice. Dean's eyes widened. He hung up and dropped the phone on the table. His eyebrows were furrowed as he stared at the phone like it had bitten him.

Confused, I opened my mouth to ask him what was wrong, but the door opened and Sam walked in. I jumped, feeling like I'd been caught doing something wrong, and glanced guiltily at Sam's phone. Dean's eyes flitted to me and back to Sam. Sam didn't seem to notice. He just started telling Dean about the guy he'd questioned, that the guy had definitely been a victim of the siren. Dean asked him a couple questions and then Sam's phone rang. Dean gave a half smile as he picked up the phone.

"Yeah, you forgot your cell phone," Dean said, got up, and tossed the phone to Sam. Sam caught it, looking worried and uncomfortable. I watched the whole thing play out and wished I knew what the hell was going on. It looked like Dean had caught Sam doing something wrong, but I didn't know what that could possibly be. Sam was acting like he was worried that Dean had caught him, but that he wasn't sure.

I ran my hand over my neck and turned my attention to my schoolwork as Sam sat down in the chair Dean had vacated and said "Hey, Bobby."

Sam talked to Bobby for a little bit and then put him on speaker phone so that they could talk about the siren. Turned out they needed a bronze dagger dipped in the blood of someone who had been infected with the siren's toxin or venom. They talked for a couple more minutes and then Sam was going to hang up, but Bobby said, "Lemme talk to Jessie for a minute."

Sam nodded at me, so I scooped up the phone and took it off speaker. "Hey, Bobby," I said, turning away from the guys.

"You doing ok, kid?" he asked me in a concerned voice. "Yesterday, Sam told me you'd been acting weird."

"Yeah," I said, carrying the phone off into the corner of the room and speaking quietly. "Better since Dean made me talk to them last night."

"Listen, darlin', you're always welcome back here if you're not happy, ok?"

I furrowed my brow. "I am?"

"You are. This is your home away from home, ok, kid?" Bobby said roughly.

"Thanks," I whispered, the warm feeling that had started last night flowing through me again. "I love you, Bobby."

"I love you, too, kid. Now you keep an eye on those boys for me and let me know if anything weird is going on."

"I will," I said. Then we hung up and I gave Sam his phone back. Dean had disappeared into the bathroom and Sam was tightening up his tie.

"What's going on?" I asked looking from Sam to the bathroom door.

"Dean and I are going to talk to Dr. Roberts," Sam said. "She's got blood samples from when the victim's were arrested."

"Oh," I said, thinking. "So they were infected then."

"Exactly," Dean said, coming out of the bathroom, dressed in most of his suit. He sat down on the bed to slide his shoes on. "You are going to stay here and finish your schoolwork."

I pouted, leaning against the chair and tilting it up on two legs against the table. "Can't I come and stay in the car?" I whined, looking at the floor. "I'm tired of the room."

"No, you're staying in the room," Dean said in his no-nonsense tone. He stood up and shrugged into his suit jacket. "This siren could be anyone and I don't want you exposed."

I sighed. "Fine," I muttered, pulling the chair back out to sit in it.

Dean caught my arm before I sat down. "We'll be back soon, little girl. Don't worry." He pulled me into a hug.

"I'm not worried," I said, hugging him back. "I'm bored."

"Watch TV, play a game, do schoolwork. If you want, you can look for more Gabby stuff on the computer, but no more than two hours on that," Sam said, his voice becoming stern at the end.

"Yes, Sam," I said and hugged him, too.

They left and I dropped into the chair I pulled out. What was I going to do with all this time I had?


	57. Chapter 57 - Familiar Ground

Ok, I'm not stupid. I *just* got back from Bobby's. There was no way I was going to go off and do anything dumb to get them that angry at me again. I'd promised to try to keep myself safe and to take care of myself, and I intended to do that, even if I was bored and would rather be with them. With that in mind, I finished my schoolwork for the day to keep Sam happy, and I ran my searches on Gabby, but nothing new came up and there were no new stories about Rasa. After that, well, I was out of things I wanted to do.

I texted Dean and asked when he was coming back and he texted back that he was doing research with an FBI agent named Nick Monroe and he'd be back later. I sent a followup reminding him that I needed to burn something before I went to bed. I sighed, leaned back in the bed, and flipped through the channels. Nothing. There was nothing to watch. Leaving the television on, I slid in front of the laptop.

At first, all I was going to do was find a game to play online. I had a few sites that I sometimes visited to do that, and I'd been trying to talk the guys into letting me get one of those games like World of Warcraft where you played with all these people all around the world, but Dean said that even if it wasn't a waste of money, the fact that I didn't have my own laptop and that more often than not, we didn't have Internet access made it a waste of money. I'd argued that some of them didn't cost money and you could play for free and he still said no and wouldn't argue with me about it any more. Sam told me that I'd be better off spending my extra time on schoolwork or training or something. Instead, I'd poked around until I found a few games to download for cheap that they'd let me play, and there were always sites like Neopets that I liked to play on when I got a chance goof around on the laptop. After all, it wasn't like they were even making games for my Game Boy anymore, and I'd played through all the ones I had multiple times.

I went to type Neopets into the address bar and it tried to auto-fill for me. I looked down at the options and realized that Sam hadn't logged out of his profile and that I was logged in as him. I hadn't noticed that when I was doing my searches on Gabby because we kept the same set of searches because he ran the searches when I was grounded and so I wouldn't miss any that he had. Sam had my profile locked down pretty tight with some sort of parental control software. There were entire swathes of the Internet I wasn't allowed on. But on Sam's… I smiled and started looking through his bookmarks.

Ten minutes later, I sat back, astonished. He had access to so many useful sites, although I completely avoided his porn folder. Ew. He had supernatural sites, occult libraries, police archives, university libraries; it was just so very much information. I wasn't looking for anything specific. I really just wanted to know more about hunting. I typed hunt into the search bar of his bookmarks and a site came up. It was a hunter's forum… online. I clicked on it and it loaded… and he was already logged in.

I stopped and thought. Was there any way this could possibly harm me? Not that I could think of. I mean, it was just information, right? It wasn't going to get me killed or hurt. I didn't even see any way that they would catch me. Guilt kind of washed over me, though. I knew they didn't want me researching random things on my own. Dean didn't want me to be a hunter. Sam didn't want me finding information that was 'too old for me', whatever that meant. I pushed the guilt away and started poking around the forum.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when my phone rang with Dean's ringtone. I rubbed my hands up and down my arms, my skin tingling, and then grabbed at the phone. The clock on the phone said eleven o'clock. I'd been poking through the hunter's forum for two and a half hours. I hit the answer button on the phone.

"Hello?" I said, even though I knew it was Dean.

"I'm on my way back, sweetheart. I'll be there in a few so you can light a fire. I'm sorry it's so late."

I flushed and glanced at the laptop, guilty. "Ok," I said. "I'm just playing Neopets. What took you so long?"

"I was out with Nick, that FBI agent I told you about," Dean said. "Lost track of time. You heard from Sam?"

"No," I said.

"You ready for bed?"

"No," I said again, softer now.

"Did you eat?"

I flushed again and rolled my shoulders as the space between my shoulder blades tightened. "No," I said in a little voice.

"Jessie!" Dean scolded.

I winced. "I'm sorry! I was playing on the laptop and not paying attention to the time," I said.

"We'll talk about that when I get back. Go get ready for bed and eat. There's plenty of food in the fridge there."

"Yeah, if you like leftover pizza," I muttered.

"What?" Dean asked in a warning tone.

"I said ok. See you in a few." I hung up before he could say anything else. It would probably annoy him, but less than if he heard my muttered responses. I ran my fingernails up and down my arms again. Yup, definitely time to start a fire. I braced myself and looked at the laptop screen. It was a picture of a beheaded vampire that one of the hunters had uploaded. The one just below it was a picture of the vampire's victim. It had been… gruesome. Now at least I knew why Sam and Dean had made me stay in the bathroom during that vampire hunt. I shuddered and closed the laptop. Yeah, I was going to have nightmares about this.

Knowing that time was short, I took a quick shower and threw on a t-shirt and flannel pajama pants. I ate a slice of pizza and then quickly brushed my teeth, wrinkling my nose at the clash of flavors in my mouth. By the time Dean opened the door to the room, I was putting on my socks and shoes.

I stood up and pulled on my hoodie. "I'm ready."

Dean was staring down at his phone with a scowl. "Dammit, Sammy," he muttered and then looked me up and down. "Come on, I got the charcoal set up for you." He slung an arm around my shoulder and led me downstairs to the car where there were six bags of charcoal just piled on the ground. I snorted. Apparently I wasn't practicing control tonight. Then I remembered that I wanted to try some things.

"Dean?" I asked. He was pressing the buttons on his phone again and not paying any attention to me at all.

"Yeah?" he asked, not looking up.

"I wanna try something new," I said.

Suddenly, all of his attention was on me. "No," he said, spearing me with a look. "Not tonight. There's too much going on." He shoved the phone in his pocket and picked up the fire extinguisher. I glared at him, wanting to argue, knowing I shouldn't. When he stopped fiddling with the fire extinguisher and saw the look on my face, he frowned. "I said no, Jessie. Now get this lit up so you can get to bed."

I dropped my eyes. "Deeeeean," I whined. "I've been wanting to try it since before Bobby's."

"Now, Jessie," he said. He jerked his chin at the charcoal pile.

I turned to the charcoal pile and shoved as hard as I could, annoyed that he was barely paying attention to me and wouldn't let me do what I wanted to. The charcoal burst violently into flame, paper disappearing, burning briquettes scattering. It flared like it was soaked in gasoline.

Startled, Dean jumped back and yelled, "Get it under control!" I ignored him and pushed even harder, the flames shooting up from the pile of charcoal like it was a beach bonfire. Dean dropped the fire extinguisher and grabbed me by the arm, smacking me several time on my butt. I yowled and the fire dropped immediately. Rubbing my sore spots, I turned angry eyes to Dean but immediately dropped my gaze when I saw the look on his face.

"Yeah," he said, crossing his arms over his chest and frowning down at me. "That's what I thought. Finish it right."

Red-faced, and not from the fire, I reconnected to the flame and pushed the rest of the excess in at a normal rate. When I was done, the charcoal was ash and already blowing away in the wind. I looked up at Dean through my bangs. His face was tight. "Get your ass upstairs," he said. "Move."

I hauled butt up the stairs and waited nervously in front of the door while Dean opened it. He pushed it open, grabbed my arm, and pulled me in after him. "Dean, I'm sorry," I wailed.

"Not as sorry as you're going to be," he growled at me as he pulled me towards the bed. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was mad," I cried.

"Because I didn't want you trying something new when I'm in the middle of a hunt? You think you were in the right there? Huh? Answer me!" He sat down on the bed and pulled me over his lap.

"Nooooo!" I wailed.

"Neither do I!" he snapped and brought his hand down hard. I tried to distract myself from the smacks by counting them, but it didn't work. I counted to eight before I lost count. He tilted me up at the end and landed the last few smacks where my butt meets my thighs. Then he set me on my feet.

"I don't care how mad you get, you do not show your temper with your fire. You understand me, little girl?" he asked, still clearly angry with me.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and nodded.

"Good. Get your ass in the corner," he snapped. Rubbing my butt, I obeyed. "Stop that or you can stand there with your hands on your head," he said before I heard him muttering under his breath about Sam again. I dropped my hands to my sides and just stood there, resisting the urge to lean my head against the walls. I was only in the corner for about five minutes when he said. "Ok, come out. Get your phone, you're coming with me."

I turned around. He looked worried and kinda mad. Hesitantly, I went and got my phone, shoving it into the pocket of my hoodie. When I turned around, he was right there, and he pulled me into a hug. "Behave, Jessie. Watch your temper. You got me?" his voice was gentler now.

"Yes, Dean," I said softly. "Why am I going with you?"

"Because I don't know where Sammy is. He's not answering his phone," Dean said. "And I'm not leaving you here alone all night after that display of temper. You can sleep in the back seat while I go look for him." He kissed the top of my head and hugged me again. "Come on, it's not so bad."

"I know," I said, hugging him back and smiling. Getting to go with him made the spanking worth it.

When we got out to the car, I texted Bobby that Sam was missing and Dean was upset and out looking for him. Then I laid down to go to sleep. I don't know how long Dean drove around, but eventually I woke up when Dean , yelled into the phone, "Sam! Where the hell have you been?"

I could only hear Dean's half of the conversation: "Oh, it's Cara now? And you're not picking up your phone?" and then, "Nick found flower petals at the crime scenes. Hyacinths."

Then, "Hyacinths? Mediterranean. From the island where the whole frickin' siren myth started in the first place," and "Sam, Cara had hyacinth flowers!"

I rolled over and covered my head with the pillow. He was so mad at Sam. I hated it when they were fighting.

Finally, he demanded, "Did you sleep with her?" He paused. "Holy crap. You did. Middle of Basic Instinct and you bang Sharon Stone? Sam, you could be under her spell right now!"

Oh god, I picked my phone up off the floor and started texting Bobby again while Dean yelled at Sam over the phone. When I was done, I covered my head with the pillow again as Dean told Sam he couldn't trust him and growled out, "I gotta handle this, Sam. By myself."

Then he called Bobby and left a message. Then he called his friend Nick and asked for help chasing down the siren. Not long afterward, we pulled into the parking lot of a cocktail lounge. "Stay put," Dean said to me and got out of the car. I watched him get into another car, presumably to talk to Nick. I locked the car doors, pulled my blanket over me, and went back to sleep.


	58. Chapter 58 - Siren Song

_I was back in the hotel room where Sam and Dean were hunting Gordon. Mattresses covered the windows, herbs burned hazily from the bowl. I was alone. The bathroom door was shut. But I was alone. Why was the door shut? I got to my feet and slowly approached the door. Nervously, I got to my hands and knees and tried to see through the crack. There were two sets of feet and blood dripping. I gasped and the feet turned to me. I scuttled backward away from the door as it flew open. A vampire towered above me, dressed in jeans and bloodied button down white shirt, he held a woman by the neck in his other hand. The hole in her neck almost took away half of it; blood trickled down her body and his, which made me wonder how much he'd drained. Frozen in horror, I watched him casually toss the woman's body to the side, her head thudding dully against the tiled bathroom wall, her bare feet still visible from where I huddled on the floor. Crying, terrified, I inched backward as the vampire slowly approached me, taking joy in my fear. I tried to roll to get to my feet, but he casually cuffed me back down, straddling my body, blood dripping onto my face, my mouth. I winced back from him as he lowered his head down, his face a rictus of blood and gore. I couldn't move and I couldn't get away. I screamed._

I opened my eyes to see a stranger leaning over me, his mouth open, something squirting into my mouth from images from my dream were still dancing in front of my eyes and I wasn't sure what was real and what wasn't. I screamed and pushed myself backwards. The sandy-haired man let me go and I scuttled backward across the Impala's seat right into Dean's arms. He was sitting on the driver's side of the back seat. I turned to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in his shoulder. "Shhh, sweetheart," Dean said. "It's ok. This is Nick."

"Nick?" I asked in a confused voice, turning to look back at Nick, who was still leaning in the passenger's side back seat door with a silly grin on his face.

"Yes," he said. "I'm going to be your new uncle, and I'm going to help you kill Gabby."

A switch flipped somewhere in my brain. "Ok," I said in a haze. "You know how to do that?"

"And so much more. But first, we're going to get rid of Sam so I can take his place and be your hunting teacher. Ok?"

A slight niggling doubt filled my head. I loved and trusted Sam and didn't want him to die, but this guy, he seemed so capable and confident and he could kill Gabby and wanted to teach me all about hunting. Something washed over me and pushed all that doubt away. "Ok," I whispered.

We went back to the hotel. Nick rode in the front seat next to Dean, and they talked, but nothing really made it past the fuzz in my head. I stared out the window and imagined strong, capable Nick taking down Gabby in one strike. His eyes glinting in the light of the fire, his arms pushing the stake through her heart as she disappeared in a puff of smoke. I wanted to touch him. When we got out of the car at the hotel, I slid my hand into Nick's and looked up at him with wide eyes. "Thank you," I said. "I love you."

He smiled down at me. "I love you, too."

We walked up the stairs to the room, Dean on Nick's other side. Dean pulled out his knife and shoved open the door, expecting to find Sam inside, but the room was empty. "Guess we'll have to surprise him when he gets back," Dean growled. He took a spot behind the door.

"Jessie, you wait over there and make sure you've got your fire queued up to use if it looks like Sam's going to get away," Nick said, pointing to the other side of the bed. I went around the bed and took my spot next to the lamp. He settled on the bed and then we waited.

Maybe twenty minutes later, the door opened. I immediately opened my furnace as Sam came into the room. "Nick, what are you doing here?" he asked, and then his eyes flew to me. "Jessie, you're glowing."

Dean slammed the door shut and grabbed Sam by the neck, holding a knife up to his throat. Understanding crossed Sam's face as Nick got up and walked across the room towards him.

"I gotta tell ya," he said. "You're one butt ugly stripper."

Nick said, "Well, maybe. But I got exactly what I wanted. I got Dean."

Sam switched tactics then and tried to convince Dean to fight it. I laughed at the ridiculousness of Dean choosing Sam over Nick. Then Sam's worry-filled eyes flitted to me.

Nick chuckled lightly and told Dean to cut him, and Dean did, drawing his knife slightly across Sam's neck, a trickle of blood flowing. I tensed with the anticipation of being allowed to use my fire for Nick.

Nick and Sam talked back and forth a little, but I wasn't listening. It was like Nick was brighter than anyone else in the room, and I was having a hard time looking away from him or even caring about what Sam was saying. It didn't matter. Then Sam called Nick a pathetic, sorry loser and Nick grabbed Sam's mouth, forced it open, and then opened his own mouth to squirt some of his saliva into Sam's.

Sam relaxed and looked longingly at Nick. Dean let him go, and I closed my furnace, disappointed that I wasn't going to get to set someone on fire for Nick. I came around the end of the bed and slipped my hand into Nick's as he said, "So I know you two have a lot you wanna get off your chests. So why don't you discuss it? And whoever survives can be with me forever."

I tugged lightly on Nick's arm as Sam and Dean turned to face each other. "What about me?" I whispered.

Nick smiled down into my eyes and he was my entire world. "You'll be with me forever, too," he said and turned back to Sam and Dean. Disappointed that he wasn't still paying attention to me, I watched, too.

His face and voice full of hurt anger, Dean said that the Sam that he knew was gone, and that it wasn't the psychic abilities, it's the lies and secrets. Derisively, Sam asked what secrets, and Dean said the phone calls to Ruby was one, but that wasn't it. Sam was hiding things from Dean, and he wanted to know what else Sam wasn't telling him. While Sam told Dean it was none of his business, Nick sat down on the bed and pulled me into his lap, his face rapt.

Dean growled out that they used to have each other's backs. Sam sneered out that he wasn't telling Dean about hunting Lilith with Ruby because Dean is too weak to go after her. Sam said that Dean is holding him back and that Sam can take out demons that Dean is too scared to go near. Dean said it was crap and Sam scornfully drawled out that Dean was too busy feeling sorry for himself and whining about the souls he'd tortured in hell.

And then they were fighting. I slid off Nick's lap, eager to help, but Nick put his hand on my shoulder. "Wait, little one," he whispered to me. "You'll get your chance. You can fight the winner." I smiled at his promise, eager to please him.

They pounded each other, and then Dean got the upper hand, pushing Sam against the door. He ran at Sam, and the door broke, crashing them into the hallway. Sam was dazed and Dean got to his feet. Angry, he broke the glass over the emergency fire axe and yanked it out of its case. Still holding my hand, Nick led me into the hall. Dean was looking down at Sam.

In a soft, calm voice, Nick said, "Do it. Do it for me, Dean." I turned excited eyes to Dean.

Sam stared up at Nick, a betrayed expression on his face, but his eyes shot to Dean as Dean said, "Tell me again how weak I am, Sam, huh? How I hold you back?"

Dean swung the axe back over his head and Sam covered his face with his arm.

And then Bobby was there. He grabbed the axe from Dean and stabbed a bronze knife into his shoulder. Dean hollered. Nick dropped my hand and ran down the hall. Bobby raised the knife. "No! No!" Same yelled weakly from the floor. I watched in horror as Bobby threw the knife, hitting Nick in the back.

Nick staggered and fell to the ground, and I opened my furnace to set Bobby on fire. Sam sat up and grabbed me, pulling me down to him. "No, Jessie," he whispered. I tried to fight him, but then the fog lifted. Realization dawned. I'd wanted to kill Sam, I'd tried to kill Bobby, and I had been going to kill the winner of the fight, all for this complete stranger, this monster. I clung to Sam and burst into tears.

Sam held me to him and looked up at Dean.

Bobby came back over to us and held out his hand. "Come on, Jessie. Let's get you inside. Come on, darlin'." I let Sam set my on my feet and grabbed Bobby's arm. "Now, you didn't actually do anything," Bobby said to me softly. He led me over to my bed and sat me down on it. "It's ok."

I looked up into his kind eyes. "I was willing to kill them… you," I whispered.

"It's a poison, a venom, Jessie. It's not your fault. Ok? It's not your fault." He sat down on the bed and pulled me into his arms, holding me close to him. Dean had disappeared into the bathroom. Sam was picking up the destruction that his and Dean's fight had caused.

"How'd he know about Gabby and my fire?" I asked Bobby.

"They read minds, kid. That's how they know what you want."

"Oh."

"Bobby, you can stay here tonight. Get some sleep. That must've been a long drive," Sam said.

"You know it was," Bobby said, looking up at Sam. "I ain't sharing a bed. I'll get my own room." He looked down at me. "Why don't we get you settled, darlin'. You'll feel better in the morning."

I nodded, exhausted. Between the nightmare about the vampires and the nightmare after it, I was done. Sam pulled back the blankets on my bed and I climbed into it. He pulled them up around my neck and gave me my snowman. "You didn't do anything wrong, honey," Sam whispered to me, repeating Bobby's words. He kissed my head. I curled into a ball around the snowman and looked up at him. "Go on, go to sleep."

"I don't want anyone else to be my uncle, Sam." I said suddenly. "I only want you. I'm sorry."

"You've got nothing to be sorry for," Sam said. He turned away from me and I looked at Bobby who was watching me. He nodded at me and I closed my eyes, knowing that with him there, they wouldn't get into another fight over what they'd said to each other in the first fight. Hugging the snowman to me, I closed my eyes.

_Mattresses covered the windows, herbs burned hazily from the bowl. The vampire crouched above me, holding me down, closing fast with his teeth bared. I screamed and pushed at him, and his face turned into Nick's. "You'll fight the winner," he said, "and he'll go up in fire!" Nick pointed to the side and I turned my head. Dean's body lay on the floor in a lump, his neck torn open, his entire body on fire. Blood boiled._

I jerked awake. It was seven in the morning. I'd only be asleep for a couple of hours, but Sam and Dean were both out. I climbed out of the bed, pulling my blankets with me, and slid into bed with Dean. Only good thing about what had happened with Nick was at least I didn't need to explain the nightmares. As I pulled my blankets over me, Dean rolled over. I took his hand, bent it at the elbow and hugged his lower arm like it was my snowman. I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

The next morning, we got out of the motel as quickly as possible. The guys were stiff and awkward with each other. When they spoke, they said what they needed to say and then shut up. It was uncomfortable and it was making me edgy.

When we were finally ready to leave, Dean left a couple hundred for the damage we'd caused to the room, and then we headed down to meet Bobby by the river. Bobby pulled up in his car and got out, handing all of us sodas from the back seat. Dean scoffed at the idea of soda, but let it go when Bobby said that they were driving and nodded slightly at me. From my spot perched on the trunk, I didn't point out that one of them could drink if the other was driving, although it crossed my mind.

Sam leaned against the car, looked down, and then looked up at Bobby and said, "Thanks, Bobby. You know, if you hadn't shown up when you did..."

Bobby stopped him. "Done the same for me, more than once. It helped that Jessie was texting me what was going on." Bobby paused for a second. "Course, you coulda picked up the phone. Only took one call to figure out that Agent Nick Monroe wasn't real."

The guys looked annoyed with themselves, but still weren't really looking at each other. Bobby watched them for a second, concern in his gaze, before asking if they were going to be ok. They both said they would, each taking a quick glance at the other. Bobby nodded and walked back to his car.

He paused and turned back around. "You know, those sirens are nasty things. That it got to you, that's no reason to feel bad." He looked at each of us in turn and then got into the car and drove away. The two of them looked down at the ground, clearly uncomfortable, and suddenly, I didn't want to be around them anymore.

I slid off the trunk. "Dean, can I go down to the river?" I asked.

"Yeah, go," he said. He looked a little relieved. I took off at a jog.

Once at the river bank, I found some rocks and started throwing them into the water, while I kept jogging down a ways. I wondered vaguely how long it would be until they were back to liking each other. This fight just seemed so much deeper than their previous fights had been. It made me unhappy. And Sam had been so… mean. Dean wasn't weak and Sam _had_ been hiding stuff. At least I knew what had been going on with Dean's obsession with the phone now.

I shook the thoughts away. Now that we were done with this hunt, at least we could start looking into Rasa's disappearance. Michigan was a long way from Iowa. I sighed and threw another rock into the water. I heard the Impala pull up on the bank above me and looked up.

"Jessie," Sam said out the window. "What the hell? You're gone like five minutes and we have to drive a half mile to find you? Get in the car."

I dropped the rest of my rocks on the ground and trudged up the embankment. "You said I could go down to the river," I grumbled as I reached the car.

"Yeah, we didn't say disappear," Sam scolded, but then he smiled at me.

I looked from him to Dean and back again. They seemed better, maybe, a little. Tentatively, I smiled back at him and got in the car, hoping everything would be all right.


	59. Chapter 59 - Muddling Through

The next day, we were at a diner. I stood in front of the jukebox and plugged in a dollar in quarters. Dean was talking to Sam at the table. Things were still stiff between them, but they weren't talking about that. The whole day yesterday, I'd felt like I was walking on eggshells, and it had continued after I'd gotten back from running with Sam this morning. I sighed and pressed one of the buttons on the jukebox and nothing happened. I glanced over at the table to see what the guys were doing. Dean was gesturing now, but his voice was lowered and I couldn't hear what he was saying. That couldn't be good. Rubbing my neck, I turned back to the jukebox and pressed another button. Nothing happened again.

"Fuck," I muttered and kicked the jukebox lightly. I pressed a button. Still nothing. I heard Sam's phone ring and I turned to see him answer it.

"Hey, Bobby," Sam said into the phone. I turned back around and pressed the coin return button. My coins were not returned. My anger rising, I kicked the jukebox again, harder this time. When no music came out, I punched the top of the machine.

"Hey!" yelled a guy behind the counter. "Don't abuse my machine!"

Anger flared. I whirled around and glared at the guy, who was wearing a plaid shirt and jeans. "Maybe your shitty machine shouldn't eat my goddamn coins!" I yelled at him.

"Jessie!" Dean snapped, turning his attention to me instead of Sam. I flushed and looked at him. He stood up and pointed to the chair next to him. "Watch your mouth and sit your ass down."

Embarrassed, I dragged my feet as I walked over to him. "Dean, the machine ate my dollar and it won't play any music and it won't give it back," I whined at him.

"Sit," Dean repeated. I plopped into the chair, slouching down and stretching my legs under the table. I crossed my arms over my chest. He smiled down at me. "I'll look at it. Stop pouting," he said, ruffling my hair, which messed up my ponytail, and walked over to the machine. The guy behind the counter watched him for a minute and then turned back to talking to someone else who was sitting at the counter. While I fixed my ponytail and watched Dean, the server brought out our food and dropped it on the table. I sat up, scooted in, and started peeling the crust off my sandwich.

After a minute or two, Dean couldn't get anything to come out of the jukebox either. Finally, he checked behind it, lightly thumped the top of it, and then came back over to sit next to me. "Sorry, sweetheart. Looks like it's out of order."

I sighed. "Fucking rip off," I muttered, dropping the crusts onto the plate. Sam hung up the phone and clicked a couple of times on the computer.

Dean took my chin in his hand and made me look at him. "Watch your mouth, little girl," he said. "Don't make me tell you again."

Still annoyed and flustered, I jerked my chin out of his hand and didn't say anything. I hated being yelled at by strangers and I hated it when Dean scolded me in public. Dean let my chin go and watched me for a second before he turned to Sam. As I breathed a sigh of relief, Dean asked Sam what was going on. The two of them talked while I picked at my sandwich and Dean ate his burger. Turned out that people in Greybull, Wyoming, weren't dying. They were supposed to be dying, but they weren't. Someone was shot in the heart and walked away. Someone who was dying of cancer got up and walked out after his wife pulled the plug. Sam guessed it was probably people making deals and told Dean to get his food to go. I pushed away my sandwich and went to get up, but Dean didn't move. I hovered uncertainly between sitting and standing before dropping back into the chair and watching them unhappily.

"What?" Sam asked, staring at Dean, his laptop bag over his shoulder.

"Sure you want me going with you?" Dean asked, still chewing.

Confused, Sam asked, "Why wouldn't I?"

Dean looked up at him, his face closed off and angry. "I don't want to be holding you back or nothing."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Dude, I've told you a hundred times, that was the siren talking, not me," he said placatingly. "Can we get past this?"

Dean glanced down at his burger and then put it down. "Yeah, we're past it," he said, brushing off his hands. "Come on, Jessie."

I got to my feet as he hollered to the guy behind the counter that we needed a box, a dull ache starting in my stomach. The guy behind the counter handed Dean a couple of boxes. He gave me one and gestured at my sandwich. I picked it up and set it in the box, leaving the fries behind. "Dean?" I said softly as I followed him out to the car.

"Yeah, Jessie?" Dean asked, his face still angry and hurt.

"What about Rasa?"

Dean unlocked the car door for me and opened it. "What about her?"

I stopped on the other side of the door, holding the sandwich box in my hands. "You guys said we were going to go look into her disappearance after the last case," I said, meeting his eyes pleadingly.

Dean exchanged a glance with Sam, who was leaning on the car roof, his car door open. "Jessie, this is a little more urgent than that. Get in." He gestured with his chin towards the backseat, his expression brooking no argument.

Upset, I climbed into the back of the car on the driver's side and set the sandwich box next to me on the seat, my stomach a steady pain. They got in, and Dean started the car and backed out.

My head started spinning a little, emotion taking over me. They said we'd look into it. We had to look into it. We couldn't just abandon her. No one knew what we did. She had no chance if we didn't go help her. I sat in the back of the car and stared down at my hands, not sure what to do. Between the fight between the guys and the uncertainty about Rasa, I could barely breathe.

"Jessie, finish your lunch," Dean said. I lifted my head to see him watching me through the rearview mirror. Without answering, I picked up my sandwich box and pulled out the sandwich. His eyes flitted back to the road. Sam had his computer out and was typing. I looked down at the sandwich and made a decision. I quickly rolled down the window and cocked my arm to pitch the sandwich, but a large, hard, warm hand surrounded my wrist. I looked behind me to see Sam holding onto my arm, a disapproving look on his face.

"That's one," Sam rumbled at me. "Eat your sandwich."

I set my chin, looked him straight in the eye, and opened my hand. The sandwich fell into pieces, leaving bread, lettuce, tomato, bacon, cheese, and mayonnaise all over the seat and floor of the car. I smiled.

"That's three," Dean growled from the front seat. Sam let go of my wrist as I scrambled to my knees on the seat, panicked.

"No! What about two?" I wailed as Dean pulled the car over onto the shoulder of the road.

"We skipped it since you decided to get a sandwich all over my baby," Dean said, stopping the car and getting out. I rushed to pick up the bits of the sandwich that I'd dropped until Dean opened the passenger's side door, reached in, and pulled me out by the arm, the sandwich bits I'd managed to gather falling onto the dirt below. He sat down on the edge of the backseat and yanked me over his lap, my head and shoulders tucked awkwardly between his arm and hip, and my butt at an angle over his lap. The weird position didn't hinder him, though. His hand came down hard on top of my jeans over and over until I was howling. He set me on my feet and then got to his. I watched him warily, my hands clasped over the seat of my jeans.

"Clean it up," he said, pointing into the car.

I narrowed my eyes and tried to scoot around him. "I was," I muttered under my breath, "until you stopped me."

It wasn't under my breath enough. Dean grabbed my shoulder and whirled me back around to face him. "Try again, little girl," he said, his voice foreboding. I set my jaw again and went to open my mouth, but he took my chin in his hand and bent down so that his face was very close. "You want to think twice before you say it," he warned me in a quiet, calm, deadly voice, his eyebrows raised, and his eyes flicking between mine.

Heat shot up my spine and my face flushed. "Yes, Dean," I whispered. He gave me one more stern look before letting my chin go. I scuttled into the backseat to finish picking up the rest of the sandwich bits. Then I used a napkin to wipe up the bits of mayonnaise that had smeared across the leather seats and on the carpet. Sam watched me from the front seat, and Dean stood outside the car with his arms crossed over his chest, glaring at me until I finished and shoved the dirtied napkins into the sandwich box. Then Dean shut the passenger side back door and walked back around the car to get into the driver's side.

Once he was in, he twisted around in his seat to look at me. "What the hell has gotten into you?" I looked from Sam to Dean and back again, both of them angry, and didn't know how to answer.

"Is this about Rasa?" Sam asked after a minute.

"You said you'd look into it!" I exclaimed. "You said that after the last hunt that you'd look into it! We can't just abandon her. There's no one else who can help her. No one else even suspects!"

"Jessie," Dean started.

"No! Gabby has her! Don't you see? Gabby's going to kill her if we don't go after her, if she isn't already dead, and if she isn't dead, then we have to rescue her. Gabby'll twist her into something horrible, something not human, make her do things…"

"Stop," Dean said sternly. "Listen to yourself. Think. That article was from two weeks ago…"

"So?" I interrupted forcefully, angrily, leaning forward and grabbing the backs of their seats. "Gabby has her and we have to save her or at least make sure that…"

"Jessie!" Sam said. "Most likely Rasa is dead, and if she isn't, we still don't have the firepower to go after her. We have to stop whatever is going on in Greybull. We can't do anything about Gabby right now except verify that she took Rasa. Do you understand?"

"Yes, but…" I said.

"Then explain it to me," Sam broke in.

I huffed, but Sam raised his brows at me and tilted his head. I squirmed and glanced at Dean, but he still had his pissed off expression on. I gave up. "You're saying that we can save more people right now if we go to Greybull and that Rasa can wait," I sighed. "You think that she's probably already dead. You think that we wouldn't be able to rescue her from Gabby anyway because we can't stop Gabby right now. But Sam, you don't know that she's dead!"

"If we go after her right now, we're dead and you're in Gabby's reach," Dean said, roughly. Then his voice softened. "We can't stop Gabby right now, sweetheart. If she's still alive, Rasa's just going to have to hold on for a little while longer."

I flopped back in the seat. "This sucks!" I said. "You don't even care!" I regretted it as soon as the words left my lips. Both of them looked stung and guilt swallowed me. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I know you guys care. It's just… it sucks to sit here and not be able to do anything when I know… when I know…" I burst into tears. "I'm sorry!"

Dean's face relaxed and he gestured for me to lean forward again. I did, and he pulled me up and halfway over the seat to hug me. Sam ran his hand over my back while Dean hugged me. "I know it sucks, honey," Sam said. "It's one of the worst parts of being a hunter, knowing something bad is happening and not being able to do anything about it. I promise. We're not going to forget about those girls. Ok?"

I let go of Dean and hugged Sam. "Ok," I said.

Dean patted my back. "Sit down and put your seatbelt on. Let's get back on the road."

I let go of Sam and dropped back into my seat behind Dean. While Dean started the car and pulled back onto the road, I put my seatbelt on and pulled out my English book while Dean turned on some Zeppelin. About five minutes passed and my stomach growled. My face red, I pushed aside my English book and touched Dean's shoulder.

"Dean," I said in a teeny tiny voice. "I… uh… I'm hungry."


	60. Chapter 60 - Forbidden Knowledge

Sam spent part of the trip to Greybull making calls to people in Grand Rapids, Michigan, about Rasa's disappearance. He was pretending to be a reporter, and I listened carefully to every question he asked, even whispering questions to him. There wasn't a whole lot of information, and of course, "Gabriele" was gone now. She'd stuck around for about a week after Rasa's disappearance and then no one could reach her. The only contact information anyone had for her was a cell phone number. The address she had given out didn't exist. She didn't actually work at the place she'd listed as her place of employment. None of that surprised me. Sam talked to Rasa's parents, too, but they didn't have any more information and they weren't all that keen on talking to anyone. The only information he got from them was that no, she hadn't had any increased interest in fire lately, and yes, she'd been fascinated by Gabriele.

When he was done making the calls, I leaned back and covered my face with my hands. We'd confirmed it, as far as I was concerned. If I could just see the campsite, or the woods surrounding it, or her room, I might be able to figure something out. We might find some sort of clue as to where she'd gone or where she was holed up or whether or not Rasa was still alive. It was eating at me that we couldn't go, even though I understood why we weren't. Except, she was gone now. We wouldn't run into her while we were looking. We wouldn't have to fight her. Every minute we were on the road was one minute we were traveling in the wrong direction.

"Sam," I started.

"No, Jessie," Sam said, getting out his laptop and opening it.

I ignored him, unfastening my seatbelt and scooting forward on the seat. "Any evidence is going to get washed away soon, if it isn't already! What if there's evidence somewhere in the woods about where she took Rasa or if she was successful or not? We're never going to see it."

Dean turned off the radio. "She's got a point, Sam," he said.

"What are we supposed to do? We're on a hunt," Sam asked.

"Can't someone else look into it?" I asked. "You guys know other hunters or maybe Bobby would know someone? They'd just be looking for something weird in the woods. It would take almost no time."

Dean looked at Sam, his eyebrows raised. Sam sighed, dug out a USB cord, and plugged it into his computer and his phone. "Ok, ok," he said. "I'll find someone to look into it. It's not like I have anything better to do."

"Thanks, Sam," I said, smiling.

"Get your seatbelt back on," Dean said to me, his eyes meeting mine in the rearview mirror. I slid back in the seat and fastened the seatbelt across my waist. Dean turned the radio back on and Sam bent to the laptop. Relieved, I dug my Harry Potter novel out of my butterfly backpack and opened it, quickly losing myself in the story.

Ten minutes later, Sam reached back and pulled the book out of my hands. "Hey!" I objected, grabbing after it. When I saw the look on his face, though, I blanched and shut up.

"You wanna explain this?" Sam asked and lifted the laptop so I could see the computer screen and the picture of the beheaded vampire that I had pulled up two days earlier.

I pulled my knees up onto the seat with me and wrapped my arms around my legs. "No," I said, looking away.

"What is it?" Dean asked, glancing sideways at Sam.

"I went to load the hunter's forum and noticed that it was already open in another tab," Sam said. "I haven't been researching vampires, so I checked the history and the page was loaded while we were hunting that siren and Jessie was alone in the room." In the rearview mirror, I saw Dean frown.

Oh god. I put my head down on my knees. I couldn't even stay out of trouble for a day.

"I want an explanation, young lady," Sam said, reaching over the seat and tapping me lightly on top of my head. I groaned and didn't say anything.

"If you don't start talking, I will pull this car over, little girl," Dean threatened after a minute.

"Again?" I muttered, but when Dean started put on the brakes, I jerked my head up. "Ok! Ok! I was doing the Gabby searches and I finished my work, so I was going to go play on the Neopets site, but then I noticed that I was on your profile, and so…"

"And so you decided to go poking around where you don't belong," Sam snapped. "Your profile is locked down for a reason, Jessie."

"I know," I said, hanging my head.

"You know? So when you decided to go poking around, you knew you were breaking the rules?" Dean ground out.

I flushed and put my head back down on my knees. "Yeah," I whispered.

Neither of them said anything for a minute, and I took a chance and lifted my head. Sam was turned around in his seat watching me. I dropped my eyes. "No computer for a week," Sam said.

"No!" I interrupted, panicking a little. "That's not fair! How am I going to search for Gabby? Besides, I've been having nightmares about that stupid picture. Isn't that enough?"

"That's exactly the reason your profile is locked down, young lady, so that you won't see things that you're not ready for. So, no, that's not enough!" Sam snapped at me. "I'll do the Gabby searches. You'll stay off the computer, and next time, maybe you'll think twice before you go off looking at things when you know you're not allowed."

"This sucks!" I retorted, my temper getting the better of me. "Fucking gestapo!"

"You want a spanking, too?" Dean asked, his voice hard. "Because I can show you gestapo."

My stomach flipped. "No, Dean," I whispered.

"You sure?" he pushed, looking at me in the mirror.

"Yes," I whispered, looking away, my face hot.

"Enough with the swearing or you're headed for a mouthful of soap," Dean said. "You got me?"

I swallowed. "Yes, Dean," I squeaked.

After a hard look, Sam handed me my book and turned back to the laptop. I opened the book to where I'd left off, but didn't relax until Dean turned the radio on again.

We drove through the night to get to Greybull. I slept in the backseat, only waking up when I heard two car doors slam. Sam and Dean were getting back into the car. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. "What time is it?" I asked.

"Around ten," Sam answered.

"Where are we?"

Dean started the car. "We're in Greybull. Sam and I just finished interviewing the guy who got shot in the heart and survived."

I lapsed into silence. Sam and Dean talked about what they were going to do next. After some back and forth, they decided to get a motel room. Sam was going to go interview the guy who'd walked out of the hospice and Dean was going to do research on the computer to see if he could find any related news stories or anything else to help them figure out what was going on here. I stared sleepily out the window, surprised that I had slept so late. Of course, usually they were the ones who had me up early training.

The guys were still talking about who was going to do what and brainstorming what might be causing the problem. I tuned them out and watched the buildings go by, until I saw a public library. Suddenly, I was excited.

"Can I go to the library?" I asked, interrupting their discussion. "Please?"

Dean turned down a street. "You haven't done any of your training today," he started.

"Oh come on!" I said. "I've been working my butt off with training every day forever. You've run me through everything. It's just one day. Please? Can I just go to the library? I'm out of books and I'm bored re-reading them. Please?"

Sam turned around and narrowed his eyes at me. "You're not allowed on the computers, either," he said. "And you're there for pleasure reading, not researching."

"Ok," I said.

Dean pulled into the parking lot of The Broken Saddle motel. He parked the car and turned around in his seat. "You will be on your best behavior," he told me. "I don't want to hear any complaints from the librarian or anyone else. Sam will drop you off and pick you up. You'll stay at the library until he comes to get you." I nodded eagerly. "I'm warning you, Jessie. You don't want to cross me on this."

"Yes, Dean," I agreed happily. I had no intention of breaking any of those conditions. I just wanted some new things to read.

He leveled a look at me. "Let's get checked in. Then you can go."

Sam dropped me off at the library with a hug. He told me to keep my phone on and to answer any texts that came in. I agreed, got out of the car, and waved at him as he drove off. I went into the library.

It was so quiet. I walked back into the stacks, closed my eyes for a second, and let the hush wash over me, taking a deep breath of the smells of paper, glue, and ink. I started browsing for books. Two hours later, I was sitting at a table with four books next to me. Three of them had come from the young adults section, but one of them I'd found on the table when I sat down. I recognized it as a romance novel, the kind my mom used to read. I looked around and pulled it over to me. Abandoning my other books, I opened it and started reading.

My phone made noise a few times, and I checked it each time and answered it, but for the most part, I was absorbed in the book.

"The library is closing, dear," said the pretty librarian, interrupting me. I jumped a mile high and dropped the book onto the floor. She smiled at me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's ok," I said. I bent down to pick up the book. "My uncle is supposed to be picking me up," I said. I looked out the huge picture window at the front of the building. The sun was going down. I didn't want to stop reading. I was only about halfway through the book and it had me completely enraptured. There was love and sex, and the guy kept threatening to spank her. I was fascinated.

"We're closing in about five minutes," the librarian said. "You're either going to have to check that out or come back tomorrow."

I frowned. "I'm just visiting," I said. "I don't have a library card. Is there anyway I can borrow the book without a library card?"

She shook her heard. "No, sorry."

"Ok," I said. "I guess I'll have to come back tomorrow then." I set the book on the table reluctantly. "I need to go to the bathroom before I go. Is that ok?"

"Sure," she said. I went back towards the back of the building, and she headed to the front of the library. I was really disappointed. I wanted to finish the book. I didn't want to wait. While I washed my hands, an idea came to me. I could take the book. The library wouldn't know. Then I could return it later, or mail it back if we left town before I finished it. I went back to the table and picked up the book. I looked around and then flipped the book open. There was a plastic strip inside, attached to the back flap of the paperback. I peeled it off. I set a five dollar bill on the table, put the plastic strip on top of it, and then stacked the other books on it. I slipped the paperback into the waistband of my pants and dropped my shirt down over the top of it. Then I pulled out my phone and dialed Sam's number as I walked out of the library, waving at the librarian as I went.

Sam told me to wait outside the library until he could come get me. He was finished with his research and the hospice patient and was on his way. I sat on a stone bench by the parking lot, my heart pounding. I worried the entire time about the librarian finding the strip and the money before Sam got me. By the time Sam pulled up in the Impala, my nerves were raw, but the librarian never showed. I got into the car stiffly, moving around the paperback in my waistband.

"You have a good time?"

"Yeah," I breathed, looking at the library as we pulled away.

"You do anything we told you not to?" he asked me.

My breath caught until I realized that he was talking about being on the computers or research. "No," I finally said. He glanced at me. I looked at him innocently and he let it go.

When we got back to the motel room, I hugged Dean, and while the two of them discussed the case, I stuck the stolen book into my backpack. I was eager to get back to it, but pulling it out while the guys were there would get me in trouble. Sam kept an eye on what I was reading, and even Dean knew what books I had on me usually. If I showed up with a new book, they'd want to know where I got it. I half listened to them talk about the case, mostly to make sure that they weren't paying attention to me.

Sam hadn't found any sign of a deal with the cancer survivor, and Dean had found out that the last person to die was a twelve-year-old kid named Cole Griffith ten days ago. They still weren't sure what was going on, but they thought that maybe the problem was with a reaper. If there was no reaper to take the people who were dying, then no one would die. Sam suggested that they talk to the kid. I knew what they were talking about. They were going to summon him.

My head flew up. "Can I come?" I asked, zipping the backpack closed, the romance paperback tucked away inside. "I was good all day and it's just a summoning, right? It's not like you're going to be fighting anything. Please? This could count as part of my training."

Dean chuckled. "There is no part of you killing Gabby that involves us summoning a spirit," he said, taking a sip of his coffee.

I paused, knowing I shouldn't push the training angle. "Ok, then can I just come to be with you guys? Please? I'll be good and stay out of the way and do everything you say."

The two of them looked at each other. Sam shrugged and Dean sighed. "Ok," Dean said. "You can come. Go get ready for dinner. We'll head out after we eat."


	61. Chapter 61 - Like a Good Girl

"I'm not a kid, Dean," I complained, yanking on the gloves he'd handed me. "I don't need to be dressed up like the little brother in 'A Christmas Story' to stay warm. It's not even snowing!"

"You wanna come?" Dean asked me, pulling on his gloves.

I sighed. "Yes."

"Then you'll wear what I tell you to wear," he said. "It's nighttime in January in Wyoming, Jessie. You think it's cold during the day? At night it gets into the single digits."

I jerked the knit cap down over my ears. "I hate hats," I muttered. Dean ignored me, turning the car off. He'd made me wear a scarf, my hiking boots, a hoodie, my coat, and two pairs of socks, in addition to the hat and gloves. He grabbed his dad's journal from the front seat and got out of the car. I climbed out and followed him around to the back of the car where Sam was digging out the supplies. The cold bit my nose and I was happy that Dean had made me wear a hat, even though I still hated them. While I leaned against the side of the car, Dean opened the journal and he and Sam went over the stuff they were gathering into a duffel bag. The cemetery was quiet, peaceful. It made me think about a book I'd read, The Graveyard Book. I smiled and let my imagination go.

"Jessie," Dean said, waving his hand in front of my face. I shook my head to clear it and looked at him. He frowned down at me. "Pay attention, little girl. We're on a hunt," he said.

"Sorry," I whispered, pushing myself away from the car and focusing on him. He looked slightly mollified. Sam shut the trunk behind me and walked into the cemetery.

"If anything happens," Dean said, "you do exactly what we tell you to, and you keep your fire locked up. Got it?"

"Yes, Dean," I said. I shoved my gloved hands into my pockets. He slung his arm around my shoulders.

"Good girl," he said.

Anyone who wasn't trying to sneakily become a hunter might have been bored, but I wasn't. Sam set out the summoning stuff while Dean checked his dad's journal. I sat next to Dean on the headstone and watched carefully, occasionally sneaking glances at the journal. They still wouldn't let me anywhere near the journal and I hadn't pushed that again.

Dean looked thoughtful and then unhappy. He closed the journal and told Sam that the job was jacked because when they solved the problem, good people were going to die. Sam pointed out that there's a natural order to things. Dean scoffed and said that all the two of them did was ditch death. Sam argued that the rules didn't apply to them, and Dean said that they were no different than anyone else.

Sam gave him a disbelieving look. "I'm infected with demon blood. You've been to hell. Jessie sets fires with her mind." Dean looked away, rolling his eyes. Sam kept going. "Look, I know you want to think of yourself as Joe the Plumber, Dean, but you're not. Neither am I. The sooner you accept that, the better off you're gonna be."

Dean looked up, opened his mouth, and let out a deep breath. "Joe the Plumber was a douche," he said with no heat.

Sam nodded. "You gonna help me finish this?" Dean handed me the journal and stood up.

"Hey," someone yelled. I turned my head to see a middle-aged, balding man coming towards us. Clutching the journal nervously, I stood up and scooted closer to Dean, but he put his hand back to ward me off. I took a couple of steps back in response, knowing he wanted the extra space in case a fight broke out.

The guy demanded to know what was going on and said it looked like devil worship. Dean tried to laugh that off, to tell him it wasn't, but he couldn't come up with a replacement story. Sam looked stressed and told the guy we were leaving.

"You're not going anywhere, ever again… Sam," the man said. He turned his head and his eyes turned white. My mouth dropped open, adrenaline rushing through me.

"Alastair," Dean said, and then his voice dropped low. "Jessie, run."

I didn't even pause to think. I just turned and ran towards the Impala. When I got there, I climbed in, locked all the doors, and curled in a ball on the floor, pulling my blanket over me. I made a note to myself to keep a canister of salt in the backseat with me from now on. I would have felt much safer in a circle of salt.

About twenty minutes passed before Sam was opening the passenger's front door of the car and helping Dean inside. I climbed off the floor. Dean groaned and held his head.

"Dude, let me see," Sam insisted in an annoyed voice. I wondered how many times he'd said that since Dean got hurt. Dean waved him off.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Dean hit his head on a headstone," Sam said. He shut the door and went around to the driver's side to get in.

"I wanna know what happened with Alastair," Dean grunted.

"He tried to fling me," Sam said. "It didn't work, so he bailed." Sam started the car. "Jessie, seatbelt."

We went back to the motel. Dean went upstairs while Sam set out some bags of charcoal for me to burn. Worried about Dean, I rushed through the process. Sam told me to go upstairs and got back into the car. I hurried upstairs to find Dean making himself an ice pack for his head.

"Where's Sam?" he asked me.

I shrugged. "He got back in the car after I burned up the charcoal," I said. "Maybe he went back to the cemetery for something?"

Dean set the ice pack against his head and groaned. He sat down heavily on the bed. "Come here, sweetheart." I went over to him and dropped down onto the bed next to him.

"You were very good today," he said. "When I told you to run, you ran. You didn't hesitate. You did exactly what I told you when I told you."

I flushed with pleasure and smiled. "Thanks, Dean," I whispered.

He kissed the top of my head. "Go get ready for bed," he said. I got up and grabbed my duffel before going into the bathroom and shutting the door.

When I got out of the hot, hot shower, I could hear the two of them talking outside the door. I told myself that I didn't want to interrupt anything and guiltily put my ear against the door to listen.

"Sam, do me a favor. If you're gonna keep your little secrets, I can't really stop you, but just don't treat me like an idiot, okay?" Dean was saying.

"What? Dean, I'm not keeping secrets," Sam said. Even I could tell he was lying.

"Mm-hm," Dean said. "Whatever. So, did you go back and Q&A the dead kid?"

They were back to talking about the case. I moved away from the door and pulled on my nightshirt, panties, and socks. I shoved my dirty clothes into my duffel bag and carried all my stuff out of the bathroom to hear Sam saying that the reapers were kidnapped by demons. He said that if you kill a reaper under the solstice moon, which was tomorrow night, a seal is broken. I dropped onto my roll-away bed. Dean asked how you kill death, and Sam said that maybe the demons knew, but that he wanted to know where the angels were. Dean said that we were going to have to handle it ourselves. Sam pointed out that reapers are invisible. The only people who could see them are the dead and dying. Looking pleased with himself, Dean said that if ghosts were the only ones who could see them, then they would become ghosts. Sam told him that was crazy and then asked how. Dean said astral projection would work, and said we were close enough to Pamela Barnes' place that we could go get her and have her here by morning. Sam shook his head in disbelief but didn't have any better ideas.

"Can I come?" I asked from my spot on the bed. I was pretty sure I knew the answer.

"No, sweetheart. You're going to stay here and get some sleep," Dean said. He pulled back my blankets and tucked me into the bed. "Sam's going to stay here with you."

"Why are you going to get her and not Sam?" I asked.

"I shouldn't go to sleep with a concussion," Dean said, handing me my snowman and kissing me on the head.

"Yeah, I'm sure driving with a concussion is a much better idea," I said.

Dean laughed. "Get some sleep, sweetheart."

Sam came over to me. "Good job tonight, honey," he said. "You keep that up."

"I will, Sam," I said.

"You come get me if you have a nightmare," he said.

I nodded. He hugged me and kissed my forehead. He went over to talk quietly to Dean, who was shrugging into his coat. I watched them with slitted eyes until Dean left and Sam settled at the table with the notebook, his dad's journal, and his laptop. I rolled over to go to sleep.

Sam got me up early the next morning and ran me through extra training and drills, telling me it was because I'd missed the day before. I thought it was worth it. I turned off my brain while he ran me through the exercises and thought mostly about the book I'd been reading the day before. It was about this woman whose father died before he'd arranged her marriage. Her castle was under siege by lords who wanted to force her to marry them, and she's first rescued and then kidnapped by a mercenary who was going to take her to another horrible man who would force her to marry him. She talked the mercenary out of it, though, and convinced him to marry her instead, which would give him lands and lordship. In return, he'd protect her and not beat her. He agreed, but told her that while he wouldn't beat her, she would feel the flat of his hand on her backside if she deserved it. Reading the book gave me weird feelings and I really wanted to get back to it, but I hadn't had any time to myself.

When we finished training, Sam made me start my schoolwork for the day, and that's what I was doing when Dean and Pamela arrived. I got up and hugged Dean, while Pamela lit into them right away about how they don't know what they are doing and that the idea of ripping their souls out of their bodies so they can talk to a ghost and find a reaper is insane. She was angry about being dragged back into the angel/demon war again, too. Dean argued that it was the end of the world if they didn't stop this and that they needed her help. Eventually, she reluctantly agreed, still mad though. I hid behind Dean the entire time, unsure what to do with her anger.

After Pamela agreed and finishing huffing about it, she said, "Where's my little firestarter, or did you guys screw that up too?"

"I'm here," I squeaked from behind Dean.

"Well, come here, firebug," she said and opened her arms. I went into them and she held me tight to her before letting me go and running her hands down my hair and shoulders. "You've gotten taller," she said.

"Not so much," I said.

"Enough that I can tell," Pamela said. She kissed the top of my head. "You been practicing your abilities like I told you?"

I glanced at Dean who was watching me closely while trying to look like he wasn't. "Only when I'm supposed to," I said. "I have some new things that I want to try but there hasn't been time…"

"You gotta find the time, bug," Pamela said, feeling her way to the bed. She sat down and patted the spot next to her. I sat down. "You've got to stretch your abilities so you know what you can and can't do. Push so that you know your limits."

"Pamela," Sam started.

"What?" she growled at him. "I'm not telling her to push them in secret, grumpy. She shouldn't be afraid of her abilities. The more she knows how to do, the more she practices, the better control she'll have over it. Just because you're afraid of what she can do…"

"We're not afraid," Dean snapped. "We just don't want her hurting herself or anyone else."

"Yeah? Then let her practice and let her push," Pamela said. I watched the three of them, frozen and afraid to make a noise, until Dean turned back to setting out candles and Sam set out a chair for Pamela to sit in since they were going to be lying on the beds. Pamela got up and felt her way to the chair. I waited for a couple of seconds and went back to the table where my schoolbooks were spread out. Sam started closing the curtains.

Pamela asked them how they were going to save the reaper, since they were going to be walking pieces of fog. Sam said that ghosts had beat the crap out of them, and Pamela said that the ghosts had plenty of time to practice. Dean responded that he and Sam were going to have to start cramming. Pamela snidely called them heroes and told them to lie on the beds.

As the guys went to lie on the beds, I burst out, "Can I come? Maybe I could help…"

"No," Sam said flatly as he swung his legs onto the bed.

"No," Dean said with a little more heat than Sam had. He speared me with a warning glare as he sat down on his bed.

"No," Pamela said, but then she smiled. "Someone's gotta keep me company, bug."

"Come here, Jessie," Dean said. I got up from the chair and dragged my feet over to him. He took my hand and pulled me in between his knees. "You do what Pamela says and you behave yourself. Do your schoolwork, read, whatever, but I'm trusting you to stay out of trouble. You know what you are and aren't allowed to do. You got me?"

"Stay off the laptop," Sam interjected.

I sighed. "I got it," I said.

Dean pulled me down and kissed my forehead. "Good girl," he said and laid down on the bed.

I sat back down at the table and watched while Pamela said the incantation over them. She told them that she would say the incantation in their ears to bring them back. She whispered something in Sam's ear before settling back into her chair to keep watch. I turned back to my schoolwork, anxious to be the good girl that Dean wanted me to be.


	62. Chapter 62 - Sister Psychic

While I worked on my schoolwork, Pamela asked me questions about what my life with Sam and Dean was like. I told her all about how they took care of me and how Sam had me doing schoolwork. The breaks to talk to Pamela were making it take longer to get my work done, but I had the whole day to finish it. Eventually, I ended up just putting down my pen and talking to her about everything, about wanting to hunt, about my nightmares, about Gabby and the girls she was taking, about training to kill her. Pamela listened to everything I had to say with a thoughtful look on her face.

When I started talking about my abilities, she started asking questions. I told her about not being able to set a fire smaller than a foot wide and she asked me how big a fire I can set. When I didn't have an answer, she said that was something I need to find out. I told her about how I had to have something that would burn to light a fire, or it would just aggravate how much I needed to light one. I told her that when I was mad, sometimes I lost control over the furnace and that I had to set a fire every other day or I'd lose control. She asked if I could control any fire, and I said yes. I told her that not only could I control any fire, I couldn't be lit on fire. Even my hair wouldn't take a flame. I could feel fires when they were lit around me, and it felt like they were calling to me. I glowed when I had the furnace open and if I was mad and losing control, I'd glow and get hot.

Finally, my face bright red, I admitted to her something that I hadn't told anyone else yet. "Lighting fires feels really good," I whispered, staring down at my hands in my lap. "The more I push into them, the better they feel, and while I'm connected to them…" I shivered and looked up at her. She was still looking straight ahead and she didn't say anything. "It's scary because the more I set things on fire, the more I want to."

"That's the case with a lot of psychic abilities, bug," she said, her voice soothing. "Doesn't mean you shouldn't do your best to learn how to control them. The more you know and can do with your abilities, the more you're going to be able to control your impulses. You need to practice. You need to insist that they let you, but be nice about it."

I nodded, relieved that she hadn't thought I was horrible because I liked setting fires.

"If you could try something new right now, what would you try?" she asked.

I had a a bunch. "I want to know if I can set a fire in another room, where I can't see it, and if I can, whether or not the wall would be set on fire or if I would have to go through an open door, and what would happen if I tried to light a fire through something that can't be lit on fire, like asbestos or something…"

"Whoa, sugar," Pamela said. "One thing at a time. It's good you've been thinking about it." I smiled. "Here's what you do." she continued. "Before you go to light your next fire, you tell those boys what you want to try and how you want to try it."

"I could try something new every time," I suggested, getting excited.

"No, first you need to know if you can do it, and then you need to practice each new thing until you're good at it."

"Ok," I said. "I could make a list of the stuff I want to try."

"You'll end up thinking of more and more stuff to try," she said. "And that's good. The more you know about your abilities, the better."

I nodded, even though she couldn't see me. "I just have to give them warning."

"You'll will convince them more if you've got a good plan worked out," she said.

I picked up my pen intending to write down my ideas and sighed when I saw my half-finished Pre-Algebra work. "I gotta finish my homework," I said. "Or Sam's gonna kill me when he gets back." Pamela chuckled. "When do you think they'll get back?" I asked.

"It's gonna be a while," she said. "We'll know when, though."

I turned back to my work.

A couple hours after we finished talking, I finished my work. Pamela and I talked a little more. I ordered us some pizza for dinner and then dug in my butterfly backpack to pull out the romance novel. In between talking to Pamela, I read the romance novel, getting caught up in it as the story played out. Eventually, the pizza arrived. We ate and then I went back to reading. I asked Pamela if she wanted me to put on the television or something and she said she was fine. She wanted it to be quiet so she could listen, but she wouldn't tell me what she was listening for.

Sometime around nine, I started to really want some cookies, and I knew there weren't any in the room, but there was a convenience store down the road. I thought about Sam getting mad at me over the summer when I'd gotten caught heading to the convenience store without permission, but this time, Pamela was here and I was pretty sure she'd let me.

"Pamela," I asked, "Do you think it would be all right if I went down to the convenience store to get some cookies?"

Pamela laughed. "Would Sam and Dean let you do it?" she asked me.

I thought about lying, but decided that I couldn't, not with everything I had shared with her today and the help she'd given me about my abilities. "No," I said pensively. "They'd tell me it was after nine and dark outside and that I should go to bed." I paused. "Please, Pamela? It's like a block away. I'll be fine."

Pamela laughed again. "Sure, bug. What are babysitters for anyway, if not to let you do stuff your parents won't let you do? Bring me back some chocolate chip ones." I set my book on the table, hugged her, grabbed my coat, and headed out.

The convenience store really was only a block away and brightly lit. Cars were pulling in and out of the gas pumps. I went inside and started browsing the store, aware that the clerk was watching me with a sharp eye. I wandered up and down the aisles, trying to decide if I wanted a candy bar, too. Then I spent way too long in front of the soda coolers looking for root beer. They didn't have any, so I pulled out a bottle of Mountain Dew. On the way back up front, I noticed an ancient Ms. Pac-Man game in the corner. Under the distrustful eye of the clerk, I paid for my cookies and soda, and then headed back to the Ms. Pac-Man game and plugged in a quarter.

I wasn't very good at the game. Fifteen minutes later and three dollars lighter, I was headed back to the motel room, three big chocolate chip cookies in a bag in my hand. When I got there, the door was locked. I banged on it, and Sam opened it up. I caught my breath, worried that he was angry with me, but he didn't say anything. He looked really upset actually, but not with me. Pamela was sitting on the bed, holding her stomach with one hand and a flask with the other. I rushed into the room, dropping the cookies on the table by the door, and ran to her.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Demons, sugar," Pamela groaned. "Did you bring me that cookie I asked for?"

I got up and half-ran to get her cookie out of the bag. I handed it to her and she thanked me and drank from the flask. I started crying, even though I was trying not to. "I'm sorry, Pamela. I shouldn't have left you alone."

"Not your fault, bug," she said.

Sam put his hand on my shoulder. "Jessie, come on. Go get ready for bed."

I whirled on him. "No! I'm not leaving her alone again."

"Go on, bug," Pamela said. "Sam's here with me, and I'm going to wake up Dean. Go on."

Reluctantly, I went, but only because Pamela had asked me to. I took the shortest shower in history, throwing on clothes and brushing my teeth as quickly as possible. When I opened the bathroom door, Pamela was hugging Sam, and Dean was sitting on his bed, watching. He gestured for me to come to him and I hurried over. He put his arm around me, pulling me onto the bed with him and hugging me close. Pamela started coughing, pulling away from Sam, and leaned back against the wall, blood staining her lips. Dean and Sam both shouted her name, but she didn't respond. Sobbing, I buried my head in Dean's shoulder as he asked Sam what she said to him. Sam didn't answer; he just got up and slammed out of the room.

Dean held me to him. "Shh, sweetheart."

"My fault," I gulped. "I asked her if I could go to the convenience store. I never should have left her alone!"

"Not your fault," Dean whispered into my hair, his voice tight. "If you were here, you'd be dead, too." He held me and rocked me while I cried, and every once in a while, I felt one of his tears hit the top of my head. "Not your fault," he whispered again. "I'm glad you weren't here."


	63. Chapter 63 - Defy Not the Heart

**AN: You've all been very good and patient with me and my horrible schedule, so here's an extra long chapter for you. :) I said screw work and wrote today instead. Bad Redheadlass.**

* * *

When I'd cried so much I couldn't cry any more, Dean put me to bed. He tucked me in and handed me my snowman, brushing my bangs back from my face.

"I thought that no one died in this town," I whimpered as he leaned down to kiss me.

"We solved the case," Dean said. "We rescued the reaper and when she started reaping again, people started dying again."

"That sucks," I said.

"Close your eyes and go to sleep," Dean said softly. "Things will be better in the morning."

But they weren't. While I was asleep, Sam came back and he and Dean took care of Pamela's body. They didn't tell me what they did and I didn't ask. When Sam woke me up, the two of them didn't look like they had slept at all. Dean was shoving his stuff into his duffel bag.

"What's going on?" I asked Sam, rubbing my eyes. They were sore and itchy from all the tears the night before.

"Get ready to go," he said. "We're headed to Pamela's?"

Grief washed over me. I sat up and swung my feet off the bed. "Why?"

"For her funeral, Jessie," Dean said gently. "Her family will bury her in a day or two. We're going."

I got up and went to grab my purple duffel, but it and the butterfly backpack were packed. There was a stack of clothes next to it. I picked up the clothes and disappeared into the bathroom to get dressed. My thoughts lingered over everything, from the fact that she'd given me sweet tea at her house to drink on the back porch before I burned up her lawn to the entire conversation we'd had the day before about my abilities. I ran everything we did and said through my mind. Now that I thought about it, she'd practically jumped at the chance to let me get out of the room and go to the store. I pulled on my jeans remembering that she'd been getting more and more jumpy as I'd been reading until I suggested that I go and get the cookies. Then she'd actually relaxed a little before she agreed, smiling the whole time. Then a thought occurred to me

"Oh fuck," I whispered. "The book." I hadn't put it back in my backpack before I'd gone to the store. I rushed through getting dressed and carried my clothes out into the room, glancing sidelong at Sam and Dean. They were collecting candles and shoving them into a bag to put back in the trunk. I dropped my clothes on the bed next to the duffel and opened the backpack. Trying not to look frantic, I dug through the backpack in search of the book, and it wasn't in there.

"Jessie, get your clothes in your duffel," Sam said. He left the room, carrying the bag of candles with him.

I kept digging in the backpack until Dean said, "You heard Sam. Get a move on."

Sighing with frustration, I shoved the clothes into the duffel. The book was definitely not in the backpack. I glanced at the table, but it wasn't there, either. Dean shouldered his duffel and mine and left the room. Once he was gone, I was free to do a full out search. I looked in all the drawers, under all three beds. It wasn't anywhere! I dug through the backpack one more time, and nope, it hadn't miraculously appeared in the backpack either.

"Please, god," I moaned. "Please don't let them have found it." I resumed the search, this time looking under and around the dresser.

The door pushed open, startling me. My head jerked up and Sam was standing in the doorway. "We're waiting for you, Jessie. Get your bag and come on." He took in my position on the floor and the fact that I'd left probably half the drawers around the room open. He raised his brows at me. "You looking for this?" he asked. He held up the romance novel. On the cover, the long-haired blond guy stared out at me, his arms wrapped around a petite brunette who gripped him breathlessly.

My stomach hit the floor. I slowly got to my feet, brushing my hands off on my knees and thighs. "Yeah," I said cautiously.

"I've got it," Sam said. "Get your bag and let's go." He paused while I picked up the butterfly bag. "We'll talk about why it says "Property of Wyoming State Library System" on the inside front cover when we're in the car." He held the door open, his hand extended for me to go in front of him.

I was dead, completely and utterly dead. I went out the door in front of Sam, my stomach sinking with every step I took. By the time I reached the car and opened the driver's side back door, I was panicky. I pushed the butterfly backpack into the car in front of me and climbed in. Dean looked at me in the rearview mirror.

"What'd you do now?" he asked me as Sam got into the car and shut the door.

I didn't answer him. I leaned forward and said to Sam, "It's just a romance novel, Sam! My mom used to read them. There's nothing wrong with them! It's just romance."

"Dean, can you take us by the library?" Sam asked, ignoring me.

"Sure, if one of you will tell me what happened," Dean said, sounding annoyed. He backed out of the parking spot and pulled onto the road.

"It was just a stupid novel! It's not like it was an occult book!" I said to Sam. "I wasn't doing research!"

Sam turned in his seat and gave me a look, his jaw tight. "Jessie, sit back and put your seatbelt on," he growled out.

"God damn it," I swore, shoving myself back in the seat and jerking the seatbelt across my lap. "It's just a book with love and sex in it. Who even cares?"

"Sex?" Dean asked in a comically high, surprised voice. "All right, someone tell me what the hell is going on."

"Jessie, I don't care what's in the book," Sam said, his jaw starting to twitch. "I care that you stole it… from a library."

I closed my mouth with a snap, the blood draining from my face. Dean pulled the car over and shut it off. I wished I could disappear as he turned in his seat to level a glare at me.

"Let me get this straight," he said. "You stole a romance novel from the library?

I winced. "Not… exactly."

"Then why don't you tell us exactly what you did do?" Sam asked.

"Let me see this book," Dean said. Sam handed it to him. "Defy Not the Heart?" Dean said skeptically. He started flipping through it, reading little bits and sections from here and there.

"Talk, Jessie," Sam said.

"I found it on the table at the library and started reading it. I liked it but the librarian said I couldn't check it out because I'm not a resident," I said, trailing off.

"So you took it?" Sam asked.

Dean broke in, reading, "'Reina tensed as he bent his head to grasp the edge of her bedrobe with his teeth and pull it open,then melted when his tongue slid out to swirl about the exposed nipple.'" He slammed the book closed and dropped it on the seat next to him like it was on fire. I turned bright red. "This is what you're reading? You're twelve! You shouldn't be reading that." His face was red, too, and he was very, very flustered. His voice kept cracking.

Sam sighed and turned his attention to his brother, "Dean, how old were you when you started looking at porn?"

Dean looked like he'd been slapped. "That's beside the point!" he snapped, clearly embarrassed.

Sam laughed at his discomfort. "I don't think it is," he said, giving Dean a meaningful look. Dean turned away and all I could see was the back of his shoulders. Sam looked back to me. I squirmed, embarrassed at having the book read aloud and worried about how much trouble I was in. "So you took it?" Sam repeated.

"Sort of," I said.

"You don't sort of take something. You either took it or you didn't," Sam said.

I looked down at the floor of the car, noticing the bits of crumbs and stuff that were down there. Dean was probably going to make me clean that up soon.

"Jessie!" Sam snapped. I looked back up at him in a hurry. I could tell he was fast losing patience and I knew that if I didn't start giving him some sort of answer soon, it was going to get much worse for me.

"Fine, I took it, but I left a five dollar bill behind to pay for it and I was going to send it back when I was done!" I said. "I didn't steal it! I just borrowed it."

"There's no difference here. You didn't have permission from the library to buy it and you snuck it out of there because you knew they'd stop you, didn't you?"

I flared bright red. "Yes, but only because I didn't want to have to stop reading it! I was going to give it back!"

"That's still stealing, young lady!" Sam said. "And you know it because you hid it from us, too. Didn't you?"

Fuck. "Yes!" I said, knowing I was hanging myself. "But I didn't think you'd let me read it!"

"Then you shouldn't have been reading it, or you should have asked us," Sam said. "You know better than this. You know better than to steal and if you think that we're going to have an objection to something you're reading, you know you're supposed to ask. Don't you?"

"Damn it, yes!" I said. I started to cry out of frustration. "Yes, I know that, but this was different. Can't you see this was different?"

"Really? How?" Sam asked, his tone doubtful.

I squirmed some more. "Because, it's not occult stuff, it's… you know…"

Sam scoffed. "Yeah, well you need to clear 'you know' with us too," he said. "At least until you're a little older. But then you knew that or you wouldn't have been hiding it."

I hated it when he was right. I hated it. "Would you have let me read it?" I asked.

"Yes," Sam said right as Dean said, "No."

Sam and Dean looked at each other, then Dean said, "We would have talked about it, but now, little girl, you don't get it at all."

I pulled my knees up onto the seat with me and avoided their eyes. "But I didn't finish it," I whispered.

"You're in trouble for stealing and hiding things from us, and you're worried about the fact that you didn't finish a romance novel?" Dean asked incredulously. "You need to rethink your priorities, little girl."

I sighed. "Yes, Dean."

Dean started the car up and pulled back onto the highway. Sam was still watching me sternly over the back of the seat. "When we get to the library, you're going to take this book back in and give it to the librarian. You're going to apologize to her for stealing it. Do you understand me?"

I buried my head in my knees, mortified. "Yes, Sam," I said.

"Then, when we get to where ever we're staying tonight, you're getting a spanking with the hairbrush," Sam said.

"From both of us," Dean added. "Because I'm tired of talking to you about stealing without a good cause. It stops, now."

I wanted to argue that it was a good cause, but I knew it wasn't. I hugged my knees to me, miserable. I didn't lift my head again until I felt the car stop.

"Come on, Jessie," Sam said.

I uncurled myself and crawled out of the car to stand next to Sam. "Please, Sam," I whispered. "Don't make me do this." I looked up at him with pleading eyes.

His face set, he handed me the book. "Go on. I'll be right behind you."

I trudged to the library door, my face red, and Sam trailing behind me. I stopped in front of the door and looked back at Sam, but he just jutted his chin towards the door. When I didn't move, he put a hand on my shoulder and kind of pressed me forward. I opened the door and went up to the counter. No one was there, so I stood there shifting my weight from one foot to the other. After about a minute, I turned to Sam.

"No one's here. Can't I just leave it and go?" I whispered, anxious to be done with this..

Sam pressed his lips together and shook his head. "No," he said. "You can go find them if you really want to."

"No," I squeaked.

"Then stand here and wait," he said.

Eventually, the pretty librarian from the other day came out of the back, a stack of books in her hands. "Oh," she said when she saw us. "Weren't you here the other day?" she asked me.

"Yeah," I said. I set the book on the counter, but didn't say anything. The librarian looked at it and then back to me and Sam. Sam nudged me. In a rush, I said, "I took this book and now I'm bringing it back. I'm really sorry." I swallowed. "I shouldn't have taken it."

"Oh," the librarian said. She looked like she didn't know what to do. "Thank you for bringing it back," she said.

"You're welcome," I mumbled and looked down at my feet.

Sam thanked the librarian and talked to her for a minute while I stood there with my face flaming. I couldn't concentrate on what they were saying, I was so embarrassed. Finally, he shook her hand, put his hand on my back, and led me towards the door.

"Good girl," Sam said to me when we got outside, which made me feel a little better, but not much, not with a spanking coming too. Sam led me back to the car and opened the door to let me in the back. I climbed in and pulled out my schoolbooks, anxious to stay out of any more trouble. When Sam got in, Dean looked at him.

"How'd it go?" he asked.

"Fine," Sam said. "She was very good."

Dean grunted and then met my eyes in the mirror. "Best behavior today, little girl," he warned as he pulled out of the library parking lot.

I swallowed. "Yes, Dean," I said.

And I was on my best behavior, even though the day dragged by and all I got to work on was my schoolwork and all I really thought about was Pamela and what she'd told me. Of course, if I kept acting the way I'd been acting, there was no chance of Sam and Dean letting me try anything new. I missed her. I didn't know how I could miss someone I had only met three times, but I did. The world just seemed like it was a darker place without her in it.

Some time after the sun went down, and after I'd burned up a huge pile of brush at a construction site, we pulled into a motel, and I knew that my reprieve was at an end. I went to help Sam and Dean by getting my bags out of the trunk, but Dean stopped me and handed me the key. "Go in the room and get in the corner," he said. I flushed and took the key from him, heading into the room. I dropped my butterfly bag on the bed and glanced outside. Sam and Dean were standing behind the car, talking. I wished I could hear what they were talking about, but I was pretty sure it was me, and they were too far away for me to eavesdrop on. I dropped the key on the table and slipped into the corner.

I didn't have too terribly long to wait. They both came in a few minutes later carrying our bags from the trunk and the laptop bag. I stood uncomfortably, wanting to look to see what they were doing, but I couldn't without getting yelled at. I hear the curtains close and one of the beds creak as one of them sat on it. Then Sam said, "Come here, Jessie."

I turned around in the corner and found Sam sitting on the bed holding the hairbrush in his hand. I struggled to hold back tears; the day-long wait for this had eroded any armor I had. "I'm sorry, Sam. I won't do it again," I whispered.

"Come here, Jessie," Sam repeated calmly.

I dragged my feet across the room until I was standing in front of him. He unbuttoned my jeans and yanked them down before moving me over his lap. Once I was over his lap, he pulled my panties down. Then he brought the hairbrush down on my butt, hard. I shrieked. He'd never spanked me with the brush without spanking me with his hand first. It hurt. Oh my god, it hurt! He landed two or three swats before he started talking.

"You do not steal," he scolded. "Not without a good reason. You especially do not steal from _libraries_. You do not hide what you are reading from us, and you ask us before you read anything that you might possibly think we might not approve of. Do you understand me, young lady?"

I sobbed over his lap. "Yes, Sam," I gasped out. I started kicking, unable to help it, and he wrapped his arm around my waist and held me over his lap. I reached forward and grabbed the bedspread, wadding it up in my arms, and cried into it.

"I am ashamed of you, Jessie. I can't believe that you stole from a library. I can't believe I had to walk you into the library and stand there with you while you returned a book that you took without permission. That is not how I expect you to act, do you understand me?" he said, the hairbrush still falling in rapid succession across both my cheeks. I couldn't think and I could barely breathe.

"Yeeeeeees," was all I could get out. He spanked for a little while longer, before he stopped and pulled my panties up over my butt before setting me on my feet. Then he took my chin in his hand and made me look at him.

"Never again, Jessie," he said sternly. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I nodded. Sam got up and Dean took his spot. I watched him in dismay.

"No, Dean, please. I swear, I'll never do it again," I said, wiping the tears from my eyes. I needn't have bothered.

"You bet your ass you won't," he growled at me. He put his hand behind my neck and met my eyes. "I'm very disappointed in you, little girl. This is the fourth time that we've had to talk to you about stealing. I never want to have to talk to you about it again. You got it?"

I started sobbing again at his words, the knot in my throat so big that I couldn't speak. I nodded and he let go of my neck. He flipped me over his lap and yanked my panties back down. Sam handed him the hairbrush and he brought it down hard on my butt. I gripped the bedspread, kicked, and wailed. I was so sorry I'd stolen that book and there was no way in the world I was ever going to steal anything again unless my life depended on it. My world became the spanking and the shame that I'd disappointed both Sam and Dean. I had earned every inch of this punishment.

When Dean was done, he set me on my feet and pulled my jeans up for me before pulling me into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck and sobbed into his shoulder. He held me while I cried. When I'd calmed down enough to talk, he asked, "Are you ever going to steal again without a good reason?"

"No, Dean," I breathed. He kissed my head and set me on my feet, and then Sam was there, enfolding me in his huge embrace.

"Why did you get that spanking?" Sam asked me as he held me.

"Because I stole a book from a library and because I didn't ask before I read that book," I said. "But mostly for the stealing. I swear, Sam. I'll never do it again."

"Good girl," he said. He held me for a little while longer before setting me on my feet. "Go get ready for bed," he said. "I'll go get a roll-away from the office."

I took my time in the shower and checked out the damage to my rear end in the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door. From how it felt, I thought I should have bruises from the top my butt all the way down to my thighs, but it was really just red. Not a bruise in sight. By the time I'd brushed my teeth and put on my pajamas, I could hear the Sam was back in the room. Tired from the emotional and physical upset of the day, I went to open the door, but what I heard stopped me.

"Dude, do you really think she should be reading that?" Dean was asking.

"I read it. It's not that explicit. It's even less explicit than that magazine that we found in the woods behind that motel when you were twelve."

"Yeah, but no one knew we had that," Dean objected. "She's only twelve, Sam…"

"Exactly, she's twelve, Dean. She's going to be showing more and more interest in this kind of stuff. Wouldn't you rather keep an eye on what she's reading or looking at instead of having her hide it? At least then we can keep her away from the stuff she's really too young to be reading?"

"She's not supposed to grow up this fast!"

"Welcome to parenthood," Sam responded heartlessly.

Dean huffed and didn't say anything else. I waited a few seconds to see if the conversation would continue, and when the television came on instead, I opened the bathroom door and came out. Dean was leaning back on his bed watching a Clint Eastwood movie on the television. He got up when I came out and held back the blankets for me to go to bed. He pulled them up and handed me my snowman, which I took and tucked next to me in the bed. Then he kissed my forehead. "Sleep tight, sweetheart," he said. "You wake me up if you have a nightmare."

"I will, Dean. I love you," I said reaching up and pulling him into a hug. He let me, and then he went back to his bed to stare at the television.

Sam came over to me next and crouched down next to me. "I got you something at that last gas station," he said. He handed me a copy of "Defy Not the Heart".

I took it and looked at him, confused. "I thought…" I said.

"The content wasn't the problem," he said. "It was that you stole it and you didn't ask. Next time, ask. Ok?"

I dropped the book next to me on the bed and grabbed him into a hug. "Thank you, Sam," I whispered. "I love you." He hugged me back, kissed my forehead, and then stood up.

"Good night, honey. No getting up and reading that in the bathroom in the middle of the night. Got it?"

I nodded. "Got it." Then I hugged my snowman to me and rolled over to go to sleep.

* * *

Reference: "Defy Not the Heart", Johanna Lindsey, April 2006


	64. Chp 64 - Angel Business, Demon Business

Pamela's funeral was hard. I'd never been to one before. As hard as it was to keep my memories and emotions to myself when I wasn't faced with picture of her and people telling stories of her, at least then I could try to push it out of my head before I started crying. At the funeral, though, everywhere I looked, she was there. It hurt me, too, to hear people tell stories about her. I had only met her three times and she'd made such an impact to my life, but next to these people who'd known her for years and years, my memories felt unworthy. So I sat between Sam and Dean and listened, tears dripping onto my knees, the color of my hiking boots burned into my brain, brown laces criss-crossing into infinity. I kept my memories to myself, little gems turning over and over in my mind. After a while, I realized that Dean had his arm around my shoulders and Sam had taken my hand in his, but I hadn't felt it and I didn't know how long they'd been holding me like that.

Somehow, being there made me miss my parents even more. I hadn't gotten to go to their funeral. Had they even had one? I didn't know.

After the "official" memorial service, everyone gathered at a house to eat food and talk about Pamela. I didn't want to go in. I didn't want to be around all those people and it was late in the afternoon, but Dean told me Bobby was there and that convinced me to go in, just to see him. Dean found me a place to sit away, off in a corner away from the groups of people, and he brought me food that I picked at. Bobby talked to me for a bit while we ate, and Sam got a phone call after we'd been there for about fifteen minutes and disappeared outside, his food forgotten. Safe in my corner, I watched Dean and Bobby talk to other people they knew who had known Pamela. There were kids there, too, but I didn't want anything to do with them. I was happier with the adults rather than I would have been running around in the backyard making a ruckus. Not that Pamela would have minded, I thought after I watched them through the window next to me. I lowered my head and smiled.

The sun was heading towards the horizon when Sam came back in and pulled Dean aside to talk to him. Whatever Sam said to him, Dean's head jerked up and his expression was a mix of exasperation and urgency. He caught my eye and beckoned to me. I got out of my chair and went to him, worrying the entire time that someone would take my spot now that I'd left it.

"Come on, sweetheart," Dean said. "We're leaving." That answered my concern about my chair. He put his hand on my shoulder and said goodbye to a few people. When we reached Bobby, the guys said their goodbyes first. Sam told Bobby that they had a lead they had to follow.

Then Bobby enclosed me in a huge hug. "You take care of yourself, darlin'," he said to me and kissed the top of my head. "And you take care of my boys, you hear?"

"Yeah, Bobby," I said, hugging him back tight. Dean led me out to the car with his hand on my upper back. His touch made me feel a lot better, and then we were in the car and on the way to who knows where as night fell.

Hours later, Dean was shaking me awake in the back seat of the car. "Jessie, wake up. We're at the hotel."

I rubbed my eyes groggily and sat up. The last thing I remembered was staring through the window at the passing pine trees and watching the stars and clouds go by. I had no idea how long I'd been asleep, but it was still night. "Where are we?"

"Just outside of Cheyenne," Dean said.

"Wyoming again?" I asked. "I'm tired of Wyoming. Nothing good happens here."

Dean chuckled. "You're not wrong. Come on, sweetheart."

My eyes felt itchy and sore as I climbed out of the car and got my duffel out of the trunk. I sleepily followed the guys to our room, shutting the door behind me as Dean said, "Ah, home crappy home." Sam turned on the lights.

I almost jumped out of my skin. Uriel and Castiel were in the room already. Uriel in the middle and Castiel off and to the right standing as if at attention. "Winchester and Winchester," Uriel said. "You are needed."

I opened my furnace as Dean's hand clamped down on my shoulder and he glanced down at me. Reluctantly, I closed it back up again, and his hand loosened but he didn't remove it.

"Needed?" Dean growled. "We just got back from needed."

"You mind your tone with me," Uriel said.

Dean let me go and took two angry steps towards Uriel. "No, you mind your damn tone with us."

Sam stepped between Dean and Uriel. "We just got back from Pamela's funeral," he said as if trying to explain, but all he did was fuel Dean's temper. Dean started to rant at the two angels, pointing out that Castiel had burned out Pamela's eyes and that she'd died saving one of the seals. While Dean and Uriel argued, I moved around to the side to try to flank the angels, unsure about what I could do, but wanting to be ready in case I needed to be.

Then Castiel spoke, trying to make it better. "Dean, we know this is difficult to understand," he said, concern etched across his features.

"And we," Uriel said, glaring at Castiel, shutting him down. "Don't care."

My mouth dropped open. Castiel wasn't in charge anymore. What the hell? If Uriel was in charge… I opened my furnace again, heedless of the conversation about angels being killed that Dean and Uriel were having. I extended a tendril, wanting so badly to set Uriel on fire.

"I'm sorry, but what do you want us to do about it? I mean, a demon with the juice to ice angels has to be out of our league, right?" Sam was saying as I pushed the tendril nearer and nearer to Uriel.

"You should mind your kindling," Uriel said, not sparing me a glance. "Before she does something you regret."

"Jessie!" Dean snapped at me.I jerked the tendril back into myself and slammed my furnace shut, dropping my eyes and looking up at him through my bangs. Frowning, he pointed to the spot next to him and I dragged my feet over to stand where he'd pointed. He smacked me lightly on the back of my head and put his hand back on my shoulder. If I tried to open my furnace again, he'd feel my temperature rise. I chafed at my inability to do anything.

Uriel continued like nothing had happened. "We can handle the demons, thank you very much." They kept talking. The angels didn't know who was killing angels, and they had captured Alastair but hadn't been able to get him to talk. Dean pointed out that Alastair was a black belt in torture and that the angels were out of their league.

"That's why we've come to his student," Uriel said, his voice matter-of-fact. "You happen to be the most qualified interrogator we've got." Dean's hand tightened involuntarily on my shoulder before he let go like I'd burned him. My heart broke for him. I wanted to hug him to me, to make him feel better, but I couldn't, at least not now.

"No," Dean growled, his voice a mixture of horror and pain. "No way. You can't ask me to do this, Cas. Not this."

Uriel had a smirk on his face and I wanted to burn it off. I opened my furnace again as Uriel walked up to Dean. "Who said anything about asking?" he said, and then the angels and Dean were gone.

"Damn it!" Sam said. He yanked out his phone and dialed.

"Sam?" I asked shoving my furnace shut again. My legs felt week. This was too much on top of everything else. Dean was gone; Uriel was in charge. What if I never got him back?

"Go lie down, Jessie," Sam said, putting the phone to his ear.

"I can't sleep now, Sam," I whispered.

He looked at me then, his face softening. "Honey, it's ok. We'll find him. Just go lay down." Then he ducked his head. "Ruby, I need your help," he said into the phone. I grabbed my duffel and disappeared into the bathroom.

Once I was in my flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt, Sam insisted that he was going to find Dean and that I try to get some sleep; so I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes, but I couldn't fall asleep. I lay there quietly, though. An hour after I lay down, Ruby was banging on the door. Sam let her in and my hackles rose again, but I remembered the last time I had to deal with her and how much trouble I'd gotten into for setting her on fire. I kept my flames contained. I listened with my eyes closed.

She immediately started complaining about the fact that we were dealing with angels again, and Sam told her that he needed her to find Dean. She said she didn't see the problem, that Dean would be able to get the information out of Alastair, and then we'd have the answer. To my horror, Sam told Ruby that Dean couldn't do it, that he wasn't strong enough, and that he will be. I couldn't stand it.

"He is so!" I insisted, sitting up in the bed. "Dean can do anything!"

"Jessie," Sam sighed, turning around. "You're supposed to be sleeping."

"Well, I'm not. Why would you even say that about him? It's not true!" Tears were threatening to overflow, and I'd thought I was dry.

"Jessie," Sam said in a placating tone. "I'm sorry, ok? Dean's having a rough time right now. He's hurt inside and he's not healed yet. I just want to save him from more pain. Don't you want to find him? Help him?"

Confused, I nodded.

"Then let Ruby do her spell."

"You shouldn't coddle her, Sam," Ruby interjected, her expression condescending as she looked at me. I narrowed my eyes and imagined her with her hair on fire.

"Ruby," Sam sighed. She rolled her eyes.

"Fine," she said and started setting things on the table. Sam came over to me and pulled the blankets back so I could get under them. I did, and I let him tuck me in, but I wasn't going to sleep. No fucking way.

Once Sam went back to paying attention to Ruby as she set up her spell, I sat up in the bed to watch. She lit a bunch of candles, said an incantation and then set the map on fire. Sam tensed at the sight of the fire and glanced at me. Her eyes black, Ruby told him to relax, that the fire wouldn't burn the part of the map where Dean was. She extinguished the flames with a single word, leaving a circle on the map.

She smiled. "There. Your brother's there. It's a good thing angels aren't concerned with hiding their dirty business. Not used to being spied on. I mean, who'd be stupid enough to try?" She looked entirely too pleased with herself.

Sam looked at me. "Get your duffel and go get in the car."

I frowned. "Why?"

Sam's eyes narrowed. "Because we're leaving," he said calmly. "Go."

Ruby watched me haughtily as I got out of the bed, grabbed my duffel, and accepted the keys from Sam. I turned my attention to Sam. "You'll be right out, right?" I asked.

Sam smiled at me and kissed my head. "Right out, honey," he said. "We're just going to clean this up." But there was a lie written across his face, one that even I could see.

I reluctantly left the room, closing the door behind me, and walked to the car. As I opened the back door, I glanced at the room and saw the curtain twitch open. Sam was watching to make sure I got in the car. I climbed in and shut the door behind me, watching the window until the curtains twitched closed again. I waited another minute or so and then unlatched the door and pushed it open the smallest amount I could and still slip out. I didn't want it making a noise that Sam could hear in the room.

I left the door unlatched and snuck over to the window, peeking in low where the two curtains met. There was just enough of a gap that I could see through. I had to move around a little to get a good view inside. When I finally found Sam, it took my breath away. He was sitting on the bed and Ruby was straddling him, her arm outstretched. His mouth was clamped on her arm and she was stroking his head.

Confused and with my stomach aching, I crept back to the car and climbed back in, shutting the door softly and tugging on it to make sure it was closed completely. I knew that they were doing something wrong, but I had no idea what it was. Were they having sex? They were both fully dressed, but she was straddling him. Was it something else? I didn't know. All I did know was that it worried me. It worried me a lot.


	65. Chapter 65 - Out of Character

Sam came out alone about five minutes later, carrying his and Dean's duffel. He tossed them in the trunk, got in, and started the car. His movements were stiff and jerky. I scooted forward, rested my arms on the back of the front seat, and my chin on the top of my arms.

"How far away is he?" I asked.

Sam put the car into gear and turned around to back out of the spot. He looked angry and determined and… something else. I couldn't place it, but when I saw his face, I got scared. He said, "Jessie, sit back and put your seatbelt on," but I was already doing it before he even got his mouth open. I swallowed and reminded myself that this was Sam and I shouldn't be afraid.

He was pulling out onto the road before I got the nerve to open my mouth again. "Sam?" I started.

"He's fifteen minutes away," he said, his voice hard. "And when we get there, you're going to stay in the car, Jessie." There was steel in his voice that I'd never heard there before, not even this summer when he'd been so strict with me. It didn't stop me, though.

"I can help," I insisted, unhooking my seatbelt and sliding forward. He stiffened and glared at me through the rearview mirror. My stomach flipped. I'd never seen him this furious.

"You can't help, and you're staying in the car!" he blazed at me before I could react, his eyes dark. "No arguments or I'll pull over right now and blister your ass! You got me?" Stunned and frightened, I dropped my eyes, slid back in the seat, and put my seatbelt back on. "Answer me!" he snapped. I flinched.

"Yes, Sam," I said in barely a whisper, staring at the back of the front seat.

"And if you so much as open the car door when we get there, you won't sit for a week. I am not kidding here," he continued, still fuming. I nodded, and when I finally dragged my eyes back up from the back of the seat, he was still glowering at me through the mirror. I dropped my eyes again, swallowing hard, and put my hands in my lap. I stayed as still as I could, hoping he'd stop paying attention to me.

It worked. When I got up enough courage to look back up, he was staring out the windshield, both hands on the steering wheel, his shoulders tense, and his face hard and focused. I let out a long shallow breath, hoping that I wouldn't draw his attention again. What the hell was wrong with him? He hadn't been acting like this before he sent me out to the car. Why was he suddenly so pissed and impatient with me? It hurt. He'd never spoken to me like that before. Not last summer and not since. I mean, yeah, he got mad at me, but he never threatened me like that, not with that tone, or with that look on his face.

It had to have something to do with Ruby. It had to. Whatever he'd done with her while they were on the bed must've made him act like this, but what the hell was it? What was she doing to him? I pulled my legs up onto the seat, wrapped my arms around them, and tried to think.

I didn't have any answers by the time he stopped the car. I looked out the window to see a warehouse. Sam got out of the car without a word, slamming the door shut behind him and stalking into the warehouse. I watched him go and weighed my options. How likely was it that he would know I was there if I got out of the car? Did I dare take the chance against that anger? I had to know what was going on. I had to! I told myself that he wouldn't kill me and I forced myself to get out of the car. I snuck into the warehouse using all the stealth skills they'd taught me over the last few months. Either I'd improved or Sam was so focused on getting his hands on Alastair that he didn't notice me. He pushed his way through a door with a window on it.

I apprehensively pulled a chair next to the door, quietly climbed onto the chair, and looked through the window. I gasped despited myself. A chain-bedecked human-sized Star of David was resting on some sort of sigil in the middle of the floor next to a table covered in knives, bowls, and other unpleasant looking things. Manacles hung from the corners of the stars and I knew that Alastair had been held there. Dean lay collapsed on top of sigil, blood coming out of his nose and mouth, Castiel was hurt, slumped on the floor at Sam's feet, and Sam…

Sam had his arm outstretched, using his powers to shove Alastair into the brick wall. He kept asking Alastair questions and when he didn't get the answers he wanted, he twisted his hand, hurting Alastair with his powers until Alastair answered. Shock warred with tears. I wanted to run in and help Dean, but I couldn't. I was way outclassed. Sam was right; I should've stayed in the car. I didn't want to see this. I never wanted to see anything like this!

Sam forced out of Alastair that it wasn't Lilith killing the angels and Sam stopped hurting him for a second. Having given the answer they'd been trying to get out of him, Alastair told Sam to send him back to hell if he could.

Sam smiled proudly and maliciously. "I'm stronger than that now," he nearly crooned. "Now I can kill."

He closed his eyes and bright light flashed beneath Alastair's skin. When he opened them, he looked oddly satisfied. Alastair continued to flash beneath his skin until he collapsed to the floor, dead. Sam let out a sated gasp, breathing heavily.

Horrified, I wrapped my arms around my stomach and fought tears and fear. This wasn't my Sam. It wasn't my Sam!

I hopped off the chair and quietly moved it back to where I'd gotten. Then I hurried back to the car, hoping I wouldn't get caught. I'd just closed the door and settled into my spot when Sam burst through the warehouse door with Dean in his arms. I opened the back door so he could put Dean inside, shimmied out the other door, and then climbed into the front seat, twisting to watch Sam settled Dean in the back. Dean didn't look good. I reached my hand over the seat to touch his forehead as Sam shut the back door.

_You don't know what happened. Act like you don't know what happened._ I thought as Sam got into the front seat. I couldn't think of anything to say, though, too worried about Dean, too scared about Sam.

"Seatbelt," Sam said, sounding more like himself as he started the car.

"Is he going to be ok?" I asked, running my fingers through the parts of Dean's hair that I could reach. My hand came away with blood on it and I winced at the sight.

"I don't know," Sam said, putting the car into drive. "Turn around and put your seatbelt on. Now."

I turned around in the seat, wiped my hand on my pajama pants, and pulled the seatbelt on, fighting the urge to throw up. I was having a hard time breathing. I couldn't think. The whole world seemed to be crashing in on me.

"Jessie," Sam said, breaking through the noise in my head. He was concentrating on the road, not even sparing a glance for me. "It's going to be ok. We're taking him to the hospital."

"What happened to him?" I asked almost inaudibly, tilting my head up to look at him.

"Alastair," Sam said and stepped on the gas.

* * *

Everything after that was a blur. We got to the hospital and they put him on a stretcher and wheeled him into the hospital, away from me. I tried to follow, but Sam grabbed the back of my t-shirt and kept me with him, my hands clutching the bottom edge of his coat, while he filled out paperwork and answered questions. We had to wait a while longer, mostly in silence because it wasn't safe to talk, until they came and told us that he was stable and we could go to his room. Dean was covered with bandages and had a needle in his arm. He had a cut across his nose and was so pale that his freckles were dark against his skin. I curled into the big chair on one side of the bed and stared at him, wanting to touch, but afraid I would hurt him. Sam sat on the other side, his elbows on the bed and his hands covering his face, driving himself crazy with worry.

Castiel showed up about an hour later, stopping for a second at the door and then walking away. Pissed, Sam got to his feet and followed him out into the hall. Not to be undone, I got up too and followed Sam out, staying behind him so as not to draw attention to myself.

"Get in there and heal him," Sam demanded, gritting his teeth, his jaw clenching around the words. "Miracle. Now."

"I can't," Castiel said. Sam didn't even pause.

"You and Uriel put him there…"

"No," Castiel objected.

"…because you can't keep a simple devil's trap together," Sam finished hotly.

"I don't know what happened. That trap..." Castiel paused and looked away in confusion before returning his gaze to Sam. "It shouldn't have broken. I am sorry."

My temper spiked. I shoved past Sam and pushed Castiel back as hard as I could. He barely moved, but he looked down at me in surprise. "Then fix him!" I screamed at him, my hands balled at my sides and my blood pounding in my temples. "You're an angel! You have powers. You CAN fix him. You just don't want to, you worthless piece of shit!" My fire pulsed inside me, pressing and pressing to get out. I knew I was glowing and I didn't care. I wanted to light Castiel up for refusing to help Dean. "You're a fucking liar!" I moved forward to push him again.

"Jessie!" Sam snapped, grabbing me and landing several sharp smacks on my butt. I burst into tears and whirled around, burying myself against him. He wrapped his arms around me and held me there before turning his attention back to Castiel. "This whole thing was pointless. You understand that?" Sam asked Castiel. "The demons aren't doing the hits. Something else is killing your soldiers."

"Perhaps Alastair was lying," Castiel suggested, sounding doubtful.

"No," Sam said. "He wasn't." He tugged on my arm. "Come on, Jessie." I let go of him, wiped my face, and let him take my hand to lead me back into Dean's room where he settled me back into my chair and crouched down in front of me.

Warily, I met his eyes. "You have got to learn some self-preservation," Sam said to me quietly, without heat. "None of that was smart."

Tears pricked my eyes again and I looked down. "Sorry, Sam," I whispered.

He put his finger under my chin and tilted my head up before brushing my bangs back from my face, his expression serious and concerned. "You ok?"

I shrugged. I really wasn't. Not ok at all.

He sighed and stood up. He walked over to the room's closet and pulled out a blanket, stretching it over me. "You close your eyes and take a nap," he said. "I'm going to get some food and some coffee. When I get back, you're going to eat and then I'm taking you back to the motel."

"What about Dean?" I asked plaintively.

"Dean will heal with or without you here," Sam said. "Now close your eyes."

Reluctantly, I obeyed. I'm not sure how long I was out, but I woke up to Sam and Dean's lowered voices. Sam was telling Dean how Castiel refused to heal him. I shoved back the blanket and got to my knees on the chair. "You're awake!" I said to Dean, interrupting them both. I reached out and touched his forehead.

"I'm awake, sweetheart."

"I was so scared," I whispered, a tear dropping onto his arm. He looked at me.

"Hey, I'm going to be ok," he said. He reached a hand up, the one without the needle in it, and brushed my bangs out of my eyes with a soft look in his. I smiled at him tentatively.

"Have some lunch," Sam said. He handed me a bag of food. I sat down in my chair and ate my lunch while the two of them talked. When I was done, Sam stood up. "All right, let's go."

I looked up at him in shock. "Go?" I asked.

"Yeah, back to the motel, like I said before your nap."

"But Dean just woke up. I want to stay," I objected. We stared at each other.

Dean cleared his throat and we both looked at him. I just knew he wanted me there as much as I wanted to be there, but I was wrong. "Jessie, go back to the motel."

My face crumpled. "Dean!"

"He's not well. He needs to get some rest. Don't make this harder on him," Sam said, his voice soothing.

My heart beat too hard and too fast. I fought the misery that washed over me and got to my feet. I leaned over the bed and kissed Dean on the cheek. "Feel better soon," I whispered. "I love you."

Dean smiled at me, but his smile didn't reach his eyes. "I love you, too, sweetheart." As I followed Sam out the door, I wondered what had happened while he'd been with the angels and Alastair that would make him send me away and break his smile.


	66. Chapter 66 - Fear, Guilt, and Pride

**AN: Thanks for reading and thanks for all the praise on the story in the reviews. You didn't know it, but I needed that this week. :)**

* * *

_I'm pinned against a brick wall, cold seeping in, black smoke surrounding me. I try to jerk myself away from it, but I'm stuck, arms, legs, back. My head stuck. The smoke parts and Sam is there._

_"Sam!" I shriek. "Help! Get me down."_

_"Get you down? You're a liability, squirt. You're not going anywhere," Sam nearly croons at me._

_Tears fill my eyes, but don't fall. Sam blurs, the smoke blurs. Sam extends his arm and twists. I scream, pain shooting through my head. The smoke grows blacker, thicker around me._

_"Sam," I gasp, out of breath, unable to see him through my tear filled eyes. I can barely see anything._

_"I told you to stay in the car," he says, his face warping through my tears. He breathes in and the smoke… the smoke fills him, into his nose, his mouth. He breathes and gets larger, darker, meaner. "You're in trouble, young lady," he whispers and holds his palm out flat. My furnace bursts open, fire exploding out of my chest and down onto the floor, into the floor. It hurts! It hurts! It burns._

My eyes flew open. Panicked, I checked my furnace but it was still closed, still sealed. It wasn't even pulsing. I clutched at the ring around my neck, and when I found it there, I dropped my hand, panting in the relief. Nothing was on fire; Gabby wasn't after me. It was just a dream. I covered my face with my hands and let the tears of relief fall quietly. Just a nightmare. Just another god-fucked nightmare.

I hadn't had a night of restful sleep since Dean had gone into the hospital three days ago. Every night I woke up from nightmares, about Gabby, about the missing girls, about vampires with their heads cut off, about Sam killing demons… or me. Sometimes I dreamed about witches and sometimes about ghosts. Sometimes I dreamed about losing control of my fire and killing my parents. Once I dreamed about the girl who had been trapped in the walls. I could have gotten rid of the nightmares if I'd just told Sam about them and gotten into bed with him, but I couldn't. I was afraid that if I told him I was having nightmares again, still, he'd somehow figure out that I'd gotten out of the car and snuck into the warehouse. I was afraid he'd know I'd seen him and what he'd done.

I took a deep breath and let it out, slowly dropping my hands from in front of my face. Dean's hospital room was filled with afternoon sunlight, the quiet hiss of the machines the only sound in the room. I could hear faint echoes down the hall, nurses talking, people walking, but for the most part, the place was quiet and sunny and warm, and I felt safe. Sam had dropped me off a couple of hours ago with my schoolwork and threats of dire consequences if I didn't get it done. Dean had been sleeping when I got here. I'd slipped into the room and settled into the big chair. I'd pulled out my English book to start my assignment, but I guess that I'd fallen asleep instead. I checked my watch and then looked down at the front of the English book, sighing in resignation. I'd been asleep for two hours. Sam was not going to be happy. Then I looked over at Dean.

He was awake and watching me, a thoughtful expression on his face. "You having nightmares again?" he asked me.

I flushed and looked away from him. He pushed himself up in the bed and swung his feet over on my side of the bed so that he was sitting on the edge. He was dressed in jeans, a red t-shirt, and socks. He was supposed to get out today, well enough to leave even though he was still covered in scrapes and cuts and his bruises were purple, green, and yellow. No more internal bleeding, though, and no broken bones. He'd healed enough that he could heal the rest of the way away not under a doctor's care. I hated Castiel a little bit more for not having healed him to begin with.

He put his hand under my chin and made me look at him, forcing all the thoughts that I'd been using to distract myself right out of my head. He tilted his head to the side. "You have nightmares when you're guilty or when you're scared." He paused and I didn't say anything. Meeting his eyes made me uncomfortable and I squirmed a little, trying to tug my chin out of his hand. He wouldn't let me. He held my chin more firmly and moved his head so he could look into my tear-reddened eyes. "Tell me," he said, his tone even but firm.

"I don't want to," I whispered, wincing a little under his scrutiny.

"Tell me anyway."

I tried to tug my chin away again and he let me this time. "You're going to be mad," I said, looking down at the linoleum floor.

"At who?" Dean asked. I shrugged in response, and he sighed. "Jessie…"

"I don't know," I said, looking up at him with my eyebrows furrowed with worry. I pressed my lips together and looked at the rumpled covers on the bed. "Me? Sam? Both?"

"You're killing me, little girl," Dean said, a tad more impatient this time, but still not angry. "Tell me."

I didn't want to tell him, not any of it. He might spank me, but worse, he might get mad at Sam and fight with him. I hated it when they fought; it felt like my world was ending. If I told him…

Dean slid off the bed and I looked up in alarm. He held his hand out to me and when I reluctantly took it, he pulled me gently out of the chair and sat down in it instead. Then he pulled me onto his lap. Surprised, I let him, but I was careful to sit down gently so I didn't hurt him. He might not be as tall as Sam, but I was still under five feet tall and he dwarfed me. He leaned back in the chair and settled me so that I was resting with my head on his shoulder and his hand around my waist.

"Jessie, you can tell me," he said.

"Do you promise not to get mad?" I asked, my voice trembling a little.

"No," he said, but he held me tighter to him and I knew if he did get mad, it would still be ok.

Still, it was hard to tell him. "I did something I wasn't supposed to," I whispered.

"I kinda figured," Dean said after I didn't say anything else. "What did you do?"

I hid my face in his shoulder. "I spied on Sam," I said. I have no idea how he understood me, but he did.

"What did you see?" he asked.

"He did something with Ruby. I couldn't tell what. They were all wrapped around each other, and then after that, he got all pissed off and he yelled at me to stay in the car while he went into the warehouse to find you."

Dean tensed. "Did you stay in the car?" he asked, his voice quiet but terrible.

I shook my head against his shoulder. "I snuck out of the car and followed him into the warehouse. He didn't see me. I got up on a chair and watched through the window on the door."

"What did you see?" he asked, sitting up straighter. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held onto him, but he pried my head up from his shoulder and looked me in the eye. "What did you see?" he repeated in the same awful voice.

I didn't dare not answer him. "You were bloody and on the floor, and Castiel was all beat up, but Sam was using his powers to press Alastair against the wall and he'd twist his hand to hurt him, to get him to talk," I said, letting go of his neck to twist my wrist in a circle. He let me go and I buried my head in his shoulder again. "Then he killed Alastair," I said in a tiny voice. "With his mind."

Dean wrapped his arms around me and held me to him. "Oh, sweetheart. I wish you'd stayed in the car," he said into my hair.

"Me too," I whispered and I cried into his shoulder while he rocked me. He didn't say anything else, and after a minute, that struck me as strange. I lifted my head off his chest. "Dean, did you know?"

"Yeah," he said. "Cas told me. We don't know how he's doing it, but I know his powers are growing." He pulled me in and kissed my head. "This is why you've been having nightmares?"

"He killed Alastair with his mind," I whispered and then I flushed. "And he said I wouldn't be able to sit for a week if I even opened the car door," I admitted.

Dean snorted. "Guilt and fear," he said. He helped me off his lap and got to his feet. I watched him climb back into his bed, paler than he had been, just that small exertion had worn him out. I watched him worriedly for a second, but he just picked up the remote and turned the TV on. "I'm surprised that you managed to keep Sam from seeing you. Guess your training is working." His voice was wry.

I watched him uncertainly, unsure about whether I was in trouble or not. "Are you mad?" I asked hesitantly, unable to stand it.

"That you didn't stay put when Sam told you to stay put?" he asked, spearing me with his gaze. My stomach dropped. "Yeah, I'm mad, and you're getting a spanking later when we're at the motel." He watched me for a second before relenting a little. "But you'll be able to sit when I'm done."

I broke my gaze away from him and dropped back into the chair, pouting. "Jessie," he said. I looked up at him, stinging with the injustice of still being in trouble when I'd told the truth. "Thank you for telling me. You did the right thing."

Feeling a little mollified, I opened my English book and started my work.

Sam picked us both up a couple hours later and took us back to the motel. Sam wasn't mad about the schoolwork, thank goodness, and Dean waited until Sam went out to get dinner before he delivered the promised spanking, which ended up being the belt over my panties. He didn't even scold. I mean, I knew what I did wrong, and while I could have been in danger, I hadn't actually been. I thought that might have curbed the punishment somewhat, but aside from all that, he was just worn out. He'd been in the hospital for days. They don't keep you in the hospital for nothing.

When Sam got back with dinner, Dean dug into his bacon cheeseburger like it was the first food he'd seen in days, muttering about hospital food the whole time. After tearing through the cheeseburger, fries, and a slice of apple pie, he finally sat back against the chair with a contented sigh. While I finished my sandwich, the two of them talked about hustling pool and poker for money until Dean was feeling better and we could move on to the next hunt. Dean kept glancing at me through the entire exchange. It was making me uncomfortable and I had to fight the urge to squirm each time his gaze landed on me.

Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore. "What, Dean?" I asked when he looked at me one time too many.

"Come here," he said and slid his chair back. I narrowed my eyes, unease creeping down my back. I hadn't done anything bad in the last hour so I knew I wasn't in trouble, but I had no idea what his problem was.

"I'm right here, less than two feet away from you," I said, but when he gave me a look, I sighed, slid my chair back, and went to stand in front of him. He slid off the flannel shirt I had on over my plain black t-shirt and ran his hands from my shoulders to my hands, then across my stomach, pressing firmly the entire time. Finally, he slid his hands down the outsides of my legs from my hips to my ankles. With my brows furrowed, I let him.

"Put your hands up over your head like you're holding a stake," Dean said. I frowned, put my hands together and raised them over my head. "Now bring them down as hard as you can on the bed over there, like you're staking Gabby." He pointed at his bed.

I ran towards the bed as hard as I could, pretending that Gabby was there. I leapt into the air, bringing my hands down like I was staking the bitch. I could practically see her face. The bed shook with the impact and slammed into the wall. The entire room shook. I rolled over to look at Dean. His brows were raised and he was nodding his head in approval. Joy swept through me. He beckoned me back to him and I went eagerly.

He spent the next half hour quizzing me on using guns and knives, being stealthy, tying knots, and the various fighting techniques they'd been teaching me since October. When I'd answered all he questions, he smiled at me proudly. He turned to Sam, who was watching us both with interest etched across his face. "I think it's time to run her through a real test," Dean said.


	67. Chapter 67 - Lick and a Promise

**AN - At DragonCon right now, so this chapter was delayed by Con-prep, but here you go. I hope to have another one to you soon! The next few chapters are not based on an existing episode, but one I made up for Jessie. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

Two weeks later, and quite a bit further east, Dean walked into our little efficiency motel room with a six pack of beer in one hand and a local newspaper in the other.

"Got it, a simple salt and burn," he said, tossing the newspaper to Sam, who caught it easily. I perked up from my spot on the rose-printed couch, closing the novel I'd been reading and swinging my feet down to the pink carpeted floor. "Enough to prove that you can obey instructions on a hunt and that you can take care of yourself without putting you in too much danger," he said. Grinning from ear to ear, I slid off the couch to go stand behind Sam at the table and read over his shoulder. Finally, _finally_, I was going to get to prove myself. The story turned out to be a tiny blurb in the Weird Stories section.

_**Local "Friendly" Ghost House for Sale**_

_The Stroud House on Westborough Avenue has always been a local legend, but now it's up for sale. After their son Neal took a tumble in the basement, Clinton and Emelia Stroud decided to sell their ancestral home of 150 years. The house has been a stop on the Portsmouth Ghost Walks for years with the story of young Stafford Stroud, who died in the home of pneumonia in the winter of 1892. Many children playing in the house since then have said that Stafford has appeared to play games with them, eventually fading before their eyes. Those interested in the house should contact Georgia Parsons of Portsmouth Realty._

"A ghost?" I asked, making a face before plopping back down on the couch. "I won't even get to fight anything."

Dean snorted and opened a beer, leaning against the counter in the kitchenette. More roses climbed up the wall on the wallpaper behind him. "Be happy we're letting you do this at all," he said. "This and the Gabby hunt, and that's the end of it."

I rolled my eyes and pulled my legs up onto the couch with me. "How are you even going to know if I can kill Gabby if I can't fight anything?"

Dean raised his eyebrows. "Don't push me," he said, tilted his head and pointing his finger at me around his beer bottle. "You know that's not the point."

Sam set the newspaper on the table. "We should research this," he said. "We don't know that there's an actual ghost and we don't know why they're selling the house."

Dean gave Sam a look that I couldn't read, and Sam sighed. "Dean," he started, an admonishing tone in his voice.

"Jessie, go outside," Dean interrupted, not taking his eyes off Sam.

I looked from Sam to Dean and back. I didn't want to go outside. I wanted to stay here and see how this played out. "It's cold out," I whined, hoping to get out of it, but I had no such luck.

Dean walked over to my bag and pulled my coat out. He tossed it to me. "Put your coat on," he said.

I slid off the couch and shrugged into my coat, giving Dean woeful look before I slid out the door. He handed me a couple of dollars. "Go get a drink out of the soda machine and stay out here until I call you," he said and shut the door. Then he opened the cream colored, ivy printed drapes so he could see me. Sighing, I trudged away from the door in the direction of the soda machine. As soon as I was out of line of sight from the door, I broke into a jog and raced around the building. There was a hallway through the middle of the place, so I cut through and made it back to the room from the opposite direction in less than a minute. I dropped down low as I neared the door and scooted up next to the door so I could hear.

"It doesn't matter. I don't care if there's a real ghost. The point is to prove that she's ready, not to have her actually hunt a ghost," I heard Dean arguing.

"If you want her to prove she's ready, then we need to do the research, too. She can take the lead on it. She's going to need to know how to research things whether she's a hunter or she goes to college. It's a life skill not a hunter skill," Sam replied easily.

"How does that prove anything? We've had her researching Gabby and stories on Gabby for months now. We know she can research. I just want to know that she's going to listen to us and not run off half-cocked when she's on a hunt!" Dean sounded upset.

"Yeah, and you know how we prove that? We make her do the boring crap and the exciting crap. If she listens to us and does what she's told on all of it, then we know she's going to obey us no matter what," Sam said in his most reasonable tone, and I could just imagine him with that look he got on his face when he was trying to convince someone of something, all earnest and honest. Dean didn't say anything and Sam continued pointedly. "Do you even know where Stafford Stroud is buried?"

"No," Dean grumbled.

"We can start there, then. It's a simple salt and burn, just like you said…"

_Same old argument_, I thought, rolling my eyes. _Am I allowed to hunt or not?_ I slipped away from the room then, and once I was clear, jogged to the soda machine and bought the soda. I stood by the ice machine and watched the room door, letting my mind wander a bit. I saw the name of the motel out of the corner of my eye" Rose Garden Motel. I shuddered. This was probably the ugliest motel room I'd ever been in and considering how many that was, that was saying a lot. Several minutes passed before the door opened, which surprised me. I guess they hadn't been as close to being done as I thought. Dean waved me back and I went quickly, wrinkling my nose again at the posey-bedecked bedspreads in the room.

Dean dropped on the couch and turned the television on while Sam put his hand on my shoulder and led me over to the table where the laptop was set up. "Ok, squirt, you're leading the research, what are you looking for first?"

I took a deep breath, understanding that this too was part of the test. "Don't we need to make sure that there is actually a ghost before we go digging up a body?" I asked tentatively as I sat down in the chair. "I mean, I don't want to go disturbing a grave without a reason. So, we have to talk to Clinton and Emelia?" I said their names hesitantly, unsure that I had them right, and looked up at Sam hopefully.

"What's the plan for questioning them?" he asked me, putting his hand on the back of my chair.

I slumped my shoulders, thinking hard. "Everyone knows about the ghost," I said, thinking out loud. "Nice family looking for a new house? If they're using the ghost as a selling point then they'll tell us all about it."

"If they're using the ghost as a selling point and there is no ghost, then they'll lie about it too," Dean pointed out without taking his eyes off the screen. "And if they know about the ghost and they think that it won't help sell the house, they'll lie about it."

I scrunched my eyebrows together in thought. "Visit the house tonight and see if there's any EMF?" I asked. "That way we don't have to get the truth out of the family." They both nodded after a second and I put my shoulders back, happy that I'd given a good answer. "I should look online and see if I can find any information about the ghost story or where the family's grave sites are."

Sam ruffled my hair and then kissed the top of my head. "Good girl, that's perfect." Then he sat down next to me and looked at the screen.

I tilted my head. "Are you… are you going to watch me?" I asked, suddenly nervous.

Dean chuckled from his spot on the couch and changed the television channel to some football game. Sam smiled at me. "Yes, because I want to see what you're doing and I want to make sure you're not wandering off to places you're not supposed to go," he said. Then he pulled the laptop bag over to him and pulled a leatherbound book out. "But don't worry, that's not all I'm going to be doing." I looked from him to the book doubtfully, shrugged, and opened a browser.

Two hours later, I had found an entire web site devoted to Stafford Stroud and the people who'd seen him when they were kids playing at the Stroud's family home. I read through them and by the time I was done, I was convinced of two things. First, Stafford Stroud was one hundred percent real, and second, he was in no way malevolent. There was story after story from local after local talking about seeing the ghost. All Stafford ever did was play with them and he'd show up multiple times, until the kids weren't kids anymore, and then their kids told stories about meeting Stafford. Kids, parents, grandparent, great grandparents, the stories were handed down for generations.

I showed the web site to Sam and Dean. "I think that the web site is enough, don't you?" I asked Sam when I was done. "I don't think we need to go verify that the house is haunted before we go burn the remains."

"You should always be sure," Sam said. "Or at least as sure as you can be."

Dean humphed. "We don't need to go into the house to make sure it's haunted. We probably only need to walk around the house with the EMF detector. You find the grave site yet?" And I was back to research, but looking up the grave site was actually pretty easy because Stafford Stroud was a local legend. After only about ten more minutes of looking, I found out that he was buried in the family crypt in the local cemetery.

Dean got off the couch and dropped the remote onto the seat cushion. "Ok, research is done. You've found enough. Now we're going to go eat and then you're going to take a nap until it's time to go." I considered pouting, but I was too happy that I was getting to help, so I closed the laptop and got ready to go eat.

It was after midnight when Dean woke me up. I was groggy at first, clumsily pulling on my hiking boots and stumbling to get my coat. The guys were waiting by the door and when I joined them, Dean bent down. "What are the rules, sweetheart?" he asked me as he zipped my coat up.

I opened my eyes up wide and blinked them a few times, trying to finish waking up before I answered. "Um… When you tell me to do something, do it right then. Don't wait, don't ask questions, just act."

"Right," Dean said. "And what's your most important goal on this hunt?"

I brushed my bangs out of my eyes with my right hand and looked up at him. "Keep myself safe. Stay out of danger."

Dean looked at me for a minute longer with a worried expression on his face. His eyes flicked back and forth between mine before he kissed my forehead. "That's right," he finally said. "I expect you to do your best, Jessie, and I know you will." He looked at me expectantly.

"Yes, Dean," I said quietly.

"Good girl," he said. "Now put your hat on and let's go."


	68. Chapter 68 - Bright Light Fright

The Stroud family home was a yellow, colonial-style house in the middle of downtown Portsmouth amidst a bunch of other historical buildings. I could tell because we kept driving by those historical signs. I knew it was incredibly nerdy, but I wished I could read them. I was so busy trying to get a glimpse of the words on the signs that I didn't notice the flashing red and blue lights until Dean suddenly started slowing down and then pulled over. Out the windshield, I could see an ambulance, a fire truck, and three police cars parked straight down the middle of the street in front of us. No police line was up, but there was definitely something going on, and people were gathered in groups a respectful distance from the excitement, their heads turning as they spoke to one another.

"What's going on?" I asked, unfastening my seatbelt and sliding forward between them.

"Let's go find out," Dean said, checking his pockets for his fake ID.

"Wait," Sam said. "This is Jessie's hunt." Dean stopped checking his pockets and both of them turned a little to look at me.

"Uh," I said, shivering just a little from the cold. I was still a little tired, but I knew how important it was to get this right. I tried to think fast. "This changes things. We can't just walk the outer part of the house and check for EMF if it's surrounded by people." I looked from Sam to Dean and back, searching for some sign I wasn't screwing it up. Dean nodded slightly and Sam smiled, so I kept going. "We don't know why there are police, but the fact that an ambulance and a fire truck are there means someone probably got hurt. So we should go talk to people to find out what happened."

"Ok," Sam said patiently. "How do you want to do that?"

I chewed on my bottom lip and considered. Dean and Sam could pretend to be police or FBI and ask questions, but if this was something relatively minor, it wouldn't make sense for them to be here yet. I glanced at the groups of neighbors and wrinkled my nose a little. "Could you guys go talk to the groups of people to see if they know anything and I'll see if I can get close enough to the house to check for EMF? I'm a kid, so they'll probably just shoo me away if they catch me."

Dean did a little half nod to the side. "Sounds like a plan. Put your hat back on." He handed me the EMF detector and got out of the car. Sam went too. I picked up the knitted hat from where I'd tossed it on the seat next to me and pulled it down over my ears with a frown. Taking a deep, steadying breath, I opened the car door and slid out onto the brick-paved sidewalk. I watched Sam and Dean cross the street and head down the block towards the nearest group of five or six people. Tucking my hands and the EMF detector into my coat pockets, I headed down the sidewalk with my head tilted down a little to avoid making eye contact with anyone.

I slowed down a little as I got closer and closer to the house, listening for the EMF detector in my pocket. I knew that I was going to have to get a lot closer to the house for it to sense anything, but as I got nearer and nearer to the ambulance parked near the house, the EMF detector started making noise. I glanced across the street at Sam and Dean. They were talking to the neighbors, but Dean kept checking on me. I smiled and relaxed a little, tensing again when the EMF detector made a particularly loud noise. When I reached the back of the ambulance, I glanced at the house to the right. Police officers, paramedics, and firefighters all stood in a group around the front stoop of the house, talking to a man and a woman. One of the firefighters leaned on the "For Sale" sign next to the stoop and when he shifted his hat, he hit the "Sold" sign on top of the sign post. I sighed, knowing that with all those people there, I probably wasn't going to be able to get closer to the house unless I came from some other angle. I looked to the left towards Sam and Dean again and saw two little legs poking out of the back of the ambulance. No one else was around. I slid over towards the legs, my EMF detector getting louder and louder as I approached. I pulled it out of my pocket and turned it off before seeing who was in the ambulance.

It was a little boy and he was leaning with his eyes closed against the side of the ambulance, a bandage around his wrist. His neck was bruised and he had dark circles under his eyes. I glanced over my shoulder at the house and then said, "Hey, kid? You ok?"

He jumped and his eyes flew open and then he started crying. Panic rose in me. This was not how this was supposed to go at all. "Hey, no…" I said in what I hoped was a soft, comforting voice. "It's ok. It's going to be ok." I climbed clumsily into the back of the ambulance with him and draped my arm around his shoulders, hugging him to me, my legs dangling out next to his. He clutched me around the neck in an almost stranglehold and I just let him, rubbing his back and saying soothing, meaningless words like Dean did when I was upset, like my mom did when I was little and had skinned my knee.

Eventually, he calmed down. "I'm sorry, kid. I didn't mean to scare you," I said softly when he was sniffling instead of sobbing. "What's your name?"

"Paul," he whispered into my shoulder. I kept rubbing his back, a little surprised that he was willing to take comfort from me, a complete stranger.

"How old are you?" I asked.

"Six," he said. He pulled his head away from my shoulder and wiped his nose with his sleeve. I saw him straighten himself out, putting his shoulders back and holding his head up higher like he had just remembered that six-year-old boys don't cry. I smiled a little.

"What happened, Paul?" I asked, still in a quiet, calming voice.

His face crumpled even though it was obvious he was trying really hard not to cry. "Ghost," he whimpered almost inaudibly.

I leaned down to get closer to him. "There was a ghost?" He started crying again and nodded. I pulled him in closer to me. "Tell me about it?" I asked.

His arms snaked back up around my neck and he half pulled himself into my lap. I let him. "I was asleep and a bright light woke me up and a boy grabbed me by the… the…" He gestured to his neck and I nodded. "He _screamed_ at me. He screamed an' choked me and pushed me out of bed." He held up his wrist, which I guessed he'd hurt when he fell out of bed. "He screamed the whole time and then he was gone!"

I held him closer to me, taking a second to lean forward and glance towards the house. The group around the people I assumed were Paul's parents was starting to break up. The firefighters were heading back to their truck and one of the police officers was talking into her walkie-talkie off to the side I didn't have much time left.

"What happened then?" I asked.

The boy hiccuped and said, "I ran to Mommy's room and he came back, screaming and screaming! Mommy grabbed me and we ran down here, and then the police showed up."

I thought a second. "Who told you it was a ghost?" I asked.

"Daddy," he said, sliding his thumb into his mouth. He was draped over me now, his entire body in my lap and his legs hanging off the other side, one arm slung around my neck like I was his sister. I brushed his hair back from his face.

"Did the ghost say anything?" I asked. Paul nodded, but didn't take his thumb out of his mouth. His eyes closed. I started to ask him what the ghost had said when one of the paramedics came around the back of the ambulance, followed closely by Paul's mom. Both of them did a double take when they saw me.

"Hi," I whispered, my arms full of now sleeping boy.

"Who are you?" demanded Paul's mom, quietly but angrily.

I tilted my head in the direction of the nearest neighboring house. "I live next door," I said. I looked down at Paul and made a pained face. "He was crying…"

The anger melted out of her face and she gave me a soft smile. "Thank you," she said. "I was talking to the police." She reached forward and expertly scooped Paul up into her arms. His head lolled and settled against the hollow of her shoulder. I slid off the ambulance.

"Did you guys just move in?" I asked.

"Yes, but we're not staying," she said and walked away purposefully. I watched her go until the paramedic cleared his throat. I looked up him, but he didn't look mad. I couldn't read the expressions crossing his face.

"Sorry," I said, figuring an apology was a safe way to go.

"Next time, stay away from the rescue vehicles," he said, trying to sound stern. I dropped my head to hide my smile. Since I was faced with stern Dean half a dozen times a week, this guy had no hold over me.

"He was crying," I said again, lifting my head when I had my expression under control. I hoped I looked suitably contrite. "I couldn't just leave him there."

The guy shook his head in mock disapproval. "Get out of here, kid. Stay away from the ambulance next time. Ok?"

"Ok," I said and headed back down the sidewalk. As I got closer to the Impala, I could see Sam and Dean's silhouettes inside the car and stepped up my pace a little.

"What did you find out from the kid?" Dean asked as I got in. I told them everything, that the EMF detector had gone crazy when I got close to Paul, that the kid had been attacked and hurt by a screaming ghost, and that the parents had bought the place but weren't staying. Dean nodded when I was done.

"The neighbors say that the house has sold three times since it went up for sale. Every time a new family moves in, they move out the next day, although this is the first time the police got called," Dean said. "Seems like the ghost is stepping up the attacks."

Sam looked at me and it took me a minute to realize he was waiting for me to tell them what we were doing next. "Um, so next we salt and burn the bones, right?" I asked, pulling off my knit cap and twisting it in my hands.

"To the cemetery," Dean said and put the car in drive.

* * *

Half an hour later, Dean pulled up outside of the Rockrose Cemetery, home of the Stroud family crypt, and turned around in the front seat. "Ok, sweetheart, you're going to pick what we bring to the crypt to burn the bones. If you forget something, then you're the one going back to the car for it. Got it?"

I nodded and pulled my hat back on my head, my face solemn. Dean turned the car off and we all piled out. Dean opened the trunk and stepped back to give me access. I hadn't been allowed in the trunk ever. There was too much that was dangerous in there, but I'd been thinking about what I would need to bring along to burn the bones since Dean had told me that I was leading the hunt the day before. I pulled a crowbar out, salt, the shotgun and rock salt shells, and three flashlights. I dug around to find a hammer, too, just in case we needed it. He was interred in the crypt, so we probably didn't need to dig. I left the shovel behind. I picked up the lighter fluid, but set it back down. Who needed lighter fluid when I was around?

I went to close the trunk, but Sam put his hand up on the trunk lid to block me. "Bring the lighter fluid and the matches," he said. Dean frowned and hit Sam lightly on the arm with the back of his hand, but Sam ignored him.

I frowned, too. "Why? I'm going to burn the bones. I don't need lighter fluid or matches," I said in a patronizing tone.

"What happens if you get knocked out or hurt?" Sam asked pointedly. "Dean and I need a way to burn the bones if you can't. Bring it."

I flushed and pulled out the lighter fluid and matches, embarrassed that I hadn't thought of that. "It's just a simple salt and burn," I muttered as I shoved them into the bag. "It's not like anything is going to happen."

Sam put his hand on my shoulder and tilted my head up so I could meet his eyes. "You can never be too careful," he said. "Do you know how often we've been attacked by a ghost we were burning the bones of?" I shook my head and he smiled at me. "A lot. Remember, try to think of all the possibilities, squirt. You got everything else you want?"

I looked back in the trunk. "Yeah," I said. He let me go.

As I zipped up the bag, I heard Dean whisper, "You're not supposed to help her. She's supposed to do this herself."

"You want to be caught unprepared if something happens?" Sam whispered back as I loaded the shotgun with the rock salt shells, careful to keep it pointed away from them and me.

"Shut up," Dean whispered after a second, his voice grumpy, but I could tell he really wasn't.

With my head down, I smiled to myself before throwing the bag over my shoulder, picking up the shotgun and turning to them. "Simple salt and burn, guys. Let's go," I said cockily and turned towards the cemetery.

The Stroud family crypt was in the middle of the damned cemetery, a good fifteen minute walk from the car through a garden of gravestones and a fence. By the time we reached the crypt, even I was cold. That would change when I opened my furnace to burn the bones, but right now, I was freezing. Dean picked the padlock on the crypt door, something they wouldn't teach me yet, probably mostly because they wanted to be able to keep me out of some things. Once the lock was picked, we were in. I shone my flashlight at all the names until I found Stafford's name in the bottom corner of the vault wall, furthest away from the door.

"That's it," I said, excitedly. I put the bag and my flashlight down and pulled out the crowbar.

Dean plucked it out of my hand. "I'll do it," he said. "You're not strong enough yet." He moved to step in front of me, hooking the crowbar over the edge of the plate.

"How do you know?" I snapped, stinging at the comment, but I stepped back to let him in anyway.

Dean stopped and turned to look down at me. "Watch yourself, little girl," he warned me. "This can be over anytime." I dropped my eyes, but he didn't stop. "What are you trying to prove here?"

I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest petulantly. "That I can be trusted on a hunt to do what you say," I mumbled, still not looking at him.

"You doing that right now?" he asked.

I snorted and raised my eyes bravely. "I got out of your way, didn't I?"

Sam laughed, but cut it off quickly. Dean frowned at me. "Get back so I don't hit you if this thing slips," he said grouchily. I went to stand by Sam as Dean shoved the end of the crowbar under the nameplate.

Sam leaned down to me. "Try not to piss him off, Jessie," he whispered. "He's already unhappy that we're even doing this."

I rolled my eyes. "It was his idea," I insisted in a whisper, watching Dean push and pull on the crowbar.

"Yeah, because he wants to get rid of Gabby so you can have a normal life," Sam whispered. "He doesn't like what we have to do to get you there."

I rolled my eyes again. "Not fair," I grumbled as the front of the nameplate popped off the crypt and clattered to the floor. Sam ruffled my hair as Dean stepped back, pulling out the casket. Sam helped him get it settled on the floor and they pried the top off, revealing rotted rags and bones and nothing else. Both of them looked at me and I swallowed, a bit nervous. I went back to the bag and dug the salt container out, scattering salt on the remains. Then I opened my furnace and pushed a tendril out, setting it gently on top of the remains and then pushing to burn them up, but keeping the wooden casket from going up with it. When I was done, the casket was covered in soot and a little charred from heat, but intact. I closed my furnace and brushed my hands together.

"And that's…" I said, but that was all I got out. Bright light flashed and a boy appeared next to me, dressed in knee-length pants, a checkered shirt, and a bow-tie. He tilted his head up and opened his mouth, his wailing filling the room. I winced and covered my ears with my hands before realizing that this was probably Stafford, just like Paul had told me. Then Stafford grabbed me and flung me towards the door, wailing the entire time. I landed hard on my butt on the stone floor, narrowly catching myself before my head hit the wall. Stafford flew at Sam and Dean, screaming wordlessly, swinging at their faces as they tried to dodge. I scurried to the bag and yanked out a crowbar and the shotgun.

"Dean!" I hollered and tossed the shotgun to him. Even dodging Stafford, he caught it. Stafford came flying at me. I gripped the crowbar like a baseball bat and swung hard. The crowbar swished through Stafford and he disappeared.

"Let's go," Sam said. He scooped up the bag and grabbed my arm, pulling me after him. I followed eagerly, Dean right behind me, all of us jogging. We were halfway to the car when Stafford appeared again.

"Fuck!" I screamed. Sam dropped my arm as I braced myself with the crowbar, Stafford running straight for me.

The shotgun fired and Stafford fitzed out. We reached the car, running full out, and climbed in. Dean threw it into gear and peeled out of the parking lot.

"What the hell was that?" I asked, panting. No longer cold, I stripped the hat, gloves, and coat off, dropping them on the seat next to me.

"That," Sam said, handing the bag to me over the seat, "is a complication."


End file.
